Tag: no drama

no drama

8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

10 Comments

Many targets of bullying, sadly, get tricked and programmed into thinking they should apologize for everything- for things they need not be sorry for. Understand that these needless apologies are a survival mechanism. Targets over apologize in hope that the bullies will be appeased and back off from harming them. I completely understand and will never fault them for that. They’re doing what they feel they must do to protect themselves.

However, their apologies, in most cases, don’t work and can make the bullying worse. And if these targets aren’t careful, they can unwittingly allow themselves to be programmed to over apologize even after the bullying threat has passed, which will only make them targets of future bullies.

What happens is that when we’re bullied, abused, and made to apologize for so long, we develop new neural pathways that rewire us to become subservient. And the lines between what we should and shouldn’t apologize for become blurred.

So, what are the things you should never apologize for?

1.Your very existence. You have just as much a right to be here as the next person. Never ever apologize for being in this world. Remember that The Lord put you here for a great purpose. You have your space to fill, and you have every right to carve it out.

 2. Setting boundaries. As human beings, we all have unalienable rights endowed by God. One of which is to stand up for those rights. If someone is violating you in any way, you must set boundaries. You must call them out and make it absolutely clear to them that what they’re doing is wrong. Never be sorry for that.

3. Defending yourself and your loved ones. Again, you must set boundaries. If someone is harming you and your loved ones, you have every right to defend yourself and them. A while back, media outlets were implying that if people of European descent defended themselves against home invasions, robberies, physical harm, and murder; it was wrong because they considered it “white privilege.”

 Ahem! No! What it is, is human survival and self-preservation. Everyone has a right to protect themselves from harm, no matter their race or skin color! And you should never feel guilty for defending your right not to be harmed. Never! You have a God-given right to save your own life! God gave you a brain. Use it!

4. Walking away from drama. Bullies, abusers, gossips, backstabbers, and troublemakers are people who bring us unnecessary drama and life’s too short for it. Anyone who brings you drama doesn’t deserve to be around you. You have every right to get up and walk away. Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that.

5. Your successes and accomplishments. When you’ve worked hard and achieved your success, you have a right to those rewards. You have a right to enjoy and celebrate the fruits of your labor. Many times, jealous, insecure, and resentful people will attempt to make you feel guilty for being successful. Don’t fall for that garbage! Don’t be arrogant, but be pleased about your success, whatever it may be. You have that right.

6. Being who you are. You are beautifully and wonderfully unique. There is no one else in this world like you nor will there ever be. Understand that the original is worth so much more than a copy. Don’t be peer-pressured into cheapening yourself by becoming just another copy. Let no one make you feel guilty for being who you are- an original!

7. Your happiness. Happiness comes from within. You, as much as anyone else, deserve your joy. If you’ve done the inner work and found purpose in your life, let no one demand that you apologize for it.

8. Your lifestyle. Unless you’re a criminal and your lifestyle is about causing others pain, never apologize for the way you live. Ways of living that are unapologetic include well-earned affluence, poverty that you can do nothing about, being a single parent, etcetera, etcetera. When it comes to these things, people really need to mind their own business and you have a right to tell them just that if they have the audacity to judge your lifestyle.

To protect your self-esteem and confidence from bullies, abusers- anyone who many violate you, you must be clear on what needs an apology and what doesn’t. With this knowledge, we have a powerful weapon with which to preserve our self-esteem and, thus, our very lives.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Aren’t Selfish

Leave a comment

To expect fair and humane treatment from others at work or school.

To expect better and more loyal friendships.

To walk away from a job with a boss or coworkers who don’t appreciate your efforts.

To stop putting other’s wants and needs before your own.

To snub people who don’t value you.

To chose not to do anything you don’t want to do.

To say no to things and people you don’t like or just aren’t right for you.

To kick toxic people and life-suckers out of your life.

To refuse to let others take advantage of you.

To walk away from a relationship or friendship that only drains you and leaves you feeling terrible about yourself.

To look out for and take care of yourself.

To put yourself first.

To love yourself and all your imperfections.

You must realize that most people do not care about being fair or reasonable; they only speak of fairness and reason when it suits them.

Understand that you deserve for others to treat you with love and respect. You have a right to say no- to refuse and to walk away when something doesn’t feel right to you.

You deserve the freedom to live your life on your terms, to do things your way, and to be successful, happy, and fulfilled.

Anything less than that is unacceptable. And if any of this constitutes being selfish, then it’s okay to be “selfish.”

Happiness Isn’t a Pursuit, It’s a Choice.

Leave a comment

Many don’t know it but it’s true. Happiness doesn’t just happen to a lucky few. It doesn’t fall into your lap and it isn’t magically given. We choose happiness.

Once upon a time, I was one of the most negative people you ever met. I soon grew tired of being miserable and begin doing a lot of reading. That’s when my eyes were opened and I finally put in the time and the work to change my thoughts and attitudes.

And in changing those things, I changed my life. This is not to say that everything is perfect. I still have days when things don’t go the way I want. The only difference is that I no longer see it as the end of the world.

There are even times I get angry or upset, but the difference is that I don’t set up shop and stay there. I usually bounce back pretty quickly.

But how do you attain happiness?

Here’s how:

1. By checking your thoughts – it starts with a single thought. Anytime a negative or depressing thought crosses our minds, and they will, we must catch it and replace it with one that is positive. Once we begin to do this, it’ll slowly become a habit. Keep it up long enough and it will become like second nature.

And you’ll be so surprised how your life will change when positive people and experiences will suddenly begin flowing into your life.

2. By not sweating the small stuff – the small stuff are what people think and say of us. You shouldn’t worry about it because these people don’t matter and either do their opinions and petty remarks. Forget about them and continue to do you.

3. By doing what you love and enjoy the most – Do what fulfills you. Engage in hobbies and interests. You must create opportunities to enjoy yourself.

4. By spending time with the people you love – Hold your family and closest friends close to your heart. Visit them often and don’t lose touch.

5. By learning something new every day – if you’re not learning, you’re stagnating. Reading and learning new things can be exciting and it helps you grow! So, grab a good book or read articles. I guarantee that it will pay off huge dividends!

6. By finding a hobby if you don’t already have one – hobbies are fun, and they keep your mind off the bad stuff. They also give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment!

7. By staying away from drama – Others’ moods have a way of rubbing off on you. So, stay far away from anyone who’s immersed in the drama. Otherwise, they’ll smother and kill your vibe!

Do these things and I promise you! You’ll be on your way to joy!

Happiness Is A Choice

Leave a comment

dreamstime_xs_14551594

Many don’t know it but it’s true. Happiness doesn’t just happen to a lucky few. It doesn’t fall into your lap and it isn’t magically given. We choose happiness.

Once upon a time, I was one of the most negative people you ever met. I soon grew tired of being miserable and begin doing a lot of reading. That’s when my eyes were opened and I finally put in the time and the work to change my thoughts and attitudes.

And in changing those things, I changed my life. This is not to say that everything is perfect. I still have days when things don’t go the way I want. The only difference is that I no longer see it as the end of the world.

dreamstime_xs_66110919

There are even times I get angry or upset, but the difference is that I don’t set up shop and stay there. I usually bounce back pretty quickly.

But how do you attain happiness?

Here’s how:

1. By checking your thoughts – it starts with a single thought. Anytime a negative or depressing thought crosses our minds, and they will, we must catch it and replace it with one that is positive. Once we begin to do this, it’ll slowly become a habit. Keep it up long enough and it will become like second nature.

And you’ll be so surprised how your life will change when positive people and experiences will suddenly begin flowing into your life.

dreamstime_xs_6811032

2. By not sweating the small stuff – the small stuff are what people think and say of us. You shouldn’t worry about it because these people don’t matter and either do their opinions and petty remarks. Forget about them and continue to do you.

3. By doing what you love and enjoy the most – Do what fulfills you. Engage in hobbies and interests. You must create opportunities to enjoy yourself.

4. By spending time with the people you love – Hold your family and closest friends close to your heart. Visit them often and don’t lose touch.

dreamstime_xs_172522160

5. By learning something new every day – if you’re not learning, you’re stagnating. Reading and learning new things can be exciting and it helps you grow! So, grab a good book or read articles. I guarantee that it will pay off huge dividends!

6. By finding a hobby if you don’t already have one – hobbies are fun, and they keep your mind off the bad stuff. They also give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment!

dreamstime_xs_162404049

7. By staying away from drama – Others’ moods have a way of rubbing off on you. So, stay far away from anyone who’s immersed in drama. Otherwise, they’ll smother and kill your vibe!

Do these things and I promise you! You’ll be on your way to joy!