This may sound counterintuitive. However, many targets fear success. It’s true! And it’s because they fear provoking the jealousies and insecurities of their bullies. They are afraid that the bullies will only bully them worse if they accomplish anything and receive recognition for it.
Moreover, the target may be afraid of losing what friends he has, if he has any at all. Sadly, this fear can cause them to stop pursuing their dreams and to hide their special talents and gifts.
Understand that the road to success is never easy and that, yes, your relationships will change. However, anything great requires sacrifice. In that, when you reach success, you will lose a few friends. But realize that the friends you lose were never really your friends. Otherwise, they would be happy for you.
Friends Who Don’t Want You to Succeed are Dead Weight!
The fear of success breeds self-sabotage. Also, as you get closer and closer to your goals, and accumulate more successes, you might find that your fear will dissipate.
Additionally, and more importantly, realize that restricting your success won’t necessarily make others accept you. Why? Because people, especially your bullies, will find other things to nitpick. Remember that bullies are notorious for moving the goalposts.
Success will bring change, no doubt about it. However, you’ll have the freedom to strive toward greatness and enjoy new and more rewarding experiences. So, don’t hold yourself back just to win the approval of others, especially those who don’t deserve to be in your life.
You Don’t Need Approval from the Wrong People
You must realize that there are some people who aren’t even worth your consideration and do not deserve a place in your circle. Therefore, see yourself as the prize whose approval is worth winning.
Stop seeking others’ approval. Instead, fix it to where they must seek yours. And how you do that is to not give two shits what a few others think of you. Once you master the art of not caring, not only will you switch the power dynamic, but you’ll feel much better about going after your successes. Therefore, you won’t be afraid of losing a few friends who are probably nothing but dead weight in your life anyway.
And here’s a positive way you can look at it. Anytime you lose friends without a justifiable reason, it just might be that God is trimming the fat from your circle.
Always! Why? Because the last thing your bullies want is for you to succeed at anything. Let’s go deeper here. Understand that any success you enjoy, any accomplishment you make is a threat to your bullies. It’s a threat to their power- their perceived superiority over you and their spotlight.
Whenever you make an accomplishment and reach success, other people will give you recognition. This will take some of the spotlight away from your bullies. Remember that bullies love to hog the spotlight. They crave admiration. And when they watch you getting a piece of it, it infuriates them.
What it Does to Your Bullies’ Egos
Moreover, when people see you as inferior, and, all of a sudden, you’ve made this huge accomplishment and are wildly successful, your bullies begin to look stupid. Why? Because your success sends them the unspoken message that you’re not so inferior after all and that you’ve shown them up. It’s made them look like the inferior ones and they know it. They can feel it and it doesn’t feel so good!
Your bullies have such fragile egos that they’re constantly look for assurance that you are what they say you are. They need confirmation that you’re no good. Therefore, when you accomplish even the smallest goal or reach even a tiny bit of success, it automatically pokes holes in the narrative they’ve been peddling. Additionally, bullies see you as competition and they despise competition. This is why it doesn’t pay to tell others about any goals or dreams. Not until you reach them.
And once you do, watch your bullies become petty and childish. Watch them turn up the harassment and notice how they increase the name-calling, insults, and verbal abuse. Note that their attacks become more brutal and more painful. Watch as your bullies work overtime with the smear campaigns against you. Also, watch as many so-called friends turn against you.
People you thought were with you and supported you suddenly turn cold. Any time these things happen to you left and right and you feel people are attacking you from every corner, jealousy and envy are most likely the culprits.
And here’s something else!
Many times, you may not necessarily need to be super-successful for other people to launch such demonic evil against you. All it times is for you to have potential and people know potential when they see it. Therefore, they may not be jealous of anything you have or enjoy at the present but they’re envious of your potential. They’re jealous of where you might be headed and of your capabilities and possibilities.
Your bullies are so afraid that you just might reach amazing heights later. They’re deathly frightened that your future may have great things in store for you. Most bullies aren’t dumb when it comes to scoping out intelligence. They can sense that you’re headed for great things long before you reach them. These bullies might have nice cars, clothes, money, and other material things but, again, they will be extremely jealous of where you may be heading in life. And they’re afraid that you just might pass them by.
Therefore, your win is their loss. Your happiness is their anger and your promotion, their demotion.
Bullies bully because they have fragile, but overinflated egos. Believe it or not, the ego is a huge factor in bullying- perhaps the biggest.
Bullies will often bully their targets any time they see him/her get recognition for a good deed or achievement. This is because bullies interpret any praise the target gets from others as the diminishing of them in some way. When the target has success in something, the bullies begin thinking about their own achievements (or lack thereof) and comparing them to those of the target. They then feel regret or jealousy.
The bullies become totally absorbed in how the target’s success reflects on them and they personalize it. Moreover, it feels to the bullies as if the target is an adversary competing for the same award. Because of the bullies exaggerated self-focus, they become angry and want to attack the target.
Bullying Always Comes from a Place of Self-Servitude
Bullies compare themselves to their target according to their own egocentric views. They fear that others will consider them less important than the target, who is “supposed to be” inferior to them. Also, the bullies feel like the target is getting more attention than they are. All this combined only infuriates them.
There’s a reason why it enrages them so. It’s because the target’s success totally goes against their beliefs that the target is inferior. Bullies absolutely despise being shown up. As such, they feel a sense of injustice anytime the target achieves success and gets recognition for that success.
If you’re a target of bullying and a high achiever, you’ll often hear such statements as:
“You think you’re better than me (or us).”
“Do you think you’re some kind of super star?”
You think you’re this and you think you’re that.
This Behavior Your Bullies Display Comes from a Bruised Ego.
By making such bold statements, bullies only imagine what the target thinks of them, then project onto the target, as if, they know what the target thinks. Bullies claim to be mind readers. And what’s so bad is that they presume the worst of the target without any evidence to back it up.
The bullies then feel an urgent need to attack the target because they feel that the target slighted them simply by being successful and making achievements.
So, I want you to know that if you ever find yourself in this kind of predicament, know that you did nothing wrong and that it isn’t about you. It’s about your bullies, their insecurities, and their own shattered egos. The bullies are the ones with the issues. You, on the other hand, are a winner and you are on the side of truth and right. Always remember that and keep winning!
Have you ever had people seemingly mistake your confidence for conceit? Or worse, get offended by it? And you knew it but never understood why? Heaven forbid you actually have even a minuscule amount of self-esteem and take pride in your accomplishments.
Sadly, we live in a world that’s insecure, self-conscious, and unhappy and there will be people who resent your spirit and your happiness. There are environments that are very toxic and the toxic people within them have an intense hatred of those who are cheerful and have a strong sense of self.
Bullies are such people. But realize that, though they’d tell you differently, bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be because anyone who’s truly happy wouldn’t try to make others feel lousy.
Moreover, they wouldn’t resent the happiness, confidence, or successes of others.
I’ve dealt with these types of people- people who resented my confidence, which was confidence that I’d worked hard to rebuild. I saw it written all over their faces- the scowls, how their eyes would narrow and turn into slits and brows would furrow anytime they saw a smile on mine or anyone else’s face. I can just imagine what they were thinking: “The nerve!”
I’ve even heard the disdainful remarks:
“She thinks too highly of herself and needs to be brought down a notch or two!”
“He’s an arrogant jerk!”
“She’s so uppity!”
“He loves himself too much!”
“She needs to bring herself down to earth with the rest of us!”
I could go on and on.
Many people act as if being confident and loving yourself is wrong. The message you get is that it’s “selfish,” and that you need to climb down off your high horse, or you’re too big for your britches. They try to make you think that having pride in yourself is something to be ashamed of. ”How dehhhhh you!”
Bullies tend to think that if a person has confidence and high self-esteem, he is pompous and sanctimonious- he’s the worst person in the world. In their minds, it’s horrible to have even a modicum of self-value and to believe in yourself. “Who do you think you are!”
As much as I hate to admit it, back when I was young and had self-esteem issues, I said the same thing about the same people. And do you know what else? I’ve since realized that I was wrong for it and that it was said out of pure stupidity.
So, I want you to know that, if you have the audacity to like yourself, there will be those who’ll try to tear you down for it. They will attempt to make you feel ashamed of it. Some will even punish you for it. But realize that these people aren’t happy, nor confident and they’re jealous of you because you are. Your bullies and others are bitter toward you because you have something they don’t have. And because they think they can’t have it, they want to take it from the people who do.
So, go for it! Be happy! Be confident! Believe in and love yourself! Treat yourself well whether anyone else likes it! And never let them take it away!
Don’t worry about the people around you. Know that how they act says nothing about you but everything about them. Their actions only expose them as the miserable, sorry pieces of crap they are. So, dig in those heels and double down on your positive sense of self.
Do everything you can to hold on to your joy and self-belief, and let the haters stew in their own juices.
Isn’t it funny that when a target does something right- when they succeed, especially if they receive recognition and praise for a job well done, an award hard won, or a good deed well accomplished, the bullies protest the loudest? They work feverishly to trivialize and minimize any positive quality and maximize any negative. Bullies will also be quick to bring up any mistake or wrongdoing in the target’s past to overshadow the positive quality or accomplishment.
I’ve had firsthand experience with this because my classmates did the same to me, as did coworkers at a workplace years later. Understand that, if you’re a target of bullying, your bullies see you as the bad guy and they want everyone else to see you the same way. They can’t stand even the thought of you reaching success, much less getting recognized for it.
Therefore, anytime you score a win, expect your bullies to do everything in their power to downplay it by minimizing it. Or, they may remind you and others of a past mistake or sin you might have committed, even if it was done decades ago when you were a dumb kid.
They may also make all kinds of wild accusations concerning your win. Here are a few cruel remarks bullies will make:
1. You cheated. Your bullies will refuse to believe that you won that coveted award through hard work and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to convince you and everyone else of it too. But don’t fall for it! And don’t fret if others choose to foolishly believe the bullies. Instead, see it for what it is and what it’s meant to do.
Know that this is designed to dull your shine and cast doubts in the minds of others. Your bullies mean to make other people assume that your success or accolade is illegitimate and that you didn’t come by it fairly. It’s also designed to discredit you and cause others to resent you.
2. It was just dumb luck. When you make a good grade at school, your school bullies and other classmates may verbally pass it off as your being lucky. Realize that when they say these things, they mean to discredit your abilities and cheapen your success in the eyes of those around you. The underlying message is that you couldn’t have made it if you tried and that your accomplishment was some freak accident.
3. You kiss arse. Ah, yes! Your bullies will say that you sucked up and won favor with the right people. They will accuse you of scoring “brownie points.” They will whine, saying that the person whose ass you kissed gave you a boost and that you got an unfair advantage. Again, this is designed to discredit you and undermine your abilities and intelligence. It’s also meant to instill intense anger and resentment of you in others.
4. You slept your way to success. If you’re a woman who’s a target of workplace bullying and you happen to get that coveted promotion that you and several competitors have been vying for, be prepared to get accused of “f***ing the boss man.” Bullies don’t censor their words and that’s exactly what they’ll say.
Also, if your workplace bullies are trying to get you fired and your boss happens to know better and goes to bat for you, they will also accuse you of giving sexual favors. And sadly, this is the most common accusation if you are female.
Just like all the rest, this remark is made to undermine your abilities and smarts, discredit you, cheapen your accomplishments in the eyes of others, and cause anger, hatred, and resentment toward you. It’s also meant to degrade you as a lady and instill in others the belief that you’re nothing but an opportunistic slut who will spread her legs to get ahead in life. This happened to me when I worked at a nursing home years ago, and, let me tell you. It wasn’t fun!
But don’t fret over any of this! I want you to see it for what it is- jealousy, poor sportsmanship, and trash-talk! You must see it for what it is and what it means. And what it is and what it means is that your bullies are a bunch of crybabies, whining and foaming at the mouth because they didn’t get that cookie and you did!
It means that they feel inferior and that they no longer have the attention they crave. It means that they feel cheated and indignant, and it shows that they’re the real losers!
But wait! Here’s something else that neither bullies or targets think about: If you’re a target or survivor of bullying, you’re going to loooove this little gem of truth!
Anytime your bullies make any of the above accusations, what it is, is a confession on their part. In other words, your bullies are projecting- they’re accusing you of the very things they either would do or are doing themselves!
Think about it. How many husbands have falsely accused their innocent wives of cheating, only to end up being caught cheating themselves?
It’s the same when bullies falsely accuse their targets of wrongdoing. Anytime bullies are so quick to point fingers at the target for an alleged transgression, it’s a good indicator that they’re committing the same sins themselves and are only trying to cover their behinds. Always remember that!
Bullies see any recognition the target gets for a good deed, high marks, an accomplishment, or success as the target’s having diminished them somehow. If you’re a target, these types of bullies will only see any success you enjoy as a reflection on them.
You force them to think about and take stock of their own successes and failures. Understand that it’s the bullies’ self-focus that sets the stage for their anger and hostility toward you. They will personalize your success as if you’re an opponent who’s competing with them for the same prize.
The bullies are forced to compare themselves with you because they’re afraid that other people will consider them less worthy or important than you. They feel invisible and left out because they’re not getting the praise that you’re getting. So, they get a sense of disregard from others.
But rather than have normal feelings of disappointment and regret, they have anger and hatred toward you.
Although you never harmed them, the bullies feel a sense of injustice because they feel that you don’t deserve the recognition, but they do. They feel wronged and very much entitled to their anger and hostility.
Bullies will then accuse you of thinking you’re better than they are- as if they know what you’re thinking. And they really do think they can read your mind correctly, which then only further arouses their anger and hate.
Again, according to the bullies’ logic, you’ve wronged them somehow so, you are the enemy. And this perceived wrong that you’ve done compels the bullies to act hostile toward you because the bullies’ egos have been bruised by your successes and accomplishments.
Just as money is the root of evil, the ego is the root of jealousy. And bullies have enormous egos!
Many of the greatest, most tender-hearted, and level-headed people I know have a pack of haters behind them. And many of them don’t understand why. Down through the years, I’ve heard them ask, “What did I ever do to them?” or “I know I’m not a bad person and I treat everyone how I would want to be treated. So, what is it that they (the haters) think is wrong with me?” I’ve got to admit it. I asked the same questions many times when I was young and it happened to me. But here’s a little assurance.
First, if you are one of those good people who certain others hate on, and you yourself are asking yourself the same questions, let me tell you: You didn’t do anything to them. In fact, you did nothing wrong. Secondly, what they think is wrong with you doesn’t matter. What they think period doesn’t matter. And there’s nothing wrong with you. I want you to know that you’re okay. You’re enough. And you’re awesome just the way you are.
I know what you’re likely to say next and you’re probably thinking it now: “But there’s got to be some reason they hate me so much.”
And you’re right. There are many reasons your haters hate you. But those reasons have nothing to do with you, and here they are:
1. They don’t have a life. …or one that’s meaningful. Most haters aren’t what they appear to be. Many are life losers who have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. So, they have nothing better to do than to hate on others. Many of these types of haters are broke, jobless, partner-less, and live in their mommy’s basement.
To feel better about themselves, they’ll troll your social media pages, make incendiary comments, and post vile things about you. If they happen to be local to your area and you know them, they’ll talk trash about you behind your back and try to kill your reputation, your opportunities and prospects. These types of haters are bored with life and the only entertainment and rush of endorphins they can get is to cause drama in other people’s lives.
These are the types of people you should feel sorry for because they live truly miserable and pathetic lives. And the only way they can feel powerful is to ruin other people’s lives. Sadly, we have so many people like that today, and many of them get involved in the cancel culture that’s so prevalent. Again, understand that this is a last-ditch effort for them to achieve power. And sadly, it seems to work for them.
2. They’re not happy in their lives. This can go hand in hand with number 1. However, some people can have everything, a good job, a nice home, good family, and still not be happy. What they lack is contentment. Or, it could be that they aren’t happy with some things in their life. Whatever it may be, their attitude is this. If they can’t be happy, then by George, they’re going to make sure you’re not happy either.
They want to take away your peace of mind and bring you down to their level of misery. And you aren’t the only one. There are probably other people they do this to as well. Again, this person is a miserable individual and you shouldn’t hate them back, you should only pity them.
3. You have something they don’t have. No one ever said life was fair. Some people can, and some can’t. Some have, and some don’t. It’s a hard part of reality that makes some people angry because they can’t seem to figure out how to obtain the things they want. So, they hate on anyone who has the things they (the haters) have been longing for and who has life a little easier than they do.
4. Jealousy. This goes back to you having something your haters don’t have and those poor souls not being happy in their lives. Whether it’s an admirable trait you may have, such as the ability to make friends easily, or how you look, what you have, or even the ability to be happy, haters want to take it all from you because they don’t have it and don’t think they can ever get it.
5. Your good qualities are a threat to them- In other words, you make them look bad. You cause them to compare themselves with you and see you as competition. And if they ever feel like you’re winning over them, look out!
Therefore, realize that you aren’t at fault here. It was nothing you said or did to ruffle their feathers and there’s nothing wrong with you. You are enough. In fact, you are awesome! Your haters only say otherwise to mess with your mind and throw you off balance. Don’t let them do that to you!
Haters can stress you out, yes. But they can also motivate you. So, be your best self and keep your haters blabbing. Think about it. Your haters are the ones who keep you relevant.
Many targets of bullying have had their voices stolen from them. They’re intimidated into keeping silent while others abuse and take advantage of them.
But you can’t bite your tongue forever because it will eventually come spewing out. You will snap and the stress will be as lava pouring out of an erupting volcano. This will become a vicious cycle.
Here’s how it progresses:
The target is calm, and people see this calmness as a weakness. Bullies began to notice how laid back the target is and presume that if they violate his boundaries, there will be no consequences. So, the abuse starts subtly at first- so subtly that the victim doesn’t even notice he’s being abused.
1.Bullies and bystanders: “We’re sorry we forgot to send you an invite to the party Saturday night.”
Target: “That’s okay. Maybe next time.”
Target is mildly stressed.
What the target thinks: “Really? You’re sorry? That’s the fourth time already.”
2. Bullies and bystanders: “You’re such a loser! When are you going to realize that and change your ways?”
Target: “I’m sorry. I don’t want any trouble with you guys.”
Target is angry but manages to hide it.
What the target thinks: “I’m not a loser! I wish you’d go somewhere else and leave me alone.”
3. Bullies and bystanders: “Can’t you do anything right? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Target: “What the hell did I do to you?”
Target is very angry but still manages to stuff it down and bury it.
Bullies and bystanders: ”Just forget it!”
What the target thinks: “No! You brought it up! Now let’s finish it!”
4. Bystander: “How are you?”
Target is angry and depressed.
Target: “I’m fine”
What the target thinks: I’m angry and depressed, thanks to you!”
5. Bullies and bystanders: “You’re so weak! We’re going to destroy you!”
Target is anxious, furious, and upset.
Target: “Why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to any of you?”
What the target thinks: “I’ve had enough of your bullsh** and I’m about to go off on all of you! Now back the hell up!”
6. Bullies and bystanders: “Come here! We want to talk to you!”
Target is enraged. And can’t hold back any longer. This is the last straw.
Target: “(Yells) Go f*** yourselves! I have nothing to say to any of you! Now get the f*** out of here and don’t come back! I’m sick of you!”
What the target thinks: “Oh my God! This is so out of character for me! What’s happening to me!”
Bullies and bystanders: “Oh my God! Here we go again! He’s going crazy! He’s lost it! See! I told you he was a nutcase! See? He’s going off his rocker again! Hahahaha!”
And the bullying escalates because the target showed his ugly side and dared to respond to the bullies and their audience in kind. Now, people are using the target’s perfectly justified and normal human reaction to demonize him and make him look as if he’s mentally unstable.
This is why targets must speak out when the bullying first begins. I can’t stress this enough. Realize that these scenarios represent a pattern with bullies and their followers.
Bullies will push you and push you. They will keep digging at you until you snap on them. Then once you bite back, everyone is suddenly offended, and you are deemed the bad guy!
I want you to understand that this is all a part of the bully’s playbook. The more you know, the better you can predict their behavior, and the more you’ll be able to beat these monsters at their own game.
“The reason bullies tell you, ‘You can’t,’ is because they fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”
If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, bullies will discourage and dishearten you if you aren’t careful. If you’re a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.
It’s all designed to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing. Why? Because bullies know that if you keep trying long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.
Bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior. Realize that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.
Proverbially, it takes bullies down a notch or two, which makes them angry and desire to put the target “back in their place.”
When you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. “How dare you!” They will want to get even. No way will they stand for you rising above them!
When this happens, don’t be surprised. Instead of feeling bad, feel good because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant and never apologize for any successes you’ve had.
Being the best- working hard, striving toward goals, and excelling at high levels all come at a high cost- a lot of resentment from others and having them try to sabotage. There’s a social penalty for high scores in work, creativity, ethics, good-heartedness- anything positive.
It’s why their peers don’t nominate the ones who are deserving of awards and accolades, nor do they recognize them for their success. They work too hard or too fast, they’re too passionate, too perfect, or excessively detailed.
Jealousy, envy, and resentment are often disguised as cold silence and ignorance, which are intentional slights from classmates, coworkers, and superiors designed to hold someone back. Peers who are secretly angered by the successes of a winner will only undermine by stealthy silence because to openly do it would be too obvious.
It would look to much like sour grapes, like the feeling of inferiority to the victor, and everyone is careful not to give off even the slightest stink that they might feel a little inferior.
Blue-collar workers often penalize those for working too fast. Classmates hate other classmates who get top scores. Peers covertly hate those who are record-breakers.
It’s because any person who breaks records unwittingly raises the bar, therefore raising teacher or management expectations for the rest, creating a new goal that’s much harder to attain.
The best of the best only threaten the rest.
It never pays to be a little too perfect in an imperfect world. You don’t score points by being a ray of light in an environment of dark souls.
The feeling that someone else is better than them are is uncomfortable and only nags at bullies until they find a way- any way possible, to level the playing field.
Many times, people perceive the best to be the worst.