3 Differences Between Being Kind and Kissing Booty

Be kind, yes. But being kind doesn’t mean you have to kiss booty. Too many people seem to think that kindness is weakness. This distortion of thinking comes from the assumption that being kind equals kissing booty. Let me dispel these myths right now. Kindness is not weakness and it doesn’t mean kissing butt.

Understand that when people make these generalizations, they do it for two reasons:

1. As an excuse not to be kind.

2. Because they’ve been taught these types of things by abusive parents and family members, or by bullies.

Again, kindness isn’t weakness nor is it kissing booty. With that said, let’s distinguish between the two. What’s the difference between being kind and kissing butt? Here are your answers:

1. Being kind comes from confidence. Confident people extend kindness because they’re confident and they know they don’t have to be unkind. When a person is kind, they have confidence in both themselves and in others.

Kissing booty comes from insecurity and a lack of confidence. The intentions of kissing butt are never pure.. People kiss butt out of fear and insecurity.

2. Being kind comes from having pure intentions. People who extend true kindness expect nothing in return. Just the notion that they’ve made someone smile is the rewards they get. Being kind is being true.

Kissing booty comes from ulterior motives. People kiss butt either to get out of trouble and escape accountability, or they do because they want something from the “booty-kissee,”

Many times, people kiss butt for acceptance and approval, favor, and special treatment. They do it because they expect to benefit, whether socially, psychologically, or materially. Kissing booty is being manipulative.

3. Being kind also means being kind to yourself. Kind people are kind to themselves too. What this means is that, that they know that they can be kind to others without taking any crap from them. Truly kind people have boundaries. They don’t extend kindness at their own expense. Being kind is a virtue.

Kissing booty can mean being a doormat. A person who kisses butt has no boundaries and may put up with bad treatment from the people he kisses up to. He’s willing to sacrifice his dignity and self-respect just to get the benefits he’s after. Sadly, this kind of person usually gets shafted and then laughed at. Because most people have no respect for him, not even the people he kowtows to. Kissing booty is pathetic!

You’ll put up with shoddy treatment, all for the safe of getting that benefit you’re seeking by sucking up. And the harsh truth is that you may not get that benefit anyway. Some people are only good for reneging once you’ve served your purpose. Then you’ll only look and feel like a real tool. And you know what? That’s exactly what you are- a tool.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you learn the difference in the two, that way you’ll better be able to extend kindness and, at the same time, protect yourself from being used.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Other Ways Bullies Get Power- Suck-Ups, Kiss-Butts, and Brown-Nosers

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions? It’s because they’re notorious suck-ups. Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, yet to supervisors, they were the brightest of the bunch. This leaves me to wonder if the supervisors themselves weren’t just as dumb. So, how are bullies so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

They do it by taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR overlook it. Thumbing rides on others’ coattails are the norm for these leaches.

In school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. They also seek to impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs. Couple that with their parents’ other town and city connections, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

Bullies also undermine other employees’ accomplishments and successes, talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers who are a threat to them somehow. Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and even be rewarded for it?

Suck up, kiss-butt, kiss-ass

The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Here’s What Happens When You Care Too Much About the Opinions of Others

A fellow blogger once wrote, “If you care too much about what others think, you care less about yourself.”

How right she was!

When you care too much about what other people think, you become a slave to not only opinions but to others as well. The person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

Any time you care too much about the thoughts and opinions of others, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really should and when you truly want to say it.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it and let them take you for granted.

You’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them to avoid conflict. And they’ll see you as a pushover and an approval-seeker. You’ll be a doormat, and no one will have any respect for you. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat sh** all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

Even worse, your submissiveness will come to be expected after a while, and once you do finally get tired of being walked on and grow a spine, people won’t respect you for it but be offended by it.

‘You see, here’s the thing. If you truly know your value, you don’t have to prove it because you know it’s there. Even better, others see it too because they not only sense that others’ opinions don’t phase you, but they can see it in your demeanor as well.

So, stop caring what bullies and abusers think of you because they don’t deserve to even matter to you.

The more you know, the more bully-proof you become!

Other Ways Bullies Get Power- Suck-Ups, Kiss-Butts, and Brown-Nosers

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions? It’s because they’re notorious suck-ups. Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, yet to supervisors, they were the brightest of the bunch. This leaves me to wonder if the supervisors themselves weren’t just as dumb. So, how are bullies so successful at concealing their stupidity?

Vector illustration of a grovel in business

They do it by taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR overlook it. Thumbing rides on others’ coattails are the norm for these leaches.

In school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. They also seek to impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs. Couple that with their parents’ other town and city connections, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

Bullies also undermine other employees’ accomplishments and successes, talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers who are a threat to them somehow. Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and even be rewarded for it?

Suck up, kiss-butt, kiss-ass

The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.

10 Reasons Why People Make Excuses for Bullies

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Down through the ages, either at school, the workplace, or the community, people have made excuses for the behavior of bullies and it can be downright sickening to targets of such evil acts. Often, the bully has gotten away with it for so long that they get too comfortable and no longer try to hide it. It leaves targets feeling not only a sense of injustice and resentment but downright furious! Unfortunately, this happens all the time, and it’s nothing new.

If you’re a target of such brutality and find yourself wondering why people make excuses for bullies, here are your answers below:

1. They’re afraid of becoming the next target. Nobody wants a bully on their back, so they make excuses for the bullies to protect themselves from being ostracized and to keep from arousing the bullies’ anger. These people often “don’t want to make waves” or “rock the boat.”

concept of a mob attacking a person that they think is different

2. They’re loyal followers of the bullies. Many people are under the impression that being friends or followers of the bullies will give them status, popularity, favors, and most of all, protection. And in many cases, it does. But in others, the followers are only being used and will be quickly dismissed as soon as they’ve “served their purpose.”

3. They hate the target worse than they hate the bullies. They take the lesser of two evils route. If people hate the target worse than they do the bullies, they’re naturally going to side with the bullies and help demonize the target all for the satisfaction of seeing the victim suffer.

4. It’s expected of them. And people will often do what’s expected of them to do in an environment. Many times, the bullying of a particular individual has become the status quo in that specific environment, whether it be a school, workplace, or community. And no one wants to challenge that for fear of being marginalized and forced to join the target at the bottom of the heap.

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5. They prefer to “cheer for the winning team.” Many people will side with the person who wields the most power. When people are on the side of the winners or ones with the most power, they get a share in being one of the big dogs. Many times, there’s a certain amount of social status and prestige that goes with rooting for a particular clique, team, or group who seems to be in charge and run the school, place of employment, or community.

6. They want to be a part of the in-crowd. (See number 5)

7. They think it will keep down the drama and allow some peace in that particular environment. Let’s face it. Bullying is stressful for bystanders and witnesses too. You don’t have to be a target for it to suck the energy out of you. All it takes for bullying to take the oxygen out of the room is for you to see it. So, people make excuses for the bully, often in their presence, to appease them and calm them down.

8. They’re bullies themselves. Birds of a feather flock together. People have a nose for and take care of their own.

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9. For purposes of self-interest. The bullies benefit them somehow. If the bullies are stars on the school football team, star performers in a corporation, or successful business people in a community, they boost the image of that school, corporation, or district and often bring or attract money into the coffers of these entities.

The prevailing thought is this, “If someone makes me look good and is bringing in the money, I’d be a fool to do anything to jeopardize it!”

Also, in return for keeping their mouths shut or justifying their wrongdoings, bullies will often reward bystanders and witnesses with social status, perks, favors, and protection. Or the reward may be the feeling of importance in knowing that that they’re on the team that holds the most power and prestige.

10. They want to impress the bullies and be admired by them. Many people have a desire to run with the “cool crowd.” Therefore, they make excuses for them to impress them and win favor. They feel that if the bullies, who already have an overinflated sense of their own importance, think well of them too, then they must be hot items themselves. And it’s a huge self-esteem boost.

bystander effect

However, these people are only letting the approval of these bullies define who they are, which is dangerous. Because once the bullies decide they don’t need them anymore, it’s going to be devastating for them.

You must understand that there is a payoff in it somewhere. Human Nature dictates that none of us do anything unless it somehow, someway, appeals to our self-interests, even a little bit. If people are making excuses for bullies, you can be sure that those people are somehow benefiting from it, whether it be a psychological, social, or material gain.

Why People Bully Others

Someone came to me with a burning question that I used to ask all the time. I am certain that millions of people around the world have asked the same question, “Why do People Bully?”

There are many answers and they all depend on the individual bully.

1. Spoiled, Coddled, Narcissistic bullies.

gossip girls

These kinds of bullies bully because they are arrogant and overconfident. They truly believe that they are superior to and better than anyone else and will stop at nothing to let you know who’s boss. They are self-entitled, self-serving and have no empathy.

With people such as these, the ends always justify the means. They do everything possible to keep the spotlight on themselves and hog all the glory. They consider themselves highly privileged.

These people are also jealous of anyone who outshines or outdoes them in any way because they believe that any happiness, successes, accolades, and victories should be reserved for only them.

If you have a talent which brings you recognition, look out! Because these bullies will punish you for it and they will pull out all stops to crush your self-esteem and kill your confidence.

You will often find these people in the popular and preppy crowd at school or in the “Good Ole Boy” clique at work. These folks will often be jocks, cheerleaders and sorority/fraternity nuts or in management or one of their suck-ups.

2. Hurting and Victimized Bullies (Bully-Victims)

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These types of bullies bully because they are being bullied themselves either in the home, at school/workplace or both. These folks feel powerless. So, in order to reclaim some of the power which has been stripped away from them, they search for someone they perceive to be even weaker than they are and bully them.

These people have a strong need to feel like they have control over something in their lives.

Here’s an example:

A child is yelled at by his parents, then he gets mad and kicks the dog. This is why I call this “Kicking the Dog”.

Also, no one wants to be on the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, “Sh** rolls downhill and lands at the bottom”. So, in order to stay off the bottom, these types will often find someone else to bully so they don’t feel like they’re the ones stuck in the basement.

3. Bullies who Are Followers, Drones and Wannabes

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These bullies are to be pitied because they are quite pathetic when you really think of it. They will suck up to the in-crowd (the narcissistic bullies) and all too often, they do this by either bullying those lower on the social totem pole, or participating in the bullying somehow.

Many of these people will say, ‘How High?’ when a person from the in-crowd tells them to jump. They often do the dirty work of the narcissistic bullies, join in with them in bullying others, or agree with them.

But understand that these people are only kiss-butts, yes-men, and brown-noses; and are only bullying you or your child for a ticket into the popular crowd or because they’re afraid of becoming the next target.

 

Suck-Ups, Kiss-Butts and Brown-Nosers: Another Way Bullies Get Power

Grovel in  business

Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions? It’s because they’re notorious suck-ups. Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side.

Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, yet to supervisors, they were the brightest of the bunch. This leaves me to wonder if the supervisors themselves weren’t just as dumb. So, how are bullies so successful at concealing their stupidity?

dreamstime_s_158846115

They do it by taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR overlook it. Thumbing rides on others’ coattails is the norm for these leaches.

In school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. They also seek to impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs. Couple that with the other town and city connections of their parents, and they have the freedom to bully at will.

dreamstime_xs_33850854

Bullies also undermine the accomplishments and successes of other employees, talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers who are a threat to them somehow. Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and even be rewarded for it?
The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.