I look back now and realize that my bullies were in constant fear of losing control and dominance over anyone they deemed inferior. I say this because I remember that anytime I or any other target at Oakley High, countered their insults, or had our own opinion about anything, the bullies and their followers would be quick to shout us down.
They would demand that we “shut up,” or “sit down and be quiet.” They would also threaten bodily harm or instigate violent arguments to intimidate and shut down anyone who dared to exercise their rights to speak freely, therefore, asserting their dominance.
Targets were highly discouraged from having their own thoughts, opinions, or views. I also remember during a class discussion, when a teacher asked me what my thoughts were on the subject we were discussing, I only had time to get the words, “I think…” out of my mouth when another girl shouted, “You think nothing! Shut up!”
Naturally, the teacher reamed her out for the outburst. However, the others only laughed at the teacher, the teacher went silent, then continued on with the discussion and allowed me to finish my answer.
There was nothing a target could speak about that one of the bullies wouldn’t shout down and attack them with. For example:
Target: “I don’t feel so good. I think I need to call home.”
Bullies and classmates: “You ‘ain’t’ sick! You’re just trying to get out of coming to school when your dumb ass needs to learn something useful!”
Target: “I’m afraid that…”
Bullies and classmates: “Shut up! You don’t have nothin’ to be afraid of! You’re just a big chicken!”
Target to target: “I need the hall pass to go use the restroom.”
Bullies and classmates: “You ‘ain’t’ goin’ nowhere! Shut up and sit down!”
If a target put up their hand and walked away from a confrontation, one of the bullies would either physically step in front of him/her and block them from leaving, grab the target by the back of his shirt and pull him back, or follow close behind them while shoving them forward while screaming, “Don’t turn your back and walk away from me, (expletive),” or “Turn around and look at me when I talk to you!” And If a target ignored a group of bullies, those bullies would then want to fight him.
It was as if the bullies had grown desperate and were panicking. And now that I know better, I realize that that’s exactly what they were doing- feeling desperate and panicking. And they were doing it out of fear.
So, anytime bullies yell and scream at you because you spoke or because you showed any form of opposition to their abuse, realize that it’s because they fear losing their dominance. Bullies instinctively know that if they lose control over a target, they lose face and look weak in front of the others around them. They also realize that if their target has the guts to challenge their power, then it just might encourage others to follow suit and bullies can’t have that.
Bullies must have their targets, not only to get sick pleasure and entertainment from, or to wield dominance over. They must also have them as examples to show everyone else that there will be brutal consequences if they show any form of dissent. Targets are used to keep everyone else in line too.
So, always remember this, and look for a way to use the bullies’ fear to your advantage. You have more power than you know.
Bullies who are seasoned and the best in the bullying business didn’t get so good at bullying you and getting away with it overnight.
No, they learned through trial and error. They’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t. And every time they screwed up and got caught, they never learned their lesson that it’s wrong to mistreat people. They only got sneakier and learned what not to do with their next victim.
Therefore, with each new target, they got a little sneakier, and a little better at covering their behinds until they finally became undetectable to anyone outside the bully/target dynamic. They finally became experts!
Understand that these bullies have left a long trail of ruined lives and either broken or angry people in their wake. Only they’d never tell you about that.
With that said, know that there were many before you and there will be many more after you. You aren’t alone and you’re not the only one they’ve bullied.
I’ve said it once and it bears repeating: If possible, you must find out who their past targets are, then befriend and align yourself with them. I guarantee that you will find out so many juicy tidbits about your bullies and what you discover about them can be used as a powerful weapon!
All through life, you will encounter negative and downright toxic people. You meet these mouth-breathers at school, work, the neighborhood, or (gasp) in the family. They’re everywhere and come in all flavors. These kinds of people always seem to take the energy out of the room and suck the oxygen out of the people around them. They’re annoying, obnoxious, and some can be downright intimidating.
These are people who make you feel uncomfortable, terrible about yourself, and worst of all unstable.
With that said, bad eggs are the angry, jealous, and resentful type. They put on a good act and talk a good game, but the proof is in how they treat you. And they will say and do things to try and make you feel bad about yourself.
These people will search for anything about you that they can use against you. They will even turn your good and positive qualities against you and make them seem bad.
For instance, if you are generally a happy person who likes to laugh and have a good time, these types will say that you’re fake and that your laughter is fake. If you have talents and gifts and like to display them, they’ll accuse you of showing off and trying to get attention.
If you’ve made an accomplishment or reached any kind of success, these killjoys will trivialize it by saying that the success you made could’ve been made by anyone. If you won an award, they’ll claim that you didn’t get the award because you either knew people in high places or that you kissed up to them somehow.
If you have a loving spouse and good family, bad eggs will go out of their way to find something wrong with that. If you have a little bit of money, they’ll claim you didn’t work for it but got an inheritance. Or they’ll claim you obtained it either illegally or unjustly.
These rotten bananas will also bully and abuse you- give you a hard time if there’s anything in life you have that they don’t, or you have things just a little bit easier than they do. It’s as if they’re trying to punish you because they think you have it so good.
But don’t let it get to you because that’s what they want. Rest assured that none of it is your fault and that there’s nothing wrong with you.
Understand that their behavior says everything about them and zero about you. It says that they have serious mental issues and that they need help. It also says that these people feel insecure about something or many things in their own lives and their desire is to drag you down in the gutter with them.
When people are brutal to us, our first instinct is to blame ourselves, try to figure out what’s wrong, then fix it. But realize that there’s no need to fix what isn’t broken. And you’re not the one with the issue.
Instead, reframe your thinking and realize that it’s them and not you. Only then will you feel better about yourself. Even better, you might find that you feel sorry for them instead of resenting or hating them for the way they treat you. And believe me, most people with any pride would much rather be hated than pitied.
Bullies will care less about your anger and hate toward them. But they’ll resent and even loathe it when you pity them. There’s dignity in being hated but never in being pitied.
Have you noticed that anytime you speak out against bullying and abuse, or any wrongdoing for that matter, that the guilty dogs always come for you and bark the loudest? Maybe you tell your story of the bullying and abuse that you, yourself, suffered in the past and how you’ve since overcome it.
And…BOOM! Many haters come out of the woodwork, latch on, and start screaming, cursing, putting you down and accusing you of everything under the sun. Some call you ugly names and threaten – even people you don’t know, who don’t know you, and have nothing to do with what you’re talking about.
Thankfully, this has not happened here on WordPress and I am so grateful for all my WordPress family! You guys are truly the best and I could not ask for better people online.
But, on occasion, it has happened on a few other forums and once in person when I gave information about it to someone who desperately needed it. The person thanked me but the people who overheard our conversation went berserk over it later. So, if this has happened to you too, did you ever wonder why?
Its because the people who are sooo offended and doing the yelling, cursing, and tantrum-throwing have guilty consciences.
Here’s a further explanation:
Naturally, we know that people who’ve bullied and abused you in the past, are going to come out in droves and attack you. That’s a given. And you don’t have to call these people out by their names to trigger them and put them on the defense. Why? Because to hear, read about, or even know that you’re speaking out on the subject itself makes them very afraid- panicky even.
But, more than anything, it eats at their conscience!
Again, realize that you don’t have to necessarily expose them. All you’ve got to do is prick at their sense of guilt and they go nuts.
The latter is why you may also trigger people who may not know you nor have anything to do with what was done to you- you delivered a huge blow to their conscience! Even worse, you made them feel dirty! And that alone drives people utterly insane!
Though they may not necessarily have bullied and abused you, they did someone else. And hearing you talk about your experiences, or talk about bullying and abuse in general, made you a huge reminder to those people. You caused them to either think of the abuse they’re dishing out to someone else or have inflicted in the past. Ouch!
It’s subconscious. They don’t know it, and probably couldn’t explain it. All those people know is that your story, or the subject you speak of is rubbing them the wrong way and causing them a lot of anxiety.
This is the reason they freak out and flip their wigs.
It’s happened to me. I’ve seen it up close. And believe you me, these folks become downright scary! Because when they lose it, their eyes seem to jump out at you and they snarl when they yell at you. I mean, they really come unglued!
But understand that they are only revealing themselves. They’re ripping their own masks off and don’t realize they’re doing it. Why would someone get so defensive, so irate and have a complete meltdown if you weren’t stepping on a few toes- if the people around you didn’t feel that somehow, some way, you weren’t talking directly to them, or about them?
Really think about it. Pastors of churches have this happen all the time. During Sunday service, they’ll preach on a certain subject, then a few church members get angry over it and give him the what-for after the service is over.
My point is that if they knew they weren’t guilty of anything, they’d automatically know that the conversation had nothing to do with them. So, why would they care?
Remember that the people who are most offended by this and react irately are the guilty ones and you can bet that they have, at some time, bullied you or another innocent person. Anger can be revealing.
“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”– Coretta Scott King, widow of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
“Don’t hate what you can’t imitate!”– Unknown.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt, former first lady and diplomat.
“Haters are my motivators.” – Nicki Minaj, American rapper and singer-songwriter.
“Hatred makes us all ugly.” – Laurell K. Hamilton, American writer.
“Haters never win. I just think that’s true about life because negative energy always costs in the end.” – Tom Hiddleston, English actor.
“There’s a certain logic to avoiding haters, but as a strategy, it’s utterly flawed. When you turn off the feedback, you lose the benefits as well as the drawbacks. It’s like having a sore finger and cutting off your arm.” – Rob Manuel, American digital artist.
“The haters always scream the loudest.” – Tucker Max, American Author.
“Something about winning attracts losers with opinions.” – Unknown.
“Haters are cowards. When confronted, they often back down. We must resist haters.” – Janet Reno, former U.S. Attorney General.
“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” – Booker T. Washington, American author and civil rights leader.
“Make your supporters proud and your haters jealous.” – Unknown.
“It is only out of ignorance that people are cruel because they don’t think it will come back.” – Maya Angelou, American writer.
“An open enemy is better than a false friend.” – Greek proverb.
“Always give your best. Never get discouraged. Never be petty. Others may hate you. But those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.” – Richard M. Nixon, 37th U.S. President.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
Bullying has always been around and, unfortunately, always will be. It happens on ALL levels, ranging from the individual level to the government and political level. The best thing we can do is to take steps to bully-proof ourselves at the individual level to either cease to be victims or never become a victim.
It has dawned on me that the same mental processes and tactics that happen in bullying and mobbing in schools and workplaces against a target are the same processes that give dictators and autocratic leaders the ability to control countries.
From Saddam Hussein to Karl Marx and Benito Mussolini and Adolf Hitler; from Xi Zinping and Kim Jong Un, to Josef Stalin; dictators have been a terrible reality for many countries. Understand that dictators are bullies! They influence an entire population first by making empty promises of equality for all, play on our emotions by showing crime, suffering children, poverty, etc.
Once they get into office, they influence by fear and rule with an iron fist.
Understand that your worst bullies in school or at work are busting with charisma. They’re experts at charming and influencing the rest of the student body or workforce. They have a talent of fooling and appealing to others. They’re experts at persuading everyone to turn against their victims. This is how DICTATORS are made.
You can bet that every dictator the world has ever known got their start as a school or workplace bully!
Once a dictator is voted in and the people give them power, they disarm the citizenry, enact a set pay scale for everyone, a set healthcare system, take over the food supply and strip the people of their freedoms and human rights.
Dictators are bullies. Why? Because they rely on fear,dependency, and an imbalance of power from which to draw their power and there’s a clear imbalance of power between the dictator and the citizenry.
Just as bullies have followers, dictators have regimes, parties, and secret police. Also, these dictators have targets- certain groups of people they single out and oppress. Hitler’s targets were the Jewish people and anyone who disagreed with him. Stalin’s targets were ethnic Ukrainians, Polish, and Bulgarians.
Their followers are terrorist groups, such as Hitler’s Nazi party of Germany, Mussolini’s Fascist party of Italy. Then, we have Stalin, Lenin, Marx, and the Bolsheviks of Russia, who lead the Bolshevik Revolution and brought Communism to Russia, which is how the country became the Soviet Union, or U.S.S.R. (Union of Soviet Socialist Republics).
Today, we have Antifa, The Red Guard, and other nefarious groups, who continue to burn and loot cities and physically attack anyone who they don’t like in order to bring Socialism/Communism to America.
Understand that all of it is a form of bullying because it instills fear and creates an imbalance of power in average citizens and is used for intimidation, dominance, and control of them against their will.
Dictators and terrorist groups have had targeted groups to oppress, torture, and kill and have thrived on fear to turn entire populations against their targeted groups. They do this through use of propaganda and usually complete their end goals of genocide. Down through history, Communism has caused tens of millions of deaths.
Bullies have influenced student bodies and workforces to turn against a target to assassinate their characters and kill their reputations. And the scary thing is that it’s such a slow process that it almost isn’t noticeable until it’s already gone so far.
The tactics used against targets are the same used against the Jews in Nazi Germany during the thirties- demonization. Understand that demonizing is how it starts.
Though the outcome was much worse, with the Jewish people ending up maimed, physically tortured, and murdered, bullying requires the same tactics that slowly build to the final culmination of a social murder of their targets.
Bullying and mobbing are still psychological torture, and it does kill, only on the opposite end of the violence spectrum. But the social contagion and pack-mentality that make each collective attack possible are pretty much the same. Again, it’s gradual and incremental. It happens so slowly that targets don’t realize they’re being conditioned to accept brutality and bystanders and witnesses don’t realize they’re being conditioned to hate and brutalize the target.
Target on your back metaphor as a person with a tattoo of a bulls eye symbol tattooed on the skin as an icon for being a victim of bullying and bullied or psychology of feeling vulnerable with 3D illustration elements.
Here’s how bullies target individual persons for bullying.
A particular person is singled out and labeled as different from everyone else.
Others spread the word of the targeted individual’s difference.
Before long, everyone defines the target’s “difference” from the rest to suggest that the target person is inferior.
Next, everyone is directed by a person in power to target the person for elimination.
The person in power sends the message that if anyone associates with, befriends, or helps the target, that person will be targeted next. But if they join in the brutalization and humiliation of the target, they will be rewarded with acceptance and a climb up the social hierarchy.
People increasingly leave the targeted person out of the social group and block them from access to knowledge and any deserved awards or credits.
The target is isolated, called ugly names, and demonized, which makes it much more acceptable for others to harm them.
The target is accused of the same things the bullies are themselves guilty of and a reversal of victim and offender is achieved.
Soon, everyone agrees that the targeted person deserves abuse and inhumane treatment.
Finally, the rest of the group eliminates the targeted person through character assassination and annihilation of his/her once-good reputation, whether it be isolation, expulsion, termination, banishment, or even murder.
Later, everyone either denies they bullied the targeted person or they justify and rationalize it- giving reasons that sound justifiable for their part in the brutal treatment of the person to avoid feeling and looking guilty.
Here’s how dictators and terrorist groups target groups and populations of people. And it’s all the same!
They single the targeted group out and put the word out to label them as different from other groups of people.
The media and other tools of the oppressive government spread the word of the targeted group’s difference and perceived sins and evil.
The labeled group is deemed evil and inferior, then marginalized by society.
The message is conveyed to the rest of the people that it’s acceptable to oppress, even harm members of the targeted group.
People outside the targeted group are encouraged to dehumanize them and deny them knowledge, a voice, and fundamental human rights- with those in power making it unlawful for members of the targeted group to defend themselves against being hurt.
People in the oppressed group are deemed threats to the rest of society, insulted and degraded, cancelled, and denied representation,
Dictators and oppressors accuse the targeted group of the same things they themselves are guilty of so that the oppressors can achieve the reversal of victim and offender and cover their own crimes against humanity.
People outside the targeted group are only further encouraged to dehumanize members of the oppressed targeted group.
Dictators and those in power also promote the message that if anyone associates with and dares to stand up for the targeted group, they too will be targeted along with them. But if they join the fight against the targeted group, they may be rewarded with influential positions!
Soon, groupthink takes over, and everyone agrees, although wrongly and unjustifiably, that the targeted group deserves horrific treatment and needs to be destroyed no matter what it takes to destroy them!
The oppression and brutality toward the targeted group finally progresses to a sadistic and deadly climax, where those in power have the targeted group murdered by committing genocide and the rest of society looks on with satisfaction.
Later, they either deny their crimes against humanity, or they rationalize and justify them to keep from feeling dirty. (An example of this denial would be people, down through the years and even today who deny the Jewish Holocaust ever happened.)
Again. Understand that over time, the brutality ever so gradually increases in tiny increments. It progresses so slowly that it isn’t noticeable until it reaches a certain pitch. There are names for this slow, unnoticeable (or barely noticeable to the trained eye) progression- gradualism and incrementalism.
So, you see? The tactics and processes are exactly the same, whether on an individual, school, and company level or government and political level, all of it is BULLYING and MOBBING but only under different names!
These tactics are universal and have been used down through history. If you are target of bullying, the ability to think ahead and predict your bullies’ next move is essential if you expect to be able to protect yourself.
Deep down, many targets are brainwashed into thinking that they must depend on their bullies for something. It’s true. I know this leaves you scratching your head. You may ask,
“Depend on bullies? For what?”
Here’s your answer:
For approval, acceptance, and to have the ability to make friends.
Yes. Bullies want targets to believe they must depend on them to have those things. And it’s how they keep targets essentially begging for it- by dangling carrots of the possibility of winning approval to keep targets under their oppressive thumb and doing what bullies want them to do.
Think about it. Domestic abusers do basically the same to their abused partners- keep them dependent to maintain control and domination of them. Only domestic abusers keep their victims dependent on financial resources by controlling the purse strings and shutting down opportunities for the partner to make their own money.
Another control tactic of the spousal abuser is cutting the partner off from their family and friends- people outside the relationship who may help the partner, see the abuser for what they are, advise the abused partner to leave the relationship, and, therefore, threaten the abuser’s power.
Abuse is abuse whether it comes in the form of bullying in school or the workplace, or domestic abuse and psychological manipulation in the home.
Oh! But wait!
Socialist and Communist governments also do the same to their people. They manipulate events and media narratives, and even deliberately crash their countries’ economies to force their people to become dependent on them. They even set up terrorist regimes to beat any dissenters into submission and burn their homes and businesses. And this is nothing new. These tactics have been done down through history!
Though all this, these governments are able to wrest control of their people’s behavior, thoughts, and very lives.
Why? Because, if you can keep someone dependent on you, you can make rules for them to follow, tell them what to do, and have complete domination over their lives. You can force them to put up with the most unspeakable and evil of abuses and ensure their silence by keeping them in fear of withdrawing whatever it is they depend on you for- whether it be approval, acceptance, friendship, love, money, a good living, or even food and medicine to keep you alive.
You can have complete control over every aspect of a person’s life if you can keep them dependent on you for their very safety and survival.
Understand that when control freaks use these methods of control, they strip you of your freedom and autonomy. They keep you too afraid to be your own person, to exercise your human rights. They take away your ability to speak freely, to be creative with your life, and to flourish. They also keep you too afraid to stand up to them, call them out on their abuse, and asserting your God-given right not to be controlled and abused.
The controlling person does this by keeping you under the threat that they will retaliate and unleash even worse pain on you if you don’t obey or you step out of line.
The problem with this is that bullies, abusers, and oppressive governments only get drunk on their own power and are never satisfied. They must always up the ante and take more, more, and more control. Also, abusers tend to be sadistic monsters who live to see others go through pain and suffering, and no amount of suffering is enough for them. They have an insatiable blood-lust, and need to witness the pain of others, especially their targets.
You must realize that bullies, domestic abusers and oppressive governments and regimes have all the same in common- they love to control people and destroy their targets. And how they do it is to make them feel obligated and keep them dependent on them for social, financial, economic, or physical survival!
In their minds, you’re only here for their convenience, their purpose, their agenda, and their pleasure. Never your own.
In summary, always remember that bullies always rely on fear and dependency in others! Always- whether they bully in school, the workplace, the home, or government and politics. And the tactics, although done on different levels, are both universal and timeless.
We may not know it or may have been convinced otherwise, but we have more power over our lives than we know. It’s up to us whether bullies take away that power.
So says the age-old proverb, and it has certainly rung true for many a century. If you are the target of any bully, rest assured that you haven’t been the first nor the only poor soul who has fallen victim to him/her.
Therefore, it’s safe to say that your bullies have enemies, lots of them. Only you don’t know it because bullies naturally put up the facade that they are the greatest things since sliced bread and that everyone adores them. But every bit of it is a lie.
Although what I’m about to advise may seem a little underhanded, it isn’t, and it will certainly help you in getting the bullies off your back. Social science has long proved that comradeship is born when two or more people can find something (or someone) they dislike…a common enemy that they all share a passionate distaste for.
Find out who your bullies’ enemies are, connect with them, and befriend them; making sure to have their backs and vice versa, then you and your bullies’ enemies can unite as allies. I guarantee that the enemies, whoever they are, will be more than happy to oblige as you instantly become comrades in the fight against the bullies!
Group of happy friends cheering with wine and beers at a boat party. Diverse men and women having drinks at a sunset yacht party.
There’s strength in numbers. Always. And rarely do lone wolves survive in the social world. Thank evolution for that one. The more of your bullies’ enemies you can make friends and allies, the more protection and support you will garner to keep the bullies at bay.
Remember that bullies are cowards, and they almost always pursue the lone wolf. So, if you can become friends with as many of your bullies’ enemies as possible, the bullying will stop. Why? Because bullies never attack anyone who is surrounded by others.
Also, you will have the kinds of friends who will protect and look out for you. Then your bullies will go find another victim and leave you alone. How I wish I thought of this back when I was in school! Things definitely would have been a lot different!
You are worth fighting for! Don’t give up! There are always options, and this is only one!