Many times, bullies will blow up on their targets for absolutely no reason. When they’re later questioned about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper. So, they drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.
When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane when they wouldn’t otherwise. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories into the blanks. I’ve seen this happen many times and even had bullies justify themselves to me by the same method.
Sometimes, confabulations can be mistaken for real memories and the truth to the confabulator.
When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to others to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions?
When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.
Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.
No one wants to be under a bully’s influence, but people get sucked under it all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies. And those who saw through those abusers and spoke out were either silenced or paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.
Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon because the bullies who confabulate believe themselves so it’s a sure bet that others will believe them too. That’s why we must learn to either properly counter any confabs or let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.
In today’s backwards culture, we are continuously encouraged to hate ourselves, especially if we fall under certain criteria. You know what I’m talking about.
Also, we’re being brainwashed into believing that if we hate ourselves because of some kind of “privilege,” or because we’re Americans, or Westerners, or middle class, or because we own a business, whatever, then it shows that we’re “woke.” It’s virtue signaling at its finest, and it’s all a bunch of hogwash!
Here’s why you shouldn’t hate yourself no matter what anyone, including your bullies, the media, and certain politicians tell you:
If they can get you to hate yourself, then they can make you self-destruct. Understand that if you hate yourself, it isn’t to your own benefit, it’s only to theirs (bullies, media, politicians, the elite, etc.) Also, if they can get you to hate yourself, they can talk you into doing the most degrading and demeaning things- like bow down and kneel before other people.
Anyone who can get you to hate yourself can make you feel guilty for things that you had nothing to do with and that aren’t your fault, get you to subjugate yourself, and make you feel that you must “atone” for that guilt.
Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain
Understand that people who hate themselves are easily led because they are yes-people too eager to please. They try so hard to show the rest of the world, they’re morally good- that they’re above certain things. These people will jump through hoops to prove they’re decent people.
But folks, if you already know yourself and know without a doubt that you’re a good, moral, and decent person, why then would you feel you must bend over backwards and make such a concerted effort to prove that?
You wouldn’t. Because you know that the goodness, morals, and decency are already there whether others know it or not. Your conscience is clear, and you know that you’ve done nothing wrong. Therefore, you instinctively know that anything the media, politicians, or anyone on the street might put out does not apply to you.
Anyone who virtue signals- who has to work so hard and put on a show to prove something to others can’t have a clear conscience- so they must pander, virtue signal, and really strain themselves not only to prove to the rest of the world that they’re on top of the moral mountain, but to ease their guilty conscience.
On the other hand, if your conscience is clear and you know that none of the narratives apply to you, you wouldn’t waste your time and energy trying to prove it.
‘Know where I’m going with this? Great! I thought that you would!
No matter where you come from, it’s best to love yourself just the way God made you and turn a deaf ear to the lies of The Enemy!
It’s funny how protecting yourself from bullies can be twisted into over-sensitivity, paranoia, vindictiveness, or vengefulness. But that’s exactly what bullies, or, in this case, gaslighters are good for.
When bullying progresses to a point when you feel like you have to wear a body camera to work or school to get evidence of what bullies are putting you through, that’s when you know without a doubt, you’re being gaslighted. So, it’s most important that you trust those feelings.
And sometimes, things may get so out of control that you may need to wear a body camera to work or school. And when you do, make sure you catch it raw and unfiltered. Also, be sure no one, not even your best friend knows you’re wearing it. That way, you risk less of a chance of retaliation, or your evidence being tampered with or destroyed.
But realize that once the evidence is out, whether it comes out in court, and your bullies realize they’ve been busted, they will then continue to gaslight you, especially to others. They’ll accuse you of being sneaky, shady, scandalous, paranoid, or crazy.
But to catch gaslighting early on, before you ever have to wear a body camera, here are a few common things gaslighters tell their targets:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re make something out of nothing.”
“I never said that.”
“I don’t remember saying that.”
“I’m not angry. If I was angry, you’d know it.”
“It’s all your fault.”
“You bring it all on yourself.”
“Well, if you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”
“You made me do it.”
“You’re mentally unstable.”
“Nobody’s ever going to love you.”
“You’re lucky I put up with you.”
“This is why nobody likes you.”
“You’re being petty.”
“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
“You can’t take a joke!”
“It’s all in your mind.”
“It’s all a figment of your imagination.”
“If you love me, you’ll do this.”
And the list goes on and on.
Realize that no matter how you do it, you absolutely must protect yourself against these psychos, and doing so requires that you know gaslighting when you hear it or see it. It also requires that you maintain your sense of self and if you did not do anything to provoke these bullies, stand strong and never let them twist the facts and accuse you otherwise.
Social Aggression: When Bullies Spread Lies and Rumors About You
The possible underlying messages are:
“I hate you, and I want everyone else to hate you too!”
“I’m jealous of your relationships!”
“I don’t want you to have friends! I don’t want you to be popular with others! I don’t want you to have support or protection because I plan to bully you again later! Any success you have in relationships will only highlight my lack of social graces or my own dysfunctional relationships! So, I’m going to destroy your friendships to punish you and make myself feel and look better than you! I’m going to trash your reputation so I can shine, and so people will pay more attention to your flaws than they will mine!”
Chess board and text “Strategic plan” Business planning concept
“I’m scared you’ll have more friends than me.”
“I’m scared you’ll have allies who will protect you from me and make me look weak.”
“I’m going to use you as a distraction from my own shortcomings. If people are too busy focusing on your flaws, they’re less likely to see mine.”
When Bullies Beat You up
The possible messages are:
“You challenged my authority over you and made me look like a punk! So, I’m going to show you who’s boss and ensure you never defy my power again!”
“I feel weak and powerless! So, I’m going to use my physical strength to hurt you, embarrass you and make you look weaker so I can feel and look strong to others!”
When the Bully Justifies Themselves to You or Others, or When They Blame You for Their Bad Behavior
The possible messages are:
“I’m so scared that you’ll see right through me! So, I’m going to make you feel like everything is your fault and doubt your sanity! That way, you’ll be least likely to call attention to my terrible actions and make me look bad or get me in trouble with authority!”
“I’m so afraid you’ll expose my terrible deeds to others and damage the excellent reputation that I’ve falsely kept up for so long! So, I’ve got to make up any excuse that sounds plausible to keep my evils hidden and avoid facing accountability!
“I’m scared that I’ll be found out and punished! So, I’m blaming you so that everyone will think you’re at fault and believe you are the bully! By accusing you, I can avoid responsibility, then get the green light to keep harassing you! Then, I can keep getting the psychological and emotional benefits I’ve been getting at your expense!”
So, you see? The bully’s treatment of you is about them! Not you! Learn to see through the bullies’ facades, and I guarantee that their attacks will have a much lesser effect on you.
Have you noticed how bullies always seem to make “you” statements? You this, and you that; “you always” this, and “you never” that. You, you, you! The thing is, these statements are so transparent and so telling. They speak volumes about the bullies and nothing about the target because they are hallmarks of the typical abuser- accusation, and blame.
Here are a few common you-statements bullies make.
“You lie all the time!”
“You always bitch and complain about everything!”
“You’re (stupid, ugly, crazy, a liar, a wuss, etc.)!”
“You can’t leave well enough alone!”
“You’re a chicken!”
“You couldn’t find your ass with both hands!”
“You’ll never amount to anything!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“You’re always trying to start something!”
“You always blow everything out of proportion!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
“You always have to screw everything up!”
And the list is endless.
Know that these you-statements are designed to tear you down and keep you there. They’re meant to strip you of your rights as a human being, your dignity, your autonomy, your joy, your pride, all of which is your personal power.
You must counter them, then turn them around on the bully. How to do this is by simply saying, “No I’m not, YOU are!” or “No I don’t! YOU do!” Then dismiss the bully and walk away.
The bully might argue back but the important thing is that you’ve made your point. And you walk away and leave the bully standing there running their mouth and looking desperate and stupid.
Conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe something. It’s how evil and terrible abuses get “normalized.” When you’re a target of bullying, bullies will try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse.
Conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle. So, how do you know your bullies have conditioned you?
You know by the feelings you have.
1. If you feel guilty for speaking out and reporting bullying to authority, your bullies have conditioned you.
2. If you feel that the bullying is your fault, your bullies have conditioned you.
3. If you feel like a mean and cruel person for standing up for yourself, your bullies have conditioned you.
4. If you feel guilty about saying no to anyone, your bullies have conditioned you.
Are you angry yet?
What are the statements bullies use to condition you? And what do those statements condition you to think and feel? Let’s find out:
1.“Bullying is a rite of passage that everyone goes through.”
This statement conditions you to believe that bullying is normal. But it’s anything but! Bullying is sick, perverse, and damaging to the target. So, say, “Oh no, it’s not!” And be very firm when you say it.
2.“You ‘made me’ hit you!”
This statement conditions you to believe that bully’s despicable behavior is your fault- that you somehow caused the bully to get out of line and that you deserved what you got. Again, this is a blatant lie! No one deserves bullying and abuse. You have a right to feel and be safe. Therefore, you counter the bully’s statement by saying, “No, I did not!” And say it with full conviction!
3.“You had it coming!”
“You asked for it!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
Again, these statements condition you to believe that you’re to blame for the bullies’ horrid behavior, that their evil actions are your fault, and that you deserved it. NOT true! Remember that bullying is abuse, and no one deserves it. Say, “No, I didn’t!” or “No, I don’t, and you know it!” Be stern!
4. “You’re always trying to start something!”
“You’re always making waves.”
“Don’t rock the boat!”
“You’re always making trouble!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“Don’t push it!”
Again, these are lies and ways to deceive you into silence. Don’t’ fall for it. Counter the bully’s claims and always, always do it with a tone of conviction.
5. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!”
“You’re making something out of nothing!”
“You’re a crybaby!”
“You’re a liar!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
All lies. Counter with “No, I’m not!” or “I know exactly what I’m talking about! I know what you’re trying to do, and I won’t accept it!”
Understand that you’ll hear these statements anytime you attempt to set boundaries and stand up to bullying and abuse. Bullies hate it when you stand against them. Most would cut off their right arm before they’d ever admit to any wrongdoing.
Don’t let it deter you. Keep standing up. Keep defending yourself. Keep taking care of yourself because no one else will do it for you. All you have is you. In a situation of bullying, all you have is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!
But realize that if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will) and don’t respect your commands for them to stop the abuse, go away and leave you alone, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.
It isn’t because you weren’t firm enough, and it isn’t because you aren’t any good at standing up for or defending yourself. It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds who think the rest of the world should bow down and kiss their asses. Nothing more.
Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.
That’s right. And bullies will do it purposefully and for a reason. They put you on the defense to make you look “defensive” because they know that defensiveness makes a person look guilty. I’ll give you a few scenarios:
You’re a target, and the bullies go around telling others that you’re going to start a fight sooner or later. They also claim to know how you’re going to provoke the brawl and talk about that possibility as well. Even stranger is that these bullies are so confident in saying these things. They’re so sure that what they say is going to happen. It gets back to you, and you can’t understand why they’re making such outrageous and unknowable predictions.
But understand that this shouldn’t sound so strange and shouldn’t be so bewildering to you. No. What it should be is a WARNING to you! Allow me to continue.
Sure enough, one of the bullies slyly baits you and provokes you to fight back in self-defense. When you’re lured into a fight and call it out as it happened, everyone else sees you as too defensive. The bullies then stand back, snicker, and say,
“’ See? What did we tell you? We told you he/she was going to start a fight! And he/she did! We tried to warn you! And now, he/she just revealed how he did in attempting to turn it back on us!”
People then blame you for it and accuse you of being one who won’t take responsibility.
Let me elaborate:
Any time the bullies make such predictions should serve as a warning to you. It should warn you that something is going on behind the scenes.
It should tell you that what is really happening here is that the bullies are the ones plotting to provoke you into a physical altercation. Yes! You read this correctly! While the bullies are making such wild predictions about you, they’re setting everything up to happen exactly how they’re predicting so they can turn around and say, “See? We told you so! If so and so wasn’t guilty, he/she wouldn’t be denying and explaining it so vehemently!
And the more you plead your innocence and tell the truth that it was the bullies who provoked you, the more they and everyone else scream that you started the fight and that you’re only trying to avoid responsibility. Thus, the guiltier you look.
It shouldn’t be this easy, but it is!
Realize that this kind of deception is so easy to pull off, it shouldn’t work! But it does!
That’s why it pays to recognize when bullies unknowingly give themselves away and to take steps to thwart them somehow. And the best way is to call it out in front of an audience. Or better, you could say this,
“With that statement, you just busted yourselves, and you’re too stupid to realize it.”
And say it without elaborating on it any further. Because you’ll shock the crap out of your bullies and make them wonder how it is that you think they busted themselves. They may even ask you about it, but you don’t have to tell them. You can just smile and say, “I just do,” and keep walking. That reaction alone will throw your bullies off balance and make them a little sweaty!
But do this only if the bullies aren’t your bosses or any member of an authority, of course. In these cases, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself.
It’s because bullies need scapegoats. The use of a scapegoat is nothing new. People have used them for many millennia! During the Medieval Period, scapegoats were often used by kings to make sure the monarch’s hands stayed clean- or at least looked clean.
Back then, it was common practice to execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them, then putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings above reproach, unquestioned, and smelling like roses. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.
Bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand.
The purpose of scapegoating is to force another person to accept blame for sins, which you, yourself, are guilty. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent. Even sadder is the fact that he’s usually the one least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.
Bullies are notorious for refusing to accept blame for any wrongdoing or mistake. So, they search for the most convenient person to lay blame on- their target. And what’s the victim going to do about it?
The ability to transfer guilt to their victims gives bullies immense power. Understand that bullies depend on appearances to maintain their fake facades of gleaming-white perfection. Well-seasoned bullies must appear to be god-like at all times.
They’re very much afraid that if they don’t keep up this pathetic charade, they’ll lose their power and with it, the foothold on their targets. What better way to maintain that power than to scapegoat the target?
“Blame so-and-so for my shortcomings by pointing out his!”
“Blame so-and-so for my imperfections by distracting others’ attention to his!”
“Blame so-and-so for my despicable behavior by claiming he did something to deserve it!”
“Blame Joe Blow for my pathetic incompetence and stupidity by saying that he caused me to screw up!”
“Blame so-and-so for any tiny thing that goes wrong, and I get to hitch a ride on his back to move up!”
A selfish man walks the heads of people as on the steps to the highest post behind the crown. Conceptual scene is a narcissistic and selfish person
“Because I’m number one, and Hell will freeze over before I give that up! And blaming so-and-so is so easy it shouldn’t work!”
I want you to realize that bullies, bystanders, and friends will scapegoat a target of bullying for one reason and one reason only: He has the least power to fight back!
Targets are often either naïve or exceptionally intelligent and pose the biggest threat to the bullies’ positions. If the victim is naïve, bullies will exploit his naivete to the fullest because they know that naïve people aren’t taken seriously. Also, the naïve tend to overdo their claims of innocence. And people often mistake it as a sign of guilt.
Intelligent targets, bullies will undermine and wear down with constant smear campaigns, exclusion, and personal attacks. Also, smart victims will often overdo being calm, and relaxed, which can also be mistaken for guilt, because people will assume that his keeping it together is only an act and that he’s hiding something.
Here’s another reason bullies need targets. They need someone to make responsible for their negative feelings- feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and hurt. And when they make the victim responsible for their bad feelings, the target becomes the offender who must be punished and eliminated.
To combat their negative emotions, bullies demand that their targets show them respect at all times- even while they’re abusing them. They also have the attitude that the victim should do whatever they tell them to do and make them feel powerful.
In short, bullies need the target to use as a dumping ground for all their mental and emotional issues.
Here’s a third reason, bullies and bystanders need a bottom rat to ensure that they themselves don’t end up on the bottom. If you’re a target of bullying, they need you to stay on the bottom and will go out of their way to keep you there. Any pecking order needs whipping boys (or girls) – easy victories for the higher-ups to collect.
If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that bullies consider it to be of the utmost importance that you stay on the bottom and you make them look good and like the innocent party. When they brutalize you, everything must appear as if you had it coming – that they were wronged or betrayed by your stupidity, incompetence, or evil.
If people are using you as a scapegoat, the best you can do is to get out of the environment. Just pick up and leave. Only then will you be able to preserve your dignity, your sanity, and your life.
Young girl bending down covering her face with her hands trying to protect herself from mens’ fists, finger guns and hands pointing at her. Women’s rights. Violence against women. Domestic violence.
I could go on and on! The excuses bullies make are endless. However, know that these so-called reasons have nothing to do with you if you’re a target of bullying. Understand that bullying is about power and the need to feel better than. Your bullies are trying to meet their needs for validation or superiority in a hateful and hurtful manner.
When you’re being mistreated, it’s normal to want to figure out why. And the reason we want to know why is so we can fix whatever’s wrong and make the bullying stop. But just because we correct whatever’s wrong doesn’t mean the bullying will go away, and most of the time, it doesn’t.
It only gets worse when you try to change yourself because people lose respect for you when you’re not yourself.
You may try to change yourself; you may hide, wear fancier clothes, even buy a new flashier car. But the truth is there was never anything wrong with you in the first place. Understand that bullies are targeting you not because there’s anything wrong with you or because you’ve done anything wrong. They’re only using you to meet their needs, and those needs are to feel better about themselves, to feel powerful, superior, or better than you.
I even know adults- ADULTS, who should know better but are under the misguided impression that if people bully you, that you’re causing them to do so- that there’s something wrong with you, that there has to be something you’re not doing right, that you’re somehow annoying people and rubbing everyone the wrong way. No! This is a falsehood you should dismiss immediately!
Don’t accept it! Know in your heart that you did nothing wrong and that you’re great just the way you are! Here are things you can do to help your self-esteem and restore confidence.
Avoid these bullies like the plague.
Keep company with only those who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself.
Befriend other targets.
Do the things you enjoy and always show off your talents and gifts.
Do all of these and your self-esteem will thank you for it!