Excuses People Make for Bullies

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As we know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority.

Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake. It is all a part of the smokescreen they put up to hoodwink people, cover up bad behavior, and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Here is a list of excuses that bystanders and authorities often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“He was only joking.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

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“He just has a very strong personality.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“But he’s really a good person, he’s just having issues right now.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“But he’s so well-liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“But they’re just good kids who made a bad mistake.”

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These are a few examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior.

Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are- BULLIES! Never accept any excuse. It’s true that retaliation may follow.

However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! You have rights. And you have a right to be safe and to live in a healthy environment. Those are non-negotiables!

Lastly, always remember that it’s not your fault and the harassment isn’t about you. It’s about the bullies’ issues!

Excuses Bystanders, School Staff, and Company Managers Make for Bullies

As we all know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake; it is all a part of the smokescreen they put up to cover up bad behavior and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Here’s a list of excuses that bystanders and authority often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“Boys will be boys,” or “Kids will be kids.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

“Maybe you need to toughen up.”

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“Maybe you’re doing something to bring it on yourself, and you don’t realize it yet.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“You’re just too sensitive and need to grow a thicker skin.”

“But he’s really a good person. He’s just having issues right now.”

“You’re over-reacting.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“Maybe you’re too dramatic.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“Maybe she was just joking with you, and you took it the wrong way.”

Studio shot of playful disobedient adult son in a red t-shirt, covering ears with the index finger and saying la la la while wanting mom gets mad, standing indifferent to argue, being impolite and childish.

“But he’s so well-liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet, and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

And last but not least, my personal favorite-

“You’re just having a personality conflict.”

If you’ve ever been a target, I’m positive you’ve heard that last line. It seems to be the most popular excuse on the planet!

These are several examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior. Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are- BULLIES! Never accept any excuse.

Retaliation may indeed follow. However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! If no one will listen, be sure to document document document every bullying incident in detail!!!!!!!

Here Are Some Ways Bullies Gaslight Their Targets

blame accuse pointing finger

Gaslight- to manipulate someone by psychological means into doubting their sanity.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects a target and begins their reign of terror over the chosen victim, they will do everything possible to maintain that dominance. Also, understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at the victim’s expense. Abusing their targets gives bullies a rush of power and a sense of authority and control.

If there is a culture of bullying at a school, workplace, or community, bullies are also rewarded with attention, high social status and promotions from others while the target suffers the opposite. And a bully will fight like crazy to keep those benefits should the target speak out and shed light on the behavior.

Once the target sees the behavior for what it is and begins to assert their right to be treated fairly, bullies will become angry and afraid. They will see the target as a threat to their power and increase the harassment to subdue, silence and punish the person.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by emotionally abusing, brainwashing, and psychological abuse to disempower the target and make themselves seem bigger and better than what they are. They use these methods because psycho/emotional bullying leaves no physical evidence and is much easier to deny.

They do this by convincing their target (and everyone else) that he/she is defective or no good, thereby stripping the target’s confidence and self-esteem.

Here are ways bullies gaslight their targets:

1. Persistent lying
Bullies tell vague lies and trying to convince you that you are mentally unstable, less than, deserving of the mistreatment, or that you’re somehow defective. Bullies will make statements to others such as,

toxic brainwashing

“He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”

“She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”

“Who gives a #$% about his feelings! He doesn’t matter!”

“She brought it all on herself!”

Bullies will also tell their targets things like:

“What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”

“I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”

Displeased woman looking at her growing nose and trying to stop it with her finger isolated on white background

“You’re just being (paranoid, overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”

“Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!

“You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”

“You’re so (arrogant, retarded, crazy, ugly, fat, skinny, etc.) nobody believes a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Bullies deliberately repeat these lies over and over again and for a long time to convince the target that they are right. Understand that this constant repetition has a purpose! To instill insecurity in the victim, wear them down and force him/her to resign themselves and acquiesce.

It serves to brainwash the target and force him/her to believe the bully’s lies. As a result, the target becomes riddled with confusion, social anxiety and shame. Eventually, the person loses the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is the bully’s strategy to render control and keep the target under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Wearing the Target Down and forcing him/her to agree with them.
Bullies continue to put the target down and marginalize them until he/she is so tired or afraid of defending against them that the person shuts down, grows numb to the abuse and surrenders to the bullies.

Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

3. Become Highly Aggressive When the Target Calls Out the Abuse
Bullies may try to maintain their power by intensifying and escalating the attacks in addition to blaming and shaming the target. Understand that this is designed to subdue and further subjugate the person by intimidation and to force him/her into silence and submission. It also allows the bully to escape accountability and to have a green light for continued and future attacks.

(More to come in Part 2…)

When Schools Retaliate Against Parents for Protecting Their Children from Bullies

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I’ve read and heard many stories of schools retaliating against parents for speaking out about the bullying their child suffers while attending class, and for their (the parents’) refusal to keep silent. These stories are heartbreaking.

Understand that school officials are elected officials- politicians. And schools will protect their reputations by any means.

Here are ways schools try to hide bullying:

1. They vehemently deny bullying in their facilities.
2. They protect bullies.
3. They don’t report bullying incidents to the child’s parents and refuse to show any videos of bullying or fights to the bullied child’s parents.
4. They answer any questions with blanket statements or refuse to comment altogether.
5. They threaten to call Children’s Services and have the target removed from their home.
6. They have the parents banned from the school.
7. They have the parent arrested.
8. They threaten to have the child reported to the juvenile authorities.
9. They have the child arrested and sent to juvie.

bullying physical

Schools have more power than we realize, and if their reputation is at risk, some will do anything to silence the bullied child and their parents and shut down any awareness of any bullying that goes on.

Also, understand that schools have Sovereign Immunity and will hide behind it. Sovereign Immunity is the stipulation that protects a federal or state government entity from litigation. Therefore, it’s difficult to file a lawsuit against a school or school district. Lawsuits against schools have been filed and, yes, even won. But the statistics of such are low.

Here are things you can do as a parent:

1. Keep speaking out- through social media, word of mouth, and even the news media if you have to.
2. If you live in a one-party consent area, plant a recording device somewhere on your child to record any bullying.
3. Save any emails to and from the school. You’ll want to leave a trail.
4. Document everything in detail and have your child do their own documenting. Include date, time, what happened, and the names of bullies, bystanders, and school staff. Be sure and write down where it happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, jot down any events that led up to the bullying. Include as many details as possible!!!!!

document 5W rule

It’s always best to keep good records and keep them in a safe and undisclosed place!!!

 

Bullied? Don’t Be Surprised If The School Doesn’t Help You

blind eye deaf ear denial

Schools are supposed to protect children. And some schools do help targets of bullying. I’ve read quite a few stories with this happy ending and to those schools, I extend my love and respect.

However, I’ve also read and heard stories in which the school either failed or refused to help the victim and only sided with the bullies and I also found this out years ago from experience. And sadly, this ending is much more common than the first.

Therefore, if you are an object of bullying at your school, do take the proper channels to address the problem and get it solved. Report the bullying to the teacher, principal, or district.

But if the school does nothing about it, sweeps it under the rug, or worse, blames you, don’t be surprised. And don’t be surprised if you face retaliation not only from the bullies but from school staff and officials as well.

deaf ear

Understand that in these cases where the school doesn’t act on your behalf, it is because the school district is only interested in the sports programs, how many points an athlete can score for their school team, getting their football team into the playoffs, and how many kids they can send to colleges.

Another thing to consider is that school bullies likely have connections with several local politicians and other high-ranking officials. Also, many bullies who excel academically or are star athletes make the school look good and are least likely to be held accountable.

And seasoned bullies tend to be exceptionally socially intelligent and know how to ingratiate themselves into the good graces of teachers and school staff. They are also wordsmiths who are experts at feigning victimhood, explaining everything away, and rationalizing their bad behavior, which often makes the target look like the bully.

So, these are a few things to consider should you find yourself a target, report the bullying and the school fail to respond to your pleas for help.

But don’t give up. Remember. You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

Reasons Some Schools Protect Bullies

Narcissist

Positive teenage student boy keeps hands folded, tooth smile imagine himself an angel with fluffy wings behind back and a halo above head. Super power, inner strength and innocence concept.

When a student is bullied and reports the abuse, many schools will protect the bullies instead of holding them accountable for their bad behavior.

Here’s why:

1. Because the bullies have connections to local politicians.

2. Because the bullies often score high academically, which makes the school look good.

3. The bullies are athletes on the school sports teams.

4. The bullies are on the cheerleading squad and in sororities and fraternities.

Understand that right or wrong; many schools will go out of their way to protect the reputations of who they deem to be their brightest and best students and blame the targeted student for their bullies’ horrid behavior.

physical bullying

When the target’s parents get involved and refuse to shut up about the bullying, schools have been known to retaliate by threatening to call Children’s Services and having the target removed from their home. Also, schools have banned parents from the school or had them arrested.

Schools have more power than we realize, and if their reputation is at risk, some will do anything to silence the bullied child and their parents and shut down any awareness of any bullying that goes on.

Sadly, many parents of bullied kids are single and raising children on one paycheck. How do they fight against such powerful entities?

Also, understand that schools have Sovereign Immunity and will hide behind it. Sovereign Immunity is the stipulation that protects a federal or state government entity from litigation. Therefore, it’s difficult to file a lawsuit against a school or school district.

Lawsuits against schools have been filed and, yes, even won. But the statistics of such are low.

bullying mobbing teacher

Mobbing at work concept, sketch of boss kicking his employee with red heels from behind on chalkboard

This is why Sovereign Immunity for schools must be abolished and they must be held accountable if the child is maimed, murdered, or commits suicide.

Not only is the suicide rate among bullied children and teens rising, but there’s also been an uptick of murders of kids by their bullies!

Moving a target of bullying to a different school sounds like a good idea but is not always feasible. And homeschooling isn’t affordable for some of these moms and dads.

If you’re a parent who’s fighting to keep your child safe and your options are limited, the only way to stay in the fight is to keep speaking out– through word of mouth, social media, the news media- whatever it takes.

Take steps to raise awareness and be there for your child. Reassure them that if they need to talk, you’re there to listen and give them a shoulder to lean on.

Encourage your child to document every bullying incident and do your own documentation. As a parent, write about any physical bruises you see when the child comes home from school
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Write about any torn clothing, broken eyeglasses or hearing aids, stolen property, crying, your kid’s emotional state- everything! And jot it down in detail!

Document the school’s reaction to any reports of bullying, both yours and your child’s. Save any emails, replies and letters from the school.
Build your own case!!!!

Excuses Bystanders and Authority Often Make for a Bully

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As we know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority.

Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake. It is all a part of the smokescreen they put up to hoodwink people, cover up bad behavior, and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Here is a list of excuses that bystanders and authorities often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“He was only joking.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

dreamstime_xs_109732447

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“But he’s really a good person, he’s just having issues right now.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“But he’s so well-liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“But they’re just good kids who made a bad mistake.”

dreamstime_xs_18471565

These are a few examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior.

Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are- BULLIES! Never accept any excuse. It’s true that retaliation may follow.

However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! You have rights. And you have a right to be safe and to live in a healthy environment. Those are non-negotiables!

Lastly, always remember that it’s not your fault and the harassment isn’t about you. It’s about the bullies’ issues!

The “Kids Will Be Kids” Cop Out

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Many teachers, principals- even the bullies’ parents will use this excuse to sweep incidences of bullying under the rug and trivialize any bullying the targeted student suffers. The “kids will be kids” cop out is designed to protect only the bullies, not the victim- the child who needs the protection.

But see this as it is- a cop out! A farce!

School officials have a legal responsibility to keep kids out of harm’s way while they’re at school- all kids. Not just a select few.

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Many schools shirk responsibility and either blame the victim or hide bullying altogether. I’ve read news articles that reported situations where schools failed to notify the parents when a child was seriously injured by bullies.

Even worse, I’ve read about a few cases when the school neglected to call 911 when a child who was injured by a bully desperately needed medical attention.

These schools turn a blind eye when they see bullies making some innocent child’s life hell. They turn a deaf ear and blame the bullied child when he/she reports that they’re a target of bullying. I’ve read about extreme cases where schools retaliated against the victim’s family because they wouldn’t keep silent.

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Officials are afraid that the school and school district will be given a black eye. So, they do everything possible to hide bullying that is rampant in their schools.

Because of these occurrences, parents are losing trust in the public-school system. I don’t blame them.

People are waking up to the fact that school officials are elected officials- politicians! And in many cases of bullying, when schools fail to act, you can best believe that politics is behind it.

In the past few years, homeschooling has skyrocketed. Should it be any wonder?