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Keep them all fighting because it divides and ensures the next juicy story.

Keep them off balance because it’s a distraction from the truth.

Keep them all distracted with lies and spin because open eyes to the real issues would be a hand in our money pots.

Keep them blind to the possible cures to keep them all sick and afraid.

Keep them all stupid or dumb them down with lies and indoctrination because any wisdom is considered a threat to our enormous power.

Keep them all in fear of being marginalized and cancelled- keep them in fear of everything because a fearful population is a controllable one.

Disprove and discredit human instincts and the gut feeling to keep them confused and in doubt.

Make them all pawns to our chess game.

Hide from them the fact that the left and right both belong to the same bird.

Critical thinking is a sin that we must discourage, as is freedom of the mind.

Make sure they do what we say and not what we do.

Give us all the rights and them none.

Demonize all the intelligent people out there and label them crazy, for they know too much about our sins and they stand to destroy us all when they start talking.

Get them before they get us!

You Have Nothing to Be Sorry About

Don’t apologize for being who you are. You’re just the way God made you.

Don’t be sorry for being a woman, a man, your race, nor having brown hair, blonde hair, blue or brown eyes. For those are the things that make you you. Be happy and secure with it.

Don’t apologize for being a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, nor for holding certain values- for valuing your god and family. For those are the things you hold dear.

Refuse to be sorry for wrongdoings committed by others. You cannot control others’ actions, nor should you be expected to pay for their sins. That is between them and God, and they’ll be judged for it one day.

You’re not responsible for any sins other than your own.

Too many people self-loathe and feel guilty for things they haven’t done, which only strips away their happiness and peace of mind. And if you allow others to heap false guilt on your head unjustly, what do you think they will do next?

Take charge of your happiness and your life. And know that anyone who tries to force you to feel something you shouldn’t feel or do something that is either degrading to you or that you don’t want to do, you should have no more to do with them.

Continue to love yourself. Apologize only for what you’re guilty of and to the person you transgressed against. And if that person doesn’t accept your apology, that’s on them, and you should love yourself enough to get on with it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

episode 27: the bully (Conversation with Advocate for Bullied Children, Author and Blogger Cherie White) — How Corona Virus Saved My Life Podcast

https://anchor.fm/s/5055ba2c/podcast/rss Summary This week I had a conversation with my new friend, blogger and author Cherie White, who is an Advocate for Bullied Children and Teenagers. Cherie’s personal childhood story of being bullied for 6 years after moving to a small town in Tennessee is heartbreakingly powerful. From a slow progression to constant violence. Her […]

episode 27: the bully (Conversation with Advocate for Bullied Children, Author and Blogger Cherie White) — How Corona Virus Saved My Life Podcast
I’m very honored to have gotten the opportunity, to spread awareness of bullying even wider by being featured on Christine Zethraus’ podcast radio show. Thank you, Christine, from the bottom of my heart. 

The Number One Reason It’s So Difficult for Targets to Open Up About the Bullying They Suffer

It’s because they can’t name what’s happening to them. Sure, they can feel it and see it, but they can’t put an actual name on it because they don’t know the names of the tactics and how to describe what’s happening.

Let’s delve deeper.

Being able to put a name on the abusive tactics takes a lot of research and study on abuse in general, because bullying is abuse and abuse is bullying. Why? Because it involves a power imbalance and repeated behavior.

The reason why we should know the names of the tactics used is because, when you can’t put a label on it, it’s much harder to explain to others. And when you can’t name something, you tend to ramble. And because you ramble about it, people are less likely to believe you when you speak out.

I can’t think of anything more frustrating than to feel and to know with every fiber of your being that something is happening and not be able to name it. It’s as if you have an invisible gag over your mouth and that some higher force is trying to silence you and protect your bullies and abusers.

It’s the most frustrating and downright infuriating thing in the world!

I’ll use the term “gaslighting,” for instance.

Years ago, when people were gaslighting me, I didn’t know the proper name for those incessant emotional manipulations they were inflicting. I didn’t know it was called gaslighting. All I knew was that it felt horrible and left me feeling that, somehow, I was always in the wrong. However, I didn’t know how to fix it because I didn’t know what was broken.

Yet, in the innermost parts of my soul, I knew differently, but, because I didn’t know the name and couldn’t put a name to it, I couldn’t describe what was happening to me and, therefore, it was much harder to speak out about it without rambling and looking crazy.

Also, the bullies were always vague about everything. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve figured out that their vagueness was only another tactic to keep me confused and off balance, but I’ll save this for another post.

With that said, it’s important that you read, study, and research everything you can about bullying and abuse. Find out and study the key terms for each tactic. Learn them. In fact, learn all you can, because, when you know the names as well as the descriptions of each tactic,  you will not only be able to effectively speak out about the bullying and abuse you suffer, but even better, you will be able to more effectively counter the abuse.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You’re Not Being Paranoid, You Know When Something Doesn’t Feel Good.

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One of the saddest things about bullying is the confusion it often brings. Many targets of bullying are confused and misled as to whether or not they are legitimately being bullied or only being paranoid.

Oftentimes, when an individual is bullied and they defend themselves, others may gaslight the person by either trivializing the bullying or dismissing it. They tell the target that “it’s only in your mind” or “you’re just being paranoid”. Half the time, people convince the target of the above statements, which only forces him to endure the torment in silence. Bullying cannot thrive without silence.

Therefore, the bully is let off the hook and is free to target the same individual again in the future. The bully gets the message loud and clear that it’s okay to target this person simply because they can – and with impunity.

After so long, the victim begins to feel as if it is somehow wrong to report and stand up to bullies. The victim then questions their own sanity, thinking, “Maybe it really is only in my mind.” and often grows silent for fear of being gaslighted and seen as “paranoid”, “crazy”, “overly sensitive” or other labels that undermine and steal their voice.

If you’re a target of these mind games, let me assure you: It’s NOT only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby, crazy or whatever else unsavory people may call you.

Always remember that bullies are very skilled and convincing liars. You always know when something does not feel good. Your brain and your gut always let you know when something isn’t right!

You can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you.

You can see and hear them talking through their teeth.

You can hear the short and cold tone in their voices.

You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude.

This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people, pronto!

Defending their rights concept

Anyone who causes you to feel bad does not deserve the time of day from you. It does not matter if they are rich, smart, good looking, popular, successful, cool or tough.

If they cause you to feel less than, ditch them! Weed. Them. Out! They are not worthy of even being in your presence. Never allow anyone to violate your boundaries, whether physical or psychological.

Self awareness is key, as is awareness of everyone and everything around you. You must get to know yourself. Listen to your body and the sensations you feel.

It is imperative that you get absolutely clear on what you will and will not accept. Only then will you be able to tell the difference and send your bullies packing.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Persistence of Bullies: They Will Not Be Deterred

In movies and television, we see scenarios where targets stand up to bullies and automatically either get left alone or become friends with their former tormentors. However, in most cases, this is not reality. Remember that bullies are relentless.

Here are the tactics bullies use when a target stands up for themselves:

If you are a target, you must realize that bullies will not relinquish their power so easily. They will not be good sports and hand your human rights back over to you, nor will they bow out of your life gracefully. Bullies have an insatiable need to wield power over another, and without that power, they feel lost.

Why? Because bullies have no redeemable qualities and they’re losers in life. And since they can’t get power by their own merit, the only way left to get it is by ruining someone else’s life.

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Make no mistake about it. When you kick unsavory people out of your life, they will do the following:

1. They will gaslight you- by adding their spin to make you look and feel like the villain and maligning you to others to destroy your good name and credibility.

2. They will lay guilt trips- by trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

3. They may recruit followers and start a smear campaign- by recruiting followers to spread rumors and lies. They will also try to turn your friends against you. It happened to me many times and it would come as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

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4. They will turn your friends against you- Females, although becoming more and more physically violent with time, commit much of their bullying by Dividing and Conquering- attacking the targets’ relationships to turn everyone against the target to isolate them. Think about it. The chances are that your friends know your deepest, darkest secrets. They would know the most intimate details about your life. Friends are a GOLDMINE of information to bullies.

5. They will project their shortcomings onto you– Bullies have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. What better way to keep their imperfections hidden than to either project them onto the target?

6. They will distract others’ attention away from their flaws by pointing out yours– What better way is there to hide their own shortcomings than putting the spotlight on yours? It shouldn’t be so easy but it is!

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If bullies can’t control you, they will control how others see you.

They use the above strategies not only to cover their backsides and to punish you for daring to grow a spine and defend yourself, but also to close you off from any possible help or protection.

Once the target is isolated, the bullies move in for the kill. Now, they can do with you whatever they choose to do, freely and with impunity because if everyone is against you, the least likely they are to report or stop the abuse. In the minds of others, you deserve what’s happening to you.

Bullies want to, figuratively, hold the target hostage, and they will resort to any means necessary to keep him/her on emotional lock down and “in their place.”

They will do it with physical violence when exclusion, subtle digs, verbal assaults, gaslighting, and other forms of psychological abuse no longer have an impact. Bullies will commit their violence either by committing bodily harm themselves or sending someone else to do their savagery for them.

This does not mean that you should not stand up for yourself because you should. However, when you do, be prepared. The torment will get worse before it gets better. Be strong. Be brave and know that none of it is your fault.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

11 Most Common Excuses People Make for Bullies

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As we know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flair for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority.

Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake. It is all a part of the smokescreen they put up to hoodwink people, cover up bad behavior, and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

Here is a list of excuses that bystanders and authorities often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“He was only joking.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

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“He just has a very strong personality.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“But he’s really a good person, he’s just having issues right now.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“But he’s so well-liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“But they’re just good kids who made a bad mistake.”

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These are a few examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior.

Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are- BULLIES! Never accept any excuse. It’s true that retaliation may follow.

However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! You have rights. And you have a right to be safe and to live in a healthy environment. Those are non-negotiables!

Lastly, always remember that it’s not your fault and the harassment isn’t about you. It’s about the bullies’ issues!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

8 Things Bullies Will Tell Others When the Target Puts Their Foot Down

Any time a target gets tired of the abuse and calls a bully’s bluff. The bully will more than likely justify their behavior to others. Here is a list of the most famous statements you’re likely to hear, from most popular to least.

1. “She’s crazy.” or “She’s unstable.”

2. “He’s just mad because I called him out!”

3. “She’s so fake.”

4. “She’s too sensitive.” “She’s overreacting.”

5. “He’s a crybaby.”

6. “She doesn’t want to admit when she’s wrong.”

7. “I was just trying to help you.”

8. “She’s just jealous of me because of…”

Always listen to your gut feeling- it will always tell you the truth. If something doesn’t feel good, your gut will tell you. Remember that the sensations of the body never lie. You should expect bullies to act this way when you finally assert yourself; it only goes to show what kinds of people they are- and who you should avoid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

7 Reasons Targets Are Blamed and Bullies Escape Accountability

One thing I’m certain of is that every person, who has ever been a target of bullying, has at some point asked either themselves or another person these questions: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here are the answers, and there are many:

1. Bullies are very convincing liars. Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what does not work. They are master manipulators, skilled in the art of deception.

Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

2. Bullies often use projection. They project all their faults and shortcomings onto their targets, making the target look like the bully and themselves look like the victim. When faced with possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry and feign victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

3. Bullies are very charming to the right people, which can be used as another weapon against a target. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Because of this, they had a way of winning people over and making them their allies.

A good reputation can be used as a weapon against any target because, with this good name, the bully has everyone (except the target) fooled. Others cannot believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone. Take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves.

No one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

4. Because this person has so many friends who cherish them. Even if these friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will still more than likely cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on the target.

5. There is strength in numbers Most bullies have a large number of friends behind them. And people in large numbers can have a cumulative power that can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent individuals. To put it plainly, if enough people are against a person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

6. Bullies use gaslighting- adding their own spin to make you look and feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips- trying to convince you that you are at fault or that the abuse is just your imagination. Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

7. Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility: They recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you. This occurred to me regularly in school, and it would happen as retaliation for my having the gall to stand up to them and assert my God-given, divine right not to be abused or taken advantage of.

There were several different benefits from the execution of this strategy.

1. It could be used to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most who have been in school have a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal.

2. Destroying the target’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of him being listened to, should the target run and “tattle” to members of the authority. Again, protecting them from discipline at school and allowing them the freedom to do whatever they want to the target whenever they feel like it.

3. It’s used to silence the target and make him/her afraid to report the bullying or speak out about it.

Schoolboy angel with wings and halo concept for being clever, good, successful in education or smug

Targets get the blame because, sadly, the attitudes of most bystanders and members of authority are these:

“Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?”

“Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

After all, who will look any further than the child with the worst reputation anytime a confrontation arises? If people expect trouble to come from a certain place, that is where they’re going to look.

It is all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and, therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

Targets not only need the confidence to fight to bully but also the knowledge of bullies. The first step of defense is knowing the mindsets and intentions of bullies and the tactics they use.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying is One Big Psy-Op

Young girl bending down covering her face with her hands trying to protect herself from mens’ fists, finger guns and hands pointing at her. Women’s rights. Violence against women. Domestic violence.

Why do I tell you it’s a psychological operation of a sort? It simply because of the purpose of it. Just as the purpose of any psy-ops operations in military warfare and propaganda campaigns is to demoralize the enemy, the same is also the purpose of bullying- to demoralize the target. If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that if bullies can demoralize you, they can then crush your will to stand up for yourself and fight back.

Bullies tell targets things like:

“You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”

“No body likes you” or “You don’t have any friends.”

“You can’t fight against us.”

“You’ll always be a nobody” or “You’ll never amount to anything.”

“No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”

“You’ll never win that contest.”

“You’ll never make the team.”

You’ll never this and you’ll never that. You must realize that these statements are all design to tear down your confidence and to keep you mentally subdued- to get you to overcome your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse, they must slowly weaken you so that you won’t stand up to them and you’ll give up on yourself and let your bullies just walk all over you.

Again, this is all designed to weaken your resolve and force you to surrender to their abuse.

Bullies want you to believe that you’re worthless.

They want you to believe that you’re powerless.

They want you to believe that you can’t do anything right.

They want you to believe that you’re an evil person.

They want you to doubt yourself

They want you to feel inferior.

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In short, they want you to hate yourself.

Why? Because bullies know that whatever you believe about yourself, others are more than likely going to believe it too. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to have confidence in you?

These bullies want you to stop focusing on your goals and going after your dreams because they were too lazy to go after theirs. They want to convince you that you’re a failure and that everything you set out to do is going to fall flat. They want you to give up and submit to their subjugation so they can feel superior.

Psy-ops are also conducted to create opportunities that otherwise might not come to fruition.

The opportunity to keep you silent and from talking about their abuse.

The opportunity to bully you freely and with impunity.

The opportunity to use you to further their selfish and evil agendas.

You see, if they can weaken you, they can silence you and they can bully you safely, without being detected and continue to feel superior and get that rush of power. They can use your weaknesses and shortcomings to distract attention from their own. They can make you the bad guy and the object of suspicion while they get to go on doing their dirt without fear of being caught.

Think about it, if they can ruin your reputation and make you into a known troublemaker, then people won’t suspect it’s the bullies stirring up all the discord. They’ll look over at you instead. Understand that where there’s smoke, there’s fire and if people expect trouble to come from a certain person, then that person is where they’re going to look.

To do what the bullies want to do to you requires changing public opinion about you. If bullies can demonize you in the eyes of others, and they often do, they can cut you off from having any friends, allies, or support. Once they cut you off from support, then they can bully you at will because no one else will like you and any bystanders will either not care or they’ll refuse to help you because they will believe that you deserve the abuse.

Bullies are experts at breaking down barriers that would prevent them from abusing you. I urge you to see it all for what it is. Never let them cause you not to believe in yourself. Never let them destroy your confidence. Never let them gaslight you and try to tell you that their behavior is your fault. Never let them cause you to hate yourself.

Always stand up for yourself and call the bullies and their behavior out. Because, in doing so, you keep those barriers in place to protect you. You keep your reputation; you keep the support of others. Most importantly, you keep your confidence, your self-belief, and your healthy self-esteem.

With knowledge comes empowerment!