Tag: baiting

baiting

Benefits of Baiting and Triggering Bullies

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This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. Play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited. Get your bullies to reach to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking that they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness always equals the ability to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

When you do get your bullies to come for you, always get them either on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get your bullies on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary, especially if they’re so POed at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.” Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

The angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you and the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution, of course.

And if you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won.

To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Weaponizing Your Bullies’ Triggers

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bullying baiting

Here’s how you expose the bullies for the brutes they are. Use their own tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive. And I know it’s not a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Here’s how you do it!

1. Get the bully in public – in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them. Bait them into a reaction, then stand back and watch with pleasure as the bully yells, screams, curses, and exposes themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others the bully has bullied (preferably people who’ve been fired or no longer have any contact with the bully). Then have them spread it all over social media. Give the bully the reputation they so deserve. Befriending others the bullies has harmed also has another way of getting under their skin. Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate. Also, they especially hate it when their targets unite and form a group! That really ticks them off because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it, bullies always run in packs and they catch their targets when they’re alone. But when a group of targets ban together, the bullies then feel threatened because they lose power.

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Rattling Your Bullies to Expose Them

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Sometimes, to expose your bullies, you must rattle them. If you’re not sure how to do it, think Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam!

Getting a bully rattled is as easy as smiling. Therefore, say nothing to them; only look at them and smile like you know something they don’t. I promise you. It’ll drive them nuts!

They’ll ask you what the hell you’re smiling at. Don’t get defensive. Don’t say anything. Just walk away, snickering.

Your bullies will be madly bewildered. They’ll look at each other, wondering why you seem so smug. Next, they’ll wonder what it is you’re up to, and curiosity will get the best of them. You’ll throw them off! Trust me. Bullies always think their targets are up to something when they see them act this way. Also, They’ll go on the hunt to find answers like hounds sniffing a trail.

Moreover, your bullies will most likely think you’re making fun of them and get super angry — all the better for you.

Here’s why:

• When someone is really pissed off, they lose the ability to think straight and control their emotions.

• When you stir someone up, you throw them off balance. When this happens, they usually screw up and do something stupid.

If they challenge you to a fight, don’t fight unless it’s necessary. You want to get the bully in front of a crowd of people and get them so mad they start yelling and throwing a hissy fit in front of everyone. Your goal is to get them to expose themselves in front of bystanders and those in authority!

Oops! BUSTED!

Sadly, this is the only way you can expose a bully by allowing others to see with their own eyes. But before you employ this tactic, be sure that the bully isn’t one who carries a deadly weapon and isn’t criminally violent or insane.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Bully by Instigation (Part 2)

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In the first part, we discussed that bullies soften bully by instigating an argument between the target and someone not normally involved in the bullying.
There are many ways in which bullies instigate and bait others to participate in the bullying unwillingly.

Here are a few examples of baiting strategies:

The Secret Admirer Bait

A bully will use this to bait someone to insult and humiliate the target.
Here’s how it goes:

The bully and a few classmates or coworkers will see the target. The target is nearby and within earshot. If the target is female, the bully will point to a nearby male and say,

“Hey, (target’s name)! John said he was madly in love with you!”
John will then get on the defensive and say,
“Oh, hell, no! I don’t like that ugly thing!” or, “That whore? No freakin’ way!”

Moreover, by doing this, the bully slyly baits John in a knee-jerk reaction that includes insulting and humiliating the unfortunate target and achieves gratification in seeing the target humiliated and hurt.

The secret admirer bait is mostly used in middle and high school.

The Invitation bait

In this situation, the bullies will, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, become chummy with the target and pretend to have a change of heart. They do this to win the target’s trust.

Once trust is won, the bullies will invite the target to a birthday party, cookout, sleepover, or kegger, then humiliate the target somehow.

Furthermore, this may involve getting the target drunk or high, then manipulating them into compromising situations. This is used by both school-aged and adult bullies.

Here’s how to shut these monsters down:

1. Understand that no one ever becomes true friends overnight. Therefore, if someone who has bullied you suddenly starts to buddy up to you, and it seems to have come out of nowhere, it’s a red flag, and you should steer clear! You can be sure that this creep is up to no good.

2. Also, if bullies are trying to bait you into anything, they will lay it on thick! They’ll overdo the pleasantries. It will sound so sickeningly sweet, you’ll want to grab a barf bag. You’ll know it’s fake if you’re paying attention.

However, remember that bullies are very convincing and if you’re young and still in school, you’re likely to overlook the yuck if you aren’t careful. So don’t fall for it! Don’t go anywhere with those people. Because once you’re alone with them, you’re at their mercy!

3. If you’re a kid in school and a bully uses the secret admirer bait and tricks someone into humiliating you, deal out a good burn for the person baited into insulting you.

For example, you can say:

“No chance. I could never be that desperate, and you could never be that lucky.”

Then keep walking.

Your witty comeback will sting the poor sucker who took the bully’s bait and tried to insult you. But hey! Better them than you. Right?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“The More You Stir Sh**, The More It Stinks”

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Bullies are notorious for sowing discord among other people. They just can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it. Have you ever wondered why?

It’s to keep the spotlight off themselves and their despicable behavior and dirty dealings. Lots of times, they do it as a distraction. If the bullies can stir the pot and keep others at each other’s throats, they get to look like gods and be untouchable.

Also, bullies get cheap thrills from watching others tear each other down. Trust me, bullies love that stuff!

It also makes the bullies look as if they’re above it all. Bullies use appearances to look better than what they were. And the more they can stir it up and make it stink, the better they smell.

Remember this the next time you see bullies trying to instigate hatred between other people. Remember this the next time bullies try to instigate a fight between you and a former friend, or between another classmate or coworker.

Understand that this is done in politics all the time. In fact, it’s what the media is best at. It is called the Divide and Conquer strategy. And it’s used to sow discord among people. And sadly, it works. And in more ways than one.

The next time someone tries to turn you against a friend or tries to turn a friend against you, ask yourself who the division would benefit most. You, your friend or the instigator?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Bullies Deliberately Put You on The Defense

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That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look guilty.  I’ll give you a few scenarios:

Scenario 1.

You’re a target, and the bullies go around telling others that you’re going to start a fight sooner or later. They also claim to know how you’re going to provoke the brawl and talk about that possibility as well. Even stranger is that these bullies are so confident in saying these things. They’re so sure that what they say is going to happen. It gets back to you, and you can’t understand why they’re making such outrageous and unknowable predictions.

But understand that this shouldn’t sound so strange and shouldn’t be so bewildering to you. No. What it should be is a WARNING to you! Allow me to continue.

Sure enough, one of the bullies slyly baits you and provokes you to fight back in self-defense. When you’re lured into a fight and call it out as it happened, everyone else sees you as too defensive. The bullies then stand back, snicker, and say,

“’ See? What did we tell you? We told you he/she was going to start a fight! And he/she did! We tried to warn you! And now, he/she just revealed how he did in attempting to turn it back on us!”

People then blame you for it and accuse you of being one who won’t take responsibility.

Let me elaborate:

Any time the bullies make such predictions should serve as a warning to you. It should warn you that something is going on behind the scenes.

It should tell you that what is really happening here is that the bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation. Yes! You read this correctly! While the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting so they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, he/she wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!

And the more you plead your innocence and tell the truth that it was the bullies who provoked you, the more they and everyone else scream that you started the fight and that you’re only trying to avoid responsibility. Thus, the guiltier you look.

It shouldn’t be this easy, but it is!

Realize that this kind of deception is so easy to pull off, it shouldn’t work! But it does!

That’s why it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away and to take steps to thwart them somehow. And the best way is to call it out in front of an audience. Or better, you could say this,

“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too stupid to realize it.”

And say it without elaborating on it any further. Because you’ll shock the crap out of your bullies and make them wonder how it is that you think they busted themselves. They may even ask you about it, but you don’t have to tell them. You can just smile and say, “I just do,” and keep walking. That reaction alone will throw your bullies off balance and make them a little sweaty!

But do this only if the bullies aren’t your bosses or any member of an authority, of course. In these cases, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself and start making an escape plan to get away from these psychos.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The 4 Stages of Bullying

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Bullying is a process. It goes through stages, pre-beginning stage, beginning stage, middle stage, and late stage. Understand that depending on the people involved, the environment, and the situation, the bullying can move through the stages either quickly or more slowly and can even skip stages.

Pre-beginning Stage of Bullying

A group of classmates or coworkers (bullies) search for a target. Once they spot a potential target (PT), they watch them closely, studying them. Here’s what the bullies try to figure out:

  • What excites the PT
  • What makes the PT happy, sad, angry, upset, etc.
  • What the PT most desires
  • Any voids in life the PT has
  • Any unmet and unfulfilled wants and needs the PT has.
  • The PT’s body language and facial expressions to assess moods and mental states.

Close up of examining of test sample of microchip transistor under the microscope in laboratory.

Understand that bullies want to know these things to figure out whether the PT would be an easy target.

Beginning Stage.

Bullies test the waters by throwing out subtle or not-so-subtle insults and attacks to see how the PT reacts. If the PT gives the bullies the reaction they’re looking for, the bullies then select the PT and make him their target.

By this stage, the bullies have gathered the intel they searched for in the pre-beginning stage. They then weaponize it and use it in their attacks against the target.

For example: If the bullies find out that the target’s father is an alcoholic or that his wife cheating on him. They may use the info to bait the target into a reaction.  They may say something to the effect of:

“Hey, So-and-so! I heard that your father is a drunk (or, your wife cheated on you)! Is that true?”

The target then fires back saying:

“No, he’s not (she didn’t)! You lay off!

They put the target on the defense, then build off the target’s defensive reaction. The bullies laugh and say, “Aww! ‘Smatter? ‘Truth hurt?”

And on and on the bullies build on each answer to get the target riled.

The bullies continue to berate the new target until they get bored with the same tactics. They then escalate the attacks.

Middle Stage.

In this stage, the bullies signal to other classmates or coworkers that the target is ripe for attack. Bystanders are encouraged, even recruited to unite with the bullies and join in the torment. They do this through gossip, rumors, accusations, and smear campaigns. One by one, people turn against the target until she has no support system and no friends left.

Now the target has become radioactive- no one wants to associate with the target because they know they risk becoming the next target if they do. To ensure their own reputations don’t become tarnished, the bystanders may either avoid the person altogether, or they become willing participants in the attacks. These people become secondary bullies.

The bullying becomes physical and the target begins to suffer physical attacks and beatings by the bullies. Although physical bullying can happen in the workplace, it’s much more common in the school environment.

Also, bullies and their recruits go home and tell their families what a terrible person the target is. The family members then spread the word to the people they know and everyone meets the target’s reputation before getting the chance to meet the person.

Late Stage.

Bullying becomes mobbing when it reaches this stage! Now people who don’t even know the target wish to attack him. It becomes a case of “you don’t know me, but I know you.” Understand that this stage is the most dangerous because everyone has become so deranged and emboldened that they don’t try to hide their hate anymore. Why? They’ve gotten away with their abuse for so long that they know that there’s no incentive to stop the attacks.

And where there’s no accountability for abuse, there are no boundaries or limits to it. Therefore, the bullies (and everyone else) can now escalate the abuse at will. This is the stage that bullying has become life-threatening. Everyone in the community hates the target and wants nothing more than to see the target suffer. They don’t know why they hate the target and, more than likely, couldn’t tell you what the target did to deserve it. All they know is that they loathe the target and have an intense desire to destroy the person.

Again, this stage is the most dangerous and if you’ve reached this stage, now is the time to leave. Pick up and move to a different area and tell no one where you’re going or even that you’re moving. Just quickly and quietly disappear because your life may depend on it.

7 Statements Bullies Make When They Can’t Come Up with a Good Excuse for Their Rotten Behavior

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Any time a bully is asked by others why he/she behaves the way they do toward you; the bully will often come up with something that sounds plausible and makes sense. And let’s face it, we’ve all met people who instantly give us the heebie-jeebies, or whom we were suspicious of, and we didn’t even have to see them do anything for it to raise our alarm bells. The person didn’t even have to speak. He/she may have even been a nice person and very well-behaved, but still, we just didn’t feel good around the person.

Therefore, these explanations are so plausible. Because some people, regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong, just seem to creep others out and we should always follow our gut instinct.

Closeup portrait of skeptical man looking suspicious, some disgust on his face mixed with disapproval isolated on gray background. Negative human emotions, facial expressions, feelings

But! Because these explanations are so plausible and relatable, they can also be used by bullies to deceive others into shunning or even abusing you. Because if one person makes the statement that a certain individual gives them a bad feeling, and the person saying it happens to be a trusted and highly thought of person, (as many bullies are because of their ability to charm and draw others to them) those listening will automatically think, “Whoa! If so-and-so gives Becky a bad feeling, then what have I been missing here?”

And the others will automatically become suspicious of the person too. Remember that moods, emotions, and behaviors have a highly contagion effect, and tend to spread over a group, community, or population like a brush fire!

1.“She just rubs me the wrong way!”

2. “I just don’t like him.”

3. “I just get a bad feeling about her!”

4. “There’s just something about him that I don’t like!”

5. “She just gives me a bad feeling!”

6. “I just don’t feel good around him!”

7. “Something about her just scares me!”

Positive teenage student boy keeps hands folded, tooth smile imagine himself an angel with fluffy wings behind back and a halo above head. Super power, inner strength and innocence concept.

Here’s the thing. When the bully is highly thought of and well-trusted, the people who like and trust that bully are likely to doubt their own senses and go with the word of the bully- simply because they trust their judgement. Put simpler, they will trust their judgement more than they do their own.

Realize that this evil individual is trying to be slick! There’s a purpose for this and it’s to cast doubt on you in the eyes of others and to provoke suspicion. Nothing more. And all it takes is a seed of doubt to begin a long smear campaign. The best thing to do is to see it for exactly what it is- a smear campaign in the making and watch the bully escalate it from there.

Watch the bully try to “create” bogus stories. She will also create proof to back it up by baiting you into a verbal altercation or fight to get a reaction out of you. Then she can use your normal reaction and spin it to fit her twisted narrative. That’s how this scenario works, so be on the lookout!

If possible, the best thing to do is to avoid this person altogether and save yourself a ton of drama. Remember- out of sight, out of mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Distraction- A Powerful Weapon for Bullies

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toxic

“The essence of deception is distraction.” – Robert Greene

The bully uses distraction, often called deflection, when they use the target’s imperfections to distract other people’s attention away from their own shortcomings. It is the reason that so many people in authority, bystanders, and witnesses unjustly label targets as bullies and troublemakers.

Because bullies are highly skilled at deflecting their misdeeds onto others, people will falsely accuse innocent victims of being the instigators of arguments or fights, and perpetrators of bullying behaviors.

bullying bullied labeled

Here’s how the bully does it:

He extends acts of kindness and shows honesty in front of everyone – everyone except his victim. He does this to charm and disarm authority and potential bystanders and witnesses. The bully fools them all into believing that he’s such a fine young man and would never mistreat another person. And he ultimately wins everyone else over to his side.

What this elaborate display of (false) kindness and authenticity does is soften everyone outside the bully/victim relationship and turn them into allies. People hungrily eat up any affection the bully extends to them. She (the bully) then sweetens the deal by inviting them out to do lunch or to hang out.

narcissist bully

But understand that she only pours on the pleasantries and charm to everyone else to trick them into feeling obligated in the event she must ask them to do some dirty work for her against her target.

If you’re a target of this type of bullying, I want you to know that your bullies don’t do this because they just happen to like everyone else but you, they do it for the sole purpose of gaining favor and loyalty from them! Realize that the bullies only see everyone else as tools and worker bees.

Have you noticed how most bullies suck up to teachers and managers?

The bully will then slyly bait her target by pushing their hot buttons and triggering them into an emotional reaction. And she will make sure that everyone is around to see the target’s breakdown or outburst.

bullying distraction pot calling the kettle black

He will also accuse the target of the same behaviors that he’s guilty of or of having the same flaws he has.

But understand that this is all part of the distraction. The bully aims to give others the illusion that you are the bully and he is the target.

Remember that most bullies can be very charming and alluring and they’re good at this game. You must know the tactics in detail, so you can call them out to protect yourself from being abused and blamed, then ultimately labeled.

Reactive Bullying, What is It?

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Reactive bullying happens when a target has taken so much abuse for so long that when the pressure builds to the boiling point, the targeted person blows up or
‘snaps,’ lashing out at their tormentors.

The target let’s them have it! Many would say that the victim  “bullies them back” and I have made the same statement. However, the more I think about that statement, the more it sounds like an oxymoron.

Be that as it may, is blowing up and going off on bullies the wisest thing for targets to do?

Believe me. I get that people can only take so much. I understand that when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough, and I’m with you. However, make no mistake. An explosive reaction is precisely what the bullies want.

They want you to snap.

They want you to blow up on them so they can then claim victimhood and make you look like the bully.

Understand that bullies are experts at baiting a target into a reaction, then using the justified (and perfectly normal) response as proof that the targeted person is “mentally unstable,” “crazy,” “a dangerous person,” “too sensitive,” or a “drama queen”!

Bullies also use the target’s normal reaction to guilt and convince him/her that it’s all their fault.

Bullies will make statements such as:

“Well? Maybe if you wouldn’t get so overly emotional, you’d have friends!”

“If you didn’t overreact to everything, people would want to be around you more!”

In short, bullies gaslight their targets with statements like these to make excuses for the behavior and deflect the blame back onto the victims. And sadly, it works like a charm, and bystanders and witnesses believe the target is unstable.

Note: A perfect example is a scene in one of the “Home Alone” movies, when the main character, Kevin McAllister’s older brother Buzz makes a fake apology to his family, then sneakily calls Kevin a trout-sniffer during a family meeting after the fiasco at the choir concert. Notice how Buzz baits his younger brother Kevin into a reaction!

If you are a target, I want you to understand that there is a name for this. It’s called gaslighting, and it’s a trick to throw you off balance.

Understand that, if you blow a gasket and tear into your bullies, in no way will your harsh reaction undercut the fact that they initiated it- that your bullies are the ones who asked for it and drove you to get out of character.

Realize that every single human one of us is capable of losing our cool when we’re under that kind of pressure after we’re attacked and subjected to vile treatment for so long.

However, there are many people who do think otherwise and will punish you because they feel you overreacted. There will be those who feel that the punishment outweighed the crime.

This is why teachers, supervisors, and others in authority must learn to distinguish between provocation and a reaction so that they will be able to identify the real bully and victim. And you must also learn to tell the difference between the two so that you can call it out when it happens to you.

Luckily, there are a few sure-fire ways of identifying the real victim who is only reacting to a provocation by a bully.

1. A victim who has only reacted always feels terrible about how they acted once they’ve calmed down and is usually the first to apologize for it. A real victim will also not be afraid to admit they’ve made a mistake.

On the other hand, a bully must always be right and will never admit they’ve done anything wrong. A bully will still blame the victim and be overly critical of the victim and the reaction. Bullies will also use the tiniest screw-up or imperfection and make it bigger than it is. They are also excessively dramatic.

2. A victim will also apologize, sometimes nervously and excessively.

A bully will never apologize. Because a bully is never wrong, even feels that it is their right to mistreat their targets.

Please note that if the bully is a smooth talker, he might even admit to a few minor mistakes or wrongdoings. However, they will always follow that with the claim that the victim is at fault.

So, always look for these signs, and you’ll be able to peel the mask off the bully, layer by layer! Moreover, you’ll be able to protect and care for the victim!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Targets, Bullies Will Deliberately Put You on The Defense.

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That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look guilty.  I’ll give you a few scenarios:

Scenario 1.

You’re a target, and the bullies go around telling others that you’re going to start a fight sooner or later. They also claim to know how you’re going to provoke the brawl and talk about that possibility as well. Even stranger is that these bullies are so confident in saying these things. They’re so sure that what they say is going to happen. It gets back to you, and you can’t understand why they’re making such outrageous and unknowable predictions.

But understand that this shouldn’t sound so strange and shouldn’t be so bewildering to you. No. What it should be is a WARNING to you! Allow me to continue.

Sure enough, one of the bullies slyly baits you and provokes you to fight back in self-defense. When you’re lured into a fight and call it out as it happened, everyone else sees you as too defensive. The bullies then stand back, snicker, and say,

“’ See? What did we tell you? We told you he/she was going to start a fight! And he/she did! We tried to warn you! And now, he/she just revealed how he did in attempting to turn it back on us!”

People then blame you for it and accuse you of being one who won’t take responsibility.

Let me elaborate:

Any time the bullies make such predictions should serve as a warning to you. It should warn you that something is going on behind the scenes.

It should tell you that what is really happening here is that the bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation. Yes! You read this correctly! While the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting so they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, he/she wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!

And the more you plead your innocence and tell the truth that it was the bullies who provoked you, the more they and everyone else scream that you started the fight and that you’re only trying to avoid responsibility. Thus, the guiltier you look.

It shouldn’t be this easy, but it is!

Realize that this kind of deception is so easy to pull off, it shouldn’t work! But it does!

That’s why it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away and to take steps to thwart them somehow. And the best way is to call it out in front of an audience. Or better, you could say this,

“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too stupid to realize it.”

And say it without elaborating on it any further. Because you’ll shock the crap out of your bullies and make them wonder how it is that you think they busted themselves. They may even ask you about it, but you don’t have to tell them. You can just smile and say, “I just do,” and keep walking. That reaction alone will throw your bullies off balance and make them a little sweaty!

But do this only if the bullies aren’t your bosses or any member of an authority, of course. In these cases, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself.

The Process of Bullying in Stages

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Bullying is a process. It goes through stages, pre-beginning stage, beginning stage, middle stage, and late stage. Understand that depending on the people involved, the environment, and the situation, the bullying can move through the stages either quickly or more slowly and can even skip stages.

Pre-beginning Stage of Bullying

A group of classmates or coworkers (bullies) search for a target. Once they spot a potential target (PT), they watch them closely, studying them. Here’s what the bullies try to figure out:

  • What excites the PT
  • What makes the PT happy, sad, angry, upset, etc.
  • What the PT most desires
  • Any voids in life the PT has
  • Any unmet and unfulfilled wants and needs the PT has.
  • The PT’s body language and facial expressions to assess moods and mental states.

Close up of examining of test sample of microchip transistor under the microscope in laboratory.

Understand that bullies want to know these things to figure out whether the PT would be an easy target.

Beginning Stage.

Bullies test the waters by throwing out subtle or not-so-subtle insults and attacks to see how the PT reacts. If the PT gives the bullies the reaction they’re looking for, the bullies then select the PT and make him their target.

By this stage, the bullies have gathered the intel they searched for in the pre-beginning stage. They then weaponize it and use it in their attacks against the target.

For example: If the bullies find out that the target’s father is an alcoholic or that his wife cheating on him. They may use the info to bait the target into a reaction.  They may say something to the effect of:

“Hey, So-and-so! I heard that your father is a drunk (or, your wife cheated on you)! Is that true?”

The target then fires back saying:

“No, he’s not (she didn’t)! You lay off!

They put the target on the defense, then build off the target’s defensive reaction. The bullies laugh and say, “Aww! ‘Smatter? ‘Truth hurt?”

And on and on the bullies build on each answer to get the target riled.

The bullies continue to berate the new target until they get bored with the same tactics. They then escalate the attacks.

Middle Stage.

In this stage, the bullies signal to other classmates or coworkers that the target is ripe for attack. Bystanders are encouraged, even recruited to unite with the bullies and join in the torment. They do this through gossip, rumors, accusations, and smear campaigns. One by one, people turn against the target until she has no support system and no friends left.

Now the target has become radioactive- no one wants to associate with the target because they know they risk becoming the next target if they do. To ensure their own reputations don’t become tarnished, the bystanders may either avoid the person altogether, or they become willing participants in the attacks. These people become secondary bullies.

The bullying becomes physical and the target begins to suffer physical attacks and beatings by the bullies. Although physical bullying can happen in the workplace, it’s much more common in the school environment.

Also, bullies and their recruits go home and tell their families what a terrible person the target is. The family members then spread the word to the people they know and everyone meets the target’s reputation before getting the chance to meet the person.

Late Stage.

Now people who don’t even know the target wish to attack him. It becomes a case of “you don’t know me, but I know you.” Understand that this stage is the most dangerous because everyone has become so deranged and emboldened that they don’t try to hide their hate anymore. Why? They’ve gotten away with their abuse for so long that they know that there’s no incentive to stop the attacks.

And where there’s no accountability for abuse, there are no boundaries or limits to it. Therefore, the bullies (and everyone else) can now escalate the abuse at will. This is the stage that bullying has become life-threatening. Everyone in the community hates the target and wants nothing more than to see the target suffer. They don’t know why they hate the target and, more than likely, couldn’t tell you what the target did to deserve it. All they know is that they loathe the target and have an intense desire to destroy the person.

Again, this stage is the most dangerous and if you’ve reached this stage, now is the time to leave. Pick up and move to a different area and tell no one where you’re going or even that you’re moving. Just quickly and quietly disappear because your life may depend on it.