Everyone has people who do not like them- you, me, everyone. It isn’t personal (or at least I no longer take it so). It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong or defective about you. It’s only a part of life. Like is subjective, and not everyone meshes with everyone.
So, why do I welcome being disliked, you ask?
It means I’m doing something right. And making the haters and people doing the disliking feel uncomfortable, insecure, and like fools.
It only shows that I’m true to myself. You stay true to yourself by setting boundaries and not allowing others to invade them. You stand up for your beliefs, your convictions, and, most of all, yourself! You follow your dreams and goals and never let anyone distract you. When you do these things, it makes you a powerhouse. But! It also makes you enemies.
It gives me just another reason to reach success. Who doesn’t love to make supporters proud and enemies jealous? I love seeing my loved ones’ faces light up, and my hater’s faces contort! I feel the love of my friends and get free comedy and entertainment from my enemies. Enemies can motivate you if you let them.
Most people are slaves to approval. They chase it like a starving dog chases a thick, juicy steak.
Once you stop caring what others think and looking for people to like you, you’ll no doubt make quite a few enemies, even bitter ones. But you’ll be amazed at how much freer you feel. Being yourself is the most important thing you can do and frees you from the constraints of society.
When you have people, who dislike or even hate you, you know you’re putting yourself first, and that’s what it’s all about. If you can’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to properly take care of anyone else, even the ones you love, whenever they need you.
Sadly, it took getting older before I realized the value of having enemies.
Being the best- working hard, striving toward goals, and excelling at high levels all come at a high cost- a lot of resentment from others and having them try to sabotage. There’s a social penalty for high scores in work, creativity, ethics, good-heartedness- anything positive.
It’s why their peers don’t nominate the ones who are deserving of awards and accolades, nor do they recognize them for their success. They work too hard or too fast, they’re too passionate, too perfect, or excessively detailed.
Jealousy, envy, and resentment are often disguised as cold silence and ignorance, which are intentional slights from classmates, coworkers, and superiors designed to hold someone back. Peers who are secretly angered by the successes of a winner will only undermine by stealthy silence because to openly do it would be too obvious.
It would look to much like sour grapes, like the feeling of inferiority to the victor, and everyone is careful not to give off even the slightest stink that they might feel a little inferior.
Blue-collar workers often penalize those for working too fast. Classmates hate other classmates who get top scores. Peers covertly hate those who are record-breakers.
It’s because any person who breaks records unwittingly raises the bar, therefore raising teacher or management expectations for the rest, creating a new goal that’s much harder to attain.
The best of the best only threaten the rest.
It never pays to be a little too perfect in an imperfect world. You don’t score points by being a ray of light in an environment of dark souls.
The feeling that someone else is better than them are is uncomfortable and only nags at bullies until they find a way- any way possible, to level the playing field.
Many times, people perceive the best to be the worst.
Haters hate because of their own insecurities. They’re the type of people who resent everyone who dares to do better than them. And they’re everywhere! You see them at school, in the workplace, in the neighborhood, and even in the family!
Haters are people who go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself. They badmouth you, discourage you, give scathing reviews, undermine your achievements, and sabotage you to slow down or stop your progress.
Here are things haters will say when they find out you’ve succeeded at something:
1. “Oh, but you’ll never do that.”
2. “Oh, but you can’t.”
3. “She recorded a CD? Well, she didn’t do much! Anybody can do that!”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “She thinks she’s so (pretty, so much smarter than everyone else, etc.).
When your hater sees you happy and doing good for yourself, it makes her feel worthless and she’ll stop at nothing to block any success you aim for. Understand that these people may or may not want the success for themselves, the power (and pleasure) is in the taking of yours.
Haters hate because they feel inadequate. Therefore, they must make you feel inadequate. Do you see where this is going?
Haters will come at you with a barrage of insults and name-calling. They may talk trash behind your back and try to kill your relationships. And you don’t necessarily have to be successful to have haters.
In fact, you might not even know why they’re hating on you. But understand that if you know you haven’t provoked them in any way, it’s a good bet that it all comes from jealousy! There’s something you have that they don’t and they don’t think they can get. Or, there’s something you’re getting to do that they can’t do.
Realize that your success highlights and reminds them of their failures. And the only thing haters can do to feel good about themselves is either insult and ridicule you, or avoid you altogether. And in doing so, they get to forget about their unfulfilled dreams.
They’re only raking you through the mud because the mere sight of you reminds them of what they could never achieve.
It only goes to show that there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not your fault that these people are either too scared or too lazy to put in the work required to live the life they want to live.
I want you to realize that the hatred itself is an admission of your awesomeness, your worthiness, and your value. It is the confession of your accomplishments. It is also the unspoken admission of their fear, insecurity, and inferiority; and a testament to their cowardice, laziness, and lack of confidence!
Because if the haters had any confidence in themselves, you wouldn’t trigger so much hatred in them, you would only trigger motivation. You would inspire them to get off their butts and work to reach their goals and dreams.
Instead of hating you, they would look up to you and want you to mentor them!
This is why you should never allow them to make you feel bad about yourself, or guilty for your successes and for having something they don’t. Instead, you should use their hate as your motivation to achieve greater success. Hate should be used as fuel! There’s a reason why it’s often said that “Haters make you famous!”
Success produces enemies, always! Accept it. Better yet, embrace it and love it!
And it’s a fact of life we need to accept. And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be. are going to talk about you until the day you die. And it’s something that we all not only need to accept but be okay with if we’re ever going to grow as human beings.
And here’s another fun fact:
Everyone gets talked about, everyone! Even the best of us!
If wealthy celebrities and politicians get bashed and put down, you’re only fooling yourself if you think that you don’t or shouldn’t. But why should you care? Why should you give a crap what people say or think of you?
During high school, everyone bullied me terribly and talked about me like a dog. It used to upset me. It used to make me angry or sad. I won’t lie, having people say horrible things about me, tell lies, and put me down? It hurt.
As an adult, I even worked around people talked trash about me. But I realized that most of them didn’t matter anyway.
They didn’t pay my bills.
They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.
They weren’t anyone I cared anything about.
I sometimes look back and ask myself, “Damn! Why did I ever concern myself with it? Those morons weren’t even on my level and weren’t worth two cents.”
The point I’m making is that most people are a dime a dozen. They really are! And nine times out of ten, the reason they’re so busy squawking about others is that they’re bored with their own lives and have nothing better to do.
And the sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll stop caring and the happier you’ll be. When you stop being so concerned, you’ll no longer be a slave to the approval of others, and you’ll set yourself free of any anxiety.
The only opinions you should place that kind of importance on are those of your God, your family, and your closest friends.
Anyone outside of that isn’t even an issue. the opinions of God, my family, and my closest friends are the only ones that matter. The rest is just a waste of energy and mind-space.
Strict Boss: Angry upset young business woman with blank speech bubble on white on gray background. Vector illustration.
Short Answer 1: An intelligent person is a threat to the bullies’ power.
Long answer 1: A smart person can see through the bully’s façade and tricks. The wise person can pinpoint the bully’s motives with complete accuracy. ‘You see? Bullies work hard to keep up appearances, and anyone who has even the slightest chance of exposing them is fair game.
Realize the bullies fear exposure because it would mean losing respect.
Short Answer 2: Bullies can’t stand being outshined or outdone- in anything! This can happen at school or in the workplace. In the workplace, adult bullies bully employees who are star performers with extremely likable personalities.
Long Answer 2: Anyone with good sense more than likely has talents and gifts which bullies do not have. Understand that bullies bully because they’re no good at anything else.
For example: Susan in the school choir and has been singing since she was eighteen months old. Coming from parents who are also musically talented, she has a talent that comes naturally. The choir director sees this from day one and gives her solos to sing during choir concerts. Being honored, Susan gives it her all and received loud cheers from the audience and compliments from different people afterward.
However, this also makes Susan an even bigger target for the bullies, and the bullying escalates exponentially the very next day and for the next several weeks. Anytime Susan receives any positive recognition, she watches her classmates’ faces contort and knows what’s coming next.
Susan also witnesses them bullying people who make good grades.
Understand that bullies are jealous of smart and talented people. They can’t handle being outdone by anyone at anything. As a result, they always turn up the harassment and do their level best to kill any confidence the target has in their own abilities.
Example 2: Sandra is the top performer at her job and has just received an award as recognition for her being at the top of her department for the last six months. The next day, Sandra senses a chill in the relationships with her boss and coworkers. Next, they begin to mob Sandra and sabotage her work. Her boss, Elsa begins to criticize her every move, withhold vital information and exclude her from meetings.
I write this not to brag or complain, but to share knowledge with others about how bullies operate so they’ll have the tools to protect their self-esteem- tools that I didn’t have all those years ago.
In Part 1, we discussed frenemies and the gradual but growing hot/cold, waxing and waning in their behavior, which snowballs into a terrible lashing of venom that leaves a target both shocked and hurt.
Again, if you’ve ever found yourself on the receiving end of a frenemy’s poison, rest assured that none of it was your fault and you were not the person with the issue. Understand that in using this hot/cold, nice/nasty cycle, the frenemy only used what is termed, “The Push/Pull Method” on you.
This push and pull technique is exactly how it sounds: the frenemy pulls the target in, pushes him/her away, then pulls them in again. This back and forth cycle is specifically designed to hook you into the friendship and throw you off your game! Realize that the person was more than likely never your friend!
You may ask yourself these questions:
“If this person was never my friend and never liked me to begin with, why then did they exert such much effort to get close to me?”
“Why did this person latch on to me in the first place?”
Jealousy was most likely the culprit. Your frenemy (or frenemies) was intensely jealous of something you possessed and wanted a way to punish you for having something- anything they only wished they had. They wanted to bring you down a few notches…to put you in your place…to cut you down to size! Rather than a direct, frontal assault, they preferred to out-flank you by carefully cozying up to you, tricking you into dropping your defenses and winning your complete trust to get close to you!
Another reason could be that the frenemy somehow gets an ego-boost from being “friends” with you and the thought of being seen with you!
Understand that this closeness is a way to hook you into the friendship, then gather intimate, personal details about your life and personality, to suss out any weaknesses or less-than-desirable qualities you have. Fake-friends are like police detectives who attempt to build a case against you. Once they gather the intel they need, they then exploit this information, using it as a weapon to harm you, ruining your reputation and sabotaging your personal relationships and associations.
When you finally get fed up, put your foot down and end the friendship, the frenemy then paints you as the mean, mentally-unbalanced, or selfish person and trumpets any dirt collected on you to anyone who will listen to them. I want you to understand that this is how frenemies operate. People such as these are very sneaky, meticulous, and worst of all, patient!
It is much better to have full-blown enemies than frenemies because, with an enemy, you always know where you stand and can more easily avoid contact. Frenemies, however, (especially those who are charming and persuasive) have ways of reeling you in and keeping you dependent on their approval and acceptance. And if you are a victim of bullying, the relationship is much harder to get out of because you’re afraid of going back to being friendless. But wouldn’t you rather be to yourself than to keep company with people who only wish to bring you down? I know I would!
Remember that a smiling face does not a friend make. Not everyone who pats you on the back has your best interests at heart. There are red flags you can look for and speed in the progression of the friendship is a major red flag! Anytime someone is so quick to call you a friend, be alert! Alternating hot and cold (flip-flopping) and micro-flashes of contempt and hostility in their body language are also warnings you should be aware of!
In these scenarios, the best you can do is to step back and maintain plenty of distance between you and the person in question. Only then is it possible to observe them and figure out their true motivations and intentions!
Bullies will always have something negative to say. So, instead of thinking, there is something wrong with you, why not look at it from these points of view?
1. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring. And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if you’re being mentioned all the time. When they talk about you, they make you relevant.
2. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.
So, who’s really in control here?
education, bullying, social relations and people concept – students gossiping behind classmate back at school
3. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to. It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled with little effort.
4. They must really admire you and want to be like you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them.
5. It says more about them than it does about you. What it says if that they don’t have lives of their own, so they take interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!
6. People who consistently talk bad about you really have an obsession with you.
Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”
So, why not feel good about it and even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense, especially if the bullies are known for being gossips and troublemakers.
Just sit back, smile and be quietly amused by the pettiness. Be your sweet self and others will see through the gossip too. When I finally wised up and took this approach, I was so surprised at the results! My only regret is not realizing this earlier.
Attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!
The more you know, the better you will protect yourself!