When Bullies Bully by Instigation

This type of bullying is indirect and extremely cowardly. These types of bullies don’t have the guts to be direct or the stomach to get their hands dirty. Therefore, they do their bullying by instigating a conflict between the target and another individual. They then stand back, at a safe distance, and watch from afar, enjoying seeing the target humiliated and in distress.

In most cases, the individual these bullies pit against the target is not a bully and has had no history of conflicts with the target. The person pitted against the target can be a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, teacher, or supervisor.

Divide and Conquer

There are several reasons people bully by instigation:

• To create a situation where they can gleefully watch as the target gets humiliated and stressed out.
• For the purpose of turning others against the target.
• To create drama and entertainment
• So that they can parade the target in front of an audience
• To distract from their own evil deeds. If two or more people are too busy fighting and others are too busy watching and getting their kicks, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what the bully is doing.
• To isolate the target by making him look like the bad guy. The more people the bullies can turn against the target, the worse the target looks, and the less power he has.

bullied victim tortured

Often, when you’re a target of bullying by instigation, the person or people your bully has pitted against you will start their sentences off as:

“Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
“Somebody told me that you did…”
“I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
“Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind me back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

You’re First Clues

If you’re a target of bullying and someone has instigated a conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with, the first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

“I heard…”,
“Somebody told me…”
“It’s going around that…”
or
“It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clue of bullying by instigation, and that one or more of your bullies is trying to pit others against you.

Bullying, friendship, and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing the finger at the shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

The Correct Way to Respond

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying and you’re ever in a situation like this, here are a few comebacks you can’t make to the accuser:

Laugh at the accuser and say one of these,

“Really? You ‘heard,’? You’re so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you stupid!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

Challenge the accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. Your accuser will be stunned, and your bullies, who are surely watching from afar, will be sorely disappointed.

How I wish I were this quick in school. But, as an adult, I was better able to defuse it by the above counter statements.

Always imply that your accuser is dumb for believing the lies, and I guarantee that the person will back down. It’s what worked for me.

(Continued in Part 2…)

Let Them Talk All They Want

Gossips are everywhere! Too many people worry needlessly about what people are saying about them. But here’s the thing, people talk. They’re going to have something to say about you until the day you die. Get used to it. Better, yet embrace it! Love it!

Here’s Why:

1. Although hurtful, when people talk about you, they make you relevant! Good or bad, it means you’re an exciting topic- you’re not dull. Remember that it’s much better to be good or bad than to be boring.

Businessman not listening to nonsense.

2. When people engage in petty gossip about you, it means that they can’t get you off their minds. Somehow, someway, positive or negative, you’ve made an impact on them. You’ve stirred emotions up in them.

3. When people talk about you, it means they don’t have lives of their own and are obsessed with yours, which means your life must be more exciting than theirs.

4. When people talk behind your back, they reveal much more about themselves than they do you. Remember the old proverb, “Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events, and Small minds discuss people.”

Remember, Haters Make You Famous

5. When people can’t shut up about you, you’re the one who’s in control of them. Because you occupy a large amount of space in their minds, you’ve affected them profoundly and with little or no effort.

6. The people who blab about you expend a lot of their energy on you while you get to save yours. They’re thinking of you without getting so much as a thought from you.

7. When you’re the topic of others’ discussions, it means that they’re your fans, only they don’t know it.

8. In a nutshell, when people can’t stop running their mouths about you, it only means that you have a tremendous amount of power over them, and you didn’t have to make an effort to get that power! Yay, you!

So don’t give their talk any validation by reacting. Just sit back and be amused by the talkers. Petty gossip is just that- petty!

Give ’em something to talk about

With knowledge comes empowerment!

That Block Button is There for a Reason

Here’s a truth you might not like to read or hear. Not everyone on your social media friends list is your friend. Therefore, it doesn’t matter who you are. Everyone has at least one snoop on their friends list- people who are only there to watch you.

Snoops are really just another brand of cyber-stalker because they’re on your friends list.

I have them, you have them, we all have them. There will be people who send you friend requests, or people you think are friends who accept yours. Next, three months, six months, maybe a year or more goes by and you won’t get as much as a like from them, much less a comment.

When the new friend makes no attempt to interact with you, you soon forget about the person. And you focus on the people who interact with you the most.

However, suddenly, wham! You get the first comment from them. And it’s laced with vitriol and vulgarity, blasting you because you posted something they didn’t like. Again, understand that snoops, as I like to call them, friend you, then constantly clock your page. They wait with bated breath for you to post something that gives them an excuse to flame you.

Are They Friends or Snoops?

However, look at it this way. This person has now showed you their true colors. They were never your friend but were only there to keep an eye on your posts and interactions.

Realize that your social media page is your digital real estate. It’s your domain. And you have every right to post what you want on your page if it isn’t hateful or violent. Furthermore, if some lowlife blasts you for any reason, then you must unfriend and block.

Understand that this is about setting boundaries. And, if you don’t set boundaries, you can bet that others will notice and think they can troll you too.

People put entirely too much importance on likes, followers and friends. But that’s for another post.

However, lack of engagement is one of the major warning signs that the new friend is a snoop. Another reg flag is when they attack you for something you post. Sadly, we live in a society in which people pick even the most innocent things apart and twist it into something to gripe about.

All the more reason why you should not be afraid to use that block button. You are not responsible for someone else’s feelings. And you must stop worrying about the number of friends on your friends list.

Quality is much more important than quantity. Just because you have five thousand friends on your list doesn’t mean they’re worth having. Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“The More You Stir Sh**, The More It Stinks”

Bullies are notorious for sowing discord among other people. They just can’t seem to get enough drama. In fact, they thrive on it. Have you ever wondered why?

It’s to keep the spotlight off themselves and their despicable behavior and dirty dealings. Lots of times, they do it as a distraction. If the bullies can stir the pot and keep others at each other’s throats, they get to look like gods and be untouchable.

Also, bullies get cheap thrills from watching others tear each other down. Trust me, bullies love that stuff!

It also makes the bullies look as if they’re above it all. Bullies use appearances to look better than what they were. And the more they can stir it up and make it stink, the better they smell.

Remember this the next time you see bullies trying to instigate hatred between other people. Remember this the next time bullies try to instigate a fight between you and a former friend, or between another classmate or coworker.

Understand that this is done in politics all the time. In fact, it’s what the media is best at. It is called the Divide and Conquer strategy. And it’s used to sow discord among people. And sadly, it works. And in more ways than one.

The next time someone tries to turn you against a friend or tries to turn a friend against you, ask yourself who the division would benefit most. You, your friend or the instigator?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Detach

From the fear

From expectations

From others’ demands

From toxic people

From resentment

From negativity

From hate

From drama

From anything or anyone who makes you feel anything but at peace.

Reasons You Should Quarantine Yourself from Negative People

gossip drama bitching complain

Negative people have a knack for bringing others down. They seem to suck the air out of every room they walk into and make everyone around them feel yucky. In many cases, these people don’t have to say a word. The vibes and bad energy alone are enough to darken the brightest of moods because you can sense it. You can feel it in your gut.

This is why it’s so important that you listen to your gut and avoid people who have a dark disposition and who seem to attract misfortune. It’s okay to help someone when they’re in trouble and provide a listening ear to someone who’s sad and needs to talk. Nothing wrong with that.

But if a person seems to live in a dark place and never get out of the funk they’re in, or, if the individual has bad stuff happen to them nonstop, it’s best to either limit time spent with them or avoid them altogether.

‘You see? Moods and emotional states are as contagious as the flu. And another person’s bad moods and misfortunes have a way of rubbing off on the people around them.

positive happy peace hope

It’s much better to keep company with people who are happy, successful, and satisfied with their lives. Now, before I go on, I realize that bad things do happen to good people and that just because someone is unfortunate doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re negative.

Some have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control. They are the ones we offer a helping hand to.

However, others bring misfortune on themselves by their negative attitudes, actions, and effect on others. We should avoid these people like the plague because there’s no changing them. In fact, they will only end up changing you and not for the better.

Again, understand that we’re all susceptible to the moods, emotional states, and ways of thinking of the people we spend time with. And those who are unhappy and unstable have a contagion effect on us because of the extreme intensity of their emotions.

toxic danger poison

These are people with a victim mentality and most bullies do present themselves as victims. They will never admit that they bring a lot of bad karma on themselves by the way they treat others. And if you’re not careful, they’ll only bring you down too, because they will overwhelm you with their forceful nature.

How you keep a positive attitude is to keep company with positive and happy people. These people don’t have to mistreat or bully anyone to feel good about themselves. They’re already happy and enjoying their lives.

And they’re such a pleasure to be around. When you befriend and spend time with people who are happy and positive, you get to share in their happiness and prosperity. You become a part of the happiness they embody and the happiness they attract to themselves.

So, why not keep them around and let their joy infect you? You’ll be so glad you did!

Why You Should Quarantine Yourself from Negative People

gossip drama bitching complain

You must avoid people who have a dark disposition and who are consistently unfortunate and do it at all costs. It’s okay to help someone when they’re in trouble and provide a listening ear to someone who’s sad and needs to talk. Nothing wrong with that.

But if a person seems to live in a dark place, never seems to get out of the funk they’re in, and has bad stuff happen to them nonstop, it’s best to either limit time spent with them or avoid them altogether.

‘You see? Moods and emotional states are as contagious as the flu. And another person’s bad moods and misfortunes have a way of rubbing off on the people around them.

positive happy peace hope

It’s much better to keep company with people who are happy, successful, and satisfied with their lives. Now, before I go on, I realize that bad things sometimes happen to good people and that just because someone is unfortunate doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re negative.

Some have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control. They are the ones we offer a helping hand to.

However, others bring misfortune on themselves by their negative attitudes, actions, and effect on others. We should avoid these people like the plague because there’s no changing them. In fact, they will only end up changing you and not for the better.

Again, understand that we’re all susceptible to the moods, emotional states, and ways of thinking of the people we spend time with. And those who are unhappy and unstable have a contagion effect on us because of the extreme intensity of their emotions.

toxic danger poison

These are people with a victim mentality and most bullies do present themselves as victims. They will never admit that they bring a lot of bad karma on themselves by the way they treat others. And if you’re not careful, they’ll only bring you down too, because they will overwhelm you with their forceful nature.

How you keep a positive attitude is to keep company with positive and happy people. These people don’t have to mistreat or bully anyone to feel good about themselves. They’re already happy and enjoying their lives.

And they’re such a pleasure to be around. When you befriend and spend time with people who are happy and positive, you get to share in their happiness and prosperity. You become a part of the happiness they embody and the happiness they attract to themselves.

So, why not keep them around and let their joy infect you? You’ll be so glad you did!