It IS Possible to Win an Enemy Over

friends

It’s something you can do. I’ve seen other people do it, and I’ve done it. However, a couple of things need to happen before you can win over an enemy: first, the enemy must be open to you winning them over. In other words, the person has to want it and not resist it. Then, you must show genuine interest in them and their lives, and it has to be real and not fake.

Understand that enemies are naturally resistant to us. Why? Because, to an enemy, you’re the bad guy. It doesn’t matter that you’re a great person with a giving heart. You may be the most fun and cheerful person in the world, even liked by many. None of that will make a difference to your enemies.

To an enemy, you’re suspect even when you’re on your best behavior and whether it’s real. An enemy doesn’t care how kind and down to earth you are. They could care less about your charm and charisma. Any kindness, genuineness, smarts, and talents- any positive qualities you may possess are all null and void to your enemy.

All that matters to an enemy is that you are who you are, and they resent you for it. Nothing more.

But would you even want to win over such a person? I wouldn’t. With an enemy such as this, it’s better to leave them where they are and keep it moving because there’ll be some enemies you can’t win over no matter what. Others, you can but be cautious.

Whether you win over an enemy depends on the person with whom you’re dealing.

Years ago, I did win over an enemy from school- a staunch enemy. We became close friends and remained close until the day she passed away. It was a blessing because she became a blessing to my life, and I became a blessing to hers. And I did it by showing genuine interest in her after she brought her defenses down and showed me the same. It was one of God’s beautiful miracles, I believe.

We discovered things about each other that we never even suspected. This lady had been a target of bullying herself. She, too, had been judged and persecuted by others, and harshly so. And other than the petty rumors I’d heard about her, I hadn’t known it was as bad as it was. She’d had to fight her way through school, and like me, she was only trying to survive.

I want you to realize that this doesn’t work with everyone, especially an enemy who’s narcissistic. If you show genuine interest in a narcissist, you’ll only be feeding them their much-needed narcissistic supply, and they’ll only steamroll you with it. A narcissist only sees another’s genuine interest or love as bowing down and kissing their arse.

Narcissists only get a thrill out of it and take it as a green light to use you for what they get out of you- even if the benefits are nothing more than an ego boost. To a narcissist, you’re not a separate human being with feelings, thoughts, perspectives, and goals of your own. No. You’re an object who’s only here for their convenience.

True friends are hard to find and don’t come along every day. You must pick and choose wisely.

It’s the same with enemies you chose to win over. Yes, turning an enemy into a friend is fantastic and can be rewarding. But it’s wise to be selective of those you chose to win over because not everyone deserves a place in your life.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Targets of Bullying Should Leave The Town They’re Bullied In

“A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” – Mark 6:4

You want to live bully-free. You long for people to give you space and the chance to relax, be yourself, and live a rewarding and meaningful life. You want opportunities to flow into your life and to live by your own standards. If you are bullied, you probably have the desire to reinvent yourself and attract love and respect.

Unfortunately, to do this, you will have to leave town if you were bullied in school. The reason is that if you don’t move, you will always be known as that “loser,” that “whore”, that “lowlife,” that “crazy,” or whatever label people stuck you with in high school, and no one will give you a chance no matter what.

The girl with a suitcase

You will always be known for being the kid who was bullied by everyone- known for being “Everybody’s b!&$#” and you will more than likely continue to be targeted long after graduation, especially if you’re in a small town or rural area.

However, in a new geological area, you will be the new kid in town- that new kid who is mysterious, intriguing, and beguiling! You will be the person everyone is anxious to meet because they feel that you’re full of hope and promise. In a new town, you can reinvent and redefine yourself. You can rewrite your own story and give a stellar first impression, then let it speak for itself.

As a result, you will be successful at anything and attract endless opportunities for love, friendship, and advancement.

But back in the old town, you’re the kid who was desperate for attention. Any success you have will only be viewed as another ploy to show off and impress others, which will cause you to become a target as an adult. In contrast, any failure will be looked at by others as an “I told you so” opportunity and confirmation to them that you really are a loser.

In a new town, your value comes from what you put out. You are judged by the fruit you bear, whereas, in the old town, you are judged by who you were in school. You are judged solely by your reputation, which was ruined in school.

Open door on long empty asphalt road, highway towards sun. Hope, success, new way concepts etc.

In a town where you were bullied, nobody will be interested in how much you’ve grown and changed as a person. Others do not want to hear about any successes you’ve enjoyed or accomplishments you’ve made because it would only force them to consider that maybe you’re not such a bad person after all and quiet their own judgment of you. And because no one wants to be wrong about anything, they’ll only dig their heels in and double-down on their judgments and attitudes toward you.

It’s next to impossible to discover your true potential when others define you by who they perceive you to be. Because their perceptions of you will always be negative, and they will do everything they can to keep you in your place. It’s a box you will never be able to get out of no matter what. However, when you move to a new environment, you are more likely to advance in anything. You’re more likely to get the breakthrough you’ve for so long-awaited.

You could become an expert at something later in life, and people would respect you for it anywhere else, but if you took that expertise to the town you were bullied in, very few would be impressed. Move to a new locale and show what you know, then you’ll have notoriety no matter what.

But more importantly than any of the above reasons, move because your peace, your happiness, and your sanity depend on it. Why would you stay where every move you make is constantly watched and you’re judge and marginalized?

Why stay where you risk having to suffer more bullying in the future and where you’ll more than likely only get bullied out of every job you get, harassed at the supermarket, or jumped in the parking lot outside the local Dairy Queen?

You can always return a few years later after you’ve built your confidence and social and creative portfolios, but don’t be surprised if you notice all the things that suck about the old town, one of which will be the reception you get from the people there. Another thing that will most likely disappoint you is that you will have had more life changes than any of the people who stayed, and they would only bore the crap out of you.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

So, get out of Dodge- fast! Go to a brand-new place and discover yourself! You want to get beyond the confines of your reputation, and the only way to do that is to pack your bags and get out of the town you were bullied in! It’s the only way you’ll become what you want to be and move up in the world! Once you do, you’ll have a level of respect, influence, safety, and best of all- freedom that you never would’ve achieved had you stayed in your hometown!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Day I Stopped Caring What Others Thought

When I stopped caring what others thought of me, I stopped apologizing for being me. Instead of hiding my flaws, I started embracing them. Instead of judging myself, I began loving and accepting myself- all aspects, the good and the not-so-good. I started living up to my own standards and experiencing life on my terms.

When I stopped worrying needlessly about what people thought, I set myself free from the chains of fear and anxiety and was no longer a slave to others’ opinions and approval. I no longer felt the need to walk on eggshells and hide my natural humanness. I stopped feeling like I wasn’t good enough and comparing myself to others. I no longer allowed anyone else to dictate what I should say, do, think, or feel.

I began permitting myself to make mistakes because we all make them whether or not some of us admit it. Even better, I started learning from those mistakes and seeing them as life lessons, rather than defects or screw-ups. I finally accepted that I’m not and never will be perfect. Who is?

Silhouettes of hands are breaking the chain—freedom concept.

I learned that like, and dislike is subjective, never personal. I accepted that not everybody was going to like me and was not only okay with it but embraced it! Because if you don’t have people who don’t like you, you’re not doing something right- in one area or another, you’re not your true, authentic self.

I permitted myself to follow my heart, sing, dance, speak my piece, and yes! Even be a little weird. In all this, I took back control of my life and found freedom I’d never known.

The day I stopped caring what people think was the day I got my life back, and slowly but surely, my bullies began to disappear. I began to feel beautiful, smart, and, best of all, equal.

Positive things started coming my way magically and seemingly without effort. I began attracting the right people into my life- genuine people who were loving, caring, uplifting, and inspiring. Existing relationships drastically improved. An abundance of opportunities and blessings flowed into my life. I began seeing wins and successes that were very rewarding and fulfilling, which only encouraged me to stretch my imagination, take more risks, and try new things.

Today, I look back and ask myself why. Why did I even give a crap what my bullies and others- people who meant absolutely jack to me and could do nothing for me, thought of me?

They weren’t my family or friends.
They didn’t pay my bills.
They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.
They didn’t hold my life in their hands.
And they most certainly weren’t people I cared anything about.

I wasted a lot of time and energy, which I can never get back, worrying needlessly about what people thought of me. The truth of it is that most of those people nor their opinions were never even worth my consideration.

The only opinions that matter are those of my God, my family, my husband, and my closest and most trusted friends. And the only things that matter are my faith in God, my dreams, my morals, taking care of the people I love, my ability to be the best me I can be, and my desire to extend kindness and reach out and help those who need me. Anyone or anything outside of that is irrelevant.

The Bullying Survivor

The survivor of bullying who escapes the abuse first comes out with shock, anger, and sadness. But once the healing is underway, they’re filled with renewed hope.

When school or workplace bullying experiences have exposed you to the darkest sides of human nature, you have a stronger sense of your own endurance and capability. This is all because of what you have endured and were able to overcome.

You never know your own strength until you’ve overcome bullying, especially severe and chronic bullying.

Another takeaway is that the survivor has a stronger sense of people. She can smell fakery and BS from a mile away and can spot bullies before even talking to them. The survivor pays closer attention to how people carry themselves, body language, and the vibes and energy others put out.

survivors x-ray eyes

He is better able to avoid people who might want to harm him because he’s learned, the hard way, the importance of listening to his gut instinct and heeding it anytime something is even the slightest bit “off” about a person. In short, the survivor of bullying has learned that it’s okay, even paramount, that he trusts himself, and in that, his feelings and judgement.

On the other side of bullying, a survivor learns and develops the determination never to conform to the standards and criteria of others, but to live life on her terms because she knows what it’s like to be a slave to the approval of others. She knows what it’s like to be a prisoner to outside influences. She knows the powerlessness of having one’s pleasure depend of the permission of others. She knows what it’s like to be forced to apologize for simply being who she is and she’s not having any of it!

Overcoming past abuse gives the survivor a restored and refined sense of his worth and knowledge of the immense value he brings to this world. He awakens to his goodness and realizes that yes! He is worthy of love, friendship, affection, and of all the best things in life. He also realizes that he is loved and always was no matter what all those vile people told him!

The survivor of bullying ends up with a much clearer vision of what she will not tolerate nor settle for. She is unmovable in her refusal to kiss arse or bow down to anyone no matter what the cost may be. She’s spent enough years living on her knees and if she’s going to be punished for her unwillingness to kowtow, she’ll suffer those consequences standing up.

The survivor of bullying is also a fierce warrior for other victims. If he sees another person being bullied, he’s will stand up for that person and go toe to toe with the bullies to protect the target.

The survivor who has overcome bullying isn’t afraid to say no, nor to walk away from any relationship that doesn’t fulfill and nourish him. He refuses to be stuck in any environment that doesn’t allow him to grow and flourish.

The survivor is more aware than ever of what she deserves and goes after it with resilience and tenacity. Life’s given her enough of what she doesn’t want and now it’s time for her to go get what she knows is due her.

The survivor realizes, probably more than anyone, that life is short, and you only get one shot in this world. And she works diligently to create the life she knows she deserves, and she does it without guilt. She knows that she’s not entitled nor privileged. She realizes that the big bad world owes her nothing. And that’s okay.

The survivor realizes that there’s no such thing as a free ride because, heck, no one ever gave him anything but hell. What he understands more than anything as that all you have is you and the only person you can depend on is you. So, he knows that reaching his goals and dreams is up to him and him alone. And he works toward what he wants with a fervor.

The survivor of bullying makes it a point never to take anyone for granted but lets her family and friends know that she loves and values them. Why? Because she knows what is like to be alone, unwanted, and abused and she would never want anyone- especially the people she cares about feel that way or endure it.

The survivor of bullying savors every wonderful moment, every positive encounter, and every happy event because he has seen enough negativity.

What the survivor enjoys more than anything else is wonderful relationships and happy moments, and most of all, she’s grateful for them. She also enjoys helping others who go through what she once endured. And she uses her experiences to encourage them and give them hope.

Sometimes, you must be torn down to be built up again. Sometimes you must first be dejected and left lonely before you can truly appreciate the family and friendships you have later. And sometimes, it takes being forced into the chains of others’ approval and validation before you can enjoy the freedom of self-love and the indifference to the opinions of those who don’t matter and, perhaps, never should have mattered.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Winning Over Your Enemies: It Can Be Done

friends

It’s something you can do. I’ve seen other people do it, and I’ve done it. However, a couple of things need to happen before you can win over an enemy: first, the enemy must be open to you winning them over. In other words, the person has to want it and not resist it. Then, you must show genuine interest in them and their lives, and it has to be real and not fake.

Understand that enemies are naturally resistant to us. Why? Because, to an enemy, you’re the bad guy. It doesn’t matter that you’re a great person with a giving heart. You may be the most fun and cheerful person in the world, even liked by many. None of that will make a difference to your enemies.

To an enemy, you’re suspect even when you’re on your best behavior and whether it’s real. An enemy doesn’t care how kind and down to earth you are. They could care less about your charm and charisma. Any kindness, genuineness, smarts, and talents- any positive qualities you may possess are all null and void to your enemy.

All that matters to an enemy is that you are who you are, and they resent you for it. Nothing more.

But would you even want to win over such a person? I wouldn’t. With an enemy such as this, it’s better to leave them where they are and keep it moving because there’ll be some enemies you can’t win over no matter what. Others, you can but be cautious.

Whether you win over an enemy depends on the person with whom you’re dealing.

Years ago, I did win over an enemy from school- a staunch enemy. We became close friends and remained close until the day she passed away. It was a blessing because she became a blessing to my life, and I became a blessing to hers. And I did it by showing genuine interest in her after she brought her defenses down and showed me the same. It was one of God’s beautiful miracles, I believe.

We discovered things about each other that we never even suspected. This lady had been a target of bullying herself. She, too, had been judged and persecuted by others, and harshly so. And other than the petty rumors I’d heard about her, I hadn’t known it was as bad as it was. She’d had to fight her way through school, and like me, she was only trying to survive.

I want you to realize that this doesn’t work with everyone, especially an enemy who’s narcissistic. If you show genuine interest in a narcissist, you’ll only be feeding them their much-needed narcissistic supply, and they’ll only steamroll you with it. A narcissist only sees another’s genuine interest or love as bowing down and kissing their arse.

Narcissists only get a thrill out of it and take it as a green light to use you for what they get out of you- even if the benefits are nothing more than an ego boost. To a narcissist, you’re not a separate human being with feelings, thoughts, perspectives, and goals of your own. No. You’re an object who’s only here for their convenience.

True friends are hard to find and don’t come along every day. You must pick and choose wisely.

It’s the same with enemies you chose to win over. Yes, turning an enemy into a friend is fantastic and can be rewarding. But it’s wise to be selective of those you chose to win over because not everyone deserves a place in your life.

Here’s the Positive Side to the Silent Treatment!

Not long ago, I wrote a post entitled, “Why Bullies Give the Silent Treatment and How You Should Handle It.”

The feedback I got from another blogger and remembering a few of my own experiences really made me think and prompted me to write this post.

Though the silent treatment is hurtful, there is also a positive side to it if you reframe and look at it from a certain perspective.

A fellow blogger told me that she actually enjoyed the quietness of The Silent Treatment, and I can surely see where she was coming from because there were times when I got enjoyment out of it when my classmates would do the same to me. Or just maybe, it was relief?

I look back and realize that maybe it was both.

When someone gives you the silent treatment, it can be painful if it’s someone you love and wouldn’t think would do anything to harm you. But with the exception of maybe two or three people, my classmates were no one I cared about, much less loved. They’d treated me horribly for so long, until I reached the point to where I really couldn’t have cared less if they ignored me. I was happy as long as they stayed away from me.

The silent treatment can be a good thing because it means not having to listen to people’s big mouths and the garbage they spew forth. When people are avoiding you, you don’t have to worry about them being under your butt or in your face all the time. Nobody bothers you, so that’s a huge plus!

However, be warned! Once bullies get the message that you either don’t care or worse, enjoy the quiet of their silent treatment, they will be furious and very quickly change their tactics. So, get ready for them to really act out!

So, who’s really in control here? You or them?

4 Proven Ways to Shed Victim-Think: Why I’m No Longer a Victim

It’s because I don’t feel like I’m less than. Yes, my classmates called me the most horrible names in the English language. Yes, they physically beat, ridiculed, and smeared me. And yes, they destroyed my reputation. However, I’m still not a victim because their effects on me didn’t last.

I’m a survivor. In fact, I’m more than that- I’m a winner! Because they no longer have the power to make me feel that I’m less than human. No one has that power now. I’m not a victim because I don’t allow other people’s perceptions of me to determine how I feel about myself nor define me as a person. I know who I am, and I feel good about it.

My classmates may have taken my confidence away and at times, my physical well-being. But they could never take away my soul! They couldn’t take my integrity, my individuality, and my freedom of thought.

They couldn’t take any of the things that mattered!

Another reason I don’t feel like a victim is because I don’t feel any hate nor any desire to take revenge. My energy is better spent on my family, doing what I love to do, and working on my projects. I’m too busy doing me and mine. Understand that any time you hold hate and seek revenge over something that was done to you in the past, it comes from a victim mentality and from a place of feeling that you’re owed some form of satisfaction, restitution, or atonement. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.

I want you to realize that a victim mentality is never good because it keeps you trapped in an abyss of hatred and misery. Anytime you have this mentality, you’re angry and depressed all the time. You feel like the world owes you. But what you don’t realize is that even if the world did give you what you feel you’re owed, you’d still never be happy and you’d only want more, more, and more.

It’s no way to live. I was there years ago and it’s a dark and ugly place.

Law of Attraction

I’m so glad that when I finally got tired of being unhappy and unfulfilled, my eyes were opened, and I changed my way of thinking.

So, how did I shed the victim-think?

1.By refusing to allow bullies from the past to take up space in my mind and by not wasting another drop of precious energy on people who were never worth it in the first place.

2. By accepting myself, flaws, quirks, and all. I finally decided that I was okay just the way God made me and that I needed no one else’s approval, least of all, the approval of backstabbers, fakes, and drama kings and queens who only pretended to be friends but weren’t out for my best interests.

3. I made it my mission to love and to take care of myself and the people who truly mattered. And that included weeding out toxic people who were only there to use me and to see me fail- those who didn’t belong in my life.

4. Lastly, I did it by focusing on the things that were important– I focused on God, family, my closest friends, and being the best version of me that I could possibly be instead of trying to please everyone and seek approval.

It’s okay to be angry and to take time out to feel those emotions when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to need time to heal. Just don’t set up shop and live in that yucky place for long. Because, if you stay there, it will ruin your life.

I can’t stress how important it is for you to rid yourself of victim-think. It’s the only way you’ll ever reach that beautiful place of self-acceptance and ultimately, peace and happiness. And once you do, it will be such sweet freedom!

You can do this! I’ve got faith in you!

Forgive

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened.

I don’t forgive to let anyone off the hook.

I don’t forgive because what the person did was okay.

I don’t forgive to give the person a free pass.

I forgive them for my benefit.

I forgive to set myself free- free from anger and the need for revenge.

I forgive to give myself a gift.

Forgiving means that I can feel good about myself.

Forgiving means that I don’t have to think of the person anymore.

Forgiving means that I can walk away- make a clean break.

Forgiving means that I can sever ties with the pain and leave it behind.

Forgiving means I can move on.

Forgiving means that I choose to be happy.

Getting Older Does Have It’s Benefits

confidence self-esteem happiness peace getting older

No one enjoys the thought of getting older, I’m no exception. However, if we’re lucky to live long enough, it is an unavoidable reality we’ll all face eventually. And it sure as hell beats the alternative.

The reasons we fear the advancement of age is the loss of our youthful good looks, decline of physical strength and endurance and the rising possibility of illness and death…all very legitimate concerns.

I have often heard Judge Judy tell young litigants whom stood before her, “Beauty fades but dumb is forever”.

She’s right. And I believe her definition of “dumb” is not level of intelligence per se, but the refusal to learn anything new and hold on to beliefs and values which may never benefit us. If we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing and being from a small town, I’ve met countless people my age whom haven’t learned much and continue to hold prejudices which should have long been done away with, while lamenting about and dreading getting older.

happy confidence self-esteem confident peace beach

But getting older is certain. Why not be grateful for each day given you? And continue to learn and grow? As the old saying goes, “There’s no fool like an old fool.”.

Intelligence and the wisdom we’ve gained over the years always trumps beauty, strength, health, or anything physical because once we’ve lost all the physical blessings we once had, smarts and a good heart are the only things we’ll have left before we finally leave this world.

There are many positives to getting older. Here are my takeaways:

1. I feel very blessed to have lived this long. A lot of people never make it to be this age.

2. Being older has made me confident and comfy in my own skin, giving me the freedom to be myself without fear.

free happy confidence confident self-esteem peace

3. I have become choosy of the people I keep in my life, preferring family and a few of my closest friends. I prioritize the people I love, who love me and who mean the most.

4. I don’t waste time with people who are fake or who don’t have my back. I love myself enough to walk away from toxic people who would otherwise bring me down and I can do it free of guilt.

5. It’s much easier to say, “NO”.

6. I have gained a truckload of knowledge and wisdom!

I wouldn’t trade any of these benefits for all the beauty or money in the world, which is why I don’t toil over my age nor do I hide it because I consider it an asset and a testament to how far I’ve come.

Mary Kay Ashe once said, “A woman who tells her age will tell anything.”
I disagree.

Because, a woman who tells her weight? Now there’s a woman who will tell anything!

Reasons You Should Quarantine Yourself from Negative People

gossip drama bitching complain

Negative people have a knack for bringing others down. They seem to suck the air out of every room they walk into and make everyone around them feel yucky. In many cases, these people don’t have to say a word. The vibes and bad energy alone are enough to darken the brightest of moods because you can sense it. You can feel it in your gut.

This is why it’s so important that you listen to your gut and avoid people who have a dark disposition and who seem to attract misfortune. It’s okay to help someone when they’re in trouble and provide a listening ear to someone who’s sad and needs to talk. Nothing wrong with that.

But if a person seems to live in a dark place and never get out of the funk they’re in, or, if the individual has bad stuff happen to them nonstop, it’s best to either limit time spent with them or avoid them altogether.

‘You see? Moods and emotional states are as contagious as the flu. And another person’s bad moods and misfortunes have a way of rubbing off on the people around them.

positive happy peace hope

It’s much better to keep company with people who are happy, successful, and satisfied with their lives. Now, before I go on, I realize that bad things do happen to good people and that just because someone is unfortunate doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re negative.

Some have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control. They are the ones we offer a helping hand to.

However, others bring misfortune on themselves by their negative attitudes, actions, and effect on others. We should avoid these people like the plague because there’s no changing them. In fact, they will only end up changing you and not for the better.

Again, understand that we’re all susceptible to the moods, emotional states, and ways of thinking of the people we spend time with. And those who are unhappy and unstable have a contagion effect on us because of the extreme intensity of their emotions.

toxic danger poison

These are people with a victim mentality and most bullies do present themselves as victims. They will never admit that they bring a lot of bad karma on themselves by the way they treat others. And if you’re not careful, they’ll only bring you down too, because they will overwhelm you with their forceful nature.

How you keep a positive attitude is to keep company with positive and happy people. These people don’t have to mistreat or bully anyone to feel good about themselves. They’re already happy and enjoying their lives.

And they’re such a pleasure to be around. When you befriend and spend time with people who are happy and positive, you get to share in their happiness and prosperity. You become a part of the happiness they embody and the happiness they attract to themselves.

So, why not keep them around and let their joy infect you? You’ll be so glad you did!