Why Would You Change to Appease Bullies?

Bullies are notorious for demanding that their targets change- that targets change something about themselves that they (the bullies) don’t like. We know that bullies point out anything they don’t like about targets to divert the attention of everyone else away from their own shortcomings and imperfections.

Even worse, if the bullies can’t find something wrong with you, they’ll invent something wrong with you. This is one of the reasons why you should never change for a bully. If you want to better yourself- get an education, lose weight, get a better job, better home, etc., that’s completely normal because you’re doing those things for yourself. You’re making sensible changes and not to please anyone else.

But if you’re content with your life and some idiot demands you change something about yourself that they don’t like- something that’s not harming anyone, then you have a right to tell that person to go take a long walk off a short pier. Who are they to tell you that you should change?

Sadly, I see people living in fear- being careful not to say the words, “mother,” “father,” “man,” “woman,” “he” or “she.” And I can only shake my head is dismay and embarrassment.

I write this because we live in a world that is trying to change us and what it wants to change us into is utterly ridiculous. No, wait! Ridiculous isn’t the word for it. Insane is a more appropriate word.

For example, the Radical media and other puppet masters want us to change the way we speak. They want to eliminate the words, “mother,” “father,” “sister,” “brother,” any word that identifies genders of family relatives. It’s crazy!

If they want to use different terms, then fine. To each their own. But how dare they demand that the rest of us change for them?

Who do they think they are?

Since when do they decide how we speak, what we believe, and how we behave?

Who died and made them lords over the rest of us?

And who are they to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell these radicals that they do not get to decide how I nor anyone else speaks, behaves, or lives.

Understand that they are bullies themselves and are well-known for pushing boundaries and intruding on others. They have to be bullies to burn down people’s homes, businesses, and entire cities to make a point. They must be bullies to assault little old couples or children on the street.

And they’re so arrogant that they feel entitled to tell the rest of us what words we should say to identify members of our families. Again, who do they think they are? This is a blatant attempt at power and control.

And the woke media and universities have now become a brand of police- also telling us how we should speak, act, and think. Here’s my take on it- I think this gender inclusion crap is a bunch of hogwash. God help them if they were ever told how to live!

These people suggest that the word “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent” or “birthing parent,” and the word “father” be replaced with “non-gestational parent,” or “non-birthing parent.” What???

As I said, I, as well as most others, could care less how other people live. Whatever floats their boat, I always say. You do what makes you happy and allow me to do what makes me happy. In short, you do you and let me do me.

And that’s the message I have for the Far Radical Leftists out there: I don’t stick my nose into your business, so kindly keep your nose out of mine. Go away and leave the rest of us alone. Get a life. Get a job. Get a family. Get a dog! And get a life!

Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people. And all most people want is to freely practice their faith, raise their families, make a living, and be left alone. Nothing more.

Sadly, bullies don’t know how to leave people alone because they’re determined to violate boundaries. Bullies are all about power and control. They’re all about domination over others. That’s why it’s up to us to stand strong and refuse to change for them. It’s up to us to live our lives the way we want and to live life on our terms. Understand that bullies only have the power we allow them to have.

Why Frenemies Are Worse Than Enemies

Targets often pick “friends” who only tolerate them or those who wish them ill will because they’re often lonely and desperate. For so long, they have been wrongly alienated from others due to rumors and lies that bullies have spread about them to keep them from making friends.

Because the target is so hungry for a connection…any connection, he/she will befriend anyone…and I mean anyone! They are not selective with who they call “friend” and end up latching on to people who are not even worth knowing…predators, who only take advantage.

Also, young victims often assume that to be “cool,” they have to have a big circle of friends. This is not true.

With that being said, I want you to know that if you are a victim of bullying, you do not need a whole slew of people in your life to be happy nor to feel like or be a whole person. You only need your family and a few true friends. It’s safer this way. Wouldn’t you much rather have just a handful of true friends than to have an abundance of frenemies? I know I would.

In fact, you should prefer to have enemies over ‘frenemies’ because, with an enemy, you know exactly where they stand without having to do any guesswork. However, you will always be the last to know with frenemies after being played for a sucker.

If at any time you wonder about a person…if your intuition is telling you that something is “off,” put some distance between yourself and that individual and do it fast! Instinct is trying to warn you.

If your so-called friends are only tolerating you, stabbing you in the back, or sabotaging you in any way, it’s time to eighty-six of these leaches to your self-esteem. And the sooner you do, the better!

An Alternative to Cancel Culture

Cancel culture is bad not only because it can destroy a person’s life, but it negatively effects everyone else as well- by robbing them of their rights to decide and choose for themselves. Let’s take book burning and banning for example.

When people burn or ban books and their authors, not only are they destroying the lives of the authors, but they’re also robbing others who may want to order them their right to read them and choose for themselves whether they like them.

If I find a book in a bookstore and I like the title, cover, and the synopsis on the back jacket, then I want to read it. You may not like the book, it’s author, title, or cover, but it doesn’t mean that someone else won’t.

Understand that cancel culture only infringes on our rights to choose what we want to read, watch, buy, or consume. Who is anyone else to try and choose for us? Who do they think they are?

If you are a part of the cancel culture crowd, then yes! I’m talking directly to you. I ask again. Who do you think you are? Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot read, watch, consume, or purchase?

Not only am I speaking for myself, but also for every single person that values their right to decide and to choose.

If you don’t like something, fine. You have a right not to like it and you have a right not to have anything to do with it. What you don’t have a right to do is take away others’ choice to see it, judge for themselves, and like it.

Cancel culture violates the personal boundaries of everyone! It seeks to tell you what it thinks you should do. It tells you what to read, watch, eat, use, and who to associate with. In short, cancel culture strips us all of our God-given rights to self-determination.

But isn’t that what all bullies do, strip their targets (and everyone else) of their right to choose? Their right to have an opinion? Their right to speak and to have dignity? Their rights to self-determination?

Of course. With that said, anyone who participates in cancelling a person or entity is a bully! Period. Full stop. And I can’t stomach a bully!

The alternative to cancel culture is using common sense. In other words, if you don’t like someone, don’t associate with the person but don’t take away my right to decide that I want to associate with them. If you see an item for sale in a store and you don’t like it, then don’t buy it but don’t take away my right to choose and buy it.

If you don’t like the brand or, more appropriately, if the brand “offends” you, don’t buy it.

If you don’t like or are offended by the show, don’t watch it.

If you don’t like the person or are offended by them, stay away from them and have nothing more to do with them.

If you don’t like the business or are offended by it, don’t patronize it.

If you don’t like the book, don’t read it.

Do you see how this works? It’s that simple.

It’s high time that more people learn to adopt this way of living. It’s high time that more people rise up and push back against this senseless, moronic scourge called cancel culture. It’s also high time we push back against anyone who participates in it and condones it and the sooner we begin doing these things, the sooner our freedoms of choice and self-determination will be restored.

Never Look to Take Revenge on Your Bullies

Ever! It’s better to sit back, relax, and let Karma deal with them because I guarantee that Karma can do a much better job than you ever could. Besides, do you want to expend that kind of energy? That kind of ugliness? No. Because you’re better than that!

And they aren’t worth the effort. Revenge isn’t as sweet as it looks in the movies. In fact, it’s cancer that will eat you up inside if you dwell on it!

What’s so bad about hate is that you’re so preoccupied with the people who wronged you, and they may still have you convinced that they’re all-powerful and untouchable and that you’re powerless and at their mercy, though you may not admit it.

And this is why you’re just itching to exact revenge on them. You find yourself ruminating over the many times they bullied and abused you, and it will play over in your mind like a broken record. You’ll be plagued with the thought that they got away with it. Understand that all this will only eat down into your soul, rot, and cause nothing but more pain.

So, ask yourself. Are they worth it?

I understand that sinking feeling of defeat you get from knowing of the possibility that your bullies didn’t get theirs- that they can walk away free without the slightest clue that what they did was wrong. It’s normal to feel a sense of injustice.

And ignorance is bliss, and bullies are the most blissful people on the face of the earth! But understand that there’s a term for your bullies’ ignorance. It’s called willful ignorance, and it happens when your bullies convince themselves that they did nothing wrong and that you got what you deserved.

But realize that this is precisely what your bullies want you to think. Otherwise, they wouldn’t get such a thrill from it.

Revenge always escalates the bullying because bullies are known to get brutal to get what they want. And if you try to give them payback, it will only turn into a game of ping pong. It will go back and forth, back and forth again. It’ll be an endless game of tit for tat.

PTSD

Continually replaying the bullying over and over in your head isn’t good at all! Because if you keep this up, you’ll never find happiness nor peace of mind. How can you move on with your life when you’re reliving the trauma?

Here are a few ways to reclaim your happiness and your life:

1.Seek Therapy. Never be too proud to seek therapy because it can help you process the negative feelings that poison your life. Therapy works. I’m living proof.

2. Write about it in a journal. Believe it or not, writing about it helps you unload and get it out of your system, especially when bullies have cut you off from support through smear campaigns. Not only are you building a good case and keeping a record of the bullying to use in case you go to court, but you are also providing yourself much-needed therapy. Writing is very therapeutic and cathartic. And once you get it out, even if only on paper, youll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel.

3. Spend time with people who feed your soul- the ones who love and care for you. Spending time with the people who love you the most can be a buffer to your self-esteem. It has a way of making up for all the hurt bullies cause you by giving you an equal or more amount of positivity in your life. Keep company with those who make you feel best about yourself. Share happy times with them, laugh with them, because laughter truly is the best medicine!

4. Capture happy moments. Again, bullies have given you enough negative, sad and stressful moments. Why not balance that with just as many happy moments? And the best part is that we have the power to create those moments!

5. Go on a trip. Sometimes, it’s just good to steal away to a beach house on a secluded beach with your family or friends. Or you can visit an out of state relative. Whatever you decide, getting out of town helps to bring you out of stagnation and revive you. It also gives you a sense of adventure, and that always lifts the mood. So, pack your things and go!

6. Meditate. Having been bullied can flood your mind with fear and negativity. It helps to shut off your mind, even for five minutes every day. Meditate on positive things. Focus on yourself and your personal goals. Meditate on God. It will help relax you and make you feel so much better.

7. Exercise. Exercise not only makes you healthier and promotes weight loss and better muscle tone, but it can also be one heck of a stress buster. Whether you like High-Intensity Training with weights or a brisk walk through the park, it increases endorphins and other feel-good chemicals to help you feel better.

8. Indulge in hobbies. Hobbies not only make you feel accomplished, but they take your mind off your bullies and the bullying you suffered in the past. So, find something you enjoy doing the most and concentrate on it. Being creative is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

9. Focus on your goals. If you focus on your goals, you won’t have time to focus on your  bullies. They don’t deserve even to be an afterthought. So, focus on your goals and where you want to go. And make life all about those things. Keep doing your thing!

I want you to understand that bullies get so much pleasure from your misery. So, do all you can to add as much joy to your life as possible. And once you do, take pleasure in knowing that, if your bullies could see that you’re happy without them, they’d be so furious!

Sometimes you must play mind games with yourself. Does it sound strange? Possibly. But whatever works. Right?

No, you can’t pretend that the pain isn’t there. And you can’t bury it or stuff it down because if it’s there, it will leak out eventually. But you do have to process it and do a lot of work on yourself before it goes away.

It will take a lot of work and time to do, but it will be worth it in the end. And you’re worth it! It’s all about self-care. And there’s nothing better than investing in yourself! I guarantee it!

Perfect Targets for Bullies

Have you noticed that bullies always seen to pick the same types of people to target with their bullying? Bullies pick good people, smart people, people who are creative and seem to be going places. Here are the characteristics of a typical person bullies like to select to be their punching bags:

1. Bullies like to make targets out of people who take responsibility for their lives. Targets tend to be good people who follow rules and laws. They understand that rules and laws are in place for a reason- to ensure a safe community and society.

Most targets do not go around blaming others for their actions and behavior. More often than not, targets blame themselves and try to correct their mistakes when they make them. Bullies see this and they see these people as easy to manipulate and make feel guilty for their (the bullies’) rotten behavior.

Because these people tend to blame themselves, bullies will blame these people even though it’s the bullies who have the issues and not their targets. Over time, bullies can condition targets to accept blame for things they have no control over, such as another person’s behavior.

School boy angel with wings and halo concept for being clever, good, success in education or smug

2. Bullies pick people who are goal oriented. Most targets of bullying work hard, are goal-oriented and have a truckload of self-discipline. They know that if you want anything in life, you have to work for it. Therefore, targets work like the devil to reach their goals and dreams and they have the utmost perseverance and endurance, which are characteristics that most bullies lack.

This is why many targets mistakenly stay in toxic work environments until they end up with a psychological injury from all the bullying they endure. Bullies select these people to bully because their good traits only reflect back to the bullies their own laziness, inadequacy, and lack of purpose. Bullies see these people as threats, because bullies lack self-discipline, and their relationships are usually superficial, one-sided, and short lived. And they will pull out all the stops to contain the threats.

Bullies will exploit these people’s perseverance by establishing one-sided friendships, partnerships, and romances with them. They then use the push and pull method- going hot and cold, making empty promises and love bombing the person. Bullies do this to make them hold onto the hope that just maybe the bully will give them what they’ve been wanting- acceptance, approval, attention, and praise.

But the truth is that no matter how much the person tries to better the relationship, the bullies will never be satisfied and will always find fault with him/her. Understand that one person can never sustain a relationship. It takes effort from both people!

3. Most targets of bullying are Empaths. Most targets of bullying are exceptionally empathetic people who like to help humanity. They strive for self-betterment, to empower others, and make a positive difference in the world.

This is a threat to bullies because, again, these are threats to bullies and only reflect back at them their self-centered, attention grabbing, and flawed personalities. In short, empaths force bullies to see themselves for who they truly are, and bullies will go all out to make them pay for it.

Also, bullies are masters at gaining sympathy from others. Therefore, they target people with empathy because they assume that they are the perfect to elicit sympathy from. How bullies extract sympathy from empaths is by pretending to be the real victims.

In the minds of the bullies, the target is supposed to feel terrible for them because they’ve had such a tough life. And because they (the bullies) have had it so rough, it’s why they behave like they do. So, the target is made to feel that he/she should just accept the abuse.

Understand that this is a load of bologna and it’s no excuse for being a total heel to people and treating them like garbage.

Also, empaths have difficulty setting boundaries and bullies take full advantage of it. They usually retaliate viciously when the empath finally gets tired of their crap and puts their foot down.

4. Most targets of bullying are people who make plans and think ahead. Because these people plan carefully and think ahead, they have goals and dreams that come to fruition and relationships that are solid and long lasting. Bullies are highly jealous of this and they seek these people deliberately just to tear them down.

 5. Bullies usually pick people whose communication skills need improvement. If a person’s communication skills are lacking, they will most likely suffer in silence when people violate their boundaries. Bullies rely on the target’s silence so that they can continue to bully the target and cover up their appalling behavior.

 6. Bullies select people who are givers and not takers. They love to target people who are people-pleasers and reluctant to ask for help and they select them because they see these people as easy to use and degrade. Because these people have a hard time establishing their boundaries, bullies will violate them at will and to achieve their own sick ends. Understand that bullies are takers and never givers!

 7. People who are smart. Intelligence is a huge threat to bullies. Why? Because a smart person will more than likely see through the bullies’ fake facades and call them out publicly on it. Also, just their intelligence alone can serve as a mirror and force the bullies to see their own lack of smarts and make them feel inferior. And they will seek to punish the target for that.

Target on your back metaphor as a person with a tattoo of a bulls eye symbol tattooed on the skin as an icon for being a victim of bullying and bullied or psychology of feeling vulnerable with 3D illustration elements.

Why do you think kids who are smart, make straight A’s and high marks in school, and win awards are usually the ones bullied the worst? It’s because they only reflect back to the bullies their own stupidity and lack of intelligence and make them feel less than.

In order to win back your confidence and self-esteem, you must first learn the mindsets of bullies and what insecurities they have hidden inside them that cause them to bully you. Only then will you have the endurance to withstand their attacks and the confidence to counter them and defend yourself.

Never Ask a Bully Why

Many targets who are bullied will ask their bullies why.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Why me?”

“What did I ever do to you?”

Realize that these questions are pointless because, by asking these types of questions, the target is only reinforcing their role as victim and that’s not good. Also, a bully will never answer those questions and it’s because they can’t answer them. Even if they could answer them, they’d either never tell you, or they wouldn’t tell you the correct answer.

Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you guessing and asking these questions- to keep you confused and in the dark. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words.

Again, bullies love to keep you guessing and trying to wrack your brain. That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior and they can do it without you catching on to the reality that they are really the ones with the problem and not you.

It’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. I promise that you’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.

The Difference between Dislike and Disrespect

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Respect and like are different in that like is based on commonalities, and good feelings shared between people. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life. On the other hand, respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality.

When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

A conceptual look at respect, esteem, appreciation, recognition.

To not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective.

But to not respect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. In other words, if you have no respect for a specific individual, you don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else. And when you don’t respect someone, you will think it’s perfectly okay to violate that person because they somehow deserve to be violated.

Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed. When you disrespect someone, you won’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.

In your mind, the person either doesn’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as you and everyone else. You may wish the person harm or ill will. You may not want to breathe the same air as the person.

Signs of Dislike

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.

2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else, and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.

Signs of Disrespect

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.

If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.

The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.

On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.

If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.

However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either walk away from them or send them packing, one of the two. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Bullies and Confabulations

Many times, bullies will blow up on their targets for absolutely no reason. When they’re later questioned about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper. So, they drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane when they wouldn’t otherwise. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories into the blanks. I’ve seen this happen many times and even had bullies justify themselves to me by the same method.

Sometimes, confabulations can be mistaken for real memories and the truth to the confabulator.

When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to others to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions?

When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.

Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.

No one wants to be under a bully’s influence, but people get sucked under it all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies. And those who saw through those abusers and spoke out were either silenced or paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.

Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon because the bullies who confabulate believe themselves so it’s a sure bet that others will believe them too. That’s why we must learn to either properly counter any confabs or let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.

Darwinism, Natural Selection, and Survival of the Fittest- Are They Euphemisms for Bullying?

Anytime I hear people refer to bullying as either of the three mentioned in this article’s title, I find it cringe-worthy at best! And the words that immediately flash through my mind are “cop-out,” “trivialization,” and “excuses.”

To call bullying, one of these three things is to say that:

1. Bullying is completely normal and natural.

2. Targets of bullying are weak and/or undesirable and must be eliminated from the human race.

3. Bullying is required for the survival of the human race.

Allow me to rebut these three (conscious or unconscious) beliefs:

Bullying is anything but normal or natural. It is brutal, malicious, hurtful, and cowardly.

Victims (or targets) of bullying are NOT weak, nor are they undesirable. They may only think differently than most. They are often exceptional people with brilliant minds. Many celebrities, CEOs, inventors, writers, scientists, doctors, and professors were bullied as children and teens and have even been bullied in the workplace as adults. But they survived.

If these people had not survived, the world might never have seen many awesome inventions and breakthroughs, such as the electric light bulb, the telephone, or the first organ transplant. Where would we be without these people?

Bullying is NOT required for the survival of the human race; it can only destroy it.

An example of this would be the Nazi’s bullying of Jews during World War II and the slaughtering of six million during the holocaust. Now, do you still think that bullying is necessary for the survival of our species?

Bullying is NEVER okay! And sadly, I’ve heard many people refer to it as the above three. Understand that this is only a cop-out, a way to blame the target, and an excuse not to help victims who are bullied.

If you are a bully or bystander and believe this sort of tripe, then boy, are you ever delusional!

If you are a target, I want to assure you that it does not mean that you are defective in any way. It only means that you are an individual who is brave enough to think outside the box and that you refuse to be a follower. Those are characteristics that you should be proud of because you have a chance to go far and change society.

Don’t give up! Give yourself a chance! You never know, in the future, YOU may be the person who brings positive change to the world, and your bullies will more than likely end up living less than desirable lives. Suicide is not the answer. Don’t you want to live long enough to see your own potential? I want you to.

Bullying Can Cause Toxic Shame

Bullies ritually beat their victims down to the point that the poor targets have come to view themselves through the eyes of their bullies. Toxic shame is, perhaps, the worst type of shame a person can have. Because once you begin to view yourself through the eyes of your abusers, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

Their contempt, disgust, and aversion toward you have rubbed off on you, and you began to hate yourself. But I want you to understand that this is what your bullies want. They want you to hate yourself. Because the bullies know that if they can work on you and finally get you to hate yourself, they know they’ve won.

Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that you’ll submit to the abuse because when a person hates themselves, they think they deserve abuse.

When a target of bullying suffers from toxic shame, they accuse themselves of sins of which they aren’t guilty. They apologize incessantly over things that aren’t their fault. Ultimately, targets feel guilty for merely existing!

Toxic shame causes one to lose trust in himself and their decisions and judgments, and become afraid to make them. Ultimately, it makes for a miserable life.

The points mentioned above are why we must guard our self-esteem and confidence. But before we can do that, we must educate ourselves on where bullying comes from, the mindsets of bullies, how to spot them before they strike, ways for targets to minimize the effects of bullying, and the damage bullying can do. Only then will we have the knowledge to empower, protect, and take care of ourselves.

This is what this blog is all about, and it’s my wish that targets and potential targets learn these things to defend themselves. Because if we can reduce the number of victims, we can then reduce bullying.