Being alone means being in solitude- being by yourself. When you’re alone, you’re without the company of others. Being lonely, on the other hand, means having feelings of abandonment- being sad due to being isolated and alienated from others.
Alone is a state of being. Whereas, loneliness is a state of mind. An emotion. You can be in a room full of people and though you may not be alone, you can be lonely. It’s not about the number of people around you, it’s about how you feel.
When you’re alone, you can be happy. When you’re lonely, you can’t.
Being alone is sometimes beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!
Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.
Being lonely is that dull ache in your chest after you’ve lost a family member or been thrown under the bus by your friends.
Here’s how to beat that awful feeling of loneliness:
1. Concentrate on your hobbies. Do something you enjoy doing- preferably something that takes a little concentration and consumes some time.
2. Get up and move. Exercise works wonders and has a way of producing endorphins that make you feel good. Dancing to some good music is a great picker-upper!
3. Do a home-improvement project. Clean out your garage or declutter your closets.
As you know, I was bullied for six long years in school. But I also had hobbies that distracted me from some of the loneliness.
My writing and art projects at home were one of the ways I survived those lonely years. They made things a lot more bearable and when I’d finish a project, that feeling of accomplishment I’d get would always supersede any feeling of abandonment I felt!
Never fear being alone. Too many people think that because you’re alone, it means you’re lonely. It doesn’t!
Refraining from acting needy can be hard to do, especially if you’re a target of bullying. The feelings of loneliness and desperation are real, and they can have a death-grip on you after so long. Remember that humans are hardwired for social connections and relationships and it’s not easy to fight the urge to cling to unhealthy relationships and friendships when you’re treated like an outcast.
However, acting clingy and needy only invites more bullying, abuse, and usery. It also opens the door for ridicule. It also makes you a target of disgust and contempt. Yes, a few people may even feel sorry for you, but do you really want to be pitied? Ewww! I sure wouldn’t!
Moreover, it gives the bullies satisfaction and free entertainment. The last thing you want is to look desperate in front of them and humiliate yourself.
Again. I understand that feeling of not having any friends. I understand the longing for friends and human connections. I understand the longing to be noticed and to have your voice heard. And I understand that deep ache in your soul when people ostracize you because, once upon a time, I felt the intense psychopathic hate of my classmates and the resulting soul-deep pain.
However, I learned the heard way that, if nothing else, you still have your pride and your dignity, and you either choose to keep those treasures or give them away. And if you give them away like I did for a time, the good news is that you can always take them back anytime.
How you take it all back is to cut these life-leeches out off your life and make them irrelevant. You also take it back by speaking your truth and taking the abuse they inflicted on you to help others.
You turn your pain into power!
You turn your bullies’ weaknesses into your strength!
Your bullies’ ignorance becomes your wisdom!
You turn their hatred for you into love for others, especially those who are bullied.
And that’s how you overcome! That’s how you go “From Victim to Victor!”
Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!
I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.
Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!
These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.
Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.
Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.
But why?
It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.
Also, they think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.
It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that they have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.
I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.
If you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door.
The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.
Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.
Many targets of bullying suffer such vicious bullying and for so long that they’re willing to lap up anything that even looks or sounds like approval from others. They give undue value to anyone’s opinions, even those whose opinions should never be valued.
But when a person is desperate for friends and approval, they’ll latch onto anyone who shows their teeth to them. Worse, they’re willing to kiss butt and eat doody if it means they don’t have to be alone and friendless.
They’ll chase people who don’t give a crap about them and allow people to use them for what they can get from them. They’ll overlook it when their so-called friends stab them in the back.
They’ll even put up with overt abuse. Sadly, victims hold on to people who only tolerate them, which only invites more bullying. Anytime you have to crawl behind people who don’t care about you, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice!
I want you to understand this:
If you feel you must beg anyone to be your friend
If you think you must give them your delicious dessert at lunch
If you believe you have to do someone’s homework for them, give them money or do something that you don’t want to do to win their friendship
If you have to chase someone or go out of your way to get them to see the good in you
If you put up with being abused, disrespected, and humiliated by people who are supposed to be your friends
If you have friends who never have your back, who disappear and always throw you under the bus when trouble comes for you
If you have to force conversations with these so-called friends
In a nutshell, if at any time a friendship doesn’t feel right, these people do not deserve the time of day!
I understand the feeling of deprivation when you’re a target, it’s easy to want and nudge things a little. I completely get that deep ache- that longing to have a friend. And my heart goes out to you.
But you don’t need enemies with friends like that. Ditch these losers fast! They don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life.
When you’re that hard-up for friends, it shows. Anytime you’re willing to put up with crappy treatment to keep from being by yourself, it decreases your worth as a person. Other people see it and immediately think you’re pathetic. You come off to others as clingy and needy. Even worse, the desperate vibes you put out only attracts people who want to use and abuse you, which invites even more bullying and alienation.
Neediness just plain stinks. It is off-putting and repels even the people who would otherwise be good friends. There’s an old saying, “I can do bad by myself.”
It’s a saying I’ve heard for ions and it rings so true. Wouldn’t you much rather be alone than to put up with people who only pretend to be your friends and treat you like garbage? I sure as hell would.
I promise you that if you eighty-six people who treat you less than how you deserve to be treated, your value will go up and you will feel so much better about yourself. Also, either the people you ditch will realize what they lost and come back to apologize, or they won’t.
If they do, it’s your choice whether to allow them back in but understand that you do not have to take them back because some things you can never come back from. If they don’t, it’s no loss to you.
I say this because out of about four hundred classmates at Oakley High, I can count on one hand those I could ever trust again, and that’s without using all five fingers. Other than two or three, the rest of them I could care less if I ever saw again, even if they were the last four hundred people on the face of the earth.
I forgive my classmates, yes. But I will never trust them, and I’d be a fool to have anything to do with anyone I couldn’t trust.
The point is that you must value and love yourself enough to protect yourself and command better treatment from others. If that means being alone and friendless for a while, then so be it.
You deserve people who genuinely care for you, and if you have the courage to get rid of toxic people, life will eventually reward you and bring better people into your life- people who will love, respect you and feel so blessed to know you. It happened to me and it can happen for you too!
Don’t settle for fake friends who use, abuse, and only tolerate you to keep from being alone. Find people who celebrate you. Be friends with people who value you and see the good you bring to a friendship. You’re worth it. Believe it! Believe in yourself!
Many targets are bullied so viciously that they become terrified, withdraw, and isolate themselves. They grew leery of social situations and lose trust in all people. Once they lose faith in humanity, they can sometimes become hermits.
Some solitude is healthy, but too much of it isn’t good. Although staying away from people may seem to be the safest way to deal with being bullied, it isn’t.
Understand that when you withdraw from people, you not only close yourself off to bullies, you cut yourself off from people who can help you and from information that could be important.
You’ll cut yourself off from any talk that your bullies might be planning something harmful and you must always pay attention to what’s going on around you. Also, when you isolate yourself, you draw too much attention to yourself and make yourself an easier target. When you’re alone, you’re ripe for attack.
Realize that we humans are social creatures and to have any power requires connection, interaction, and being out and about.
It’s much better to mix and mingle with people and find friends and allies. What you should do is hide in the crowd from your bullies. Find others your bullies have bullied and use what you have in common to win them over to your side.
Making friends and allies both in and out of the bullying environment helps to counterbalance your bullies and give you protection.
When you refuse to isolate yourself, you’re more likely to receive news of what your bullies are doing and secrets they’re hiding, then use it to your advantage or for your defense. You can also better predict what they’ll do next.
Besides, the more sociable you are, the more at ease you’ll be, and the more attractive you’ll become.
Too much isolation, on the other hand, will also make you awkward around people and they will begin to avoid you.
So, remember. Isolation should only be temporary and in small doses. Only then is it good because it allows you time to think and evaluate things.
But too much of it can leave you exposed for attack because bullies always attack when the target is alone.
Think about it. In the animal kingdom, predators like tigers and wolves always attack in packs and when the prey is separated from the herd. Bullies are the same!
Being alone means being in solitude- being by yourself. When you’re alone, you’re without the company of others. Being lonely, on the other hand, means having feelings of abandonment- being sad due to being isolated and alienated from others.
Alone is a state of being. Whereas, loneliness is a state of mind. An emotion. You can be in a room full of people and though you may not be alone, you can be lonely. It’s not about the number of people around you, it’s about how you feel.
When you’re alone, you can be happy. When you’re lonely, you can’t.
Being alone is sometimes beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!
Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.
Being lonely is that dull ache in your chest after you’ve lost a family member or been thrown under the bus by your friends.
Here’s how to beat that awful feeling of loneliness:
1. Concentrate on your hobbies. Do something you enjoy doing- preferably something that takes a little concentration and consumes some time.
2. Get up and move. Exercise works wonders and has a way of producing endorphins that make you feel good. Dancing to some good music is a great picker-upper!
3. Do a home-improvement project. Clean out your garage or declutter your closets.
As you know, I was bullied for six long years in school. But I also had hobbies that distracted me from some of the loneliness.
My writing and art projects at home were one of the ways I survived those lonely years. They made things a lot more bearable and when I’d finish a project, that feeling of accomplishment I’d get would always supersede any feeling of abandonment I felt!
Never fear being alone. Too many people think that because you’re alone, it means you’re lonely. It doesn’t!
“If you aren’t afraid to be alone, you’ll more than likely have the courage to walk away from relationships that are bad for you.”
– Cherie White –
I won’t kid you. Being alone can sometimes make a person vulnerable. However, being surrounded by negative people makes you just as vulnerable if not more so. Therefore, being alone can be much better than keeping company with spiteful people who only bring you down.
As difficult as it may be, sometimes you must weed out all these ungrateful souls who don’t see your worth to make room for more positive, caring, and loving people to come in.
1. People will let you down at some point. Get rid of anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and only keep company with those who love and respect you. Keep the people in your life who value your opinions, even when those opinions are strong.
2. Not everyone who smiles at you is in your corner.
3. It’s easier to get rid of people who are toxic.
4. It’s easier to say goodbye to relationships that only hinder growth.
If someone is not treating you like you deserve to be treated, never be afraid to let them go, even if it seems that they’re your only options at the moment.
Remember that we must do things that don’t feel comfortable and that are downright scary for any positive change to happen.
When I look back today, I can see so much clearer. I never needed friends like those. However, when it’s happening, you don’t see it so clearly. Being in the middle of a storm can obscure your vision and cloud your judgment, causing you to feel things that are entirely out of your character. And one of those feelings is jealousy.
Being a target of relentless bullying is a lonely existence. The target not only becomes secretly desperate to have friends, but he also grows to hate anyone who does have them. I can testify to this because I’d watch the girls who were lucky enough to be surrounded by friends when I was a target. I’d watch them laugh and notice the bright smiles and their auras brimming with confidence- and I’d feel white-hot rage brewing- stirring inside me.
I could feel my eyes blaze and shoot daggers of fire at those happy girls. I never showed it, but I hated them with the fierceness of a hurricane! It was one of the reasons why I’d often instigate fights and sow discord between other classmates.
I realize now that it was terrible for me to feel that way. I was certainly wrong for feeling the way I did. However, when you’re a kid, you don’t understand why life is one way for some and not others.
And when life seems to be so bad that you want to look up and either cry out to or angrily lash out at God for allowing such an unfair injustice- for not only allowing you to starve but for seemingly forcing you to watch everyone else enjoy a five-course feast. At the same time, you go without, that’s when you know your attitude needs an overhaul!
When you’re a kid, you don’t understand why some have it better than others. You don’t know why some can and some can’t. And you wrack your brain, trying to figure out what the secret ingredients are.
But now that I know what the secret ingredients are, I realize that it never was anything I would’ve wanted in the first place. It wouldn’t have been worth it. They wouldn’t have been worth it.
To have to put on an act to be accepted by everyone?
To have to keep up appearances to be popular?
To be totally dependent on the approval of others?
To let other people’s opinions and the number of friends be the definition of who I am?
To have to be someone I’m not and micromanage every move I make and everything I say to keep from accidentally letting the real me slip out and risk displeasing people around me?
To have to cover one lie with a new one?
To be always afraid of people finding out who I really am?
To have my peace, happiness, and freedoms depend on the permission of others?
No thanks! They can have all the friends they want through all the fakery they want. That’s too much work, and I’m too lazy. If people don’t like the real me, they can hit the bricks. I don’t need them around.
I look back and realize that the vast majority of my classmates lived solely for their friends and the approval of others. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.
Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others- tools- followers, sheep.
Me? I refuse to live that way. And I don’t live for them. I’m not out to win a popularity contest. I only want to be and do what makes me happy and live a drama-free life and in comfort. No more, no less.
Other than God, myself, and my family, I don’t live for anyone else, and I couldn’t care less about their approval.
I know who I am, and I live for much better things!
When I look back to all those years ago, I realize that there was nothing to be envious of. In fact, I was much better off than any of them. I was the luckier one. I didn’t have to jump through hoops and bend over backward for them. Although it was hard and I paid a heavy price for it, I lived for me, and I’m so glad I did.
If you’re a target of bullying and you ever find yourself jealous of your bullies and everyone else who has all these friends around them, I urge you to consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. What do they have to give up?
Is having to stuff down and bury your true nature a way you want to live? Having others dictate to you what you should be?
Throughout my lifetime, I’ve known many women who seemed to pick shady and nasty characters to date. I’m talking about smart and beautiful women who you know can do better if they’d be a little more selective!
I’ve found that many of these women date no-count losers who don’t treat them well. I’ve seen their partners degrade these poor women and try to control them. Many of these partners are either broke, jobless, or working dead-end jobs.
Several of these bad partners and spouses are in and out of jail and who always have their women post bail for them. And this becomes a cycle. Even sadder is the fact that many of these smart and beautiful women either move in with or marry these losers, then end up having to keep these scrubs up!
These women will pay their partner’s bills and try to make life easier for them, only to be disrespected by them later.
Let me give you my opinion here. And this opinion may tick a lot of people off, but I’ll say it anyway.
Unless they are sick and can’t work, any significant other who lives off a woman or works and spends the money on themselves rather than contributing to the home is a sorry sack! That’s how I view them. Still, many smart, talented, and beautiful women end up with just the type.
But why?
It’s because many of these women have low self-esteem. They’re blind to their beauty, intelligence, and strength. They’re afraid of being alone and don’t think they can do any better than these worthless partners. So, these women take what they think they can get and settle for so much less than what they deserve.
Also, these women think that they can change the person or that the person has “potential.” So, again, in order to keep from being alone, they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is just going through a rough patch and that, eventually, they’ll do better. This is wrong and ends up dragging the poor woman down too.
It happens all the time. Smart and beautiful women resort to dating beneath their own standards to ensure they have a partner. Understand that these women have the attitude that “anything is better than being alone.” So, they’re willing to put up with shabby treatment, spend all their hard-earned money to keep these creeps out of jail and do without just to keep a romantic partner.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be alone than to put up with some lazy piece of crap who does nothing but keep me stressed out and broke. I can do bad all by myself! I don’t need help from some scumbag.
I realize that life can be tough and we all get down on our luck sometimes. It happens. So, if you have a partner who’s striving and has lost their job, by no means am I suggesting that you leave because things happen that are beyond our control. And chances are that a person who really wants to do better will eventually. But if your partner doesn’t bother to try, you may want to consider other options.
So, if you’re in either of these types of relationships, know that you owe it to yourself to leave the toxic relationship and to be more selective. Know that you’re worth it and if the other person can’t get their act together, you have every right to show them the door. The last thing you should do is to waste any more time with a partner who doesn’t value you or the good you bring to their life. So, don’t settle or continue a relationship with someone who only takes you for granted. Find someone who values and cherishes you. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.
Later, I will post about men who date toxic partners.
Being alone means being in solitude- being by yourself. When you’re alone, you’re without the company of others. Being lonely, on the other hand, means having feelings of abandonment- being sad due to being isolated and alienated from others.
Alone is a state of being. Whereas, lonely is a state of mind. An emotion. You can be in a room full of people and though you may not be alone, you can be lonely. It’s not about the number of people around you, it’s about how you feel.
When you’re alone, you can be happy. When you’re lonely, you can’t.
Being alone is sometimes beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!
Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.
Being lonely is that dull ache in your chest after you’ve lost a family member or been thrown under the bus by your friends.
Here’s how to beat that awful feeling of loneliness:
1. Concentrate on your hobbies. Do something you enjoy doing- preferably something that takes a little concentration and consumes some time.
2. Get up and move. Exercise works wonders and has a way of producing endorphins that make you feel good. Dancing to some good music is a great picker-upper!
3. Do a home-improvement project. Clean out your garage or declutter your closets.
As you know, I was bullied for six long years in school. But I also had hobbies that distracted me from some of the loneliness.
My writing and art projects at home were one of the ways I survived those lonely years. They made things a lot more bearable and when I’d finish a project, that feeling of accomplishment I’d get would always supersede any feeling of abandonment I felt!
Never fear being alone. Too many people think that because you’re alone, it means you’re lonely. It doesn’t!
