The 1 Reason Why Former Bullies Always Deny the Abuse They Inflicted

It’s because they feel dirty. That’s right! Any time bullies and abusers must face the reality of any past abuse they may have inflicted on someone else, deep down inside, though they would never admit it to themselves much less you or anyone else, they feel like a piece of scum. And in order to not feel dirty, they must live in denial of what they did. It’s the only way they can bury their sins and still feel good about themselves.

My former classmates who bullied me, are no different. Denial is a useful psychological defense, and it does have benefits.

Many bullies deny their abuse because of their hatred for the victim, and they wish to reduce sympathy and support for the victim. They will claim that the violence a victim speaks of is either invented or exaggerated to either get attention or to make others feel sorry for him/her.

Sometimes, even bystanders and witnesses will side with the bullies and deny the abuse to keep from being bullied themselves or because they too have a secret hatred for the victim. Bystanders and witnesses may also want the bullying of the victim to continue for entertainment purposes. Believe it or not, many witnesses to the abuse enjoy seeing the victim get bullied because, to them, it is a source of entertainment and makes them feel superior to somebody.

Also, bystanders may feel dirty as well because they know they didn’t speak out for the victim when they should have, or the bullying may be something they would like to have done to the victim themselves but didn’t have the guts.

Understand that the psyches and egos of humans are very fragile, even those of bullies. So, any time your abuser denies any abuse they know they dished out to you in the past, you don’t have to feel angry or insulted. You don’t have to try and force them to fess up. Because just knowing why they deny it and the nastiness they feel inside when they see you should be enough satisfaction.

So, if you’re a survivor of bullying and anytime you’re out shopping, and see one of the people who bullied you in the past; and you immediately notice how they turn and walk away or avoid looking at you. Know why they do that and feel good about it.

I can tell you that most of my classmates can’t face me today. They cannot bear to look at me because they know what they did, and they feel so dirty. I am a reminder of what they never want to see in themselves, and I always provoke feelings of shame in them. Therefore, I can’t get angry at them, nor feel insulted. There’s no need for revenge, nor to hate them because, in the end, they are the ones who must live with what they did.

Always remember that!

What is The Difference Between Like and Respect?

A conceptual look at respect, esteem, appreciation, recognition.

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put simpler, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Respect and like are different in that like is simply based on commonalities and good feelings shared between people. When someone likes you, they enjoy your company and the positivity you bring to their life.

Respect, on the other hand, is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality. When someone respects you, they may not necessarily like you, but see you as having the same rights and considerations as they and everyone else. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective.

Judgemental girls tauting fellow student

Put another way, someone may dislike you, but if you were lying badly injured on the sidewalk, they would more than likely stop and help you, even stay beside you and hold your hand until the ambulance arrived.

On the other hand, when a person does not respect you, they have no regard for your safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. They don’t see you as having the same human rights and considerations as they and everyone else.

That person will think it’s perfectly okay to violate you because, in their mind, you somehow deserve to be violated. They will also be much less likely to stop and help you if they see you lying injured on the sidewalk because they most likely wouldn’t care if you ever got to a hospital.

They would simply act like they didn’t see you lying there, or worse, step over you with a look of contempt and keep going.

Someone can dislike you and at the same time, respect your right not to have your boundaries crossed. When they disrespect you, they won’t acknowledge your personal boundaries and are likely to trample your dignity and human rights. In their mind, you either don’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as them and everyone else. The person will more than likely wish you harm or ill will and probably dread breathing the same air as you.

Signs of Disrespect

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom – this could include, belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety – you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You can’t stand the fact that the person even exists.

Signs of Dislike

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to be around them. You have no problem coexisting.

If you are a victim of bullying, you must be able to distinguish between the two and take the appropriate steps to take care of yourself.

Disrespect is mush worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful. The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but will act neutral around you. They might even greet you and say a few words to you just to be polite, but won’t buddy up to you.

The people who disrespect you will have absolutely nothing to say to you, or they will verbally abuse you, shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, or physically assault you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Rising Rates of Antisemitism

The Jewish people and other minorities have been bullied worldwide, down through history, as have women. They’ve been intimidated by individuals, groups, corporations, schools, communities, and governments!

Recently, there has been an uptick of antisemitism from individuals, interest groups, certain celebrities, even government officials, such as Ilhan Omar and several others! They have also been attacked right here in America by Radical and Extremist Groups.

Understand that antisemitism, racism, and sexism are all forms of bullying because there is a clear-cut power imbalance. The evil committed against the Jewish people has been repetitious for so long!

People may disagree with me and may even get angry. But it is what it is, and I’m not going to hide it nor sugarcoat it.

Most bullies are bigots and racists because bullies are known to have hatred for anyone different from them in any way, although most of them would never admit it for fear of losing face. However, bullies must always have a target to degrade.

So, they prefer to bully someone safer to bully and not as legally protected, such as a person on the autism spectrum, who’s mentally ill, or an older person.

Understand that bullies despise differences from them in any way, and you can bet that most bullies are only closet racists and sexists. Still, because they choose to go the “lesser of two evils” route and be more politically correct to play it safe, they only bully those to whom they can do it and get away with it.

Understand that racism is wrong, no matter who it’s aimed at! Antisemitism is wrong! Hate is wrong!

Just because someone is different in race or skin color, in the religion they practice, or lives a different lifestyle, it gives no one the right to mistreat them!

Eliminate the hate!

Reasons Bullies Hate Those Who Prefer to Be Themselves

Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive, and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

be yourself

2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.

Bullies Hate Differences of Any Kind. What is Hate Transfer?

bullying bullied victim hard

You’ve heard of addiction-transfer- when an addict replaces one addiction with another (for example, the addiction to food is replaced with an addiction to alcohol). But what about hate-transfer?

Here’s an explanation. I’ll use my school bullies as examples.

Many of my bullies in high school were stone-cold racists. However, they couldn’t express that hate to minorities because even during the ’80s and early ’90s, open racism was taboo. So, they simply replaced that hatred with that of the mentally ill and disabled, the indigent and out-of-town people.

I know they were racists because, on many occasions, they bullied me because having been a military brat and been around people of all races and creeds, I had no qualms with associating with people of all races. I accepted everyone because I’ve always believed we are all one race- the human race!

However, in Oakley, Tennessee, people frowned on this and not only people of my race but others as well.

hypocrite hypocrisy double standard

I also overheard many private conversations among girls in the bathrooms. They’d make disgusting racial slurs and put down other races among themselves within the privacy and secrecy of their group, then in public, smile and give a friendly pat on the back to the very people they put down earlier. Sheesh! They would act like they were their best friends.

But wait! There’s more!

However, they were openly hateful to the kids in the Special Ed classes, who they referred to as “the retarded kids.” They also publicly bullied kids who were dirt poor and kids who weren’t originally from Oakley. And if you were gay back then, you never let it be known at Oakley High School.

You see, people such as these have to have someone to bully. If they can’t bully other races, they will bully the poor and destitute. If they cannot bully transexuals, they will bully the mentally disabled.

bullying bullied victim

But wait! There’s more!

However, they were openly hateful to the kids in the Special Ed classes, who they referred to as “the retarded kids.” They also publicly bullied kids who were dirt poor and kids who weren’t originally from Oakley. And if you were gay back then, you never let it be known at Oakley High School.

You see, people such as these have to have someone to bully. If they can’t bully other races, they will bully the poor and destitute. If they cannot bully transexuals, they will bully the mentally disabled.

That is what hate-transfer is.

It’s having a hatred of anyone different from you but staying in the “safe zone” by only discriminating against those who aren’t as “protected.”

Prejudice against anyone should be illegal, and it is. However, bias against the poor or mentally disabled isn’t near as evident as bias against someone from a different race because anyone from any ethnicity can be poor or mentally incapacitated.

And skin color can be seen with the eyes. Poverty and mental disability are sometimes invisible to the eyes. You can be poor or have a mental disability. People can even know or suspect you may be poor or mentally disabled. But you don’t necessarily have to look that way.

bullying scapegoat victim bullied

Sadly, to have legal protections, your uniqueness to the majority must be seen with the eyes, and even then, it’s no guarantee you’ll have those protections.

Understand that most seasoned bullies hate anyone different from them. But they only harass the groups who have less legal protections and are “safest” and more socially acceptable to bully!

The more you know.

Would You Rather Be Hated for Being Smart or Pitied for Being Dumb?

I ask this question because there are a lot of people- people who are highly intelligent- who try to hide their smarts for fear of being hated, i.e., bullied. They’ve let others convince them that, because of their smarts, they come off as know-it-alls and tell them to dumb down because they “don’t want to make others feel bad about themselves” or that they just might offend some people.

This is total BS!

I want you to know one thing right now! It is not your responsibility to make someone else feel good about themselves. Whether your intelligence offends others is not your problem therefore, their hatred of you is also not your problem.

Understand that the reason why your intelligence may offend some people is because they are either jealous, intimidated, or insecure. It’s because of their own unaddressed psychological issues- issues that they’re trying to lay off on you.

Your intelligence may inspire some to doubt their own smarts and mental capabilities, or it may provoke others to compare themselves to you. Again, not your responsibility. They are the ones doubting and questioning their own intelligence. They are the ones who are making comparisons. You aren’t doing these things to them. They are doing it to themselves!

Again, you are not responsible for another person’s self-esteem. Only they can do the inner work needed to raise their confidence levels and if they’re too lazy to do that inner work, that’s on them!

Here’s another point I want to make: Though being hated can be frightening and doesn’t feel good, always remember that there’s dignity in being hated, but none in being pitied.

Yes, you read that correctly. When you’re hated, you still have your dignity. But when you’re pitied, you’ve lost all dignity and respect!

Smart people are hated. Stupid people are pitied.

Therefore, never hide your intelligence from anyone. Let yourself stand out and shine. And any time you feel tempted to hide your brilliance because you’re afraid of being bullied, ridiculed, or hated by others, ask yourself,

“Would you rather be hated for being smart or pitied for being dumb?”

I rest my case.

HATERS! Ya Gotta Admit- Only the Best Have Them!

bullies haters hate ignore the

Bullies? Haters? Whatever you want to call them, they’re the same. As the old saying goes, “Haters Gonna hate.” And they do, with great intensity.

But why?

Here are your answers:

Anyone who does good for themselves is bound to have a pack of haters sniffing and yapping at their heels. There’s a reason that people have made the word itself an acronym.

1. H- Having
2. A- Anger
3. T- Toward
4. E- Everyone
5. R- Reaching
6. S- Success

bullies jealous envy envious

Haters hate because of their own insecurities. They’re the type of people who resent everyone who dares to do better than them. And they’re everywhere! You see them at school, in the workplace, in the neighborhood, and even in the family!

Haters are people who go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself. They badmouth you, discourage you, give scathing reviews, undermine your achievements, and sabotage you to slow down or stop your progress.

Here are things haters will say when they find out you’ve succeeded at something:

1. “Oh, but you’ll never do that.”
2. “Oh, but you can’t.”
3. “She recorded a CD? Well, she didn’t do much! Anybody can do that!”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “She thinks she’s so (pretty, so much smarter than everyone else, etc.).

bullies haters I have so much more for you to be mad at

When your hater sees you happy and doing good for yourself, it makes her feel worthless and she’ll stop at nothing to block any success you aim for. Understand that these people may or may not want the success for themselves, the power (and pleasure) is in the taking of yours.

Haters hate because they feel inadequate. Therefore, they must make you feel inadequate. Do you see where this is going?

Haters will come at you with a barrage of insults and name-calling. They may talk trash behind your back and try to kill your relationships. And you don’t necessarily have to be successful to have haters.

In fact, you might not even know why they’re hating on you. But understand that if you know you haven’t provoked them in any way, it’s a good bet that it all comes from jealousy! There’s something you have that they don’t and they don’t think they can get. Or, there’s something you’re getting to do that they can’t do.

haters gonna hate

Realize that your success highlights and reminds them of their failures. And the only thing haters can do to feel good about themselves is either insult and ridicule you, or avoid you altogether. And in doing so, they get to forget about their unfulfilled dreams.

They’re only raking you through the mud because the mere sight of you reminds them of what they could never achieve.

It only goes to show that there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not your fault that these people are either too scared or too lazy to put in the work required to live the life they want to live.

I want you to realize that the hatred itself is an admission of your awesomeness, your worthiness, and your value. It is the confession of your accomplishments. It is also the unspoken admission of their fear, insecurity, and inferiority; and a testament to their cowardice, laziness, and lack of confidence!

female bullies bitches

Because if the haters had any confidence in themselves, you wouldn’t trigger so much hatred in them, you would only trigger motivation. You would inspire them to get off their butts and work to reach their goals and dreams.

Instead of hating you, they would look up to you and want you to mentor them!

This is why you should never allow them to make you feel bad about yourself, or guilty for your successes and for having something they don’t. Instead, you should use their hate as your motivation to achieve greater success. Hate should be used as fuel! There’s a reason why it’s often said that “Haters make you famous!”

Success produces enemies, always! Accept it. Better yet, embrace it and love it

The Damage Hate Does to the Hater (Not the Hated)

As a survivor of severe bullying and peer-abuse, I’ve seen the faces of hate- up close and personal. And let me tell you, they’re ugly! Hate, itself, is ugly! And dangerous!

I know what it looks like. I’ve felt it’s powerful and painful sting and I’ve been paralyzed by it. I’ve even had it directed toward others in those days, I’m sorry to say. However, I don’t believe people fully understand the damage it does to not only the hated, but the hater!

The reality is that hate causes the hater more pain than it does the hated. I say this because I’ve witnessed it. In the past, I’ve looked into the eyes of my bullies in school- deep into their eyes- down into their souls!

I saw the darkness, the ugliness, the black abyss of pure evil from the deepest pits of hell. And I truly believe that if there wasn’t a law against murder or manslaughter, I probably wouldn’t be here today.

That was the kind of hate many of my classmates had for me. I saw how it would burn them up inside. ‘You see? That’s what hate does. When you have hatred for another person, you’re only hurting yourself.

Because it will eat you up inside and make you crazy. Hate is a sick and twisted obsession and it can take over your life if you allow it to.

Hatred can destroy your happiness and prospects. It skews your judgement and ability to think clearly. It causes you to make horrible decisions- decisions that can alter the entire trajectory of your life and that of your target.

When a person has hatred for another human being, it numbs their conscience, dulls their reasoning capabilities. They will condone things they would otherwise deem immoral and evil. The hater will approve of the most depraved, heinous, and atrocious atrocities directed toward the hated person they would otherwise disapprove of, even condemn, if it was against anyone else, even a total stranger.

Hate turns even the kindest, most caring people into depraved monsters. Realize that hate destroys haters and targets alike. Hate kills.

Indifference is a better option than hate. Because with indifference, you could absolutely care less if the person is doing good or bad, what he thinks, what he says, or what he does. You just don’t care period.

With hate, on the other hand. You do care because all you want is for the hated person to suffer. You want to make sure nothing good happens for the hated and seek to destroy them and their life, even the lives of those they love. You want to make sure all opportunities are closed off to that person. That’s what hate does. It causes haters to obsess over the hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullies, let them go ahead and hate on you. But don’t hate them back. Instead, be indifferent toward them, and how you do that is to stop caring what others think and do your thing, baby!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Hatred Disguised as Social Justice

The biggest excuse for hatred and bullying today is in the name of social causes. They hide their hatred of certain individuals and groups behind political activism and the accomplishment of social goals, which have nothing to do with love for your fellow man. As we’ve learned in the last year, most political policies only serve to destroy civilization.

Bullying and hatred only see laws, rules and norms as ways to oppress. I’m not saying that certain corrupt individuals won’t pervert them for their own ends, because they do. However, laws, rules and norms are initially put in place for a good reason, to preserve peace and safety for everyone. The dark side of human nature dictates that without laws and rules, our society would be a cesspool of chaos, anarchy, and suffering.

Bullies and haters will use words like “equality” and the past sins of targeted groups and individuals as an excuse to cause harm and destruction to those who have been labeled, fairly or unfairly. They will hide their hatred behind a veneer of a desire to do the right thing and use shame, disgust, and ridicule to bully people who may or may not have contributed to the inequality.

In this, innocent people can become objects of bullying and hatred because they are different somehow- they may be of different races, religions, or political beliefs. They may also be bullied and hated because they are poor. Maybe they smell bad, or are considered unattractive.

Many are bullied and hated because of something they have no control over- maybe they have a mental handicap, are physically weak, disabled, or disfigured. Some are hated because they don’t conform to certain standards. Maybe they were disadvantaged, got a poor education, and not as knowledgeable about things that most people already know.

Maybe they don’t dress properly, or they just do things their own way and not the way everyone else does. Difference, no matter how slight, always attracts bullying and hatred. Always! It’s sad but true! And innocent people who so happen to fall into the hated category of people end up persecuted and suffer needlessly and unfairly.

Hatred and bullying are so tricky because, like I’ve mentioned earlier, people often disguise their hatred and bullying as morality and equality. To be accepted, hatred and bullying can never be boldfaced and without moral reasoning. Bullies and haters must hide behind the facade of justice and fairness.

For example, hatred that stems from jealousy often dresses itself as a campaign of fairness. I’m not saying that all campaigns of fairness and justice stem from hate. However, many do.

The idea of spreading the wealth is one such example of class envy and hating and bullying those who have worked hard and reached financial and personal success.

In my opinion, a person that has worked hard to get his business off the ground and is successful in doing so deserves to keep his profits. Why? Because he worked hard, and he earned it. And he has the option to donate to the charities of his choice and help the poor but it’s his choice whether to.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m charitable and I like to give to the less fortunate, but only because I want to! Not because some politician or activist demands that I give a portion of my earnings. And I can guarantee that if anyone dares to demand that I give them something, the only thing they will get from me is a proverbial middle finger and an “up yours.”

People give because they want to, not because they’re ordered to. That, my friends, is human nature.

Movements like these send the wrong message- that’s it’s somehow wrong for someone else to have something “that I don’t have and haven’t found a way to get” even though they worked their ass off to get what they have and where they are.

Another example is hatred and the desire to take revenge, which often masquerades as movements and campaigns against injustice or for justice.

Again, I’m not saying that all of these campaigns are about hate and vengeance. Martin Luther King, in his marches for freedom, surely did NOT advocate hatred, bullying, or taking revenge. His campaigns were for true unity and the good of mankind.

However, it’s too easy to use these campaigns to justify hatred and bullying, just as extremist groups like Antifa and others do. This is wrong. There’s no justification for hatred and bullying. Never! When groups such as these say the word “justice,” what they really mean is “revenge.” It’s how they justify burning, looting, violence, and murder.

Bullies and haters will also pervert the word compassion to hide hatred and bullying and will also recruit people to join them in their hatred of another person or group. This is how they trick people into believing that they’re being compassionate of their pain when, all they’re really doing is promoting hatred and hostility toward a target or targets.

Remember that MLK encouraged forgiveness and peaceful protesting. He encouraged unity. Sadly, groups like Antifa, BAMN, and The Red Guard encourage only hatred and any voice that encourages forgiveness or peace will be seen as opposition and quickly silenced. These groups will make it seem unfeeling and to lack empathy for the oppressed.

But lies disguised as compassion are of the most evil variety because they cause the most destruction and blind it’s followers to their hate, hostility, and viciousness. It’s also how innocent people are demonized and brutalized. Because, when an innocent person is labelled as bad and evil, they then become targets for hatred, violence, even murder!

It’s actually a clever and convincing disguise, but think about this: Satan never comes before you in a red suit with horns and a pointy tail, no. He always comes as an angel of light or as your heart’s desire- something you’ve always dreamed of. And trust me, he’s damn good at it! And why not? He’s the master of lies and fake disguises!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

They Didn’t Know it, But My Bullies Were My Fans!

Sadly, neither did I. Although bullying is never a laughing matter, if I’d only realized this back then, I would’ve laughed at them instead of letting them get me upset.

Think about it. When you’re bullied, your peers stay mad at you all the time, have negative and destructive thoughts of you, talk about you constantly, start whispering campaigns to keep you alone and friendless.

You consume their thoughts day and night! And all of this takes so much energy, so much effort! Wow!

All this just for you!

Group of people or crowd cheers carrying signs. The event, Fan club, demonstration concept. cartoon vector

I’m making fun of the bullies, of course. Because they tell all just by their reactions, which only means you’re not boring(Snicker). Good or bad, they keep you relevant. You can rile people up, fire up their emotions, make them crazy with rage without lifting a finger!

All you have to do is be seen or walk into the room, and blood pressures all around you shoot up. You’re making an impact on them.

Understand that bullies don’t hate you. They only hate themselves because you remind them of what they only wish they could be.

Football hooligans are in-game. Angry soccer fans shouting and booing in the crowd. Losing team fans got mad. Furious silhouette people complain and protest a mistake made by the referee.

You may not realize it, but you’re really the one in control. Take advantage of it. Fire them up. Because anger affects a person’s ability to think clearly and causes them to goof up, make a mistake, and shoot themselves in the foot.

That’s right! They’ll get so fired up that they’ll do something stupid and get caught. You won’t even have to snitch! They’ll do it for you!

Although I’m a smart-aleck, it’s also true. You can very slyly get bullies worked up, and they’ll slip up and end up being “hoisted by their own petards.”

It’s easier than you think!