Never Ever Apologize for Who You Are

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Make no apologies for who you are or what you stand for. And make no apologies for any successes or victories you’ve had. Most importantly, make no apologies for loving yourself and going after what you want and what you deserve.

Bullies will get jealous of your successes and victories and try to undermine them. They give you backhanded compliments, accuse you of having “freak luck” or call you an imposter.

Also, if you’re a confident and happy person, bullies will be jealous of that too. They will accuse you of being “full of yourself”, “arrogant”, “conceited” and other such nonsense.

Turn a deaf ear to these haters!

Lots of times, targets of bullying, after having been bullied for so long, end up apologizing for or explaining away beautiful parts of their personality because they have been forced by others to believe that something really is wrong with them.

If this applies to you, I want you to stop doing that! You owe no one any apologies, nor explanations for being YOU.

I want you to think about this: Perceptions are often wrong and just because others “perceive” you to be less than does not mean that you are. Stop apologizing, stop explaining and begin loving yourself.

I Knew Other Bullied Classmates. Most Are Still Afraid to Tell Their Stories.

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Even today, thirty years later, these other targets are afraid of telling their stories. Some are scared that it may somehow get back to the people who bullied them. And that the bullies from high school will hunt them down and harm them or their families if they speak out. Hey, Oakley’s a small southern town and they have to live there. Luckily for me, I got out of there.

Their worries aren’t exactly needless either. Many of them live in the same small town the bullies do, and the bullies have powerful connections. Many of the classmates who bullied me are either working in law enforcement (Isn’t it funny how most people who were bullies in school seek out careers that give them a little power and authority?), or ended up with spouses in law enforcement.

People in small towns never forget who they hated in high school and seem to carry grudges for a lifetime. Many of them would jump at the chance if they could bully the person again for old time’s sake. Trust me. I know these people, and they wouldn’t think twice about it!

Hate is blind

I’ve heard countless horror stories from others. They were stories about how these former bullies from high school would have certain people they didn’t like pulled over and plant drugs in their vehicle to press bogus charges of illegal possession and ruin their lives. It happens more than we realize. So far, when passing through, I’ve been very fortunate.

I’ve also heard another story from a very reliable source about how one of the women who bullied me in school, handled marital issues with her husband.

Because she was angry and wanted to get back at her spouse, she sent a picture of herself and another man in their home to her husband’s phone while he (the husband) was at work at the police department, all to prove a point to him that she could leave and have any other man she wanted.

In doing that, she baited her police officer husband into losing his temper, leaving his shift and coming home to fire several shots into the home they shared, placing both herself and their children in grave danger. Yep! Talk about stupid!

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Luckily, she nor the kids were hurt. However, if she would do a damn fool thing like baiting her spouse to do something foolish and make herself out to be the innocent wife who’s so abused and mistreated, then she’d bait someone else with whom she wanted to get revenge on. And most of her friends, who also bullied me, are the same manipulative way, which is why I make it a point to keep them at a long distance from my loved ones and me.

‘You see? I’ve written and published a book about being bullied in high school, and yes, they know about it. Although I never used their real names in the book, I received quite a few nasty and threatening messages from them after the book became available, and a few other classmates bought it.

One woman even informed me that she had contacted several classmates, and they all wanted to meet me somewhere where we could “have a meeting” and “have a well-needed discussion” over what I’d written and published.

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That meeting didn’t happen. And it never will because I wouldn’t trust any of them as far as I could throw them. You never know what they may be plotting or what might happen. Had I stupidly agreed to meet with them, there’s no telling what I would’ve walked into. So, I bade them thanks, but no thanks.

I will not meet them anywhere, and I will not go to the reunion. I hope my classmates have fun, but they’ll have to do it without me.

There are times I still get nasty messages from a classmate or two, not often, but it does happen. It doesn’t phase me any because number one; they don’t know where I live. Number two; I could care less.

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If I must do any business in the town, I do it without worrying about the possibility of being seen by the wrong people. I know that anyone of the bullies from school would be a fool to approach me today.

The bullies from way back when know that if they try anything foolish, and if anything happens to me, anything at all, they will only prove every word I wrote in “From Victim to Victor.” Also, people from everywhere will come around asking questions and guess who they’ll go to for answers.

They will only make themselves suspects.

In essence, “From Victim to Victor” is my protection. The book can serve as a shield from any retribution my old bullies may want for my daring to speak out about the notoriously vile and ignorant way they acted years ago. These people know not to bust themselves.

My other classmates, who were also victims, do not have that protection going for them, and I can only hope and pray that they are left alone to live their lives with their families in peace.

 

You Don’t Need to Change to Be Accepted.

bullying you are beautiful no matter what they say

Many targets have been bullied and beat down to the point of losing confidence in themselves and not liking- even hating who they are. If you’re one of those people, this message is for you.

You don’t need to change who you are to be accepted. If people cannot love you just the way you are, then they’re the wrong people for you and don’t deserve to be in your life.

Don’t try to hide anything about yourself. Be true to the person you are. Never let bullies stop you from loving and accepting yourself. Know that your uniqueness is what makes you awesome, and one day, that uniqueness is going to attract the right people who will love and accept all parts of you, the good and the not-so-good.

You just haven’t met these people yet.

Open your beautiful eyes and realize that you are a great person to know and that some people wouldn’t know a great thing if it jumped up and bit them on the nose.

Remind yourself of it every day. Know that no matter what your classmates or coworkers may tell you, there are people who love you just for being awesome, beautiful, one in a million you!

Better Safe Than Sorry: Why You Shouldn’t Apologize in the Presence of Bullies

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A sincere apology and owning up to any error often show great strength and bravery. It takes a person with integrity to apologize for any wrongdoing because few people will admit they are “wrong”.

However, an apology or admission, no matter how sincere or genuine, can also be taken as a sign of weakness in the presence of bullies or anyone who lacks integrity. We all live life on the basis of trial and error. In fact, put another way, life is trial and error and to grow and mature as a person, one must own his/her mistakes and wrongdoings.

Admitting mistakes and giving a well-deserved apology to someone we have transgressed against is a sign of honor and integrity. Only not to those who lack those qualities!

Yes, you should have an open mind, you should be empathetic, generous, and kind but only in the presence of and to the people who reciprocate the same toward you. In the presence of bullies, on the other hand, extending those virtues is next to impossible and can be downright dangerous! Here’s why:

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1. A bully will take your heartfelt apology, turn it against you, and steamroll you with it!

Because he will only take it as further evidence that he’s right, or worse- that you are a terrible person, clumsy, stupid, take your pick. Your apology or admission will only serve bullies’ plans to assert control over you and keep it.

To a bully without a conscience, any apology made by their victim only looks like a waving white flag of surrender. Therefore, you must make sure that you’re in a safe environment before extending one. Here are a few examples:

Victim: “I was wrong and I’m sorry.”

Bully: “Damn right you were wrong! Oh, you’re sorry alright- a sorry sack of crap!

Victim: “Hey! What’s your problem? I just apologized!”

Bully: “Screw your apology! Your apology means nothing! You only apologize to cover your own butt and keep people off your back!”

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When you’re a target of bullying, it’s too easy to get into the bad habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

I have learned that with bullies, your apology should be more indirect because a direct apology will only make you seem weak to a bully and provide assurance to her that she has power over you! Here are a few examples of indirect apologies and they’re what has worked for me:

“Oh, relax! You’ll be alright.”

“You’ll forget all about this by the end of the day.”

“You’ll get over it.”

The above examples may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, it allows you to express empathy without accepting blame.

Always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Any of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down. Apologize, yes! But do it without taking any blame. Do it with POWER!

Make No Apologies For Who You Are

sorry

Make no apologies for who you are or what you stand for. And make no apologies for any successes or victories you’ve had. Most importantly, make no apologies for loving yourself and going after what you want and what you deserve.

Bullies will get jealous of your successes and victories and try to undermine them. They give you backhanded compliments, accuse you of having “freak luck” or call you an imposter.

Also, if you’re a confident and happy person, bullies will be jealous of that too. They will accuse you of being “full of yourself”, “arrogant”, “conceited” and other such nonsense.

thumbing nose

Turn a deaf ear to these haters!

Lots of times, targets of bullying, after having been bullied for so long, end up apologizing for or explaining away beautiful parts of their personality because they have been forced by others to believe that something really is wrong with them. If this applies to you, I want you to stop doing that! You owe no one any apologies, nor explanations for being YOU.

I want you to think about this: Perceptions are often wrong and just because others “perceive” you to be less than does not mean that you are. Stop apologizing, stop explaining and begin loving yourself.

Sorry? For What?

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I don’t apologize for being who I am. I’m just the way God made me.

I’m not sorry for being a woman, being of my race, having brown hair nor brown eyes. For those are the things that make me me. And I’m happy and secure with it.

I don’t apologize for being a Christian nor for holding certain values- for valuing God and family. For those are the things I hold dear.

I also refuse to be sorry for wrongdoings committed by others. I cannot control the actions of others nor should I be expected to pay for their sins. That is between them and God and they’ll be judged for it one day.

I’m not responsible for any sins other than my own.

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Too many people self-loathe and feel guilty for things they haven’t done, which only strips away their happiness and peace of mind. And if you allow others to heap false guilt on your head unjustly, what do you think they will do next?

Take charge of your happiness and your life. And know that anyone who tries to force you to feel something you shouldn’t feel or do something that is either degrading to you or that you don’t want to do, you should have no more to do with them.

Continue to love yourself. Apologize only for what you’re guilty of and to the person you transgressed against. And if that person doesn’t accept your apology, that’s on them and you should love yourself enough to get on with it.

 

I Don’t and Never Will Apologize for Being Different.

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I’ve never been one to follow blindly. Never been one to conform without knowing what motives any authority figure had behind telling me to do so. I’m one to question everything. Always have been. And I’ve always done critical thinking and plenty of reading and research. That’s just me.

Through the years, this has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I’ve taken a lot of heat and lost many friends (or people I thought who were friends) for it. And it’s probably why I was bullied all those years in school.

But that’s okay. In fact, I embrace all of it!

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I’d rather stand for something than fall for anything people feed me. I’m true to my beliefs and convictions and I’m not afraid of losing a few people over it. And I’m proud of that.

I’m not a follower.

No one ever said being a free-thinking person was easy and I don’t expect it to be.
And when people get pissed and withdraw friendship over my choice to question a narrative, I only see it as a weeding out of fake friends and people who aren’t meant to be in my circle.

To know who your real friends are, you must be your true authentic self, question status quos, trends, and popular narratives, then call BS when you see or hear it.
And I’m willing to accept it and everything that comes with it.

Why It’s Never Good to Over Apologize

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From the time we’re toddlers, we’re taught to apologize when we do something wrong. Although this is a good thing, if it’s overdone, it can backfire.

After having been bullied and abused for so long, targets of bullying tend to apologize way too much. Sadly, what often goes with being targeted for bullying is constantly getting blamed for virtually everything that goes wrong, which is why targets are often programmed to apologize for things that don’t need an apology.

With targets of bullying, the apologies are often a knee-jerk reaction that comes from extreme fear. The incessant apologies are ways to appease the bullies and make them go away and leave him alone. And bullies know this.

They know that the apology isn’t heartfelt and that the target is only trying to keep them from harming him again, which either gives the bullies a rush of power or makes them angrier and more determined to hurt the target.

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When you’re a target of bullying, you’re often forced to take accountability for things you had nothing to do with or that were beyond your control. So, you get into the self-defeating habit of apologizing, thinking that it will protect you from further abuse. But even if it does save you from being brutalized, it will eat away at your self-esteem.

If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.

Anytime you make unnecessary apologies, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault. And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior.

Also, you only make others around you believe that you really are in the wrong when, in fact, the bullies are the guilty ones. You only make it so much easier for your bullies to shirk responsibility for their evil deeds. It gives the bullies the impression that they have power and control over you and that you will always surrender to them.

Even worse, people lose respect for you because it conveys a lack of confidence and gives these bullies the okay to continue bullying you. You unknowingly decrease your value and look pathetic. You send the unspoken message that you’d rather be agreeable than honest.

And whenever a situation arises that warrants a sincere apology, others will only take your apology with a grain of salt.

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But when you refuse to apologize where an apology isn’t needed, it’s a sign of greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power. It also shows that you have more dignity and integrity.

It pays to know when you should and shouldn’t apologize.

And for Pete’s sake! Never apologize for feeling hurt or angry at someone else’s abuse! Never! In these situations, you have a right to feel the way you do! Let no one tell you how you should feel when you’re being treated unfairly!