Learn to Bait and Trigger Your Bullies

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This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. Play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited. Get your bullies to reach to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking that they’re controlling the situation.

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However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm. Calmness always equals the ability to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

When you do get your bullies to come for you, always get them either on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get your bullies on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

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Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary, especially if they’re so POed at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.” Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

The angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you and the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

And if you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, why worry?

Like Versus Respect

Judgemental girls

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put simpler, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Respect and like are different in that like is simply based on commonalities and good feelings shared between people. When someone likes you, they enjoy your company and the positivity you bring to their life.

Respect, on the other hand, is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property and individuality. When someone respects you, they may not necessarily like you, but see you as having the same rights and considerations as they and everyone else. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas or backgrounds. Like is subjective.

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Put another way, someone may dislike you, but if you were lying badly injured on the sidewalk, they would more than likely stop and help you, even stay beside you and hold your hand until the ambulance arrived.

On the other hand, when a person does not respect you, they have no regard for your safety, space, freedom, privacy, property or individuality. They don’t see you as having the same human rights and considerations as they and everyone else.

That person will think it’s perfectly okay to violate you because in their mind, you somehow deserve to be violated. They will also be much less likely to stop and help you if they see you lying injured on the sidewalk because they’d most likely wouldn’t care if you ever got to a hospital.

They would simply act like they didn’t see you lying there, or worse, step over you with a look of contempt and keep going.

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Someone can dislike you and at the same time, respect your right not to have your boundaries crossed. When they disrespect you, they won’t acknowledge your personal boundaries and are likely to trample your dignity and human rights. In their mind, you either don’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as them and everyone else. The person will more than likely wish you harm or ill will and probably dread breathing the same air as you.

Signs of Disrespect

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom – this could include, belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety – you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You can’t stand the fact that the person even exists.

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women’s eyes with raised eyebrow haughty look down, sketch vector graphics monochrome illustration

Signs of Dislike

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to be around them. You have no problem coexisting.

If you are a victim of bullying, you must be able to distinguish between the two and take the appropriate steps to take care of yourself.

Disrespect is mush worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and mush easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful. The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but will act neutral around you. They might even greet you and say a few words to you just to be polite, but won’t buddy up to you.

The people who disrespect you will have absolute nothing to say to you, or they will talk terrible to you, shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you or physically assault you.

The more you know.

Not Everyone is Going to Like You

Jealous Girls

Jealous Girls taking behind her back

Like is subjective.

Not everyone is going to like you. Some may even hate you. But remember this! It’s their problem, not yours.

No matter how good, talented, famous, great or small you are or who you are, it’s estimated that 10-35% of the people you know will not like you.

But always stay true to yourself, your beliefs, and your convictions. Use your God-given talents to the best of your ability. Be the best you can be and you will be happy.

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Realize that everyone- EVERYONE, has someone who doesn’t like them. And if you don’t have enemies, then you’re doing something wrong.

If those who are exceptional, like celebrities, politicians, and athletes have people who dislike them or hate them, it should be proof that there’s nothing wrong with you.

So, feel good about yourself. Embrace everything about yourself. Appreciate the people who love you. Let love in and let yourself shine!

Never Be Afraid to Be Alone

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I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.

As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring and loving people to come in.

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Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.

If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.

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Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.

Positive change requires that we take risks!

Stages of School Bullying

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Bullying is a process.

1. Bullies search for a target.

2. A target is selected.

3. Bullies signal to bystanders that the target is ripe for bullying.

4. Bystanders are encouraged to join in the torment and unite with the bullies against the selected target.

5. Bystanders then become bullies themselves.

6. The target is involved in many physical fights in trying to defend themselves and gets labeled by teachers and staff as the troublemaker.

7. Bullies and bystanders go home and tell their parents and family members what a terrible person the target is.

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8. The parents and family members of the bullies and bystanders go to work or the supermarket and relay the stories about the target to coworkers and friends- stories they were told by their children, grandchildren, younger siblings or cousins, nieces or nephews that this target is a terrible person.

9. The coworkers, friends and extended family members then pass what they’re told to their families and word of the target’s perceived evilness or craziness spreads throughout the entire community.

10. The target’s reputation is destroyed.

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11. The target’s opportunities for love, friendship, jobs, careers, etc. are either limited or lost.

12. The target either commits suicide or leaves town to pursue a better life.

13. The target who relocates finally gets a fresh start and reinvents himself.

Cyberbullying…it is always personal — Growth. Leadership. Learning.

Brent’s post about cyberbullying is heartbreaking and very informative!

Many students have been affected by bullying, maybe even ourselves when we were in school as well. Bullying has been an issue for decades, and it makes you wonder why we can’t find a solution or ways to curb this behavior. Personally, I never really realized that I was bullied when I was in school […]

via Cyberbullying…it is always personal — Growth. Leadership. Learning.

Weeding Out People Who Only Pretend to be Friends

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Everyone has fake friends- people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. And often, these people want to be right up under us now, only to end up betraying us later.

But if they hate us so much, why do they continue to stay around?

Here are a few reasons:

1. To watch us closely. You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy and do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends. They stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine so that they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

2. To win your trust. They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets. Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes and showing your less than desirable emotions around them because, if the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

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But! If they’re fake, you only unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. To watch you fail. Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want more than anything to be around to see it when you do fail at something. They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams. Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies that bully you who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends. That’s what hurts the most and can be so devastating.

And what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust. You don’t only feel violated, you feel stupid for ever allowing the person into your life, to begin with.

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It’s the worst feeling in the world- knowing that you were hurt partially because, willingly or not, you allowed it to happen.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself. When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because these people would only harm you later. Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them. Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt and it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you and even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit. Better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

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2. Voice your opinions. This is more important to do today, more than ever! Because most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do. So, do you want people around you who don’t respect your rights to be an individual with an independent mind? I would hope you wouldn’t.

Understand that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. And when people resort to ad hominem when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

And this is how you weed out all the frauds and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life!

Always remember that!

Why Former Bullies Always Deny the Abuse They Inflicted

Man scolding himself in a mirror

Man scolding himself in a mirror, his reflection feeling guilty

It’s because they feel dirty. That’s right! Any time bullies and abusers must face the reality of any past abuse they may have inflicted on someone else, deep down inside, though they would never admit it to themselves much less you or anyone else, they feel like a piece of scum. And in order to not feel dirty, they must live in denial of what they did. It’s the only way they can bury their sins and still feel good about themselves.

My former classmates who bullied me, are no different. Denial is a useful psychological defense, and it does have benefits.

Many bullies deny their abuse because of their hatred for the victim, and they wish to reduce sympathy and support for the victim. They will claim that the violence a victim speaks of is either invented or exaggerated to either get attention or to make others feel sorry for him/her.

Sometimes, even bystanders and witnesses will side with the bullies and deny the abuse to keep from being bullied themselves or because they too have a secret hatred for the victim. Bystanders and witnesses may also want the bullying of the victim to continue for entertainment purposes. Believe it or not, many witnesses to the abuse enjoy seeing the victim get bullied because, to them, it is a source of entertainment and makes them feel superior to somebody.

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Also, bystanders may feel dirty as well because they know they didn’t speak out for the victim when they should have, or the bullying may be something they would like to have done to the victim themselves but didn’t have the guts.

Understand that the psyches and egos of humans are very fragile, even those of bullies. So, any time your abuser denies any abuse they know they dished out to you in the past, you don’t have to feel angry or insulted. You don’t have to try and force them to fess up. Because just knowing why they deny it and the nastiness they feel inside when they see you should be enough satisfaction.

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So, if you’re a survivor of bullying and anytime you’re out shopping, and see one of the people who bullied you in the past; and you immediately notice how they turn and walk away or avoid looking at you. Know why they do that and feel good about it.

I can tell you that most of my classmates can’t face me today. They cannot bear to look at me because they know what they did, and they feel so dirty. I am a reminder of what they never want to see in themselves, and I always provoke feelings of shame in them. Therefore, I can’t get angry at them, nor feel insulted. There’s no need for revenge, nor to hate them because, in the end, they are the ones who must live with what they did.

Always remember that!

How bullying changed me — Falling in love with Jesus

Bullying changes you, sometimes several times over. Here’s a heart touching post from the “Falling in Love with Jesus” blog.

Since I could remember through the time I graduated high school I was bullied. It affected me so much that I didn’t want to go to school; I didn’t want to think about school; I didn’t want to live. In high school people started rumors about me. They were sexual rumors that no one would […]

via How bullying changed me — Falling in love with Jesus

Kids bullying because we are!! — LiveNotExist

This is not one of those post where I attack anyone , I just wanna share some of my thoughts about how so many out there still can be so mean…. Almost every week I’m a guest blogger on a snap channel and to be there takes a lot of me. Don’t get me wrong, […]

via Kids bullying because we are!! — LiveNotExist