Tag: positivity

11 Nonverbal Secrets Instantly Wins Friends

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Close to ninety percent of our language is nonverbal. In other words, body language (actions) speaks louder than words ever will. All too often, when bullies have attacked you for an extended period, your self-esteem and mental health suffer. Even worse, people will see it through your everyday body language, and you won’t realize it’s happening.

Consequently, most targets only attract more bullies and bullying because their body language changes with time as they endure daily abuse. The target’s body language will transform from confident to diffident– meaning lack of confidence. This is the reason many targets have few friends.

Why do most targets of bullying have difficulty making friends?

This is because, if others see insecurity in you, you won’t attract healthy people into your life. You’ll only attract users and more abusers. Why? Because, as a matter of human nature, healthy and secure people stay away from people who give off signals of low self-esteem and depression. On the other hand, you’ll only attract predators- people who fake a friendship to either exert control over your life or to get something from you.

Moreover, nonverbal signals, such as lack of eye contact, looking down, fake smiles or no smile at all, make the target appear unapproachable. It’s the same with closed body language, such as crossing the arms over the chest.

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It’s not your fault.

Naturally, this is not the target’s fault. It is just something that happens after a person has endured abuse for so long. However, confident body language is something that well-meaning people in your life can teach you. Even better, you can even teach yourself and practice it when you read the right books that teach it. And once you perfect it, you will instantly attract faithful friends and better people into your life.

Here are 11 powerful tricks you can use to instantly win friends:
  1. Smile! And smile genuinely!

Smiling at people shows that you approve of them and are open to friendships. It also conveys confidence and confidence is where it’s at! However, people can easily spot a fake smile and it will only turn them off. A fake smile repels people, or worse, invites more bullying. Fake smiles only hurt more than help.

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  1. Make good eye contact.

When you make good eye contact, you show others that you genuinely respect and are interested in them. People love those who take an interest in them. Therefore, when you’re engaged in conversation with someone, look them in the eye. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll seem creepy. Just find that happy middle.

  1. Stand up straight.

Bad posture, such as slouching and hunching only conveys insecurity and low self-esteem. So, stand up straight and walk with purpose. Also, throw in a few power poses when you stand- feet shoulder-width apart and with your hands on your hips with your thumbs on the front of your waist. This also signals confidence. Also, it can keep bullies away because when a bully sees someone do this, they think twice before messing with the person. Why? Because their body language is signaling confidence and, more importantly, power! And if there’s one thing bullies understand, it is power!

  1. Practice open body language.

This will instantly make you more approachable. Put simpler, open body language means keeping facing the people you talk to and keeping your whole body turned toward them. When you do this, you’re signaling that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

  1. Slightly lean in when you talk to someone.

Again, this shows that you are fully engaged and interested in what the other person is saying. However, only do it slightly to avoid invading your interlocutor’s personal space. Make sure to do this properly and you will build rapport with the people you speak to. Also, they will be more likely to trust you.

  1. Nod when you agree with the person you’re talking to.

Nodding not only shows that you are listening and fully engaged. Also, it conveys understanding and agreement. Nodding is a very powerful form of communication and often gets amazing social results!

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  1. Use hand gestures when you speak.

Using hand gestures can help you to think and express your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Moreover, it conveys understanding, energy and warmness.

  1. Relax!

If you want people to feel at ease around you, relax when you’re having a conversation with them. There is nothing worse than talking to someone who seems nervous and tense. It weirds people out big time! Therefore, always relax around others. Having body language that is relaxed conveys that you’re comfortable and confident with yourself and in turn, others will be comfortable and confident with you.

  1. Put away your phone.

There is nothing worse than talking to someone who has their face in their phone, texting. It conveys that they’re more interested in what’s on their screen and not what you have to say. It is downright rude and disrespectful. So, lose the phone when you’re in conversation with someone. It’s just good social etiquette.

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  1. Be aware of where your toes are pointed.

If you’re in a conversation with someone and your toes aren’t pointed toward them, it only conveys that you don’t want to be with the person and want to go elsewhere. Now, some people don’t think about the feet but those who are the most aware of body language cues will. Therefore, always stand with your feet and toes pointed toward the person you’re talking to. It signals that you want to move toward them, that you’re happy to see them and speak with them.

  1. Make sure your body language is congruent with your words.

This is so important! If you’re saying one thing and your body language doesn’t match, you will come off to others as fake and insincere. As a result, they won’t take you seriously and will be repelled by you. Nobody likes fake. So, more than anything else, be sure that your nonverbal cue are in line with your verbal ones.

When you begin practicing these techniques, they may feel weird at first. However, don’t quit. Practice them every day until they become second nature. Then, watch the magic unfold as people instantly become warmer and more receptive toward you. And you will make terrific friends in the process.

Just as it’s important to know what body language to use to make friends, it’s also equally as important to know what body language to avoid.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Life Secrets Everyone Should Learn

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When bullies are attacking you at every turn, it’s easy to lose that positive attitude you once had along with your self-esteem. If you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and give up on your goals. Here are 3 Life Secrets that everyone (especially targets) should learn. And once you learn them, hold them close no matter how others may treat you. Also, use them to keep your self-esteem from tanking.

1. Positivity

Positive thoughts equal a positive mind. A positive mind brings positive opportunities. Positive opportunities lead to positive results. Altogether, they bolster confidence, which gives you a positive and extraordinary life! It’s a shame most people go through life without learning this little nugget of wisdom. They go to the grave never learning this and so many other life secrets.

Use the weaknesses others perceive you to have to your advantage. For instance, if you’re a female and you’re being bullied, use that to your advantage. Doing this is likely to garner you help from others, especially big, strong men. What real man doesn’t want to protect a woman. It’s in his DNA.

Moreover, if you are a petite and small lady, you can use your size to get protection as well. Remember that every weakness has it’s advantages. You only have to figure out what those advantages are and play them to the hilt.

2. Tenacity

Tenacity equals positive change and eventual success. To many people give up before they reach their goals. I’ve been guilty of this and it’s hard to admit to myself. But the trick is to go from where you are and never again give up. Keep working toward that goal until you reach it! You will be so glad you did!

Negative people will never see success, only hollow victories from time to time. Stay away from these type of folks. Because they will drag you down. They will deliberately derail you from your goals. And if you reach your goals, they will hate you for it. These people are not worth your time. Instead of focusing on them and the things they think or say. Focus on your goals and work toward them. It’s the only way you’ll keep these people from tearing you down.

Remember that attitude and self-belief are everything!

3. Beware of Jealous People

The reason most people find ways to discourage you and tell you that you CAN’T is because they’re very much afraid that you WILL. Moreover, if you continue to keep company with these people, they will bring you down to their level. Remember that misery loves company. Jealous people never win and they don’t want you to win either. So, stay far away from them.

Resting on your laurels for too long equals stagnation and and repels growth. It’s okay to take a short break every now and again. We all need breaks. However, the longer you put off working on your goals, the more chance you have of never doing it. Therefore, take a rest period. But get back to pursuing those goals as soon as you’re able.

With each major goal accomplished, raise the bar. You must continue to challenge yourself and flex those mind-muscles even more. You will set higher goals and you will reach them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Always See the Forest and Not Only the Trees

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Being a target of bullying can make it hard to see the blessings in other aspects of your life. It keeps you focused on the problem instead of seeing your life as a whole.

When I was in school, although I was bullied horribly, and yes, it was bad, my life as a whole wasn’t bad. I can honestly say that I still had a good home.

My mother and grandmother had good jobs and compared to many of my classmates, we lived quite well. Therefore, in family, home, and finances, we were super-blessed.

I don’t remember a Christmas or birthday when my brother and I didn’t get exactly what we asked for. This is not to say we didn’t have our problems because we did. What family doesn’t? Our family problems consisted of myself and my siblings being children of divorced parents and a father who wasn’t present during those years. Although it hurt, we still functioned well as a family and those things were minor compared to most.

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When I look back, I realize that we were blessed in that we didn’t have family members who were out committing crimes, nor were addicted to any hard drugs, other than an alcoholic or two. During those years, we didn’t have anyone who was dying of cancer, nor shot in the streets or killed in car accidents and plane crashes.
So, again, compared to many kids we knew, we had it pretty darned good.

But!

At the time, I couldn’t see it. Understand that when you’re a bullied and tormented kid in school, you don’t see the beauty in other areas of your life. You lose sight of the blessings in the overall picture because bullying blinds you to it.

You can’t see the forest for the trees. That’s what bullying does to targets. It blinds them to their overall worth and clouds their perceptions of their own lives.

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Bullies are constantly in your face, repeating the same lie over and over again:

“You’re worth nothing.”
“Your life is crap.”
“You don’t belong here.”
“You’re one of God’s mistakes.”
“Your mama should’ve aborted you while she had the chance.”

After so long, you finally believe the lies yourself.

Understand that kids’ brains are malleable, mushy, and moldable, which is why they’re so impressionable and easily influenced. Is it any wonder why religious cults, sexual predators, human traffickers, extremist groups, and street gangs, target kids for recruitment?

Symptoms and feelings of Depression

They catch them young so they can mold their vulnerable minds and groom them for service. Bullies do the same thing. They look for targets who are vulnerable and who are more likely to fall for anything.

With that said, shouldn’t we also catch them young to teach them confidence and resilience? Shouldn’t we catch them young to instill them with strength, good self-esteem, and the ability to protect themselves from such people?

Understand that bullies aren’t stupid. They’re often those who have learned all about Human Nature early on through abuse, through seeing some really bad things happen before they should have. Many bullies learn about the mere mechanisms of the human condition much earlier than other kids, then use it to exploit their targets.

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Bullies may not be much good at anything else, but what they are good at is the subject of Human Nature and making predictions of how most people react to different things. They have ways of brainwashing you, convincing you that you’re a mistake and that your life means nothing.

And if you aren’t careful, bullies will ultimately blind you to any positives that flow into your life and trick you into believing that your life is worse than what it is. Understand this: Bullies LIE!

How you successfully overcome this is to be mindful and to count your blessings, however difficult it may be.

Focus on the good things in your life.

Point out your good qualities, talents, and gifts.

Make positive affirmations by countering the bullies’ lies and making “I AM” statements.

“I am beautiful”
“I am intelligent.”
“I am worth something.”
“I am one of God’s blessings.”
“I am worthy of being born and being alive.”
“I am worthy of a good life.”

This is how you keep your self-esteem intact and prevent bullies from wrecking your self-esteem and your life.

To the Best Teachers Who Made a Positive Difference in My Life

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Many of my teachers were awesome and truly had the best interests of their students at heart. Yes, there were about 3-4 teachers throughout my school days who joined my classmates in their incessant and obsessive bullying.

However, there were also those beacons of light, those rare gems, those sparkling jewels- those unforgettable and outstanding teachers who made such a difference in my life that I honestly don’t know where I’d be without them. Next to my mother and both grandmothers, these teachers helped me to see what I was capable of.

They were teachers who stood behind me when I was being bullied and who I believe were being bullied by other teachers and faculty because they were so impartial, fair, and the best with kids.

They could be tough at times, especially when they knew we weren’t trying and reaching our potential. These teachers were never abusive, but they pushed me and the other kids they taught to be their best, and I have the utmost honor and respect for them.

Sadly, one of those teachers is no longer with us.

Mr. Dennis Strayhorn- Although I wasn’t in his class long, he made such a positive difference in my life. He always encouraged me to push and do better and he didn’t tolerate laziness so he could be tough any time I give up and stopped trying. This man believed in me and knew that I could achieve heights that not even I realized I could reach at the time. Sadly, he passed away in his sleep in 2007.

I believe that he went peacefully and that’s what gives me comfort. May he rejoice in Heaven forever!

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Mrs. Sue Toles- She also left a huge imprint on my heart. This is the teacher who, I’ll remember the most. She loved her students and she made it a point to take care of and stand up for us. She always looked out for us and had our best at heart. She too could be tough when we’d get lazy because she always knew that we could do better.

She never gave up on me even when I’d given up on myself and those are the things about a great teacher that leave lasting memories. I love her even today and still talk to her every now and again. Mrs. Toles continues to be one of my mentors.

Mrs. Sheila Dodson- This lady was an outstanding teacher. She’s the teacher I had when I first began writing my own stories and she encouraged me to keep writing because she believed it would pay off one day. She was right!

Like the other great teachers, she had no time for laziness because she believed in us and knew that we could do more than we thought. She always said that “You are the only person who holds you back.”

Mr. Raymond Neal- Mr. Neal was the comedian teacher and he always made class fun. He too could be tough when kids in his class got lazy. However, he was one of the few teachers who was empathetic to bullied kids and gave them the support and encouragement they needed.

With the Golden Rule posted above his chalkboard, he was a stickler about how kids treated each other and was quick to call bullies out when they’d come calling. He’s crack little jokes and make us laugh throughout the class period. He was the type of teacher who made you look forward to coming to his class and made you sad to have to leave it.

It is teachers like these above who are as rare and priceless as blue diamonds and they definitely did not miss their calling. Sadly, awesome teachers such as these are very few and far between. We definitely need more like them because they are a blessing to any child’s life and they leave such a lasting impression. These are the teachers who are unforgettable!

These are the teachers who truly make a difference, and, therefore, make not only the classroom, but the entire world, a better place!

The Reality of Self-Fulfilling Prophesies

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Like always attracts like. Everything begins with a thought.

Positive expectations produce positive results

What’s in your head can become your reality.

To get what you desire, you must first think of it.

Thoughts can become things.

A negative mind produces a negative life.

If you predict defeat, you will see it.

A spirit of lack can only bring more lack.

A spirit of abundance will bring abundance.

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Replace negative thinking with positive and watch great and marvelous things flow your way.

Know that a positive and fulfilling life comes from a positive mindset.

When you predict success, you’ll eventually achieve it.

Know that self-fulfilling prophecies are real!

If you think of something, you get more of the same.

When you change your thoughts, you change your LIFE!

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin: What It Means

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To become comfortable in your own skin, it takes several years and plenty of life lessons and experiences. It takes being knocked down enough times by enough people before you can finally say, enough is enough and choose to be happy.

And when we choose to be happy, despite our imperfections and what others think or say of us, we choose to be truly free! Free from the constraints of longing to fit in- free from the constraints of conformity!

To be comfortable in your own skin means loving and accepting all parts of you- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

It means doing what fulfills you and makes you happy.

It means living life on your own terms.

It means refusing to apologize for who you are.

It means allowing yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.

It means refusing to live up to standards and expectations other than your own.

It means making time for hobbies and interests.

It means making time for your family and closest friends.

It means not being afraid to say no or to set boundaries.

It means not being afraid to ask for what you want.

It means following your dreams.

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It means working toward your goals.

It means celebrating your successes and accomplishments.

It means not being afraid to ask for help when you need it.

It means being selective of friends and who you spend time with.

It means accepting and embracing differences in people.

It means having empathy and compassion for others.

It means putting yourself and your health first.

It means being realistic with goals and patient with the time it takes to reach them.

It means being present in the moment.

It means knowing your limitations.

It means knowing what you want in life and going after it.

It means being clear on what you will and will not tolerate.

It means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to walk away.

It means knowing that you’re worthy of respect, love, compassion, friendship, and peace.

Most of all, it means the freedom to be.

Targets, You Can Take Away the Bullies’ Power by Re-Framing Your “Perceived” Weaknesses.

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You may wonder what I mean by that. Allow me to give examples:

  1. You’re a kind and easy-going person and bullies see those good qualities as a sign of weakness. You can use those traits to uplift and give support to other targets of bullies. In doing this, you will make great friends and allies and the more friends you have, the more chances are that bullies will think twice before bullying you. Remember that bullies always attack in groups because they’re weak and afraid when they’re alone. When you establish a group of your own, bullies will back down because you now have friends to back you up.

  1. You’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear. You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk. This too will gain you close friends because the other person will feel that they’re being listened to and that you care. Moreover, they will feel that you’re interested in them and who doesn’t love that!
  2. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of. Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark and it ended up being her trademark.

These are only a few examples. Find a way to re-frame what people see as weaknesses and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you take back your power.

With knowledge comes freedom!