To Successfully Deter a Bully, You Have to THINK Like a Bully

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Most people who become targets of bullying are genuinely good-hearted, pure, and sweet-natured and would never dream of hurting another human being in any way.

Bullies, on the other hand, are consistently thinking up newer and more sophisticated ways to inflict harm on others. Their hunger for power is so that they have left a long line of victims in their wake and are always on the lookout for new targets.

The reason most good-natured people become targets of bullying is that bullies are notorious for taking kindness for weakness. Sadly, to protect yourself from becoming the next target requires that you adapt the bully mindset. You must think as they do but not act as they do.

I realize this can be difficult because the mind of a bully isn’t a pleasant place to be. It’s downright ugly!

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Another sad truth is that to think as a bully takes a certain degree of identifying with the person to be able to predict what they will most likely do next. And if you can figure out what their next move will be, you can stay a few steps ahead of the bully and protect yourself.

Though it won’t be easy, as the mind of a bully can be a real cesspool, sometimes you must wade through a ton of crap to keep yourself safe and your name and reputation clean.

Bullies and “Target Derangement Syndrome”

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…or “Victim Derangement Syndrome. Whatever you want to call it, it’s extremely toxic and it’s when things begin to become dangerous for a target of bullying.

TDS happens when the lies and bad talk about the target reaches such as pitch that it seems to be the unwritten rule to believe the BS or to, at the very least, act like you do. And too often, the bystander’s safety depends on it!

Bullies, followers and bystanders have TDS when they have such an intense, demented and blind hatred for the target that they’ll believe, without question (and without even blinking!), anything about him, so as long as it’s negative. And the more negative and condemning the rumors, the better and more convenient, and the better it suits the running narrative!

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They’ll also believe it, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. Anytime you hear something about a target that sounds absolutely and utterly absurd to any rational and sane person outside the bullying environment, that’s when you know that Target Derangement Syndrome is at play!

Understand that when you’re a target of bullying and everyone in the environment you feel struck in (and you are stuck in) has TDS, that’s when you know the bullying has taken on a life of it’s own. In essence, you are burned in effigy!

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Here are the signs and symptoms of Target Derangement Syndrome:

1. Others seem to jump at the chance to diminish anything positive about the target. For instance, if you are a target of bullying and you do a good deed that is either visible or gets positive recognition, others in the class, school, workplace, community, or any toxic environment will only disregard it and make statements such as:

a. “He only did that to make himself look good!”

b. “She’s only trying to score brownie points, kiss ass, (etc.).”

c. “Haha! He’s just did that because he thinks it’s going to get him on everyone’s good side!”

When the target reaches a success, others will only rain on it, saying things like:

a. “Oh, God! Anyone could’ve accomplished that!”

b. “He’s trying to show out! He thinks he’s so special!”

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2. People in the environment are wide open with their brutality against the target. Bullies, their followers, and any other bystander who wants to join in the mistreatment won’t even try to hide it anymore. Why?

Because these people know they’re protected from any accountability. They know that their brutality toward you is widely accepted now- even encouraged, or worse, celebrated!

They’ve picked up on the reality that no one will even dare help you (if they know what’s good for them) and won’t utter one word against the open abuse you endure every day. Remember that when others openly abuse you, it’s gotten to a very dangerous level! And you might want to ask yourself this:

“If they can get away with this, what are they likely to do to me next?”

“How much worse will they hurt me later?”

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3. People in the toxic environment are blinded by their own hatred of you. They don’t know why they hate you so intensely. They just do.

If anyone on the outside were to ask them what you did or said to them to make them hate you so much, they either wouldn’t be able to answer them at all, or they would throw just any ridiculous answer out there, without having the goods to back it up.

And they’ll hope to the heavens the person asking is lazy and won’t press the issue further, or worse- (gasp!) challenge them to provide evidence that you’re such a despicable and deplorable person.

They’ll give ad hominem responses such as:

a. “Because she’s just a bitch and I hate her”

b. “Because I just hate the bitch!”

c. “Because he just rubs me the wrong way!”

d. “Because he’s a jerk and a know-it-all!”

And because they can’t come up with anything that makes sense, or, God forbid, produce any evidence to back up their (false) claims against you be prepared for them to fabricate lies out of thin air, or viciously attack the person asking the (very legitimate) questions and in that, pose the threat of making them look like the moronic and brutal monsters they really are!

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4. These people will be intensely angered each time anything positive comes your way. For example, if you win an award, they may not say it to you, but you’ll see it in their faces and body language. They also may talk through their teeth to one another as their eyes blaze at you.

5. They’ll try to destroy your good mood because they’ll hate the possibility that you might be happy and feel good. If you are a target and they see you so much as laugh or crack a smile, here are a few responses you’re likely to hear from them:

a. “What the hell are you laughing about!”

b. “What the @&%# are you smiling about!”

c. “What have you got to be so happy about, bitch!”

d. Shut up, asshole! You laugh like a hyena!”

e. “I don’t see anything funny!”

f. “I wish she’d wipe that stupid smile off her face!”

SHUT UP

SHUT UP rubber stamp over a white background.

6. They’ll shout you down and tell you to shut up, every time you even look like you’re about to open your mouth. Understand that these people don’t think you deserve to be heard, nor to even have the freedom to speak.

7. They’ll all rise against you when you defend yourself. When you have “the audacity” to stand up to them and assert your right not to be abused, they will all gang up on you and gaslight you into believing you asked for the abuse.

If that doesn’t work, expect them to smear you to others. And if that doesn’t silence you, the next step is a brutal physical attack. Always! If they can’t bring you down emotionally, they will do it physically and no one will jump in to help you. I’ve seen this happen and have had it happen to me.

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8. They will watch you like a hawk. Understand they everyone else in the bullying environment will be watching you very closely- waiting for you to screw up even the tiniest bit! They will then beat you down with your mistake and never let you hear the end of it.

But understand that these people are only looking for the slightest infraction to maximize and use against you. They will twist, spin, or add to the most trivial thing you do that’s not quite right to make it bigger and more severe. Something as minuscule as knocking over a glass of milk will be made into a Federal case and they’ll swear you did it deliberately.

If they see you talking to a member of the opposite sex, they’ll swear up and down you’re trying to get laid. But if you happen to be saving yourself for your wedding night, they’ll only call you a prude.

If you take one sip of wine, they’ll call you a sloppy, fall-down drunk. But if you don’t drink, they’ll call you a party pooper, boring, or a stick in the mud. They ‘ll make statements like, “Well, he just doesn’t know how to have a good time!”

You will be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

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You must realize that when the bullying and mass degradation of you gets this bad and seems to permeate the whole of the environment, the hatred and contempt for you has reached such a crescendo that it’s has turned into mass mental illness in those around you. At this point, it more than likely won’t get better. It will only get worse until either one of them murders you or forces you to do it yourself.

At this juncture, the best thing you can do for yourself is to run! These people are dangerous and you must get as far away from them and stay away!

However you decide to do it, get these people out of your life and keep them out because these are people you will never be safe around!

The More Bullies Tightened Their Fists, The More Like Water I Became

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I only ran through their fingers and out of their hands. My classmates couldn’t hold me. I flowed over and around them. Understand that sometimes, in their efforts to tighten their grip, bullies only create victims who find their way around them.

Because some victims refuse to be controlled. I was one of them.

When my bullies tried to silence me and prevent me from speaking against the abuse, I found another way to communicate. And I did it through writing about it instead, being sure to keep a backup journal at home in case my primary journal came up missing.

I took advantage of the fact that my bullies were flawed humans just like I was- and that they couldn’t read my mind nor control my thoughts.

When my bullies trashed my reputation at school, I made friends outside that toxic environment– out of kids who didn’t attend Oakley High School and dated guys who were of college-age and were past high school.

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Although my opportunities for an after school job in my own community were nil, my attempts to get one in the next town were successful and I made many friends there.

And lastly, twenty years later, when I went through bouts of cyberbullying (keep in mind that some of the attackers online were former schoolmates), I handled it with smarts and class, which only brought me many allies who defended me against them– people from all over the country! And I’m still friends with those people today.

This is not to brag. But I want you to realize that if you think hard, there’s always a way around the stigma if you’re bullied. Dig those heels in, double down and become like water that only runs through your bullies’ hands.
Don’t give up! There’s always hope!