A Bully’s Power is Your Lack of Knowledge

If you are a target of bullying, you must have knowledge of not only where your bullies draw their power from, but where your own power comes from.

If you don’t know it, you must learn it. And once you do, you will disarm bullies from a very powerful tool. And that tool is your lack of knowledge. Realize that your lack of awareness of your own value, along with the bully’s nature, mindset, and tactics is their biggest power.

Therefore, when you understand the value that you bring and how bullies think and operate, their moves and power plays will no longer have any effect on you.

Again, your lack of knowledge of your own power and potential is the main area from where your bullies draw their power.

In other words, if you already know the bullies are bad news and that they aren’t worthy of your time nor consideration, they can’t get over on you. Why? Because it takes two to create a bullying incident- the bully and the target.

So, what pillars must you realize to understand your power?

1. Your goodness

2. Strength

3. Rights

In that, you know your value. And this is your power.

Additionally, when you don’t realize your value, that’s another one of the bullies’ greatest assets. And it’s why many targets simp out- they don’t know their value, rights, nor strength.

When You Simp, You Only Hand Over Your Power.

Many targets simp for approval, attention, and popularity and most don’t realize they’re doing it. In doing these things, you not only get worse abuse from the bullies, but you also lose respect from bystanders who would otherwise be friends and allies. Therefore, even the bystanders and witnesses will begin to mistreat you too. And that reason will be that you don’t respect yourself.

Understand that if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will respect you either.

Therefore, you must respect yourself and do it in the early stages of bullying. Because once the bullying has gone on for so long, it will be too late. And the way to self-respect is to have knowledge of your value and your power. Know your worth and you will know your power!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

10 Signs That They Don’t See Your Worth

There will always be people who won’t see your worth. And some never will see it. It’s just a part of life on this planet and we shouldn’t waste another nanosecond of our time on those people. However, some people are terrific actors and it can be hard to tell if you don’t know what signs to look for. You must know the signs or you won’t know who to hang onto and who to let go.

Here are the signs:

1.You feel bad or awkward around them. Energy doesn’t lie. Although you may not consciously know that the people you’re with don’t value you, you’ll feel it in their vibrations. Therefore, avoid anyone who makes you feel that something is “off” because the vibes you feel are a warning. Realize that these people don’t deserve to be in your presence or your life. You deserve better.

2. Empty promises. These people make all kinds of promises but never follow through. Again, you deserve better than them. It’s time to ditch and switch to better people.

You must know the signs or you won’t know who to hang on to and who to let go.

3. Their words don’t match their body language or actions. They tell you that they like you, that you’re the best thing since the invention of the wheel but don’t act like it. Therefore, they treat you like dirt and ignore you when other people are around.

4. They only want to be with you in private. This means that they’re probably ashamed to be seen with you. They’re all over you when it’s just the two of you. However, in public or when others are around, they ignore you and act like they don’t know you. Again, get rid of these no-counts.

5, You make all the effort in the friendship or relationship. You are always the one to initiate contact, do all the calling, all the texting, and messaging. Also, you make all the visits to their house, using your car gas and your time but they never reciprocate. This can get exhausting. At some point, you find yourself wondering if they really care. Therefore, it’s time to stop making so much effort and let them do some of the work if they want to contact you, and if they don’t, there’s your answer. Find better friends.

Clarity is key!

6. They take and never give. They only use you for what they can get from you, then disappear. Again, this is so revealing. Have nothing more to do with this person.

7. They never tell the truth. If you find that a friend has been lying to you, you have to wonder what else they will lie about. It’s time to start choosing friends who are honest and let this person go!

8. They’re jealous of you when things are going well for you. If a friend resents your achievements and successes, it’s time to cut them loose. You deserve friends who celebrate your successes with you, not ones who are green with jealousy and see you as competition.

9. They get angry when you talk to your other friends or a family member. This is a huge red flag! A true friend would never want to keep you all to themselves and block you from associating with other people who love you. They would want others to love you too. Moreover, any friend who feels insecure any time you talk to someone else is not good for you. Get away from them, pronto!

Know your worth and get rid of those who don’t.

10. They always disappear when you’re in trouble and need them the most. They’ll leave you to fend for yourself when bullies come for you. Additionally, they may not supportive and not come around when you’re sick or feeling low. Again, dead giveaway. Steer clear!

If you see any of these signs in a so-called friend, get rid of them…fast! This person should be about as welcome in your life as a turd in a swimming pool!

You owe it to yourself to let these leeches go!

6 Ways to Remain Standing in Your Truth When You’re a Target of Bullying

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to know that you do not have to accept the bullies’ lies as the truth because their truth (opinion) isn’t your truth. Understand that you are the only one in charge of your mind, body, and your life. You have the freedom to accept or reject the gawdawful messages your bullies may give you. You are the gatekeeper to your mind and spirit, and you can either take in or kick out the insults and attacks with which they bombard you.

So, how do you successfully kick out the junk bullies try to drum into your head?

1. By refusing to accept their garbage as truth. And you do this by seeing the attacks for what they are – lies. By judging you, bullies proverbially claim to have the ability to read your mind and to be privy to your inner world. In essence, they’re only playing God because they claim to know the unknowable.

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2. By knowing your worth. Always know that you’re much better than what your peers may say you are. Realize that their lies and opinions are worthless, so don’t add any value to them. Remember that they can only insult you if you don’t value their opinions.

3. By making positive affirmations with “I AM” statements every day. Sometimes you must look at your reflection in the mirror each morning and make affirmations to yourself. “I AM a good person,” “I AM smart,” “I AM worthy of love and friendship”… If you’re a target of severe bullying, doing this may feel strange at first but you’ll be surprised at how much better about yourself you’ll feel.

4. By countering the bullies’ attacks. It’s as simple as saying, “No I’m not,” when a bully tells you that you’re worthless, ugly, lazy, etc. Always counter any name-calling, insults, and negativity.

5. By saying “no” and asserting yourself. If any of your bullies make any demands of you. You have every right to say no and walk away. Even if they’re putting on the nice act and asking you to do something, you still have that right. Understand that when bullies suddenly turn nice and sweet, you can bet they’re only trying to manipulate you. Also, when they attack you, tell them in no uncertain terms that what they’re doing is unacceptable and that you won’t tolerate it. And there are many ways you can tell them. Anytime you’re assertive, you not only place value on yourself but give the message that there will be consequences if they violate your physical or psychological boundaries.

6. By re-enforcing your truth if bullies deny their abuse of you or try to blame you for it. It’s as simple as saying, “Yes you did.” If bullies deny they attacked you when you know darn well that he/she did, in fact, attack you. It’s also as simple as saying, “Don’t give me that crap,” if bullies try to blame you for their abuse, rationalize their behavior or justify themselves.

Remember! No one can tell you your truth but you. Bullies may take your good name, your opportunities, your physical health, and yes, even your life.

But they can never take your mind from you if you don’t let them. Bullies may try to tell you what to say and do, but they can never tell you what to think.

Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have! And they hold enormous power!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Roots of Insecurity

The words we hear from others can affect how we see ourselves, but they don’t have to if we don’t let them.

Targets of bullying are picked apart daily in every minute detail, and in every aspect of their existences. A bully may criticize something as minute as the way they write. Bullies may criticize a woman for sitting with her legs crossed or the way she applies her makeup. But I guarantee that it has nothing with the way the woman sits or puts on her cosmetics, it has everything to do with the bullies’ own insecurities that are buried within themselves.

In reality, the bullies may think the woman is awesome and their criticism could be taken as a compliment because the bullies know they can’t compete with her and certainly don’t deserve the time of day from her because they know they aren’t even on her level, so, they do whatever they can to tear her down and bring her to their level.

However, the criticism surely doesn’t feel like a compliment and can make you feel like crap, so, I’m very careful when I use my words here. Insecure bullies and abusers will say terrible things to us and they can stick with us if we’re not careful.

“You’re ugly!”

“You’re fat!”

“Your clothes look like hand-me-downs!”

“Your hair looks too straight!”

“Your nose is too long!”

“Your ears are too big!”

“Nobody likes you!”

“You don’t have any friends!”

This doesn’t mean what they say is true, but so many times, we let the words of bullies get into our heads. When bullies assault us with hurtful words, targets often sit and wonder:

“Why don’t they like me?”

“Why am I not good enough?”

“Am I too fat?”

“Am I too short?”

“Am I too weird?”

“Is it my makeup, my hairdo, or my clothes?”

And they do it regardless of whether what was said to them is true.

Understand that our insecurities will scream at us from time to time but if we chose to listen to those pesky little voices, which are most often only voices from past abusers, it only serves to damage our self-confidence and self-esteem. Granted, there will be times when you will question yourself and this is perfectly normal. But when you make it a habit, then it becomes a problem.

There will also always be someone prettier, better looking, smarter, or financially better off. That’s just life. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have anything going for you because you do but again, there will always be someone with more.

Therefore, never compare yourself to another person because you do yourself more harm than good. Realize that each one of us is blessed with great qualities, although some may not know what they are.

Insecurity is a tricky animal because it has a way of hiding in obscurity. Sometimes, we don’t even know we have it. Bullies are such people. Most bullies are bogged down with insecurities, which is why they always point out the shortcomings of others in attempts to hide their own and the self-esteem fix they get from it is only short lived. Then bullies will only come back for more.

Another reason why insecurity is so tricky is because the insecure person not only doesn’t realize it exists, but they also don’t know when they became insecure nor what caused the insecurity.

We aren’t born with insecurities. They are given to us by other people, those who unfairly criticized you during your early years. Maybe someone called you stupid, or ugly. Maybe someone told you that you didn’t look good enough or, weren’t smart enough to pass that class.

Maybe you had an abusive parent or family member who told you that you would never amount to anything. Maybe your dad left and never cared to spend any time with you. It could be that you had an older sibling who bullied you. Maybe your classmates repeatedly told you that you weren’t good enough and never would be. Maybe others trivialized your successes and told you that they didn’t matter. They stem from many different factors.

Nevertheless, there had to be that first person who berated you- that person who planted that seed of insecurity and they repeated the same behavior and nurtured that seed so that it would grow. Maybe others helped to grow that seed and it’s only festered inside of you. And that seed has negatively affected your relationships with others and continues to do so today.

But understand that we all have flaws and the best way to get comfortable with them is to own them and accept that you have them. You might as well get comfortable with your flaws if they’re things you can’t do anything about. Also, once you embrace your flaws, no one can hold them against you any longer. By accepting and embracing your flaws, you take back your personal power and squash any power that bullies ever had over you because the insecurity ceases to be.

Many bullies have also been victims of others. This is the reason they try to break your confidence, only bullies refuse to have that discussion because it would only cast them as being vulnerable. Also, bullies never took the time to acknowledge and heal their own hurts and insecurities.

Therefore, bullies will tear you down with their actions and words because they feel either inferior to or threatened by you.

Once and for all, I want you to understand that there will be that partner who tells you that you dress like a floozy even though you dressed the same when your partner met you and you actually dress rather conservatively. There will be classmates who criticize your laugh or your smile. There will be people who flat out tell you to shut up when you speak even if the words you speak make sense.

The criticisms that hurt us the most and have the potential to destroy us come from spouses, family, and friends- people we love and trust the most. It is those remarks that can do the most damage because these are the people who are supposed to love us, take care of us, and protect us. And we believe they do. We believe they only want what’s best for us so we attempt to modify and change who we are to satisfy them and gain their love and approval. And the more they berate us, the more we shape-shift, trying to attain that allusive approval, until we twist ourselves into a pretzel!

It amazes me how many broken children there are out there who don’t yet understand that there was never anything wrong with them. These children become bullies and grow up to be angry and bitter adults who will only spread their toxicity to others.

It’s much easier to make others feel small than to deal with what others have done to us. I was broken for a lot of years, brainwashed into thinking I wasn’t worthy of being treated well. I always thought I was vermin compared to others because that’s what I’d been told repeatedly by others.

It took me a 2 ½ decades to realize that there was nothing wrong with me and that none of the bullying, abuse, and torment people subjected me to was ever my fault. I was not defected, and I was never a bad person. In fact, I now realize that I’m an awesome person and if people who don’t know me choose to judge me and have issues with me, it’s their problem not mine.

And I hope and pray they get their mental stuff together before it’s too late because it takes someone who lives a miserable existence to go through life making other people feel like dog shit to feel superior.

Insecurity is a seed that plants itself deeply, which is why it can be difficult to deal with. But in order to heal, you must cut out the roots of it too.

And if you don’t take the time needed to deal with and heal it, you will continue to carry the insecurities that someone else gave you and they will affect the way you handle people and your future relationships- every one of them, whether they’re romantic, friendships, or family.

Realize that the insecurities you have were caused by other people who wanted to look and feel better and more powerful than you. They saw a good quality in you that threatened to overshadow them somehow. So, they went on a mission to tear you down to keep you from stealing their spotlight.

Always remember that the bullying and abuse was never about you, it was about them. It was about their fear of you overshadowing them. It was about their being afraid that you’d reach success and leave them in the dust. It was about something they saw in you that threatened their fragile egos.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies May Turn Others Against You but Never Allow Them to Turn You Against You!

No matter what other people may think of you, you are the only one who knows who you truly are. Bullies are known for spinning smear campaigns and witch hunts to turn others against a target because it’s the only way they can make their lies and accusations seem valid. However, no matter how convincing the bullies may be and how many people believe the lies and rumors spread about you, it doesn’t mean the talk is true.

Only you can judge who you really are, nobody else can. I know it’s difficult not to question yourself when it seems that others hate you. Anyone who finds themselves in this situation would ask themselves, “What did I do?” or “What did I say?” It’s only a natural human reaction to being ostracized. It’s difficult not to blame yourself.

But please, for your own self-esteem, do not blame yourself. Remember that the problem lies with the bullies, not with you. You are not responsible for what is happening to you. Believe it!

Although others may turn against you, just make sure that you do not turn against you! Remember that reputation doesn’t equal character!

Continue to love yourself. Continue to take care of yourself and be true to your own heart! Continue to do the things that give you pleasure and surround yourself with those who do love you and want the best for you. Because during this time, you must ‘baby’ your self-esteem and your confidence!

Bullies may turn everyone else against, you! Just don’t allow them to turn you against yourself because you have no reason to hate yourself. So, love yourself even when it seems that others hate you. I promise you that your self-esteem will thank you for it! You will thank yourself for it!

With knowledge comes power!

It’s Okay To Be Picky

Many times, in my adult life, I’ve been accused of being “picky”- too picky. And my response was always, “Damn right!”

Yes. I’m picky- picky about my food, my pay, my clothes, and, most of all, who I let into my circle of friends. I have my standards, and I don’t apologize for it.

Understand that being picky about certain things is a must. Otherwise, you sell yourself short.

Being picky is just a derogatory term for having standards. It’s setting boundaries. It’s letting others know what you will and will not accept. Most of all, it’s showing that you value yourself and that you know that you’re worthy of better things than the crap life loves to drop into your lap.

Being picky is something to be admired, not scorned.

I want you to know that when people put you down for being picky, it only means they aren’t benefiting from it, and the only way they would is if you were to drop your standards. So, understand that when others accuse you of being picky, they’re only saying it to make you feel guilty.

Allow no one to intimidate or guilt you into dropping your standards. Stay true to yourself!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

10 Bad Things That Will Happen If You Don’t Learn to Love Yourself

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

These are valid questions.

When a person doesn’t love themselves, we can tell. We can see it in his demeanor, his face, and his posture. We can hear it in their tone of voice and the way they talk. Why do you think these people attract users and abusers to them? Why do you think they end up with people who mistreat and control them?

Here’s what happens when you don’t love yourself:

1. You’ll never be able to love anyone else properly. You will be codependent- always searching to get love from another source- a source outside yourself, instead of letting love come from within. When you finally find someone who does love you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother your partner to death because you’ll always have to be right there under the person’s nose.

Also, you’ll be suspicious of others, wondering if your partner’s going to leave you, wondering if they’re cheating, etc., you’ll wonder if your friends like you or if they’re only pretending to. In essence, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past, and it’s not fair. Being in constant worry and suspicion is no way to live!

2. You’ll rely too much on others to make you feel loved and wanted and you fear being alone. You will always believe that to be happy, you must always be one half of a couple. But understand that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship either.

3. You’ll move too quickly into a relationship. Once you are in a relationship, you’ll love your partner more than they deserve, and before they’d had time to earn that love.  Also, you’re likely to scare the other person away. Realize that love needs time to grow.

4. You’ll give away your power. When you give away your power, you automatically put yourself at the mercy of someone else. And believe me, they take full advantage. You’ll put your own needs on the back burner and always put your partner before yourself, doing all the giving in the relationship in exchange for your partner’s love. You’ll even do things you really don’t want to do just to satisfy the other person.

You’ll stop making your own decisions and allow someone else to choose for you. You’ll also agree to every single thing he or she says. When you do this, you leave nothing for yourself. After a while, the feeling of unfairness will slowly build. Soon, you will become resentful after so long of not getting anything in return. Never give another person that kind of power! You must have your own mind and be your own person.

5. You may become a little too controlling of others. You can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you. What happens when your partner gets tired of you and decides he/she no longer wants to be with you? It will devastate you. It’s only natural that the end of any friendship or relationship is painful. But it should never be crushing. It should never feel like the end of the world.

6. You’ll be on an endless search for love and friendship. You’ll spend your whole life searching for love. That in itself is not only off-putting to others, but it’s also exhausting to you. You’ll waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship.

When one partner gets bored with you and leaves for someone who challenges them, you’ll be on yet another search for someone else to take their place. And this cycle will only continue to repeat itself. Then before long, you’ll have a string of broken relationships behind you. Not good!

7. You’ll settle for just anyone. And you’ll get even less than what you settled for. No one should settle. Ever! If the person isn’t the person you want or is less than what you thought they were, you’ll be much happier if you move on to something you really want. Always be selective of the friends and partners you choose and of the company you keep.

8. You’ll attract takers instead of givers. Predatory people have a keen eye for those who are desperate to be loved and accepted. And they’ll smell you from a mile away. These people will be more than happy to befriend or date you just to get what they want from you.

Once they’ve used you long enough and bleed you dry of resources and dignity, they’ll only drop you and move on to the next poor sucker. When you stop being afraid of aloneness, you begin to repel predators and attract better people.

9. You’ll repel the people who would otherwise love and accept you. If, by chance, you happen to find someone who truly loves you, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. You’ll be so scared of losing the person that you’ll be too clingy and likely run them off because of your constant neediness.

Understand that when you do this, you automatically make them responsible for your happiness, and it’s not fair. Being held accountable for another person’s happiness is a heavy load for anyone to carry! You’ll only zap the other person’s energy as you expect them to fill a void that can’t be filled by anyone but you and God. Realize that only you are responsible for your happiness—no one else.

10. You’ll stay in a toxic relationship and put up with shabby treatment and abuse just to keep from being alone. You’ll likely end up with an abuser who’ll physically or mentally abuse you. Love and friendship shouldn’t be painful. You may also end up with someone too lazy to work and who expects you to keep their worthless ass up.

No one has to work that hard to keep any relationship, and if you do, it’s a sign that you need to show somebody the door- and fast. The last thing you want is to be tied down to some broke chump who treats you like crap or won’t get off their dead butt and work to help pay the bills. I’ve seen this happen to so many people I’ve known in the past.

Being alone is a part of loving yourself. It’s not the worst thing that can ever happen to you. It’s very healthy sometimes because you get to know yourself during times of solitude. But when you’re afraid of being by yourself, you’re likely to give others control of your life and put yourself at their mercy! STOP THAT! Never cheat yourself by settling for anything less than what you deserve! And never put your happiness in someone else’s hands! Ever!

With knowledge comes power!

The Day I Stopped Caring What Others Thought

When I stopped caring what others thought of me, I stopped apologizing for being me. Instead of hiding my flaws, I started embracing them. Instead of judging myself, I began loving and accepting myself- all aspects, the good and the not-so-good. I started living up to my own standards and experiencing life on my terms.

When I stopped worrying needlessly about what people thought, I set myself free from the chains of fear and anxiety and was no longer a slave to others’ opinions and approval. I no longer felt the need to walk on eggshells and hide my natural humanness. I stopped feeling like I wasn’t good enough and comparing myself to others. I no longer allowed anyone else to dictate what I should say, do, think, or feel.

I began permitting myself to make mistakes because we all make them whether or not some of us admit it. Even better, I started learning from those mistakes and seeing them as life lessons, rather than defects or screw-ups. I finally accepted that I’m not and never will be perfect. Who is?

Silhouettes of hands are breaking the chain—freedom concept.

I learned that like, and dislike is subjective, never personal. I accepted that not everybody was going to like me and was not only okay with it but embraced it! Because if you don’t have people who don’t like you, you’re not doing something right- in one area or another, you’re not your true, authentic self.

I permitted myself to follow my heart, sing, dance, speak my piece, and yes! Even be a little weird. In all this, I took back control of my life and found freedom I’d never known.

The day I stopped caring what people think was the day I got my life back, and slowly but surely, my bullies began to disappear. I began to feel beautiful, smart, and, best of all, equal.

Positive things started coming my way magically and seemingly without effort. I began attracting the right people into my life- genuine people who were loving, caring, uplifting, and inspiring. Existing relationships drastically improved. An abundance of opportunities and blessings flowed into my life. I began seeing wins and successes that were very rewarding and fulfilling, which only encouraged me to stretch my imagination, take more risks, and try new things.

Today, I look back and ask myself why. Why did I even give a crap what my bullies and others- people who meant absolutely jack to me and could do nothing for me, thought of me?

They weren’t my family or friends.
They didn’t pay my bills.
They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.
They didn’t hold my life in their hands.
And they most certainly weren’t people I cared anything about.

I wasted a lot of time and energy, which I can never get back, worrying needlessly about what people thought of me. The truth of it is that most of those people nor their opinions were never even worth my consideration.

The only opinions that matter are those of my God, my family, my husband, and my closest and most trusted friends. And the only things that matter are my faith in God, my dreams, my morals, taking care of the people I love, my ability to be the best me I can be, and my desire to extend kindness and reach out and help those who need me. Anyone or anything outside of that is irrelevant.

I Never Wish I’d Been More Popular, I Wish I’d Loved and Respected Myself

I wish I had put myself first.

I wish I’d said “NO” a lot more than I did.

I wish I had been true to my own heart.

And I wish I had known my worth and realized my full potential.

In a nutshell, I wish I had been better at being me. But we all wish we’d done these things when we get older, don’t we? That we’d done something a little different- a bit better?

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown a very thick skin and learned to handle any confrontation with composure and aplomb. As we get older, we shed that shell we curled up and hid in when we were younger. We grow to love and accept ourselves as we are and become comfortable in our own skins and let me tell you! It’s immense freedom that you can’t describe!

I’ve learned that the reason people bully is not because of something the victim has said or done and that it is not the fault of the victim.

The reason bullies bully is because they have issues, whether it be a bad case of narcissism, low self-esteem, problems at home, jealousy of something the victims have that they don’t, or they have something to prove. I’ve learned that bullies, at their very core, are great big cowards and attention-seekers. That knowledge alone is freeing!

Just knowing why unsavory people do harm only serves as a huge buffer to any psycho/emotional blows.

Today, I no longer get bullied by anyone, but if anyone tries, I am easily able to swiftly put the person in their place, or laugh and blow the idiot off. Instead of getting hurt or angry, I get amused by them and am usually able to have fun with it.

Unfortunately, that takes time, learning, and most of all experience. I feel a sense of regret when I think of all the years I spent feeling insecure and sorry for myself. What a total waste of my time and energy!

You mustn’t take anything your bullies say as the truth. You must know that their actions or words have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them! Hey! I know it’s hard not to, and I know it hurts. I know it’s hard not to blame yourself when it seems that everyone, from every direction, is bombarding you with negativity.

However, I want you to love yourself and see the bullies for who they truly are- pathetic souls who are so desperately trying to look tough, smart, or cool. I want you to understand that bullies are trying their hardest to get attention. You must know your value. You also need to realize that some people are just wrong for you and do not belong in your life!

Most of all, rest assured that you will eventually find people who are right for you. And when you do, they will love you for being your loveable, beautiful, intelligent, and awesome self! There will come a day when you will be loved, appreciated, and celebrated for all that you are!

It happened to me, and if you don’t give up, it will happen to you too! You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Ways to Continue Standing in Your Truth When You’re a Target of Bullying

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to know that you do not have to accept the bullies’ lies as the truth because their truth (opinion) isn’t your truth. Understand that you are the only one in charge of your mind, body, and your life. You have the freedom to accept or reject the gawdawful messages your bullies may give you. You are the gatekeeper to your mind and spirit, and you can either take in or kick out the insults and attacks with which they bombard you.

So, how do you successfully kick out the junk bullies try to drum into your head?

1. By refusing to accept their garbage as truth. And you do this by seeing the attacks for what they are – lies. By judging you, bullies proverbially claim to have the ability to read your mind and to be privy to your inner world. In essence, they’re only playing God because they claim to know the unknowable.

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2. By knowing your worth. Always know that you’re much better than what your peers may say you are. Realize that their lies and opinions are worthless, so don’t add any value to them. Remember that they can only insult you if you don’t value their opinions.

3. By making positive affirmations with “I AM” statements every day. Sometimes you must look at your reflection in the mirror each morning and make affirmations to yourself. “I AM a good person,” “I AM smart,” “I AM worthy of love and friendship”… If you’re a target of severe bullying, doing this may feel strange at first but you’ll be surprised at how much better about yourself you’ll feel.

4. By countering the bullies’ attacks. It’s as simple as saying, “No I’m not,” when a bully tells you that you’re worthless, ugly, lazy, etc. Always counter any name-calling, insults, and negativity.

5. By saying “no” and asserting yourself. If any of your bullies make any demands of you. You have every right to say no and walk away. Even if they’re putting on the nice act and asking you to do something, you still have that right. Understand that when bullies suddenly turn nice and sweet, you can bet they’re only trying to manipulate you. Also, when they attack you, tell them in no uncertain terms that what they’re doing is unacceptable and that you won’t tolerate it. And there are many ways you can tell them. Anytime you’re assertive, you not only place value on yourself but give the message that there will be consequences if they violate your physical or psychological boundaries.

6. By re-enforcing your truth if bullies deny their abuse of you or try to blame you for it. It’s as simple as saying, “Yes you did.” If bullies deny they attacked you when you know darn well that he/she did, in fact, attack you. It’s also as simple as saying, “Don’t give me that crap,” if bullies try to blame you for their abuse, rationalize their behavior or justify themselves.

Remember! No one can tell you your truth but you. Bullies may take your good name, your opportunities, your physical health, and yes, even your life.

But they can never take your mind from you if you don’t let them. Bullies may try to tell you what to say and do, but they can never tell you what to think.

Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have! And they hold enormous power!