Exposing Bullies And Protecting Yourself From Future Attacks

Here’s a list of several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe.

1. Know your enemy. How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are.

If you see another student or coworker gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.

2. Document everything! As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me or worse…killed me.

You must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

3. Do not reveal any information about yourself that you would not want to be told to anyone. Including your friends! If you do, you’re asking for trouble because if you are the target of a bully, you can be sure that your bullies will, at some point, either try to pry information about you out of your friends or they will turn your friends against you altogether.

4. Keep a low profile. Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

5. Save any threatening texts, emails, and/or voice mails for evidence. And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing. keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language.

Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

6. NEVER brag about any evidence you have against a bully. Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

7. Call the bully out in front of an audience. This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions.

But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone. Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this.

Ripping the mask off the bully…layer by layer.

Schools Will Never Admit it. Here’s Why Many of Them Protect Bullies.

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If you’re bullied in school, you must go through the proper channels by reporting the bullying to teachers and the principal. It’s only legal. But sadly, when a student is bullied and reports the abuse, many schools will protect the bullies instead of holding them accountable for their bad behavior.

Here’s why:

1. Because the bullies have connections to local politicians and crime kingpins. (This is especially true in small towns)

2. Because the bullies often score high academically, which makes the school look good.

3. The bullies are athletes on the school sports teams.

4. The bullies are on the cheerleading squad and in sororities and fraternities.

5. The bullies suck up to faculty to win loyalty.

Understand that, right or wrong, many schools will go out of their way to protect the reputations of who they deem to be their brightest and best students and blame the targeted student for their bullies’ horrid behavior. These bullies make the school look good.

Schools have enormous power, and sadly, many parents of bullied kids are single and raising children on one paycheck. How do they fight against such powerful entities?
This is why Sovereign Immunity for schools must be abolished, and they must be held accountable if the child is maimed, murdered, or commits suicide.

bullied victim gagged silence shut up

Moving a target of bullying to a different school sounds like a good idea but is not always feasible. And homeschooling isn’t affordable for some of these moms and dads.
If you’re a parent who’s fighting to keep your child safe and your options are limited, the only way to stay in the fight is to keep speaking out- through word of mouth, social media, the news media- whatever it takes.

In this situation, DOCUMENTATION IS SO IMPORTANT!!!!!

Take steps to raise awareness and be there for your child. Reassure them that if they need to talk, you’re there to listen and give them a shoulder to lean on.

Encourage your child to document every bullying incident and do your own documentation. Use the 5W rule- (What, who, where, when, and why) document what happened, who was involved and the names of any bystanders and witnesses, where it happened (bathroom, locker room, hallway), when it happened (exact date and time), and why it happened (retaliation, etc.).

document write record journal

As a parent, write about any physical bruises you see when the child comes home from school. Write about any torn clothing, broken eyeglasses or hearing aids, stolen property, crying, your kid’s emotional state- everything! And jot it down in detail!
Document the school’s reaction to any reports of bullying, both yours and your child’s.

Save any emails, replies, and letters from the school.

Build your own case!

Only then will you have the ammo needed to fight it!

 

When Schools Retaliate Against Parents for Protecting Their Children from Bullies

bullying stops here

I’ve read and heard many stories of schools retaliating against parents for speaking out about the bullying their child suffers while attending class, and for their (the parents’) refusal to keep silent. These stories are heartbreaking.

Understand that school officials are elected officials- politicians. And schools will protect their reputations by any means.

Here are ways schools try to hide bullying:

1. They vehemently deny bullying in their facilities.
2. They protect bullies.
3. They don’t report bullying incidents to the child’s parents and refuse to show any videos of bullying or fights to the bullied child’s parents.
4. They answer any questions with blanket statements or refuse to comment altogether.
5. They threaten to call Children’s Services and have the target removed from their home.
6. They have the parents banned from the school.
7. They have the parent arrested.
8. They threaten to have the child reported to the juvenile authorities.
9. They have the child arrested and sent to juvie.

bullying physical

Schools have more power than we realize, and if their reputation is at risk, some will do anything to silence the bullied child and their parents and shut down any awareness of any bullying that goes on.

Also, understand that schools have Sovereign Immunity and will hide behind it. Sovereign Immunity is the stipulation that protects a federal or state government entity from litigation. Therefore, it’s difficult to file a lawsuit against a school or school district. Lawsuits against schools have been filed and, yes, even won. But the statistics of such are low.

Here are things you can do as a parent:

1. Keep speaking out- through social media, word of mouth, and even the news media if you have to.
2. If you live in a one-party consent area, plant a recording device somewhere on your child to record any bullying.
3. Save any emails to and from the school. You’ll want to leave a trail.
4. Document everything in detail and have your child do their own documenting. Include date, time, what happened, and the names of bullies, bystanders, and school staff. Be sure and write down where it happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, jot down any events that led up to the bullying. Include as many details as possible!!!!!

document 5W rule

It’s always best to keep good records and keep them in a safe and undisclosed place!!!

 

Always, ALWAYS Document Incidences of Bullying!

document journal

Bullying, especially of the psychological and emotional variety, is difficult to prove to people in authority who are in a position to help the target. There are several reasons for this:

1. Bullies are Master Seducers (Charmers). Bullies are charming to the right people. When the victim finally gets sick of the harassment and reports the bullying, and when the bully is questioned by authority, the bully will often charm those in power. Other weapons used to charm and influence teachers, principals, and supervisors are high marks, excellent grades, and class/work performance.

Bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. Called the halo effect, this is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

2. Bullies are Convincing Liars and Actors. – They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with the victim. Therefore, the target loses support and has no one to turn to for help.

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Because the victim often reacts out of emotion and the bully puts on a calm and collected demeanor, people in authority will almost always side with the bully because of this false coolness the bully displays.

The bully points out the target’s perfectly normal emotional reaction and twists everything to convince everyone of the target’s guilt and that the victim is unstable, crazy, overly dramatic, or too sensitive. The bully will also feign victimhood by bursting into tears, which is all designed to shift the blame onto the victim and persuade anyone in authority to take his/her (the bully’s) side.

The most seasoned bullies are also master wordsmiths who can explain away and rationalize any bad behavior. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, the target gets the blame, and either those in authority refuse to discipline the bully or they punish the victim instead.

3. Documenting (or Journaling) offers the disgraced target a voice, enabling them to have a say when no one else is listening. – As stated, the target often gets the blame when he/she reports harassment to the people who can help them. By documenting the abuse, the victim can tell their side without being ignored or having their experiences trivialized by the bully or anyone else.

legal

gavel and soundblock of justice law and lawyer working on wooden desk background

4. Documenting offers Victims a Legal Record of the Bullying. – In case the bully hurts the target badly enough to require medical attention or worse, a plaintiff can use the journal as proof in court, should the victim or the family pursue legal action. Documentation is admissible in court.

5. Documenting is very cathartic and therapeutic.– It allows the victim to express the emotions they could never show any other way. Journals cannot trivialize the target’s experiences, nor can they invalidate the victim in any way. Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what the victim tells them.

These are the reasons you absolutely must document every day about what you are put through. When you document, be sure to include who the bullies are (full names and if necessary, titles and positions), where each incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, etc.), the names of any bystanders and teachers/supervisors present, the exact time and date the incident happened, what happened, what was said and by whom. Also, if possible, write down why it happened (was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?). Write down every detail!

document journaling

If you have tried telling a staff member or your parents about how classmates or coworkers bully you, only to be silenced or blamed- if no one will listen or offer support, you owe it to yourself to always document the harassment in your daily journal.

You want to document every day to establish a pattern of bullying and abuse. It was how I survived those six long years of being bullied in school. It was the only outlet I had. I can attest to you that if I hadn’t documented everything in my journal every single day, I might not be alive today. When I began keeping a written record during the eighth grade, it was freeing, and I felt as if I were finally having my say.

So, if you can’t talk about it, write about it!

Always, ALWAYS Document Incidences of Bullying!

dreamstime_xs_57923250

Bullying, especially of the psychological and emotional variety, is difficult to prove to people in authority who are in a position to help the target. There are several reasons for this:

1. Bullies are Master Seducers (Charmers).

Bullies are charming to the right people. When the victim finally gets sick of the harassment and reports the bullying, and when the bully is questioned by authority, the bully will often charm those in power. Other weapons used to charm and influence teachers, principals, and supervisors are high marks, excellent grades, and class/work performance.

Bullies can also use good looks, impeccable dressing, and grooming to seduce others. Called the halo effect, this is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

Arrogant Young Man With Girlfriends

Arrogant young Caucasian man with three female admirers

2. Bullies are Convincing Liars and Actors.

They have a flair for spreading the most convincing rumors and lies. Bullies do this to convince others not to associate with the victim. Therefore, the target loses support and has no one to turn to for help.

Because the victim often reacts out of emotion and the bully puts on a calm and collected demeanor, people in authority will almost always side with the bully because of this false coolness the bully displays.

The bully points out the target’s perfectly normal emotional reaction and twists everything to convince everyone of the target’s guilt and that the victim is unstable, crazy, overly dramatic, or too sensitive. The bully will also feign victimhood by bursting into tears, which is all designed to shift the blame onto the victim and persuade anyone in authority to take his/her (the bully’s) side.

dreamstime_xs_153426070

The most seasoned bullies are also master wordsmiths who can explain away and rationalize any bad behavior. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it. In the end, the target gets the blame, and either those in authority refuse to discipline the bully or they punish the victim instead.

3. Documenting (or Journaling) offers the disgraced target a voice, enabling them to have a say when no one else is listening.

As stated, the target often gets the blame when he/she reports harassment to the people who can help them. By documenting the abuse, the victim can tell their side without being ignored or having their experiences trivialized by the bully or anyone else.

Devil hiding in the businessman - alter ego concept

The devil hiding in the businessman – alter ego concept

4. Documenting offers Victims a Legal Record of the Bullying.

In case the bully hurts the target badly enough to require medical attention or worse, a plaintiff can use the journal as proof in court, should the victim or the family pursue legal action. Documentation is admissible in court.

5. Documenting is very cathartic and therapeutic.

It allows the victim to express the emotions they could never show any other way. Journals cannot trivialize the target’s experiences, nor can they invalidate the victim in any way. Journals are also confidential. They cannot go to the bullies nor anyone else and repeat what the victim tells them.

These are the reasons you absolutely must document every day about what you are put through. When you document, be sure to include who the bullies are (full names and if necessary, titles and positions), where each incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, etc.), the names of any bystanders and teachers/supervisors present, the exact time and date the incident happened, what happened, what was said and by whom. Also, if possible, write down why it happened (was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?). Write down every detail!

gavel and soundblock of justice law and lawyer working on wooden

gavel and soundblock of justice law and lawyer working on wooden desk background

If you have tried telling a staff member or your parents about how classmates or coworkers bully you, only to be silenced or blamed- if no one will listen or offer support, you owe it to yourself to always document the harassment in your daily journal.

You want to document every day to establish a pattern of bullying and abuse. It was how I survived those six long years of being bullied in school. It was the only outlet I had. I can attest to you that if I hadn’t documented everything in my journal every single day, I might not be alive today. When I began keeping a written record during the eighth grade, it was freeing, and I felt as if I were finally having my say.

So, if you can’t talk about it, write about it!