Tag: physical aggression

4 Powerful Ways to Handle Physical Bullies

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bullying bullied victim physical

Many bullies bully their targets by using physical violence and force, or the threat of it. Nobody wants a bully to harm them and you shouldn’t feel any shame nor blame in that.  So, instead of just standing there and letting the bully pound on you or continue to threaten you, you must defend yourself. But if you aren’t the kind who believes in throwing punches, how do you protect yourself without resorting to violence?

Here are a few ways:

1. Talk your way out of the altercation.

You do this by giving the bully a small dose of (false) empathy and sympathy. Pretend like you feel bad for “the poor guy” and use the appropriate tone of voice and body language to make it sound convincing. And your body language and tone should match your words and convey empathy.

For example, you can begin with, “I understand why your upset about XYZ…” then state your case.

physical bullying

But don’t overdo it! Don’t say any more than what you need to say, don’t talk too fast or look nervous. The last thing you want is to come off like you’re trying too hard because the bully will only think you’re scared or fake.

2. If talking doesn’t work, leave the situation (if possible).

Find a way to get way away from the person. If you can’t get away because the bully has either cornered or trapped you, then, by all means, fight your way free if you have to. Although you may not want to resort to hitting back, sometimes you have no choice. You either fight or get your butt handed to you.

3. Call for help. Call 911 and get the police involved.

The bully may get away with it, but at least you will have a record of the call and a police report on file should the bully come after you again.

bullying fighting

4. If all else fails, FIGHT!

Sock the bully in the nose! Sometimes, you must use the last resort for self-defense. You’ve tried everything else so you have a record on the bully. Chances are that others will know you fought in self-defense and give you a pass, which is another benefit to establishing a recorded history of your bully’s bad behavior.

You can’t go wrong with establishing a recorded history of bad behavior. A trail of records will go a long way in protecting you. Also, it helps to have foreknowledge of the 3 signs that verbal abuse will turn physical.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Physical Bullies: 4 Secrets You Should Know

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The weakest person always uses physical violence. However, the strongest person always uses their brain. It’s also true that the weakest person talks the most and the loudest, but the strongest person gets his message across in few words.

Through experience, I’ve found that these bullies were taught at home that violence is the answer to all their problems. Most of my classmates had the same brutish mentality. If you didn’t give them what they wanted, they resorted to using their fists to teach you a lesson and force you to comply. Also, they used physical violence any time they felt they weren’t getting the “respect” they thought was due them.

Additionally, bullies like these may even use physical violence to take their frustrations out on their targets whenever they’ve had a bad day or when they’re in a bad mood. It’s pathetic really.

1. Physical Bullies are highly insecure with themselves.

Their kneejerk reactions are triggered with a self-demeaning or self-defeating thought and feeling of indignation somewhere between the target’s statement or action and the bully’s blow-up.

“He thinks I’m a wuss.”

“She thinks I’m a loser.”

“He thinks I’m chicken.”

“She thinks I’m weak.”

“He thinks I’m stupid.”

“She thinks my opinions don’t matter.”

“I’m not getting through to this jerk.”

“He doesn’t respect me.”

“She won’t validate me.”

Which boils down to:

“If she doesn’t agree with me, then she doesn’t respect me.”

“If he doesn’t give me what I want, then he doesn’t take me seriously.”

2. physical bullies actually care what you (and everyone else) think of them.

Consequently, the bully has an afterthought that compels him/her to physically attack the target. The afterthought can be something like:

 

“I need to show this person that they can’t insult me and get away with it. And I need to do it so they’ll know that I’m not a pushover or softie.”

“I need to show this person she cannot ignore me and just walk away.”

This is all the result of the bully’s feeling hurt and they cover this hurt feeling behind the veneer of anger and toughness.

Moreover, physically violent bullies believe that being calm and cool, and maintaining one’s temper is a sign of weakness- or that walking away from confrontation and ignoring an aggressor is a sign of disrespect. Understand that these bullies place high value on their status and social image. They believe that they target slighted them and is responsible for their feelings of hurt, indignation, or rejection.

3. Physical bullies must use violence to keep their power.

  • The target wronged them somehow.
  • The target should be punished and destroyed.

However, realize that physically violent bullies impose rules of conduct and engagement on their targets that they, themselves, don’t follow and think they’re exempt from. These bullies truly believe that:

  • Their targets must respect them at all times.
  • The targets should be fully aware of what they want and expect from them.
  • Their targets should do what they tell them to do.
  • Their targets should never say ‘no’ to them.

  • The targets should only say what they (the bullies) want to hear.
  • Their targets should be available and at their beck and call any time they want.
  • Their targets should satisfy their every whim.
  • The target should put them first and sacrifice themselves for them.
4. Physical bullies see themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor who must be punished.

Therefore, physically violent bullies constantly apply evil intentions to their targets and feel consistent urges to make them pay for supposedly being such a pain. Remember that bullies are under the delusion that their targets are persecuting them when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. This victim-blaming helps to soothe the bully’s self-image.

Their thoughts are:

“You caused me distress!”

“You made me mad, so I must make you pay dearly for it!”

When a physically violent bully attacks and beats down their target, they get instant psychological rewards- their anger is relieved, they get a sense of great power, and they feel a sense of satisfaction and justice.

Moreover, the bully gets to be up close to the target and look into their eyes to see their pain. They desire to hear the target cry out or scream in pain. They also get the satisfaction of getting the target good and bloody or getting themselves covered with the target’s blood.

Nevertheless, these bullies are sick individuals. They derive pleasure from inflicting cuts, bruises, and broken bones.

This is the mentality of the physically violent bully. It pays to know the inner workings of these types of people so that you can better protect yourself and defend against them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Mindset Behind Physical Violence

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These bullies use force because of an inner sense that they otherwise would have no influence over people. When people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

“Nobody will listen to me.”

“I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”

“They don’t value me.”

“They don’t respect me.”

“I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”

“I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

Physical Bullies Are the Weakest of All

But that is weakness because people only submit because they don’t the bully to beat them up. They never do it because they want to, but to keep themselves safe from harm. True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. When people have a choice and they choose to do something you want is so much more rewarding.

Understand that these bullies see everything as zero-sum: They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence. They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame. They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their targets. These people then see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

Using Physical Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.

“(The target) is wrong for defying me.”

“He never listens to me.”

“She never pays attention to me.”

“That loser is not giving me the respect he/she owes me.”

When bullies shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  Physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being, they’re really weak. In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm or seductive powers. In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

Physical Bullies are No Different Than Rapists

I’ll use rapists as an example: The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way. Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively. Maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting and repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them. Yes, they may beat the crap out of you, but chances are good that you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met. And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with- forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you. You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Signs that Verbal Abuse will Turn Physical

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There are three signs that verbal abuse will turn physical. Moreover, you would be surprised at how quickly and easily a bully (or any abuser for that matter) can change from letting their mouths do the talking, to letting their fists and feet speak for them.

here’s a scenario you’ll probably recognize

Bullies have been verbally abusing you for quite some time. You remember how they began with subtle digs and zingers. Next, you noticed that they progressed to openly screaming at you, cursing you out like a dog. Now, they are making threats of violence against you. You’ve begun to feel afraid because you’re not sure when the bullying will become physical and what they’ll do to you when it does.

Understand that your bullies are still pushing your boundaries. Little by little, they up the ante to test you and figure out how you’ll react and see what you’ll let them get away with. So, they always start small. And they ever so gradually turn it up in teeny tiny increments.

So, how do you know when the bullying you suffer is about to become physical? Here’s how:

1. they invade your personal space

When bullies invade your space, it’s a surefire sign that things are about to get physical. They get a little too close. They’ll follow to close behind you as you’re walking down the hallway or street. They’ll stand too close to you in the lunch line or while you’re punching the time clock. They may even step in front of you and block you from going any further.

Therefore, to prevent a possible physical attack, the time to act is now! You must tell them in no uncertain terms to back off. And if they don’t, it’s time to strike first. Yes! You heard me correctly. I’m not beyond hauling off and punching someone in the nose if they get in my face and refuse to back up off me.

However, be aware that you may be in a place that isn’t suitable for punching a bully, like on the job or in class. In lieu of fighting, I recommend that you look the bully dead in the eye with the hardest glare you can muster. Then tell them in a low, growling voice to knock it off. And keep glaring at them until they avert their eyes away. Make sure you’re standing absolutely still and facing them in a power pose. (More on power poses later) The goal here is to put the fear of God in the bully.

2. they lay claim to your things and your territory

Also, bullies may also sit at your desk, pick up your belongings, or lean on your car. Understand that in touching your belongings, bullies are laying claim to what is yours. This is the time to assert yourself firmly. Tell them to keep their slimy, grimy paws off your stuff!

Messing with your belongings or destroying them is also considered to be physical bullying.

However, be forewarned that most bullies will see this as a challenge and dare you to do something about it. In this case, don’t be afraid to throw up your dukes. It’s your stuff they’re messing with and they’re doing it to see how far they can push you!

But, just as I mentioned earlier, if you use fisticuffs, make sure the time, place, and conditions are as close to right as possible. If not, do what I suggested at the end of the last section.

3. they will begin assaulting you and making it look like an accident

Bullies will begin their physical assaults through“accidental” shoves, pushes, and bumps. They may do things accidentally on purpose– “accidentally” running or bumping into you in the hallway or parking lot, “accidentally” tripping you or knocking you down, or “accidentally” knocking things out of your hands. They will say, “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to (trip, shove, run into you, etc.). And they’ll say it knowing damn well they did it deliberately. Also, you’ll know it too.

Moreover, they do it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you won’t notice it’s escalating. After all, accidents happen all the time. No harm, no foul. Right?

The problem is that if bullies get away with these types of games, they’ll only escalate it until it gets out of control. And once bullying gets out of control, it’s almost impossible to stop or even slow it down. Again, it’s time to throw up those dukes! Remember not to doubt yourself and what you know and feel. And you always know when something is done on purpose. You can sense these kinds of things.

Like any other form of abuse, Bullying will only get worse if you don’t act.

Understand that bullying, or any form of abuse, always- always gets worse if you let it slide. Because it’s a dark part of human nature to push, push, and push further to see how far one can go.

Again, tune into your body and intuition because they will tell you whether what the person did to you was deliberate or an accident. If your senses tell you they did it on purpose, call it out and tell them to stop it right when it happens. If that doesn’t work and the bully keeps it up, it might be time to throw down. But, whatever you do, put a stop to it because it’ll only get worse if you don’t.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Narcissistic Bullies Who Are Physically Violent

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It comes down to the bully’s views of him/herself and others. The reason these bullies use physical force and violence is because they feel vulnerable in conflicts. So, they go to the only problem-solving technique they’re most comfortable and familiar with- physical violence.

Physical violence is the only way they feel they can punish their targets and, therefore, restore their self-esteem.

These bullies tend to crave instant and immediate gratification and physical violence gives them that- an immediate rush of power and dominion, a thrill, a sense of control and that they’ve won.

Many physically violent bullies are egocentric and have delusions of grandeur. And when a target sticks up for themselves against these bullies- even if they do it verbally, or they just happen to say something, anything back to the bullies, right or wrong, it shatters the bullies’ grandiose images of themselves as tough guys who are always in the right. It makes them feel weak and stupid. Then they fly into a rage and use violence to restore that sense of power and invincibility.

Understand that these types of people are self-serving, feel superior to anyone else, and think they have innate entitlements that supersede even the most basic human rights of their targets. In other words, these bullies believe they’re entitled to harm their targets and that their targets are just supposed to “shut up and take it.” ‘Just take the abuse without protest or even question.

And when the target opposes and protests the abuse, the bullies will take it as a challenge and an insult and use forceful and violent measures to take the target down.

These people derive feelings of pleasure when beating up their targets and feel no shame unless they’re found out by the wrong people. In most cases, they are open with their violence and do not fear retaliation nor accountability because they know that most others are too scared to address the behavior and confront them.

As mentioned earlier, narcissistic physical bullies have no qualms about asserting their dominance over others because they feel their entitlements are supreme to your basic rights and they confidently encroach on your time, your space, and your safety.

These bullies have a low threshold for frustration and will make their targets pay dearly for frustrating them. And where most people would feel guilt and shame over hurting someone, narcissistic physical bullies only feel powerful and victorious.

Sadly, there’s not much you can do to help these types of people. Narcissistic people are resistant to any help or change. And narcissists who are physically violent usually end up in prison for battery or murder.

Unless you’re a black belt, there’s also not much you can do to protect yourself from these people because the more you fight back, the more they’ll come back until they wear you down, maim you, or worse, kill you. If you are a target of a narcissistic physical bully, the only way you can ensure your safety is not only to go no contact, but either relocate, transfer schools, or find another job.