How Bullying Can Sharpen Your BS Detector

If you were ever a victim of bullying, it more than likely did the same for you. This is not to say that abuse of any form is a good thing because no one should ever be bullied. Ever! However, though painful and humiliating when it was happening, a bullied past has had its positive takeaways, one of which is my fine-tuned ability to smell bulls*** from a mile away.

Judging from my own experience and having heard stories of others who have endured the same, being a target of bullies has a way of giving you an almost psychic ability to see through people and detect true motives and intentions.


It allowed me to observe a large group of people, then spot and pick out the fakes and troublemakers at lightning speed and with accuracy. I don’t have to speak a word to anyone, only stand back and watch.

Just as a person who loses his sight experiences a much keener sense of hearing, a victim of bullying quickly grows the ability to read people like newspapers. Why? Out of sheer necessity. Many survivors can read body language like an FBI agent, deciphering the tiniest of micro-expressions. In fact, one can even pick up on the vibes others put out…especially negative ones.

When any certain skill is mandatory for your survival, nature gives you no choice but to quickly hon that skill and use it to near perfection.

I consider this sixth sense to be a gift. However, this gift came at a heavy price.

Faking a Surrender to Bullies to Trick Them into Leaving You Alone

Is there ever a time when you should surrender to a bully? The answer is yes, or at least make it look like you’re surrendering to them. In life, there are times when we should pick and choose our battles- to decide whether to fight back or leave well enough alone. It is a must when your bullies are extremely powerful because it isn’t smart to fight them and give them a chance to defeat you.

Sometimes real power comes with swallowing your pride and giving in to them first. When you do this, you’ll only enrage the bullies and throw them off-kilter because they were looking for a fight and so sure they’d get one but didn’t.

There’s no point in fighting an unwinnable battle. Showing weakness can be a strength if you know how to use it correctly.

When you surrender (or make it look as if you do), you give yourself time to recuperate and time to torture and irritate your bullies subtly. You can sneakily sabotage your bullies in ways they’d never expect nor detect. Maybe you can get what you can out of the surrender, then fight later when your bullies are not so strong. Believe it or not, bullies do eventually lose power.

You don’t surrender because you give up. You do it to humor your bullies and lull them into a false sense of complacency- to fool them into thinking they’ve won. Understand that bullies are continually trying to show dominance and superiority, and if you make it look like you surrender to them, it’ll be so easy to trick them.

Being submissive to them (for the time being) makes them feel satisfied and powerful. In this, the bullies become easier targets for a later countermove or indirect ridicule.

For example, You surrender, and the bullies let you walk away. But as you turn and walk away, you can cut a silent fart in their general direction, and they won’t think it came from you. They’ll only be looking at each other and wondering who dealt it.

Silent ridicule works wonders for self-esteem!

Why Bullies Must Work So Hard to Bully and Put on Airs

 

Targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in at the moment and for a little while to stay safe, but eventually, they find a way to rebel and break free. And they do it either fighting or fleeing and escape. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.

It’s only natural that we push against someone who makes us out to be someone we’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to maintain control of their targets and tighten their grip, the weight of their own lies and manipulations gets heavier on their shoulders. And bullies must consistently search for better ways to cover their lies and keep their targets silent and subdued.

In other words, bullies get by only on appearances. The facades they maintain and fronts they put on are only illusions and mirages. So, they have no leg to stand on, and the constant threat of being exposed weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again, and they are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hotspots to make sure they don’t ignite.

Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best, or, at least, give that impression. They must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must then obtain agreement from others. How else can they avoid accountability and feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations?

And when a bully seeks agreement from any outside source against a target, their insecurity is (or should be) even more apparent.

But sadly, most people can’t see clear enough to recognize it because they’re too fearful. Understand that emotions, such as intense fear, anger, or upset, renders people unable to think clearly and blinds them to subtle signs, evidence, subtexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see.

In that critical moment, a person encounters a bully; he must keep his head straight and realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threatening situation, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down, and the primal brain takes center stage.

Still, bullies must work the hardest to cover themselves, and they’re angry, resentful, and bitter because they don’t understand why it is that they have to fight so hard and so consistently.

Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas. Bullies are also closed to any new ideas and information. They’re resistant to responsibility and teamwork. They don’t respect anyone unless it’s beneficial to them.

You’ve got to pity people such as these because one can only imagine what a difficult life they must lead. It’s hard to hate someone who lives such a pitiful existence.

Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. But look at it like this, wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are, although it may not seem like it. Take comfort in it.

Truth Is The Bully’s Worst Nightmare

To bullies, everything is all about appearances. They work hard every day to put on the best and most convincing fronts. It’s what they’re best at.

Bullies are some of the dumbest, most incompetent people on the face of the earth, yet they’re talented at making themselves look intelligent. They make themselves look bigger, better, and more important than they truly are. They always have an image to keep up. But that image is false.

Truth shatters that image and lays bare their imperfections. Confront them with the truth about themselves, and that façade immediately melts away, and those true colors bleed through.

The truth hurts, and it’s maddening. Anytime bullies are confronted with the reality of who they are, they become enraged, going from zero to one hundred in a split second. Instant bitch mode is activated, and all hell breaks loose.

But this is a typical reaction from bullies. Their overinflated egos can’t handle being wrong and someone calling it out. It’s as if you hold a mirror up to them and show them their naked reflections and all the stretch marks, cellulite, and bumps of fat they’ve for so long kept hidden from the rest of the world.

When another person addresses a bully’s bad behavior, especially in front of an audience, they immediately bristle. They will deny it; they will fight it, but they can’t escape it.

Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out

 

dreamstime_xs_104065709

1. Being a bully is WORK! They work hard to keep up appearances and to maintain their fake facades. Bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven. They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. And they often spend beyond their means to look like they have lots of money. Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft. They have to steal to keep up!

2. Bullies are not happy people. They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others? They do it to feel better about themselves, to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities, and project them onto someone else. Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. They may bully for attention because they aren’t getting it at home. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

narcissist bully arrogant

3. They’re weak. Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. They’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy because they don’t have the brains to get what they want any other way.

4. Bullies are insecure. When a bully sees someone who outshines them somehow, they fear that the person will take the attention and admiration away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one. They must be adored at all times by everyone. They feel they have to be at the center of everything and that the world should revolve around them.

narcissist bully ego

5. Bullies are jealous of their victims. Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. If you have more wins then them, are better looking then them or are more talented than them, they’ll make it their mission to make you suffer for it.

6. Bullies are trying to be cool. Again, they strain themselves to keep up appearances. And bullies know that most people are under the mistaken impression that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t on the receiving end of it. Many bullies bully to look cute to any witnesses.

7. They seek attention. If a bully doesn’t get attention, they feel inadequate. So they bully in front of an audience to get the attention they feel they never get.

8. They’re cowards. They’re afraid of looking weak and being bullied themselves.

9. They’re fakes, frauds, and imposters. They must don masks to hide their true selves. Understand that they do this out of the fear of their true personalities being exposed.

10. They’re compensating. Bullies bully to compensate for weakness. If they can look strong by making someone else look weak they make up for the weaknesses they feel they have. Bullies will also run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing and, in a way, makes up for anything they feel they don’t have.

bullied victim desperate people pleaser

Male bullies who feel they aren’t man enough will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that girls find them disgusting. Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for the fact that they can’t get a date.

 

If a Bully or Someone Who Normally Mistreats You Starts Being Nice All of a Sudden, LOOK OUT! (Part 2)

suck-up kiss ass kiss butt fake

So, your bullies have suddenly had a change of heart. They’re finally treating you right. They’re finally talking to you like you’re equal to them. The bullies are smiling in your face, giving you pats on the back, and talking to you like you’re one of them and you belong.

But you’re smarter than what they give you credit for. You notice that the bullies are so sweet – too sweet. You think that if they don’t stop with the pleasantries soon, you’ll surely fall into a sugar coma!

You also notice a slight fakeness in the tones of their voices and that instead of making you feel good about yourself, they instead make you feel a little gross. But you don’t mention it to them. Just stay polite yet neutral.

The bullies are even inviting you to sleepovers, parties, cookouts, lunch and dinner dates, meetings, and family get-togethers. Every time these people talk to you, they seem to gush over you, and there again is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Nosey Beagle

You grow suspicious of them, and rightfully so. And in your mind, you ask yourself, “Why are they acting so nice to me all of a sudden?”

You politely decline the invitations they extend to you. But trust me, they won’t give up so easily. There will be a few more tricks up their sleeves. You can bet on it.

Here’s another bad sign to look for:

1. They’re nosey. The bullies will seem so interested in your life and in what you’re doing. But don’t be flattered. Chances are, they’re only probing you for information they can use against you later.

They will ask you a ton of questions about your family and what you do outside of school or work. Those questions are innocent enough. However, they will slowly and gradually move into more personal territory.

Nosey

Bullies will begin asking you what your political views and beliefs are and about your religious views. You don’t have to answer those. It’s none of anyone’s business!

Before long, they will begin prying into your personal and private business. These snoops will ask your opinion of this person and that, who you’re dating, how you feel about this, that and the other. They will ask questions that anyone with a brain would know better than to ask. Some things are just off limits!

Bullies will even share with you some personal deets about themselves. But don’t be fooled! They’re only doing it to put you at ease and in hopes that you’ll share a few of yours. Again. Don’t fall for it!

bullies bullying

Understand that any time someone asks questions that are none of their business, it’s a dead giveaway that they intend to use your answers against you. Don’t answer them!

Also, anytime people ask you very personal questions, it also means that they don’t respect your right to privacy. And be warned that when you refuse to let them in on your private business, they may come back and accuse you of “having something to hide.”

Don’t believe it! Because it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about knowing that some things aren’t anyone’s business, and they should respect that.

Never share anything that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know!!!

 

If a Bully or Someone Who Normally Mistreats You Starts Being Nice All of a Sudden, LOOK OUT!

bootlicker suck-up kiss ass kiss butt fake

If you are a target of bullying, you should beware if your bullies ever just up and all of a sudden, out of the blue, start being kind to you. Anytime bullies are up to something, they need you to let down your defenses. And how they get you to open up to them is to pour on the sweetness.

I want you to understand that if you see this sudden change in your bullies at school or in the workplace, they could be setting you up to be humiliated, to fail, to get in trouble with authority, or for a brutal physical attack.

Here are the signs:

1. A sudden change of heart – Nobody becomes a friend overnight. Friendship takes time because trust isn’t free; it’s earned. Trust needs a considerable amount of time to build. Just as you shouldn’t rush into a romantic relationship, neither should you rush into a friendship. If someone who usually is brutal toward you just up and begins treating you warmly, you’d better beat feet to the nearest exit- fast!

suck-up kiss-ass fake kiss-butt

2. Flattery/Sweet-Talk – Bullies instinctively know that when a person is bullied over a certain amount of time, that person is more than likely hungry for any morsel of acceptance, approval, and kindness, and they take full advantage!

You’ll know that something is off because they’ll overdo the pleasantries. Bullies will use excessive flattery to get you to let your guard down and trust them. And man! Do they lay it on thick! If they’re so sickeningly sweet that you swear you’re getting a mouth full of cavities just listening to them, that’s your cue to find the door.

3. A fake smile – As one verse in the old song goes, a smile is only a frown turned upside down. If they smile with their mouths and not with their eyes, it’s time to end the conversation and get away from those creeps.

4. Microflashes – If you pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions, you’ll notice those tiny, split-second flashes of contempt on their faces when they think you aren’t looking or paying attention. Don’t ignore those. Bid them goodbye and politely leave.

dirty look

5. Giggling or smirking among themselves after you turn and walk away – Dead giveaway! Give these idiots the boot!

6. They will get furious when you politely decline any invitations or requests – Again! Steer clear. It only goes to show that they don’t respect you as a person with feelings, boundaries, and human rights!

Also, it’s a sign that in their invitations or requests, they more than likely had plans for you that you don’t know about. Maybe they invited you to dinner or a party as a way to lure you to a possible set-up for something humiliating or dangerous? You never know. And if you don’t know, don’t go!

When it comes to bullies, always be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary or that doesn’t feel right to you because that’s usually your clue. Your gut will always give you the correct answer. Listen to it.

(Continued in Part 2…)

Bullies, Groupthink and Fakery

followers sheep

Excessive groupthink was the accepted norm for Oakley High School and at one workplace I was employed in. In high school, groupthink and fakery were shared by most students and teachers alike. In the workplace, it went from top to bottom.

A moderate amount of groupthink is only human nature because it’s how we conform to rules and laws and provides stability for a community. However, excessive groupthink is unhealthy, and it’s how cults, dictatorships, and totalitarian states get started.

An example of groupthink is, “if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too.” It’s herd mentality at play.

When there’s a culture of bullying in a school or in a workplace, all too often, people who would not typically bully another person will do it simply because everyone does it, and they think they should get in on it also. It certainly was the case at *Oakley High School years ago and later at *Oakley Rehab and Living Center.

followers

From time to time, people you thought were friends would suddenly and without warning turn on you and bully you- all to jump on the bandwagon and join everyone else so they could feel like one of the big guys.

There are several names for this, two of which are Social Contagion and Peer Pressure.

Now I understand that most of my classmates and later, coworkers were followers, drones, slaves! I compare the student body of Oakley High School, of which I was apart years ago, to one big herd of sheep with no definite shepherd. They were slaves to the prospect of being seen as “one of the cool kids” or a member of the ‘Good Ole Boy’ network.

bootlicker suck-up kiss ass kiss butt

My bullies were nothing but two-faced hypocrites. They talked out both sides of their mouths, held certain others to a double standard, and pretended to be someone they never were and never could be. Authenticity, being yourself, and free thought and expression were all punishable offenses. Everything was about appearances and whose butt they wanted to kiss to move up the social ladder

I would watch as most of my bullies pathetically sucked up to people they secretly couldn’t stand because they thought it would score them brownie points.  And often, it would.

I also watched bullies who were second in power take plenty of degradation from the bullies at the top to fit in and look popular.

bootlicker suck-up kiss ass kiss butt

One such person was someone I knew who was the son of one of the teachers.
Very few of the so-called cool kids liked this wuss, yet he would lick their boots hungrily to get the so-called privilege of hanging with them, it didn’t matter to him if they were only tolerating him.

It was so pathetic I couldn’t hate the boy. All I could do was pity him.

On other occasions, I would see one of the popular girls drop a textbook, a pencil, anything. I would then watch the kids around her scramble, some taking a nosedive to the floor to pick it up for her and laugh as I walked by.

Whoever put on the best possible and most convincing front was rewarded not only by the other classmates but many of the teachers and school staff as well. I realize now that all the fake sympathy, bogus compliments and, incessant butt-kissing were so they could get something from the higher-ups, not because they liked or respected them.

False flattery and opinion conformity in school and at work, made the bullies puffed up and overconfident, and yielded immense social benefits for all the wannabes. Therefore, they maintained the status quo of ritualistic bullying of only kids or coworkers in particular.

Many of my classmates and coworkers were narcissistic sociopaths with low self-esteem. They were like tires with slow leaks. Their followers had to continuously air them up with fake compliments and false admiration to keep them from going flat!

groupthink

Unquenchably thirsty for attention and praise, the bullies at the top only surrounded themselves with weak wannabes- bootlickers and yes-kids to feed their hungry egos by telling them what they wanted to hear. And everyone, except a few, was more than too happy to do so if it awarded them high popularity and favors.

You were expected to think like them, dress like them, be like them and agree with them. And the kids who did their own thing, who were happy being themselves, and didn’t act or think like the flock were bullied for it.

But real life did eventually come around to the top dogs in high school. Once we were all graduated, and the so-called preppies (bullies) got a taste of the real world, many of them got a rude awakening.

They were no longer the big dogs and had to start at the bottom, which was a terrible blow to their fragile egos. They had to learn the hard way that the real world doesn’t care who you are or whether you made the “Who’s Who” section of your high school yearbook. The real world only cares whether you can contribute to it, and most of the punks I went to school with haven’t brought a damn thing to the table of life.

In fact, many of them either became criminals or bred them.

Followers and sheep

Fitting in leads to a life of mediocrity. Standing out, on the other hand, is a prerequisite of greatness!

So, if your classmates are bullying you in school, or if your coworkers at work are bullying you, know that you are the brave one because you refuse to follow the herd or resort to pathetic fakery to get approval!

You continue to be your authentic self and embrace your uniqueness, flaws, and all. You’re at the head of the class because you are true to your own heart, your own beliefs, and your convictions. You refuse to let them mold you into what they think you ought to be. You stand out from the rest, and one day, it’s all going to pay off!

Wait and see!

The Dirty Truth About Cliques and What They Don’t Want You to Know

Clique

People will establish a clique for the sole purpose of excluding others– and for no apparent reason. Cliques have only one goal, to make their members feel superior to others. Their criteria for “good enough” changes like the weather, and they have no special interests, causes, or abilities.

A clique will exclude someone for reasons as trivial as not wearing name-brand shoes. Tomorrow, the same person may wear name-brand shoes, but the members may exclude them because their hair is too straight or too curly.

You get the point. Cliques exclude people for no logical reason, which only brings me to conclude that their members do it strictly to get psychological benefits- to be mean and to feel like they’re better than someone.

I’m not talking about clubs. Clubs are different in that they promote an interest in a specific hobby or subject- The Math Club, The Music Club, etc. So, naturally, if you didn’t have an interest in Music, you wouldn’t be allowed to join the Music Club, which makes perfect sense.

However, cliques have no real purpose other than to stoke the overstuffed (or bruised) egos of their members. Nothing more. Cliques have no substance behind them. They’re a farce, all about appearances- a mirage.

gossip girls clique

I want you to realize that anyone who has to establish or join a clique to feel good about themselves obviously doesn’t have much else going for them.

Bullies belong to cliques, always. And they will look for any excuse to attack those on the outside. They then use differences to justify themselves. They must make someone feel bad in order to make themselves feel good.

Sadly, they don’t realize that they only forfeit their chances of meeting people who could be interesting and be great additions to their existences.

If you’ve been rejected by a clique, don’t feel bad. Instead, ask yourself these questions.

Are those frauds even worth knowing?
Are they even on my level?
Would they benefit my life in any way?
Am I missing anything?

clique

Understand that, besides the ability to feel better than or superior to others, cliques have no real benefits. They are the same boring people, having the same boring conversations and living the same lackluster lives.

And if being a part of the clique is the only way it’s members can have any excitement in their lives, then wow! They are some miserable souls and you should have pity on them.

Cliques only restrict their members from talking to anyone on the outside and take away the possibility of meeting someone who would make a positive difference in our lives and could actually teach them something.

So, seriously! Who’s missing out here? You or them?

Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out

dreamstime_xs_104065709

1. Being a bully is WORK! They work hard to keep up appearances and to maintain their fake facades. Bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven. They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. And they often spend beyond their means to look like they have lots of money. Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft. They have to steal to keep up!

2. Bullies are not happy people. They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others? They do it to feel better about themselves, to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities, and project them onto someone else. Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. They may bully for attention because they aren’t getting it at home. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

3. They’re weak. Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. They’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy because they don’t have the brains to get what they want any other way.

dreamstime_xs_114539556

4. Bullies are insecure. When a bully sees someone who outshines them somehow, they fear that the person will take the attention and admiration away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one. They must be adored at all times by everyone. They feel they have to be at the center of everything and that the world should revolve around them.

5. Bullies are jealous of their victims. Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. If you have more wins then them, are better looking then them or are more talented than them, they’ll make it their mission to make you suffer for it.

6. Bullies are trying to be cool. Again, they strain themselves to keep up appearances. And bullies know that most people are under the mistaken impression that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t on the receiving end of it. Many bullies bully to look cute to any witnesses.

dreamstime_xs_50330595

7. They seek attention. If a bully doesn’t get attention, they feel inadequate. So they bully in front of an audience to get the attention they feel they never get.

8. They’re cowards. They’re afraid of looking weak and being bullied themselves.

9. They’re fakes, frauds, and imposters. They must don masks to hide their true selves. Understand that they do this out of the fear of their true personalities being exposed.

10. They’re compensating. Bullies bully to compensate for weakness. If they can look strong by making someone else look weak they make up for the weaknesses they feel they have. Bullies will also run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing and, in a way, makes up for anything they feel they don’t have.

dreamstime_xs_36025324

Male bullies who feel they aren’t man enough will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that girls find them disgusting. Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for the fact that they can’t get a date.