Who Are the People Most Hurtful to a Target? ‘Tisn’t the Bullies.

It wasn’t the attacks from the bullies themselves. The bullies were the people from whom I’d come to expect that kind of behavior. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions came as no surprise to me!

What hurt more than anything was the betrayal– when those I thought were my friends would so quickly and without question believe the lies and rumors that my bullies had spread. It was akin to being kicked in the stomach. Also, these so-called friends in school never had my back. Some even had the power to stop the bullying and protect me but refused, only throwing me under the bus.

Friends are supposed to be the people who believe the best of you. They are supposed to have your back any time someone attacks you. They’ll speak on your behalf when another person so much as badmouths you behind your back but in front of them, and they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

But sadly, during school, the people I thought I could trust did the opposite; they’d either go along with or believe the lies- and without bothering to ask me first!

My fake friends often sold me out- delivered me up to my bullies- with my head on a plate.

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with because, from a bully, you expect nothing more. It’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think is a friend and think highly of. When I look back now, I realize that I didn’t have friends in school until I was in the twelfth grade.

Before senior year, I only kept these so-called pals around and put up with them because they were the only options I had. It was pathetic.

The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small. I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers and haven’t been in the world very long.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends but don’t realize that real friends- people who have your back, who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions- are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

When I meet a new person for the first time, I no longer wonder whether they’ll like me; I now wonder if I’m going to like them. I choose who I let in and who I give the boot, and if I stop having anything to do with someone, you can bet they betrayed me somehow, and I consider betrayal a deadly sin that will get someone dismissed very quickly.

I know what I want in a friend, and I won’t settle for anything less because anything less than desired is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue I look for, and if the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who are so quick to believe the lies your bullies tell them that they get angry with you and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were! Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And why would you settle for someone’s pity? Or, maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves, and you were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

If you have friends who don’t stand with you and fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life. You’re better off without them.

You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while. Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

Continued in Part 2…

Finding Your Tribe: Some Find it Early in Life, Others Find it Later

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You will find yours eventually. I did!

If it seems that everyone mistreats you and doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, and it doesn’t mean you don’t belong.

You’re not defected, strange, or cursed. It only goes to show that you’re not with the right people. Understand that the people who bully you are all wrong for you and do not deserve to be in your life.

What it means is that you haven’t yet found your tribe! And you deserve better!

If at any time you find yourself having to tiptoe around people or surrounded by people who only tolerate you, then you’re with the wrong people! The best thing you can do is to ditch them even if it means that you might be alone for a while.

Trust me. You would much rather be by yourself than to cling to people who don’t care about you.

I understand the feeling of being lost, lonely, left out, and rejected. And I realize that the feeling can be so deep that some days, you feel like you can’t go on. But I want you to know that it won’t last forever.

Rest assured that there will come a time when you will attract people into your life who want you in theirs, people who will accept you for who you are, who will see the good you bring to this world, and who’ll do anything to see you happy.

These people will uplift you and love you no matter what.

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When you find yourself among people who support you on your path to your goals, you’ll know that you’ve found the right people!

When you can tell an off-color joke around certain people without offending them, then you’re in the right place!

If they not only tolerate your quirks and imperfections but celebrate them by laughing along with you, you’ve found your tribe!

If you can be weird or pitch a well-justified hissy-fit around them without being ridiculed, then they are your tribe!

You’ll know it when you’re with people who help you get through the stickiest situations by providing friendly advice, tips, and tricks because they totally get you!

With the right people in your life, there’s no judgment nor trying to help them understand where you’re coming from, the decisions you make, the way you feel, or the thoughts you think and voice aloud.

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They completely understand and never question you. They are supportive!

Today, people may bully you. They may degrade you, humiliate you and even physically assault you. You may be left out and scorned by everyone around you. And you may feel that no matter what you do, nothing will ever get better.

But know that someday, somehow, you will find your tribe.

It may take a while, but there will come a day when you’ll have a circle of friends who’ll respond with statements like, “Oh yeah! ‘Been there, done that!” and “Hey! Me too!” when they see your quirks and imperfections.

And when you do, you’ll realize that the people who bullied you were only pushing you toward the people who were meant to be in your life.

Your bullies were only stepping-stones toward the people who are your best friends today.

And when you finally find them, they will be so worth the wait!

 

 

Frenemies: Why They Are Worse Than Enemies

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Victims often pick “friends” who only tolerate them or those who wish them ill will because they’re often lonely and desperate. For so long, they have been wrongly alienated from others due to rumors and lies that bullies have spread about them to keep them from making friends. Because the target is so hungry for a connection…any connection, he/she will befriend anyone…and I mean anyone! They are not selective with who they call “friend” and end up latching on to people who are not even worth knowing…predators, who only take advantage.

Also, young victims often assume that to be “cool”, they have to have a big circle of friends. This is not true.

Pre Teen Girl Being Bullied By Text Message

With that being said, I want you to know that if you are a victim of bullying, you do not need a whole slew of people in your life to be happy nor to feel like or be a whole person. You only need your family and a few true friends. It’s safer this way. Wouldn’t you much rather have just a handful of true friends than to have an abundance of frenemies? I know I would.

In fact, you should prefer to have enemies over ‘frenemies’ because, with an enemy, you know exactly where they stand without having to do any guesswork. However, with frenemies, you will always be the last to know after being played for a sucker.

If at any time you wonder about a person…if your intuition is telling you that something is “off”, put some distance between yourself and that individual and do it fast! Instinct is trying to warn you.

If your so-called friends are only tolerating you, stabbing you in the back, or sabotaging you in any way, it’s time to eighty-six these leaches to your self-esteem. And the sooner you do, the better!