If Adults Have a Legal Right to Defend Themselves Against a Mugger on the Street, Then Why Don’t Kids Have the Right to Defend Themselves Against Bullies in the Locker Rooms?

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Throughout my life, I’ve heard and read stories of kids enduring relentless bullying in school. I’ve even experienced it myself. These kids try to be the bigger person…they ignore the taunts and threats and walk away. However, when this happens, bullies are persistent and will only further pursue their victims.

Why? Because bullies perceive the victim’s avoidance of trouble as either fear or defiance, becoming either emboldened or angered by the passive response and more determined to “get” the victim! Bullies will only continue and escalate the harassment until a physical brawl ensues. As a result, the victim is either severely harmed or snaps and seriously harms the bully.

Only then, school officials, whom are supposed to be the adults- fair and just, find it much easier just to blame the victim. Therefore, it is the victim who gets the suspension from school while the bullies get off scot free, taking the impunity as a green light to continue the harassment.

A child in school being attacked by bullies is no different than an adult being attacked in the street by a mugger. However, an adult can successfully and legally defend him/herself against any assailant on the street and escape charges. In most cases, if an adult is the victim of a violent street crime, the perpetrator is usually identified, arrested, tried and convicted given evidence presented by witnesses and prosecutors.

On the other hand, if a child is attacked by bullies in the halls or locker room at school, most schools are only too happy to sweep the incident under the rug and deny that there is an issue of bullying at “their facility”. This would be akin to the police covering up crimes against adults on the street in “their city” to make the area look safer than what it really is.

So, here are my questions:

1. If an adult is attacked on the street by criminals and those criminals are brought to justice, why then don’t bullied children and teens get the same justice?

2. Why is it okay for an adult victim on the street to fight an attacker in self-defense, but not okay for a child/teen to defend themselves against bullies?

I’ll leave you to ponder these legitimate questions and comment below. Have a great weekend!

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The Best Revenge Against Bullies: SUCCESS!

prove them wrong

Yes! You read this correctly! Success is, by far, the best revenge you can ever take against your bullies. Why? There are several reasons!

1. It’s a revenge in which you don’t have to resort to being petty nor violent. In achieving success, there’s no need to say a word nor lift a finger against the bullies. In this, you can silently and innocently extract revenge without reducing yourself to the bullies’ level and looking petty in the eyes of others!

2. Envy and jealously are a natural human tendency and it’s a fact that most people hate to see others succeeding and reaching their goals and dreams. And secretly, bullies take pleasure in watching others, especially their targets, suffer. When the opposite happens and you become happy and successful, it takes the wind out of the bullies’ sales, greatly disappointing, frustrating or even angering them while you continue to smile, shine and move on to even bigger things!

3. If you’re lucky, you get to watch your bullies seethe as you collect your accolades and praises from others! And hey! Let’s be real here! There’s nothing more satisfying than watching your bullies squirm with jealousy and rage as you get your well-deserved recognition for your accomplishments! And if you want, you can covertly eat your bullies alive by looking at them with a taunting smile!

So, find something you enjoy doing and are good at! Practice and perfect any talents and gifts you’ve been blessed with, then display those talents before the world! Your self-esteem is sure to skyrocket and you never know where it may take you!

Have a wonderful day!

Bullying and the Innate Fight or Flight Response

Any time a person has been the object of relentless bullying over an extended period of time, that person is constantly in a state of high alert. Although useful in short, immediate circumstances, this hyper-vigilance can be unhealthy if the person remains in this state for too long, causing stomach issues, headaches, and fatigue among other many other ailments. Still worse, such feeling of constant being under constant threat, can also cause the person to overreact in response to certain occurrences.

Every living creature has an innate and perfectly natural physiological reaction in the event of a threat or attack. Called the Fight or Flight Response, it protects us from harm in dangerous situations in part through the release of adrenaline. When adrenaline is released into the blood, it becomes next to impossible not to do fight or flee.

When I was being bullied and abused during school, escape was not an option for me. Usually, I was cornered or surrounded, either backed into a wall or some large object. With flight cut off to me as an option, what did I have left? Fight! I lived on this adrenaline every day, all through the day—Just being around my classmates put my body and mind on constant alert. It was a horrible way to live.

Constantly watching my back while at school, continually looking over my shoulder, always laying low…I remember the knots in my stomach, the nausea, the loss of appetite, and the continuous worrying and wondering when I was going to be attacked

All of it was just plain terrible. Just simply getting on the school bus or walking through the entrance to the school felt like a death march. In the afternoons. I had horrible headaches that triggered violent nausea. For so long, I had managed to keep from vomiting, but soon my luck ran out. My mouth and eyes began to water and I swallowed hard to control my gag reflexes as I approached the teacher’s desk to ask to be excused to the bathroom.

Without a word, she gave me the hall pass and I scurried my way to the girls’ room. I’d barely made it to the first stall before spewing the bitterest, most horrible tasting green liquid into the toilet, followed by a long series of painful dry heaves. But instead of making me feel better, the vomiting made me feel worse and my headache became next to unbearable.

I’ll never forget the sound of the bathroom door as it flung open and the teacher stormed in, demanding to know why I was taking so long. I began to cry and in between gags and wretches, pleaded with her to let me go to the office and call my grandmother.

She accused me of making myself vomit so I could go home early.

When you’re a bullied kid, even a few teachers, having heard the rumors and falsehoods being spread about you by your bullies, begin to bully you too. It’s a very lonely and heartbreaking position to be in.

As time went on, the fear of going to school and having to face my classmates grew in me. It was like an infected tumor getting bigger and bigger with each passing day. My stomach would draw up every morning when I set foot on that school bus. The next eight hours was like walking through a minefield, never knowing when my next step could mean BOOM! and I would be hit, shoved, kicked, or bombarded with a torrent of taunts, insults and names. It was a situation I saw no end to, and to say that I was afraid would be an understatement. I was petrified.

Most never think of the magnitude of fear the victim must live with or the health consequences of living in that perpetual state of fight or flight. And sadly, although the impact to the physical health of the victim may not show up right away, it may rear its ugly head later in life.

When Your Reputation Has Been Ruined by Bullies, You May Have More Enemies Than You Know!

Here’s something I’m sure almost no one has thought of…that Bullying often has somewhat of a trickle-down effect on victims. What I mean by trickle-down effect is this:
The target has a bully or bullies who harass her to get a reaction. They trash-talk her, name-call her, basically run her down to her face and to others. The victim simply ignores the bullies. However, when the name calling and trash talking fails to give the bullies the desired reaction, they turn it up a notch by shoving. When shoving produces no desired results, the bullies soon get physical and began to kick, punch, or knock the victim down, or pull her hair and either make her cry or prompt the target to snap and fight back.

The bullies then use the crying, snapping or fighting back as proof that the target is weak, crazy, evil…take your pick. Next, the bullies embellish the story of the victim’s weakness, craziness or evilness by adding to the story to make it sound more believable and interesting. They make the victim sound even worse until they have finally succeeded in ruining the target’s reputation.

I’ll say again…Bullies harass a victim to the breaking point. They next use the victims breakdown as evidence that they are weak, evil or mentally unbalanced (Note that “mentally unbalanced” is the favorite claim of most bullies).

They go on to tell members of their families and everyone they come in contact with what a pathetic and despicable person the victim is, offering up the victim’s perfectly normal reaction as evidence. Some bullies will even go so far as to tell strangers on the street.

As word spreads, total strangers, people the victim doesn’t know (and whom don’t even know the victim) began to judge her…before having the chance to even meet her!

This is a very dangerous situation for the victim because she now has enemies, whom she doesn’t even know exist! How can she protect herself when she doesn’t even know who’s gunning for her? I know about this because it happened to me when I was young. You feel as if you’re walking blind and any moment, someone could attack and severely harm you and you wouldn’t even see it coming! You stay home, afraid to go to school, afraid to drive a car through town, afraid to walk your dog through the neighborhood,afraid to go out with your friends, afraid to go for a walk in the park or to the local swimming pool, afraid to go to the grocery store for your grandmother…afraid to be seen alone in town because you know that at any moment, you could be injured or even killed! I can tell you that it’s a very frightening situation to be in and one I wouldn’t wish on anyone!

Point! Victims have more to worry about then anyone realizes. If someone is being mistreated, instead of judging them and justifying it, ask questions. Watch and see if the person in question isn’t really a victim instead of the antagonist!

Catch 22: Female Bully v/s Male Victim

I would like to address a situation, which almost no one talks about and is too often ignored- female bullying against male victims and why society gives male victims a bum rap.

I cannot count the stories I’ve both read and heard about males being harassed and abused by vicious females…boys and young men, who are, under normal circumstances, kind and caring but only pushed too far by their female tormentors before they finally have enough and strike back to defend themselves.

Unfortunately, after having been bullied for so long, the pressure builds to a breaking point. The poor guy finally decides that enough is enough and hits the girl back after she hits him first. As a result, HE gets the blame simply because he is a male.

Because the girl knows very well that society protects females due to the still widely-held belief that females are the weaker sex, she uses it to her own advantage by playing the “woman card” and feigning victimhood- complete with crocodile tears, rationalization and projecting blame onto her victim. The conniving and cunning female also deceives by acting sweet and innocent in the presence of the right people. She is silver-tongued. Therefore, she is a pro at spinning a convincing story to deceive authority while demonizing her victim…all to avoid being held responsible.

Although the poor victim is actually a great guy with good morals, values and ethics; to bystanders and authority, he is just another punk, who goes around beating up on girls/women. He ends up either being suspended/expelled from school, or arrested and charged as a criminal, while his female bully looks on with a smirk of gratification on her face. She then escapes punishment and goes on to select yet another male victim. Thus, the cycle continues.

If the young man didn’t hit her back, but only restrained her to protect himself, he would still be dehumanized and punished because he simply laid hands on her. Yes. You read this correctly…if someone physically attacks you and you restrain them, you can STILL go to jail as if you delivered the first punch because your hands were touching the person. It is impossible to restrain anyone without touching them.

This is just a sad example of how completely backwards school rules and the laws in this country really are.

Here’s a second catch 22:

A young man is being bullied relentlessly at school by a girl or group of girls. The girl(s)harass this boy for a number of years and during this time, the other boys also laugh and make fun of him because he is the bigger person and walks away instead of fighting back. They feminize him by calling him names, such as “wuss”, “wimp”, “pussy”, “bitch-boy” and other names which attack the male pride and strip away any masculinity.

The poor guy then reports the bullying only to be told to “man up” or “toughen up” and the boys only further shame him for being a “whiner”, “crybaby” or “tattle tale”.

Then, the young boy finally gets sick of the mistreatment and he snaps on one of the girls, battering her until her lip and nose are bleeding. Now, all hell breaks loose! The victim goes from being seen as a wimp to being seen as a little punk who gets his jollies by beating up on females. He is suspended, expelled, or arrested for assault and battery. Also, the boys now want to jump him because he hit a girl. The poor young man, although a victim, is now marginalized by the system, which is supposed to protect him.

So what other recourse does a victim have after having tried everything to protect himself and make the harassment stop?

My purpose is to open a few eyes and let society know that boys DO get bullied by girls…that more and more men DO get bullied by women. I believe this is because females are more prone to violence today than ever before in history, due to the significant moral decline of girls, which has taken place in the last 30 years.

However, understand that this article does not apply to male bullies, who DO go around physically or psychologically harming females but only to innocent male victims, who only want to be left in peace and live a normal life like everyone else.

If two men are at odds with each other and they resort to fisticuffs, they usually end up later patching things up, then going somewhere to have a beer together. Not so with women. If two women get into an altercation, chances are that they will not let go of their hatred of each other. A woman is like a dog with a bone. She will cling tightly to her grudge against her rival until the heavens come crashing down.

In closing, I will tell you that women are not always the weaker sex. I’m a woman myself and I know first hand that when it comes to evil, woman and girls can be the meanest, most disgusting, most relentless, most deplorable and most vicious of the sexes! In most cases of bullying and harassment by the opposite sex, victims who are male get a bum rap! This has to be brought to light!

It’s high time that we wise up, rip the fake mask off these vicious shrews and expose their misdeeds to as many people as possible in order to decrease the chances of other innocent men and boys becoming victims in the future.

This entry was posted on October 23, 2017. 2 Comments

Confidence Is Key

You can have all the determination in the world and work like a dog but without confidence, you are just spinning your wheels. Because determination without it equals desperation and desperation comes from a spirit of lack.

When one is unsure and insecure, it is a proven fact that this person will not perform as well at school or work. Confidence equals great performance, equals success, equals even MORE CONFIDENCE than before!

A winning attitude is key to having success in any area of life. Having faith in yourself can also get you through tough times. One of my favorite speakers is Zig Ziglar and he talks about “Stinkin Thinkin” and the damage it can do to self esteem. So turn this “stinkin thinkin” into thoughts of success, gratitude, and happiness and watch every area in your life take a turn for the better…like magic!

However, once confidence is achieved, it must be maintained. There will be failures but remember. Failure is the predecessor of success. You will always make mistakes. No one is perfect nor all knowing. Instead of beating yourself up over some error you made, look for the lesson that this error was meant to teach you. Also, search for the positive in the mistake.

When someone tells you that you can’t, pay them no mind. Others can steal your morale if you let them. It is not easy to be yourself and stay sure when surrounded by others, who either constantly hurl jabs and insults your way, or who just do not believe you can be successful. However, you must hold on to your confidence even if you have to give yourself pep talks several times daily. Adverse things will happen, people will hurt you, it is just a part of life. To feel hurt, anger, or sadness is normal and expected when something negative happens. As I said in my last post, there will be times in life when you will not feel confident. Adversity will happen and throw you off kilter. The difference is that when you have confidence, you will bounce back more quickly and are less likely to dwell in an awful place.

Having been bullied during my tweens and teens, I once was very insecure and had a horribly negative outlook. It took a lot of reprogramming in order to take back my confidence. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It is easy to change certain things about yourself but changing your thought patterns, especially after you have been conditioned to think a certain way, is one of the hardest feats to accomplish and most certainly does not happen overnight. Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, little by little, you will see a positive difference in not only your outlook, but also the circumstances that come into your life. You will begin to feel confident and the more confidence you have, the more momentum you will have behind it.

Always keep that momentum going and you will be on the right path for the rest of your life. With confidence and a winning smile and attitude, you can achieve beyond your wildest dreams!

God commands the Universe to always give you what you ask for. Through our thought patterns, we unconsciously ask for what we get, good or bad. By sending a certain vibe out you always get the same in return. If you are negative, you are unwittingly asking for more negativity to come into your life. But if you are positive, confident, happy and at peace then you are asking for more of the same and it shall be given. So keep showing your pearly whites and smile from the heart! I once heard Zig Ziglar talk about a spirit of gratitude. Counting your blessings and being thankful are the fastest ways to turn any negative into a positive and with it comes confidence. He was right!

Bullying/Crimes Against Anyone with Autism/Asperger’s/Special Needs Should be Considered a Hate Crime!

Good morning, everyone. For months, I’ve wanted to speak out about people on the Autism Spectrum and the extreme high rates of victimization and bullying they endure on a daily basis. It’s bad enough that they must go through life struggling with a disability that they neither asked for, nor have any control over. It’s even worse that they also struggle with constant cruelty from people in the general population because of that disability.

“A new study finds that children with autism spectrum disorders are bullied for more often than their typically developing peers.” (healthland.time.com)

According to Time Magazine (the above link), 46% of children on the spectrum reported being bullied compared to only 10% of neurotypical kids. And the statistics are estimated to be even higher due to the fact that most people on the spectrum do not recognize the subtler types of bullying because of their inability to read social cues. No one can report anything they do not know is occurring.

Because people with these disorders have difficulty reading social cues, have repetitive behaviors, and tend to be highly sensitive to external stimuli, bullies easily zero in on their perceived weaknesses and see them as easy prey who are ripe for harassment and degradation.
Bullies target them because of their extreme vulnerability and inability to assert themselves and to fight back. In the minds of bullies, people with special needs are easy prey.

Bullies get off on the power they wield over their special needs victims because they consciously know they can torment them endlessly and with impunity. They also know that chances are that no one will stop the abuse, nor speak out for the victim because the sad reality is that most others do not see those who have special needs as “human”. Therefore, bullies take full advantage of this.

Anyone who intentionally targets a person with special needs is, in my opinion, a coward of the lowest common denominator. Too afraid to go toe to toe with someone of their equal, they seek out victims, who are unable to speak for or defend themselves. Talk about despicable!

Every day, people who are mentally handicapped, have Autism/Asperger’s are accosted, taunted, physically attacked, or even murdered because they are considered easy targets and laws must be firmly put in place to protect these people, who are unable to protect themselves. Any crime against people in the above categories should be considered a hate crime because of the high vulnerability and severe disadvantage compared to regular, everyday people.

It’s still discrimination, any way you look at it and just as horrible as bullying someone due to age, sex, race or orientation. In fact, it’s WORSE because most people in the other four groups at least have the facilities to speak for and defend themselves! People with special needs do not! This is why we MUST make those with special needs a protected group!

These people are already fighting a very tough and likely, lifelong battle. Why then do those who are more fortunate wish to make their lives much more difficult than they already are?

This entry was posted on October 18, 2017. 2 Comments