When I Stopped Caring What People Thought

When I stopped caring what others thought of me, I stopped apologizing for being me. Instead of judging myself, I began loving and accepting myself- all aspects, the good and the not-so-good. I started living up to my own standards and experiencing life on my terms.

When I stopped worrying needlessly about what people thought, I set myself free from the chains of fear and anxiety and was no longer a slave to others’ opinions and approval. I no longer felt the need to walk on eggshells and hide my natural humanness. I stopped feeling like I wasn’t good enough and comparing myself to others. I no longer allowed anyone else to dictate what I should say, do, think, or feel.

I began permitting myself to make mistakes because we all make them whether or not some of us admit it. Even better, I started learning from those mistakes and seeing them as life lessons, rather than defects or screw-ups. I finally accepted that I’m not and never will be perfect. Who is?

Silhouettes of hands are breaking the chain—freedom concept.

I learned that like, and dislike is subjective, never personal. I accepted that not everybody was going to like me and was not only okay with it but embraced it! Because if you don’t have people who don’t like you, you’re not doing something right- in one area or another, you’re not your true, authentic self.

I permitted myself to follow my heart, sing, dance, speak my piece, and yes! Even be a little weird. In all this, I took back control of my life and found freedom I’d never known.

The day I stopped caring what people think was the day I got my life back, and slowly but surely, my bullies began to disappear. I began to feel beautiful, smart, and, best of all, equal.

Positive things started coming my way magically and seemingly without effort. I began attracting the right people into my life- genuine people who were loving, caring, uplifting, and inspiring. Existing relationships drastically improved. An abundance of opportunities and blessings flowed into my life. I began seeing wins and successes that were very rewarding and fulfilling, which only encouraged me to stretch my imagination, take more risks, and try new things.

Today, I look back and ask myself why. Why did I even give a crap what my bullies and others- people who meant absolutely jack to me and could do nothing for me, thought of me?

They weren’t my family or friends.
They didn’t pay my bills.
They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.
They didn’t hold my life in their hands.
And they most certainly weren’t people I cared anything about.

I wasted a lot of time and energy, which I can never get back, worrying needlessly about what people thought of me. The truth of it is that most of those people nor their opinions were never even worth my consideration.

The only opinions that matter are those of my God, my family, my husband, and my closest and most trusted friends. And the only things that matter are my faith in God, my dreams, my morals, taking care of the people I love, my ability to be the best me I can be, and my desire to extend kindness and reach out and help those who need me. Anyone or anything outside of that is irrelevant.

Victims of Bullying and Self-Fulfilling Prophesies (Part 2)

bullying

Again, if you aren’t careful, this repetition of bullying, abuse, and gaslighting will brainwash you. You’ll internalize it and be convinced of it.

Once your bullies finally convince you that you’re the lowest form of life on Earth, you will adopt a poor attitude and begin behaving in a way that matches your new beliefs about yourself. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.

  • You’ll stop believing in yourself.
  • You’ll have a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.”
  • Your grades will plummet, and your performance will suffer.
  • You’ll attract all kinds of bad fortune into your life.
  • You’ll want so badly to get out of the bad environment and situation you’re in that you’ll begin making poor decisions and life choices out of desperation- choices that may alter the entire course of your life.
  • You may drop out of school to get away from your bullies. I almost did.
  • You may quit your job before you have time to find other employment.
  • You may join a gang or extremist group to feel like you belong and to have friends.
  • You may use drugs to fit in, or to dull the pain.

bullied bully angry hate

And what’s really sad is that you won’t even realize it’s happening until you’re already too far down the rabbit hole. That is, if you ever realize it.

Understand that bullying will change your life- either for better or worse.

It’s hard! I completely get that. I understand how hard it is to keep loving yourself when you’re surrounded by people who hate you. I know how difficult it is to believe in yourself when it seems that no one else does. And I realize that it’s overwhelming to continue trying when everyone else is constantly telling you to give up- that you’ll never make it.

Believe you me. I empathize with you because I was there. I almost gave up.

  • I attempted suicide in the eighth grade and almost didn’t make it.
  • I almost dropped out of school during the eleventh grade.
  • I almost lost hope.

I did some desperate things back then- things that could have gotten me arrested or worse- killed!

If I’d held on to my love for and belief in myself, there’s no doubt that I would’ve spared myself a lot of pain.

But I eventually got mad- at myself! And when I got mad- it gave me the determination that they weren’t going to destroy the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to let them.

That’s what you have to do- get mad. Get determined. Dig in your heels and double down. Be determined not to lose yourself- not to let them destroy the parts of yourself that matter.

doormats victims targets bullied

Because if you give into your bullies and cave into believing what they tell you, it will become a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. You’ll end up living up to everything they tell you. That’s not what you want. You don’t want to give your bullies any more satisfaction than they’ve already gotten at your expense. No way!

Why are they so hell bend on making you believe their lies?

  • Because they know they will succeed at brainwashing you.
  • Bullies are very much aware that they will get what they want. And what they want is to break your spirit.
  • The bully’s end goal- to bring you so low that you never recover.
  • If they can do the above three, then you’re likely to prove them right.
  • Know that it’s all an attempt to reprogram you and in a vast majority of cases, it works!

winner strong victor positive self love confidence self-esteem

 

Self-fulfilling prophesies are real, and they can destroy your life if you let bullies cause you to have a losing, self-defeating and bitter attitude. On the other hand, having confidence, loving yourself, and having a positive attitude will bring good things into your life.

This is not to say that bad things won’t sometimes happen anyway because they do. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over, and it happens to all of us. However, with a positive attitude, your life won’t be one huge string of bad luck. You will have victories- and more of them then losses.

Attitude does attract things into your life. Like attracts like. How I wish I’d know this when I was young.

 

 

Victims of Bullying and Self-Fulfilling Prophesies

stop bullying

When you’ve been a target of bullying for so long, your world becomes shaky. You began to doubt yourself and your abilities. You wonder if they were all right about you all along and that you maybe just didn’t see it. You get clumsy, awkward! A piece of your self-esteem breaks off.

Your decision making takes a big hit. Any decision you make, you wonder if it’s the right one. You may have even become too afraid to make choices. You fumble, screw up, and it seems that the harder you try not to make mistakes, the more of them you make, and the more bullies ridicule, put you down, even hurt you for them. There goes another piece of self-esteem.

You seemingly make gaffes that only make these people angrier at you and do things to rub them the wrong way when you’re only trying to quell any conflict. It seems that anything you try to do to help the situation only seems to have the opposite effect, which erodes even more of your precious self-esteem.

bullying

You then begin to have a horrible attitude and outlook on life.

All humans are mean-spirited, greedy, and selfish pieces of sh**.

The world is a crappy place.

I’ll never amount to anything.

Life sucks.

And that’s when adverse things begin to happen in your life. Your grades drop, your performance starts to wane, you lose out on awards, achievements, and opportunities. And the bullies are watching and smiling because all that is happening to you is confirming to them that you really are “a loser.” And inside, you know what they’re thinking. Bam! More of your self-esteem is smashed to bits.

bullied victim target unhappy

Before you know it, what relationships you do have are suffering, and what goals you have- even goals that are, by all accounts, easy to attain, seem unreachable.

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s only the Law of Attraction at work. Like attracts like. What you think about, even on a subconscious level, always comes about.

People have consistently bombarded you with negativity- insults, horrible names, rejection, disrespect, physical beatings, abuse, everything- and repetitiously. This has gone on for so long that you’ve consciously or subconsciously begun to believe the crap that your bullies have fed you. And what’s really bad is that you’re beginning to live up to it and you can’t seem to control it or stop it from happening.

bullied victim target

What you resist will persist.

So, the saga continues. It seems that people are not only breaking their backs to convince everyone else that you’re evil, worthless, and stupid, they’re trying their damnedest to convince you of it too. Because, every day, you hear the same vitriol and get the same abuse over and over. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Those people seem to be winning at it!

Understand that bullies do this deliberately. Oh yes! There is both a method and a purpose behind it that’s either conscious or subconscious.

Put plainer, bullies mean to get you to believe that you are, in fact, worthless and force you to agree with it and that you deserve the mistreatment. Because if they can get you to believe it too, then you’re more likely to submit to their abuse and demands without protest.

bullied victim target

Why else would they try to drum such lies- such garbage– into your head a million and one times a day?

Understand that bullying, because of its repetitiveness, because of its brutality, is a form of brainwashing. It’s not only physical, but it’s also psychological warfare. Over time, it conditions you to believe that you’re no good and will never amount to anything.

And when you’re in a school or workplace full of bullies who loathe you and want nothing more than to destroy you, the psychology of it is akin to being stuck in a re-education camp in a Communist Country. It’s just as mind-altering, and it’s just as damaging.

This is because bullies spoon-feed you their tripe repeatedly until your mind absorbs it and end up believing it too. They physically and emotionally beat you down, then they gaslight you and convince you that you deserve it- that you asked for the abuse and made them have to hurt you.

(Continued in Part 2…)