Narcissistic Bullying and Jealousy

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Bullies see any recognition the target gets for a good deed, high marks, an accomplishment, or success as the target’s having diminished them somehow. If you’re a target, these types of bullies will only see any success you enjoy as a reflection on them.

You force them to think about and take stock of their own successes and failures. Understand that it’s the bullies’ self-focus that sets the stage for their anger and hostility toward you. They will personalize your success as if you’re an opponent who’s competing with them for the same prize.

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The bullies are forced to compare themselves with you out of fear that other people will consider them less worthy or important than you. They feel invisible and left out because they’re not getting the praise that you’re getting. So, they get a sense of disregard from others.

When You Outshine a Bully, They Take it Personally.

But rather than have normal feelings of disappointment and regret, they have anger and hatred toward you.

Although you never did any harm to them, the bullies feel a sense of injustice because they feel that you don’t deserve the recognition but they do. They feel wronged and very much entitled to their anger and hostility.

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Bullies will then accuse you of thinking you’re better than they are- as if they know what you’re thinking. And they really do think they can read your mind correctly, which then only further arouses their anger and hate.

Again, according to the bullies’ logic, you’ve wronged them somehow so, you are the enemy. And this perceived wrong that you’ve done compels the bullies to act hostile toward you because the bullies’ egos have been bruised by your successes and accomplishments.

Just as money is the root of evil, ego is the root of jealousy. And bullies have enormous egos!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The “Me! Me! Me!” Aspect of Bullying

Bullies are very egocentric and self-centered people. They bully because it gives them some sort of payoff- a psychological payoff. In fact, it gives them several payoffs.

Bullies will bully you for perceived slights. Maybe you reported them and caused them to get reprimanded. You spoke out and put their reputations and social status at risk of crashing. You put them in danger of losing face and with it, power.

Or maybe you ignored them and made them feel unimportant. Maybe you talked back to them and made them look like punks. Nevertheless, you took back your power and made your bullies look like losers in front of everyone. And now they want to punish you and tip the scales of power back in their favor.

Bullies Have Fragile Egos

Bullies attack people who have less power. Yet they will always claim to be the victims and say that you disrespected them. Why? Because you exposed them. Also, they’ll be enraged for being made to feel unimportant, or for being made to look weak.

Understand that your bullies are entrenched in their belief that their bullying is justifiable, rational, and right. That it is their rights being violated and not yours. They claim they are the victims, and you (the true victim) are the aggressor.

But realize that, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies believe that their self-entitlements automatically override your rights. Bullies view opposition by you, their target, the person they deem inferior, as disrespect and an impediment to their wants and their agendas.

Most Bullying Comes from a Place of Entitlement. 

They bully you because they see you as inferior and themselves as superior. Also, they see you as bad and wrong and themselves as good and right.

They will automatically twist the events in their favor and grossly exaggerate your so-called wrongness and make you look like the bully anytime you report them to a teacher or supervisor, or you speak out about their abuse. It’s the dark side of human nature.

Bullies feel hurt and angry when the target stands up to them or speaks out about their abuse. Therefore, because bullies think they’re right, they believe the target should just take their abuse because he’s wrong and “he deserves it.”

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In reality, the target is tired of being abused and decides not to take it anymore. However, from the bullies’ perspectives, the target thinks he’s better than them. The target is also stepping out of “their place.” He or she is catching an attitude with the bullies and is “dissing” them.

Taking Back Your Power Means Taking it Away from the Bully.

The bullies’ explanation of the target’s behavior totally negates the fact that the target is sick of being mistreated. In reality, the target only wants to be treated with dignity. However, the bullies judge the target in reference to themselves.

In their self-serving preference, bullies aim to control the target’s behavior, attitude, and intentions. The unwritten rule is that targets who are inferior shouldn’t do anything to make the bullies angry or cause them distress, no matter who’s right or who’s wrong.

Understand that when bullies target you, it’s not about your character, it’s about your bullies’ lack of character. It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong, nor that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s because there’s something wrong with the bullies. Therefore, there must be something wrong with them, otherwise they wouldn’t behave the way they do.

Here’s what else it’s about:

It’s about the bullies’ cowardice.

The bullies are great big cowards, and they bully you to try and cover up their fear, weaknesses, and shortcomings. Additionally, they cloak themselves with a tough, holier than thou veneer. Remember that bullies also run around in packs. You will never see a bully alone.

They must always have their wing-men with them to look well-liked and to have backup when they go after their targets. Understand that these wing-men are there to show strength and power- strength and power bullies could never have without them.

It’s about the bullies’ mental health issues.

Anyone who bullies someone else must be sick in the head. Because if a person has good mental health, they don’t have to bully anyone. A person with good mental health has got too much going for them and is too busy pursuing their goals to spend the extra effort to cause anyone else pain.

It’s about the bullies’ anger, jealousy, and overall unhappiness.

These people pick out a target to abuse in order to feel better about themselves. Having power over another person is the only way they can feel good about themselves. Many bullies pick people they’re jealous of to target for abuse.

They may feel that the target has something that they don’t have and don’t feel they can ever attain. So, they must drag that person down to punish them for the injustice they feel. Understand that unhappy bullies hate people who are happy and those are the targets they select.

It’s also about the bullies’ need for attention and admiration.

Bullies crave attention and admiration, so they bully you in front of an audience to look cute or cool in front of them. Also, bullies need to feel tough and intelligent, and they need droves of people worshiping at their feet to feel adequate.

Bullies bully because, there’s always something in it for them.

There’s always a psychological payoff. Bullying is the only thing they enjoy. There’s where the “me, me, me” of it comes into play.

When you really stop and think about it, bullies are pathetic and they’re each compensating for something they feel insecure about. They are sad, pitiful souls who should be pitied. Bullies are the lowest of human scum.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Short List: 15 Forces That Perpetuate Bullying

1.Domination and Control of Another.

2. The Desire to Feel Superior.

3. The Need for a Scapegoat.

4. The Need to Project.

5. To Seek Attention.

6. One-Upmanship.

7. Schadenfreude and Sadistic Pleasure.

8. To Impress Others.

9. The Desire for Social Status.

10. To Contain Threats.

11. To Keep Others Down.

12. For Entertainment.

13. To Keep from Becoming the Next Target of Bullying.

14. To Hide Weaknesses and Shortcomings.

15. To Deflect and Distract Unwanted Attention.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Ingredients Bullies Use to Build Their Image of Perfection

We all know that bullies are cowards who hide behind a façade. But what makes that façade? What are the exact ingredients that make up the bully’s façade?

Before I give you each ingredient in detail, let me tell you that bullies are like peacocks. They like to strut around and fan out their tails, showing us their prettiest colors. And they do this to collect admirers, followers, and allies. That’s exactly what the bully’s façade is used for- to draw people to them. And bullies are good at duping their cohorts into thinking that they’re perfect and can’t be touched.

Only their targets know what’s behind the facades- victims know the real people behind the masks. So, again, what exactly are the ingredients that bullies use to build their carefully crafted facades and promote those fake images?

Here are your answers:

1. Impeccable Attire. Most seasoned and well-practiced bullies dress in the best and latest fashions. These people love to be pleasing to the eyes because they understand that, sadly, most people are materialistic and beauty-obsessed, and everything is based on appearances. So, they wear the fanciest clothes, the trendiest hairstyles, the sexiest makeup, etc.

They show off these things to look the best and give the appearance that they’re rolling in money and that their life is perfect- all to impress others. Most of all, bullies also do it for one-upmanship!

And…here’s something else! Many of my bullies didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. Not that being poor makes a person bad, but!

Most bullies will go flat broke buying fancy clothes and sporty cars to pimp around town in just to keep up a fake persona. And they’ll be up to their eyeballs in debt. Many of these people are constantly having a hard time paying or failing to pay their bills.

They’re the types who will run to mommy and daddy for bailouts and handouts, yet they spend a fortune on clothes, hairstyles, manicures, pedicures, facials, cosmetic surgeries, you name it!

Because of this, I’ve known many workplace bullies who committed crimes such as theft, embezzlement, and forgery because they lived way beyond their means and got their butts in a crack they couldn’t get out of. And they got caught!

2. They put on a good show. Seasoned bullies are also the best showmen. They put on an act to gain admiration, support, or sympathy. They make grand gestures. They’re good at reading people and finding out their likes and dislikes and how they react to certain stimuli. They make themselves constantly hyperaware of the people and moods around them, then adapt to them.

You’ll often find these bullies standing in the very center of the rooms they’re in, and they’re the types who despise being outshone, outsmarted, or outdone.

3. They’re master wordsmiths. They use clichés, euphemisms, and loaded words to impress others with their speech. They also use big words to prove how smart they are when, in reality, they’re as incompetent as they come. They also tell people what they want to hear and say everything with conviction. This is why they’re such convincing liars and why they’re so good at making the target look like the bad guy.

But here’s something else you need to know:

Although seasoned bullies are very popular among people, they’re also hated and feared by rivals and enemies. And they do eventually get brought down. I’ve seen it happen many times.

Julius Caesar was one such example.

“Caesar had his Brutus and Charles I, his Cromwell…” – Patrick Henry.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

2 Reasons Why Ignoring Bullies Won’t Make Them Go Away

I cannot count the times I was advised by both family members and teachers to “just ignore them.” – to ignore my bullies and their guff. However, when I took that advice, I found out that it only made the situation worse.

They only escalated their attacks. Ignoring bullies is a slap in the face to them because they’re about taking power any way they can. When you ignore them, you proverbially thumb your nose at them. You send them the message that you refuse to bow down to them or let them scare you. This is not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. You’re handling it the best way you can and that makes you the better person.

But the problem is that when you ignore the bullies, one of two things happen:

1. It only infuriates the bullies. They become much more determined to “get you.” And they won’t stop until they do. I want you to realize that if bullies can’t get any reaction out of you, they will push you and push you until you snap. They will then claim that you are mentally imbalanced. Or they might physically attack you.

2. Bullies mistake your ignoring them for fear. Bullies are like a pack of wolves. If they even think they smell fear, look out! Anytime bullies think you’re afraid of them, they know they have you and they move in for the kill. They’ll bully just for fun and the power rush they get from your (perceived) fear. And they won’t stop because they won’t be able to get enough of that power high. Understand that the high they get is no different than a drug. Once they’re addicted to bullying you, they’ll always come back when that rush wears off and they need another fix.

It’s much better to stand up to them and set boundaries from the start. Never let it go one for long without asserting yourself. Look the bullies in the eyes and tell them in no uncertain terms that you’re the wrong one and that you won’t tolerate their crap. If you take a stand right when the harassment begins, chances are good that they’ll back off and go find someone else to jerk around.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Quick List: 15 Forces that Perpetuate Bullying

1.Domination and Control of Another.

2. The Desire to Feel Superior.

3. The Need for a Scapegoat.

4. The Need to Project.

5. To Seek Attention.

6. One-Upmanship.

7. Schadenfreude and Sadistic Pleasure.

8. To Impress Others.

9. The Desire for Social Status.

10. To Contain Threats.

11. To Keep Others Down.

12. For Entertainment.

13. To Keep from Becoming the Next Target of Bullying.

14. To Hide Weaknesses and Shortcomings.

15. To Deflect and Distract Unwanted Attention.

Seeing Through the Bully’s Facade

We all know that bullies are cowards who hide behind a façade. But what makes that façade? What are the exact ingredients that make up the bully’s façade?

Before I give you each ingredient in detail, let me tell you that bullies are like peacocks. They like to strut around and fan out their tails, showing us their prettiest colors. And they do this to collect admirers, followers, and allies. That’s exactly what the bully’s façade is used for- to draw people to them. And bullies are good at duping their cohorts into thinking that they’re perfect and can’t be touched.

Only their targets know what’s behind the facades- victims know the real people behind the masks. So, again, what exactly are the ingredients that bullies use to build their carefully crafted facades and promote those fake images?

Here are your answers:

1. Impeccable Attire. Most seasoned and well-practiced bullies dress in the best and latest fashions. These people love to be pleasing to the eyes because they understand that, sadly, most people are materialistic and beauty-obsessed, and everything is based on appearances. So, they wear the fanciest clothes, the sportiest hairstyles, the sexiest makeup.

They show off these things to look the best and give the appearance that they’re rolling in money and that their life is perfect- all to impress others. Most of all, bullies also do it for one-upmanship!

And…here’s something else! Many of my bullies didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. Not that being poor makes a person bad, but!

Most bullies will go flat broke buying fancy clothes and sporty cars to pimp around town in just to keep up a fake persona. And they’ll be up to their eyeballs in debt. Many of these people are constantly having a hard time paying or failing to pay their bills.

They’re the types who will run to mommy and daddy for bailouts and handouts, yet they spend a fortune on clothes, hairstyles, manicures, pedicures, facials, cosmetic surgeries, you name it!

Because of this, I’ve known many workplace bullies who committed crimes such as theft, embezzlement, and forgery because they lived way beyond their means and got their butts in a crack they couldn’t get out of. And they got caught!

2. They put on a good show. Seasoned bullies are also the best showmen. They put on an act to gain admiration, support, or sympathy. They make grand gestures. They’re good at reading people and finding out their likes and dislikes and how they react to certain stimuli. They make themselves constantly hyperaware of the people and moods around them, then adapt to them.

You’ll often find these bullies standing in the very center of even room they’re in, and they’re the types who despise being outshone, outsmarted, or outdone.

3. They’re master wordsmiths. They use dumb clichés, euphemisms, and loaded words to impress others with their speech. They also use big words to prove how smart they are when, in reality, they’re as incompetent as they come. They also tell people what they want to hear and say everything with conviction. This is why they’re such convincing liars and why they’re so good at making the target look like the bad guy.

But here’s something else you need to know:

Although seasoned bullies are very popular among people, they’re also hated and feared by rivals and enemies. And they do eventually get brought down. I’ve seen it happen many times.

Julius Caesar was one such example.

“Caesar had his Brutus and Charles I, his Cromwell…” – Patrick Henry.

Reasons Why Ignoring Bullies Won’t Make Them Go Away

I cannot count the times I was advised by both family members and teachers to “just ignore them.” – to ignore my bullies and their guff. However, when I took that advice, I found out that it only made the situation worse.

They only escalated their attacks. Ignoring bullies is a slap in the face to them because they’re about taking power any way they can. When you ignore them, you proverbially thumb your nose at them. You send them the message that you refuse to bow down to them or let them scare you. This is not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong. You’re handling it the best way you can and that makes you the better person.

But the problem is that when you ignore the bullies, one of two things happen:

  1. It only infuriates the bullies. They become much more determined to “get you.” And they won’t stop until they do. I want you to realize that if bullies can’t get any reaction out of you, they will push you and push you until you snap. They will then claim that you are mentally imbalanced.

  1. Bullies mistake your ignoring them for fear. Bullies are like a pack of wolves. If they even think they smell fear, look out! Anytime bullies think you’re afraid of them, they know they have you and they move in for the kill. They’ll bully just for fun and the power rush they get from your (perceived) fear. And they won’t stop because they won’t be able to get enough of that power high. Understand that the high they get is no different than a drug. Once they’re addicted to bullying you, they’ll always come back when that rush wears off and they need another fix.

It’s much better to stand up to them and set boundaries from the start. Never let it go one for long without asserting yourself. Look the bullies in the eyes and tell them in no uncertain terms that you’re the wrong one and that you won’t tolerate their crap. If you don’t take a stand right when the harassment begins, chances are good that they’ll back off and go find someone else to jerk around.

The more you know.

Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out

 

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1. Being a bully is WORK! They work hard to keep up appearances and to maintain their fake facades. Bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven. They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. And they often spend beyond their means to look like they have lots of money. Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft. They have to steal to keep up!

2. Bullies are not happy people. They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others? They do it to feel better about themselves, to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities, and project them onto someone else. Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. They may bully for attention because they aren’t getting it at home. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

narcissist bully arrogant

3. They’re weak. Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. They’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy because they don’t have the brains to get what they want any other way.

4. Bullies are insecure. When a bully sees someone who outshines them somehow, they fear that the person will take the attention and admiration away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one. They must be adored at all times by everyone. They feel they have to be at the center of everything and that the world should revolve around them.

narcissist bully ego

5. Bullies are jealous of their victims. Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. If you have more wins then them, are better looking then them or are more talented than them, they’ll make it their mission to make you suffer for it.

6. Bullies are trying to be cool. Again, they strain themselves to keep up appearances. And bullies know that most people are under the mistaken impression that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t on the receiving end of it. Many bullies bully to look cute to any witnesses.

7. They seek attention. If a bully doesn’t get attention, they feel inadequate. So they bully in front of an audience to get the attention they feel they never get.

8. They’re cowards. They’re afraid of looking weak and being bullied themselves.

9. They’re fakes, frauds, and imposters. They must don masks to hide their true selves. Understand that they do this out of the fear of their true personalities being exposed.

10. They’re compensating. Bullies bully to compensate for weakness. If they can look strong by making someone else look weak they make up for the weaknesses they feel they have. Bullies will also run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing and, in a way, makes up for anything they feel they don’t have.

bullied victim desperate people pleaser

Male bullies who feel they aren’t man enough will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that girls find them disgusting. Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for the fact that they can’t get a date.