7 Powerful Ways to Spy Lies Bullies Tell

Have you ever wondered if someone was telling the truth (or not)? Before I go any further, it should go without saying that we should only trust bullies as far as we can throw them. In other words, we trust them at our own risk.

However, there are many great actors in the world these days- people we think are friends but are only the opposite. Therefore, sometimes, it’s difficult to spot it when someone is deceiving us.

So, how do we spy the lies? We do it by watching the person’s body language. What are the “tells” that the body gives away when someone is lying? Here are 4 powerful ways to spy lies bullies tell:

  1. The Eyes.

The liar may have shifty eyes, or they may avoid eye-contact altogether.

  1. The Body.

The deceitful person may fidget continuously. He can’t help it!

  1. Voice.

The faker may clear his/her throat.

  1. Vagueness.

The person telling the falsehood may be vague in their story, leaving out crucial details.

  1. pauses (especially after you ask a question).

The person may have to think before speaking. In other words, they have to think up a lie to cover the last lie they told.

  1. The Arms.

The liar may keep his arms still. Stillness is their way of avoiding giving off any tells.

  1. Answering questions.

They always respond to questions with questions. Why? Because they can’t find an answer that sounds good. Or they’re afraid that any answer they give will be another tell.

Understand that, mentally, it takes more work to lie than to tell the truth. People who lie have to study others carefully to make sure they respond the way that they want. Liars worry about how believable their stores sound. Therefore, they must work, and work damn hard, to appear credible to their associates.

Watch the body of the person closely. If you spot one or more of the above signs, you have then, most likely, spied the lie. Also, most importantly, you must document the bullying you suffer and document every instance of it.

And lastly, watch bullies show their true colors when you or someone else calls them on their BS. That will be the most obvious tell!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Real Power versus Fake Power

There is fake power and there is real power. It’s not the power bullies have. It’s the power they can make you think they have. Therefore, the power you think your bullies have is the power you give them. Everyone knows that, deep down, at their very core, bullies are nothing but incompetent sniveling cowards. Yet, they’re good at using force to get people to agree with them and submit to their whims.

Moreover, by using force, sometimes violence, bullies fool you into thinking you don’t have an ounce of power. But! When you allow people to hoodwink you into thinking that you are powerless, you give up your power.

Realize that the use of force is the only way bullies can have power. They draw their power by instilling terror in you. They cause you to fear their punishment. The greater the power you are conditioned to think these bullies have, the more dangerous their abuse will be.

Additionally, bullies use the fear of retaliation to silence you and prevent you from telling others of their abuse. I’ll say it again, bullies are notorious for using fear and brute force to control you. However, that’s not real power.

Now, I can hear you. You are probably asking, “Well, what is real power?

Real power is power that comes naturally and requires little effort. Here are the sources.

Sources of Real Power
  1. Talents
  2. Emotional Intelligence (how you react to adversity)
  3. The right education
  4. Knowing what others need and want
  5. Street smarts
  6. Physical attractiveness
  7. Natural Charm

One quick note! Bullies may also have any or all these sources of real power. However, they may use them for evil- to deceive and harm others. These bullies are the most dangerous.

Sources of Fake Power

  1. Deception (keeping up an image)
  2. Ultimatums
  3. Gaslighting
  4. Bluffing
  5. Blocking of vital resources (food, water, money, jobs, housing, access to information, silencing of communication, money, etc.)
  6. Control of your thinking, words, actions, movement, etc.
  7. Subjugation
  8. Entrapment
  9. Physical size and strength
  10. Superficial charm
  11. Position on a hierarchy (company boss, socialite, most popular kid in school, etc.)

the fruits of Fake power versus real power

Real power requires very little work. Whereas instilling fear and wielding force requires a lot of effort on the parts of the bullies.

Also, real power fosters trust. It makes people feel safe. While fake power violates trust and the safety and security of others. People feel threatened by fake power.

Real power is earned and acquired based on merit . Fake power is stolen and acquired by deception.

Real power comes from your innate gifts- things that can never be taken from you. Fake power comes from outer gifts, such as a high position in a company- things that can be taken from you anytime.

In short, the use of real power attracts people. The use of fake power only repels them.

Although others may seem to admire bullies, even worship them. However, they do so either because they’ve been deceived, to get something from them, or out of fear.  Fake power is superficial. And the flying monkeys and followers of a bully can evaporate so easily. I’ve seen the downfall of many a bully and the people who follow them immediately disappeared.

Therefore, you must see the bigger picture and ask yourself from what sources bullies draw their power and how they use it. You must ask yourself how much effort your bullies must expend to have the power they possess and what their motives and intentions are. Train yourself to see behind their curtain. Most importantly, you must find ways to empower yourself without taking personal power from others.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Bullies Sometimes Call You “Uppity”

Snobby group of cliquey girls with their ringleader pointing at you

Ever wonder why bullies sometimes call you “uppity?”

First, let’s examine the word, “uppity.” Uppity means arrogant, haughty, or pompous. It’s used to describe a person who thinks they are better than everyone else. However, a bully may label you “uppity, even though it isn’t who you are.

Understand that a bully’s definition of the word goes much deeper. You must look at the context in which the term is being used. Also, look at the circumstances which prompted the bully to make such a judgement of you. What would motivate a bully to refer to you as “uppity?”

Here are 3 reasons why bullies often accuse targets of being uppity:

Woman screaming and pointing an accusing finger at you

  1. The target displays confidence.

Confidence is power. When a person is confident and knows who they are, they’re least likely to allow others to control them. This is a huge threat to the bully’s power. Therefore, bullies will give targets the “uppity” label in hopes that the target will question themselves or worse, believe it, then feel guilty for it.

If the target falls for this BS and believes it, he will automatically “tone it down.” Consequently, he will unwittingly give the bullies the green light to gradually heap on more and more abuse.

Remember that a bully’s opinion of you means nothing unless you allow it to. Never buy into it! Keep your confidence no matter what!

Marginalized man putting out hands to block the fingers that are pointed at him

  1. The target refuses to comply with the bullies’ demands.

 Defiance is a huge threat to the bullies’ power. When a target refuses to comply with the bullies’ demands, mandates, or orders, he, in essence, gives the bully the middle finger. Then, he goes on doing what he wants and not what the bullies want him to do.

Ouch! This is painful to bullies. Why? Because, if the target doesn’t comply, then others just might feel emboldened not to comply. Defiance has a way of spreading and, once it spreads, the bully loses power. Bullies know this and, therefore, double down by labelling the target as uppity (among other labels).

Kids fighting with the quote, "Never fight until you have to. But when it's time to fight, you fight like you're the third monkey on the ramp to Noah's Ark... and brother, it's startin' to rain."

  1. The target defends himself.

When the target stands up for himself, this is also a threat to the bullies’ power. Why? Because the target just might put them in their place and make them look like punks. Therefore, the target takes back his power, leaving the bullies looking slack jawed and stupid. As a result, some bullies will retaliate to reinforce their dominance.

Therefore, you must keep your power. Resist the urge to comply. Push back when bullies attempt to abuse you. They may retaliate, but in you dig your heels in and continue to stand your ground, you keep your personal power, and with it, your self-esteem.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

18 Ways of Adult Survivors of School Bullying

Brain inside stomach to represent the gut instinct

Targets of school bullying often learn tough lessons- lessons that they carry into adulthood. Bullying shapes their personalities, and the ways they do things once they leave school and move away from their tormentors. Because I’m an adult survivor myself, I can tell you what I and most other survivors took from it. School bullying changes targets. It changes the ways they do things and their attitudes, and the way they handle people because, again, it teaches them many hard lessons, which they carry into adulthood. Here are the 18 ways of adult survivors of school bullying:

1. ADult Survivors of school bullying Watch other People Closely.

Their experiences with bullies during school sharpened their emotional and social intelligence -Because they learned very early on how truly evil people can be, they know how to watch people without looking like they’re watching them. Adult survivors of bullying note body language, facial expressions, micro-expressions, tonality, delivery, and demeanor. Their people-sense wasn’t fully developed during school years. Therefore, they often let those in their lives who were only there to do harm and paid dearly for it. Therefore, as adults, former targets watch closely and avoid such people.

Saying no means saying yes to your rights

2. They don’t fear saying “no” and will sometimes say it simply because they can!

When they were schoolkids, bullies violated their boundaries to such an extent that they (the bullies) silenced them and never allowed protest when something didn’t feel right. People either duped or forced the targets to take a lot of abuse. Now that they’re adults, they get to decide what they will and will not tolerate. Adult survivors of school bullying exercise that freedom and autonomy every chance they get! Moreover, they get a feeling of empowerment from saying no.

3. they are no-nonsense adults.

They’ve learned early on the games people play, and you won’t dupe them easily. Adult survivors of school bullying  live by the old, “fool me once…” saying and hold it close to their hearts.

positive bullied victim says NO

4. they’ve a very open and solid refusal to take any crap from anyone, no matter the consequences they may face for that refusal.

I’m no exception. Former targets of school bullying took enough crap in school from classmates and a few rotten apples, who called themselves school staff that they’ve become even more determined as adults not to let others violate their boundaries.

5. they don’t give people many chances. To them, first impressions are important, so you’d better make it count.

One red flag, I’m gone!
One bad vibe, goodbye!
Any attempts to bullshit, see ya!

This is due to having been too forgiving of others when these former targets were young. Others took them for granted and mistook their kindness taken for weakness. They then exploited that kindness, much to the targets’ humiliation. And adult survivors refuse ever again to be put back in that position.

girl walking away from fake friends

6. adult survivors work their asses off! they’re tenacious when it comes to getting what they want and will stop at almost nothing to reach success.

Adult survivors of school bullying had enough of what they didn’t want while in school. Others called them “failures” so many times that it lit a fire under them. It made them that much more determined to succeed at everything they set out to do, if for no other reason than to show the haters and naysayers (even our ex-school bullies) that they can! Show them up and shut them up is another motto of the former target of school bullying.

7. they like having control over their own lives and will do anything to keep that control.

Survivors of school bullying had enough of others taking control of their lives long ago, and they will shut down the first person who tries to take away their personal power.

8. they can spot a bully five miles away in the dark.

Yes! Adult survivors are that good! For years, they dealt with bullies in school on a daily basis. They know the signs by heart. So, naturally, they would be good, nearly expert, at pointing them out.

Businessman with X-ray vision

 

9. As adults, they either avoid bullies like the plague, or, they take extreme pleasure in putting bullies in their places.

Adult survivors of school bullying looove standing up to bullies and they will call them out every chance they get. They love to make bullies feel like the losers they are. Adult survivors do this, remembering all the times they didn’t or couldn’t defend themselves in school.

10. they have thick skins that has become difficult for others outside their circle, to penetrate.

That’s the power of the former target of bullying. They love being unpredictable and keeping others on their toes to try and figure them out. It’s fun to them.

11. they can’t stand to watch others being made fun of and will rush to their defense.

Former targets of school bullying are not afraid to get nose to nose with a bully if need be. They do it not only to help the person being bullied but subconsciously, to make up for all the times they felt helpless. This compensates them for all the times they didn’t or couldn’t defend themselves against their bullies in school.

Two men and a woman getting kicked out

12. adult survivors of school bullying can smell horseshit like a bloodhound.

If someone tries to feed them a load of hogwash, they know it instantly and instinctively. Adult survivors see it as an insult to their intelligence and become highly PO’ed. Why? Because they know the lying person must think they’re too stupid to figure them out. And they won’t hesitate to call the person out!

13. They can More easily pick up on the emotions of others.

They cannot stand the thought of causing emotional or physical harm to another person, but only if that person isn’t trying to harm them first.

14. they place extra value on their families and friends.

Adult survivors of school bullying take extreme care not to take those they love for granted. They know what it’s like to be completely alone and not to have any friends. Therefore, they cherish family/friends and time spent with them.

Sky writing that reads, "Actions speak louder than words."

15. Adult survivors of school bullying are, in some ways, selfish.

I know I am. Former targets put a lot of value on themselves and their wants, needs, and interests- all because others didn’t value them as kids during school. So, they make it a point to put themselves first in almost everything. Their children and parents may be the only people they put ahead of them.

16. Words don’t convince them. Only actions and patterns do.

Back in the day, others duped them. Adult survivors of school bullying heard a mountain of empty promises and cheap words and paid dearly for believing them. They’ll be damned if they ever repeat that mistake.

Speech bubble that reads, "Get out!"

17. they live by our gut instincts-

Even better, adult survivors trust them because they paid a heavy price for ignoring them. They now have a sixth sense. Adult survivors of school bullying are excellent at picking up vibes (especially bad ones) and reading people and their intentions. If something or someone doesn’t feel right, they won’t hesitate to either walk away or tell the suspicious person to take a long walk off a short pier.

18. Tell them they Can’t and the adult survivor of school bullying will do it anyway.

And they’ll do it just to show you they can. Tell them not to do something and they’ll do it and take pictures. When another person tells them that they can’t do something, anything, the adult survivor will see it as a challenge. And they’ll do it anyway, sometimes right in front of you, just to show you up.

Speaking for myself, being bullied as a kid in school has not only made me a very powerful adult; it has also exponentially sharpened my people-senses, which in turn has afforded me not only scores of friends who love and respect me, successes, and even more opportunities, but ultimately, an enriching life!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Types of People You Should Avoid

If you are a target of bullying, or, if you aren’t a target but want to protect yourself from becoming one, it’s important to know that anyone who abuses, mistreats, or disrespects you doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Understand that people who don’t value you are, in return, of no value to you. And you must take out the trash.

But realize also that these people will treat others badly too and you can often tell who they are by the way they talk, behave, carry themselves, and how they treat other people.

Here are the types of people you should avoid altogether:

1. The Taker and Never Giver- If you find yourself doing all the calling, texting, and the visiting, then, the relationship is one-sided and it’s best to cut the person loose.

2. The Gaslighter- This is a person who finds everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves. It seems they never have anything positive to say. What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection while throwing stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.” And when they hide their own shortcomings, they will project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins. Don’t walk, run! This person is not the least bit healthy to be around!

3. The Ball-Buster- Although this should be a no-brainer, many people are abused for so long they become rewired to take even more of it. However, the fact remains. Anyone who makes you feel like crap shouldn’t be a part of your life and you should weed them out. These people will be those who subtly insult you and make backhanded compliments. They will hurl little zingers your way and make you feel like a total loser. Again, this is the person who doesn’t belong anywhere near you. So, do like Snoop Dog and “drop it like it’s hot!”

4. The Backstabber- If you have a friend who talks smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet the farm that they’re running their pie hole about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it. This person isn’t to be trusted. In fact, they aren’t worth knowing. Take out the trash.

5. The Shallow Hal- If this person was any more plastic, they’d be a Barbie doll. If you know someone who’s superfiial and constantly belittling other people’s weight, looks, the clothes they wear, or the car they drive, have nothing more to do with this person.

6. The Blind Beggar- This person always seems to be desperately searching for love, friendships, clients, etc. Then complains when he doesn’t find them, all while looking past what’s right in front of their face and forgetting about the people who’ve been there for them. Sadly, I did this a few times when I was young and have also had the same done to me. Again, if the person doesn’t see the value you bring to them, it’s time to bid them goodbye and good riddance.

7. The One Upper- This person forever one ups you every time you tell them of your blessings or anything good you accomplished. In other words, if you took a whizz, this person took two. If you went out on a date, this person went on two dates- you get the picture. Understand that this person is all about themselves and is always trying to outdo you and look better than you. Ditch and switch, baby!

8. The Feelings Invalidator- Only you can know your inner reality. No one else can possibly be privy to that information. If someone tells you how you feel, or how you should feel, they claim to know the unknowable and they also send the messages that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do. No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike.

9. The Green-Eyed Monster- This person is never happy for you when you reach success and secretly resents you each time you make an accomplishment. And you can always tell because you will accidentally look out the corner of your eye and see the tiny micro-flashes of contempt, they shoot at you when they think you aren’t looking. What you need are cheerleaders- real friends around you, not frenemies who resent your successes. Chuck this person fast!

10.The Pot-Stirrer- This is a person who loves to sow discord and division among others. These are the types who will go back and forth to one person and be a double agent, telling each person what the other said about them. And when the two quarreling people finally come to blows, this scumbag will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out. Get rid of this creep! Quickly!

11. The Drama Queen- Closely related to the pot-stirrer, this person will whine and complain that they always seem to be in a jam. They will blame others for their misfortunes, gossip about others, and bellyache when they have to do any kind of work. Stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood and be a drag to be around.

12. Anyone who belittles or ridicules your goals and dreams- when you talk about your dreams and aspirations, or celebrate an accomplishment, this person will pee all over it. For example, you decide to go back to school and your so-called friend, family member, spouse, or coworker tells you that you’re not good enough or not smart enough and that you doomed to fail. Show this idiot the door because they’ll only drag you down and cause you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

Understand that anyone who seems to suck the life out of you aren’t the people for you. It’s true that you can’t control their behavior, but what you can control is whether to have any more to do with them. Remember that you have more power than you realize. Use it and give these life-leeches the boot!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Reasons Why Fake Friends Stick Around and 2 Ways to Weed Them Out

Everyone has fake friends- people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. And often, these people want to be right up under us now, only to end up betraying us later.

But if they hate us so much, why do they continue to stay around?

Here are a few reasons:

1. To watch us closely. You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy and do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends. They stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine so that they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

2. To win your trust. They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets. Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes and showing your less than desirable emotions around them because, if the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

But! If they’re fake, you only unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. To watch you fail. Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want nothing more than to be around to see it when you do fail at something. They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams. Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends. That’s what hurts the most and can be so devastating.

Drag Race No GIF by Robert E Blackmon - Find & Share on GIPHY

And what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust. You not only feel violated, you feel stupid for ever allowing the person into your life, to begin with.

It’s the worst feeling in the world- knowing that you were hurt partially because, willingly or not, you allowed it to happen.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself. When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because these people would only harm you later.

Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them. Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt and it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you and even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit. Better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

2. Voice your opinions. This is more important to do today, more than ever! Because most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want people around you who don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind? I would hope you wouldn’t.

Understand that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. However, many don’t live by that virtue these days. And when people resort to ad hominem when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

Throw Away Dirty Work GIF by MOODMAN - Find & Share on GIPHY

And this is how you weed out all the frauds and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life!

Always remember that!

Two Groups that Have Much in Common

Globalists at Davos  and The High School Clique

There really isn’t much difference between these two types of groups. Both have an over-inflated sense of their own importance. They are extremely self-entitled and think that they should have power over everyone else.

1. They believe they have the “authority” to decide who’s who.

These people feel that they have final say on who’s worth something and who isn’t. They think they determine who belongs on this earth and who doesn’t. Who has talent and who doesn’t. And who can talk and who should stay silent.

2. Both groups believe they are sovereign.

The typical high school clique and the Davos crowd feel that they are the only people who have the right to enjoy freedom. Therefore, they believe they should be unlimited while the rest of us should be oppressed.

3. They believe that they know us better than we know ourselves.

These people believe that they have pure intentions while the rest of us are evil, unclean, unwashed, and useless. Also, they believe that we don’t know how to run our own lives and that they should have carte blanche to rule over us.

4. They believe that they have the authority to tell the rest of us what to do and how to live and think.

Both groups have standards they demand that we all live up to, wishing to tell us what we can eat, use, and where we should live. Additionally, they wish to control our speech and our movements.

5. They believe they are perfect or “sinless”.

In other words, they think that they can do no wrong. Therefore, they believe that nothing they do, regardless of how evil, should have consequences. Moreover, if you attempt to expose them and hold them accountable, they will only retaliate and take revenge.

6. They have dirty secrets that they keep from public knowledge.

These groups often participate in evils that most of us have no idea of. And if we do, most will stay silent for fear of ruination. For example, the high school clique might have skeletons in their closet also, or have family members who do. The high school clique may also have henchmen to rough up a target for reporting their bullying. The Globalists, on the other hand, might be involved in drug trafficking, contractual murders, satanic worship and rituals, or human and child trafficking.

Here’s another example.

Both groups will ruin your good reputation. Only high school cliques use word of mouth, social media, and internet town forums. Some might even use lawfare and local politics. The globalists, on the other hand, use the media, politics, lawfare, the fabrication of evidence, and setups.

The point of this post is this. Bullies are bullies are bullies. It doesn’t matter who they are or what group they belong to. Whether they are in the Global evil-lite, the mob, the neighborhood gang, or the high school clique, their tactics are, pretty much, the same and have the same outcomes. However, each group has different styles of operation. They execute their tactics in different ways and under different circumstances.

Again, they both use the same tactics with the same outcomes.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Dealing with Control Freaks

Bullies are control freaks. Period. Full stop! And control freaks will instill fear in you, but only if you allow them to. How I wish I knew this years ago when I was in school- that most of my classmates were control freaks.

Moreover, there were times, I hate to admit, that I felt I had to comply or tell them what they wanted to hear to keep them from physically attacking me.

Getting older allows one to understand that giving value to a person’s opinions because, “you’ll make them mad” or “they’ll kick your butt,” “leave you,” or “won’t be your friend anymore,” is, straight up manipulation.

When you care about the opinions of these creeps, you only do so out of fear. You only value their opinions because you don’t want to endure the pain and misery that these people can cause you.

Bullies Will Use What Works to Manipulate You

Therefore, you acquiesce. Sadly, after you surrender a few times, they see that their brutal techniques are working. And once they catch onto what works, they’ll use that to get you to give them want they want.

But know this! Anytime bullies make a habit of using fear-tactics on you, deep down, they’re way more afraid of you than you are of them.

I know this sounds silly. But it’s true. Bullies (or control freaks) control you out of a deep-seated fear. Only they would never in this lifetime admit it. They’re afraid of something happening if they ever relinquish control. They’re scared of an end result they may not be able to handle.

Again, control freaks control others out of fear. And once you know this, these people will no longer have the effect on you that they do. And it will be much easier to blow them off.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Many of my Bullies Claimed to be Christians

But were they really Christians? Were they, in fact, true Christians? Sadly, because many of my classmates were known to others, especially the school staff, as church-going kids. Therefore, they often got credibility they never earned. For example, there was a group a girls who the teachers and principal dubbed as “the religious girls.” However, they were just as nasty, if not worse, than the secular kids in the class.

This is not to say that all Christians are like this, because no, not all of them are. And this comes from someone who is one. However, just as with any other religion, party, or group, there will always be wolves in sheep’s clothing among the flock.

Sure, over half of these classmates sat in a church pew on Sunday. However, they would bully me and a few others at school during the week or join in. And the few who didn’t actively participate in the bullying, would stand back. They would watch the bullying, and would either get entertainment from it, or pretend it wasn’t happening. How Christian was that?

Just Because They Claim to be Christians Doesn’t Make it So.

These so-called Christian kids never bullied me by cursing me out or beating me up. No. They were too smart to make it that obvious. However, they would sat back and snicker as they watched it happen. Or they would bully me spiritually. For instance, these kids would tell me that I should, ”turn the other cheek.”  They suggested that I submit to the bad treatment and if I didn’t,  I was going to hell. But the question here is this. What would they have done if the shoe was on the other foot? Would they have submitted to it if it were happening to them?

Now, you would think that the people who know the Bible better than me and had a Christian platform would never have used it to abuse me. But yes! Many of them did, And no doubt, they would again if they ever got the chance.

Remember that the devil never comes in the form of a red man with horns and a pointy tail. He comes as an angel of light!

It’s bad enough when people who aren’t in the church target you for bullying. But when it’s those who claim to be Christians, it can be downright devastating. Why? Because, just by virtue of being known as Christians, they will likely compel you to believe that you really are an evil person and feel terrible about yourself.

Judge Only by Actions, Not Affiliations.

Again, I had many so-called Christians in my class. And I can state, with full conviction, that they were a part of the abuse I suffered. However, now that I’m older, I can look back and see them for who they really were- sanctimonious hypocrites. And once you’re able to see your bullies exactly as they are, no amount of gaslighting will work on you. Any justification or rationalization of what they did will no longer have an effect on you because, in essence, they stand naked before you. And I thank the Lord for giving me this knowledge because it has given me so much confidence.

And confidence is freedom.

As I said earlier, I realize that none of us are perfect because we’re all human and humans sin all the time. Christians are no exception to this. And I’ll be the first to admit that there were times and situations when I didn’t act very Christian. And I’m not afraid to own it. But what I didn’t do was repeatedly use my faith as a weapon against someone who was already being horribly mistreated. However, anytime they use their faith to destroy another, they stoop to a special kind of evil and God will judge them the harshest.

I know for a fact that Jesus would have had my back. Also, He would have admonished them for not only their persecution of a few others, but for their fake Christianity and sanctimony. Because true Christians will never use their faith and Christian platform to bully and destroy another human being.

Giving it a Name.

Therefore, if anyone who claims to be a person of God bullies you and uses their faith to destroy your spirit, there are names for it you can use. Sanctimony and hypocrisy. Knowing how to name these people is your power because it makes it so much easier for you to call it out. So, I urge you to see these people for who they are and name them accordingly. They are not Christians. They’re only sanctimonious hypocrites.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Looking at The Bully’s Perspective

Bullies perceive their target as their enemy even when the target has done nothing to them and even as they’re ritually abusing and torturing the poor soul. And once the target speaks out about the abuse, that enmity only increases exponentially.

The bullies get a fix on the target and he/she is all they can focus on because they feel threatened.

Bullies and abusers only see from their own perspective and their perspective has the target as an opponent to be punished- a threat who must be contained and even eliminated. Bullies aren’t concerned with the fact that their anger and hatred are irrational. They don’t think that they’re destroying a fellow human being much like themselves- a human being with thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Bullies are oblivious to the fact that the impetus of their violence comes from the primal part of their brains.

Know Your Bully

Understand that if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies see you as the enemy, right or wrong. They view you as bad and evil and they want revenge. They have no inhibitions of destroying you because they think they’re the good guys and they’re doing the right thing by destroying you: evil enemies must be annihilated.

In the Mind of a Bully, The Target Owes Them Respect

And when the target doesn’t show the bullies the respect they feel they’re entitled to, or in the way the bullies think it should be shown, they become enraged and seek to destroy the person.

The power-dynamic between bully and target is always zero-sum. The bully feels the target deserves nothing but hostility and abuse from them but, in contrast, the target owes them respect…and he owes it to them as they’re abusing him.

From the bully’s perspective, the target must atone for their flaws, their shortcomings, and their evil by lying down and “letting” the bullies torment her.

But when and where does it stop?

It doesn’t. As we know, bullying only gets worse until somebody dies or leaves.

If you’re a target of a bully, understand this. It doesn’t matter what the bully’s perspective is. It doesn’t matter what the bully thinks. Neither the bully nor anyone else has a right to violate your boundaries, physical nor psychological.

I want you to know that you have a right to learn, work, or live in a safe environment. You have a right to be in a nourishing environment that allows you to flourish. And you owe respect to no one who hasn’t earned your respect. Bullies and abusers deserve no respect from you. Anyone who deliberately sets out to hurt you does not deserve anything from you. Understand that you must value yourself and put yourself first.

If someone is abusing you, you have every right to take care of yourself. You have not only a right but an obligation to yourself to either walk away from the person or, if you can’t walk away- if the bully won’t let you walk away, then you have a right to defend yourself. Realize that you are valuable, and you matter just as much as the next person.

And everyone has flaws, not only you. If anyone bullies you, then they have no business coming anywhere near you. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Benefits of Baiting and Triggering Bullies

This may be scary to do but trust me. Get your bullies angry enough at you and they will come to you. Play on the natural human tendency to react out of anger when pushed or baited. Get your bullies to reach to your moves. Make them pursue you because they only expend their own energy by chasing you. An added benefit to this is that it forces the bullies to act on your terms.

Also, when you trick them into pursuing you, you automatically fool them into thinking that they’re controlling the situation.

However, there’s one requirement for this to work:

You must remain calm.

Calmness always equals the ability to think more clearly. Emotions, on the other hand, block your ability to think and strategize effectively.

When you do get your bullies to come for you, always get them either on your territory. If you cannot get them into your element, then choose neutral ground. Never meet bullies on their turf! It’s much too dangerous.

If you can get your bullies on your territory, you’ll keep your bearings while the bullies will be on the defensive because they’ll be on unfamiliar ground. They won’t feel you pulling their invisible strings.

Make your bait so sweet that your bullies can’t refuse. Use yourself as bait if necessary, especially if they’re so POed at you that they can’t see past their desire to “get you.” Their intense rage will blind them to reality and they’ll be more than happy to come to where you are.

The angrier they are, the more desperate they’ll be to get back at you and the easier they’ll be for you to lead them by the nose right into the trap that you’ve prepared for them.

But do it with caution, of course.

And if you can get your bullies to dig their own graves, you’ve already won.

To quote Sun Tsu, “Never interfere when an enemy is destroying themselves.”

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Weaponizing Your Bullies’ Triggers

bullying baiting

Here’s how you expose the bullies for the brutes they are. Use their own tactics against them! How you do this is to find what triggers their emotions, then use it to your advantage.

And why not? They’ve been doing the same to you for a long time now, haven’t they? As much as I hate to say it, sometimes you must play the bully’s game if you expect to survive. And I know it’s not a pleasant place to be. It sucks! But sometimes, you must wade through crap to come out clean on the other side.

Here’s how you do it!

1. Get the bully in public – in front of coworkers and supervisors, or classmates and teachers. Then very sneakily do something you know will trigger them. Bait them into a reaction, then stand back and watch with pleasure as the bully yells, screams, curses, and exposes themselves in front of everyone.

If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction, record the outburst, and if you’re sure it’s safe, blast it all over social media.

2. Befriend others the bully has bullied (preferably people who’ve been fired or no longer have any contact with the bully). Then have them spread it all over social media. Give the bully the reputation they so deserve. Befriending others the bullies has harmed also has another way of getting under their skin. Bullies hate it when you talk to people they hate. Also, they especially hate it when their targets unite and form a group! That really ticks them off because, deep down, it intimidates them. Think about it, bullies always run in packs and they catch their targets when they’re alone. But when a group of targets ban together, the bullies then feel threatened because they lose power.

Exposure is the best way to conquer bullies! So, out them! Better yet, trick them into outing themselves!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Conform to a Bully’s Standards

Understand that a bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, where you’re from, or what you have; bullies will always- always move the goalposts, change the rules, and find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.

Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.

The way you dress, your interests, etc.

Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress. It’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!

Its about power and control.

It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself and taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.

Your personality.

We all have quirks. Never change your personality. Continue to be yourself. Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking. So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval.

And you know what? You don’t need their approval.

Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.

Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you, so, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations. They don’t know you the way you do and you’re a separate person from them. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Rattling Your Bullies to Expose Them

Sometimes, to expose your bullies, you must rattle them. If you’re not sure how to do it, think Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam!

Getting a bully rattled is as easy as smiling. Therefore, say nothing to them; only look at them and smile like you know something they don’t. I promise you. It’ll drive them nuts!

They’ll ask you what the hell you’re smiling at. Don’t get defensive. Don’t say anything. Just walk away, snickering.

Your bullies will be madly bewildered. They’ll look at each other, wondering why you seem so smug. Next, they’ll wonder what it is you’re up to, and curiosity will get the best of them. You’ll throw them off! Trust me. Bullies always think their targets are up to something when they see them act this way. Also, They’ll go on the hunt to find answers like hounds sniffing a trail.

Moreover, your bullies will most likely think you’re making fun of them and get super angry — all the better for you.

Here’s why:

• When someone is really pissed off, they lose the ability to think straight and control their emotions.

• When you stir someone up, you throw them off balance. When this happens, they usually screw up and do something stupid.

If they challenge you to a fight, don’t fight unless it’s necessary. You want to get the bully in front of a crowd of people and get them so mad they start yelling and throwing a hissy fit in front of everyone. Your goal is to get them to expose themselves in front of bystanders and those in authority!

Oops! BUSTED!

Sadly, this is the only way you can expose a bully by allowing others to see with their own eyes. But before you employ this tactic, be sure that the bully isn’t one who carries a deadly weapon and isn’t criminally violent or insane.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Hate Constructive Criticism

Bullies don’t take constructive criticism very well. They only react to it as if it is a personal attack. Remember that bullies are highly egocentric. They must always be right about everything or, more appropriately, look as if they’re right about everything. This is how bullies hide beneath a veneer of total perfection.

They do this for several reasons:

1.It makes them look better than they really are.

2. Bullies use the veneer of perfection as protection from accountability and shield them from reproach.

3. They also use it to draw others to them and fool them.

4. It can be used as a weapon against their targets.

5. It gives them status and social capital.

6. It gives them the attention and admiration they seek.

Bullies will also use the guise of constructive criticism to disparage others they deem inferior and unworthy. They may tell the target that they’re only giving him/her this criticism to help them when, in fact, they’re doing it to show them they’re smarter or imply that the target is stupid.

A bully’s hypocrisy knows no bounds.

So, if you find yourself being unfairly criticized by a bully, it’s important that you tell them in no uncertain terms to keep their noses out of your business.

And if they insist on keeping it up, hit them with their own book of standards. You can always say something similar to:

“That sounds real good coming from someone who doesn’t practice what they preach. Now, get out of here and go on about your business.”

This is one comeback you can use. Nothing fancy- you don’t have to get cute or witty with it. Just say what you mean and mean what you say, and say it in as few words as possible before turning your back and walking away.

With knowledge comes empowerment.