One of the greatest victories against bullies is reaching your full potential. Here are ways you can do it!
1. Don’t worry about what other people think. In life, there will be those who will try to tear you down, especially if they know you’re striving to reach a goal. But you don’t mind because they don’t matter. Don’t let them discourage you. No matter what they say, keep shooting for the stars. And don’t stop until you reach your dreams.
2. Weed out all the Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers. Yes! Get rid of all the gossips, whiners, complainers, bullies, and all the people who make you feel bad and suck the oxygen out of you. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people- people who help you, not those who hinder you.
3. Never be afraid to be alone. Trust me; you’d rather be by yourself than keep company with people who are negative and drain the lifeblood out of you. Negative people are exhausting, and you will need all your energy stores to reach your highest potential. And if you have a partner who doesn’t treat you right nor appreciates the value you bring to a relationship, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the partnership, get clear on the kind of partner you want in your life and give this person their walking papers.
4. Don’t quit. Don’t give up when it seems like progress isn’t happening fast enough or when the going gets rough. Keep plugging at it! Because sometimes, things are their toughest just before you finally get your breakthrough.
5. Believe in yourself. To succeed at anything, you must believe in yourself. If you don’t, no one else will, and you won’t accomplish anything. Without faith in yourself and your abilities, you won’t have the morale to keep working toward your dreams. If you need to rest, then do so. But whatever you do, don’t quit!
You will have to do all of these before you ever find your confidence and reach peace and happiness. It won’t be easy but I promise. It’ll be worth it in the end!
We’ve all heard of self-fulfilling prophecies or the Pygmalion Effect. It’s a phenomenon in which our thoughts become things. People also call it the power of expectation.
” What we believe we also become.”
When people (adults at work AND kids at school) are told they are smart and will do well, they usually end up doing just that. Whereas, if a person is told he is stupid and will never amount to anything, he will also live up to what he hears.
Bullying and life – pictured as a word Bullying and a wrecking ball to symbolize that Bullying can have a bad effect and can destroy life, 3d illustration
High expectations= high performance= high outcomes.
Low expectations= low performance= low outcomes.
Understand that bullies are brain-washers. They are repetitious in their verbal attacks, and if you aren’t careful after they have repeatedly suggested that you’re stupid, ugly, or no good long enough, they will force you to believe it too. You won’t even know it’s happening until it’s too late.
‘You see? A bully knows that if you tell a person something enough times for long enough, that person is more likely to believe it.
Understand that bullies do this on purpose. Their goal is to derail you, your goals, and your future by manipulation, to turn you against yourself.
Because bullies know that once they make you believe you’re worthless and can’t do anything right, you will unwittingly and ultimately live up to their expectations.
You must realize that any name a bully calls you, they want you to be. Anytime a bully tells you that you will never be loved, never be successful, etc., the goal is to crush your self-esteem and any prospect for the future.
Law of Attraction on Blackboard with Words
And people want to be right! Bullies want so badly to be right about you so that they can eventually point at you and tell others,
“See? What did I tell you? I told you he was a jackass!”
“I told you she would (screw up, fly off the handle, get into trouble, etc.).
“Uh-huh! What did I tell you? Huh?”
Therefore, should it be any wonder why bullies continuously bombard you with horrible names and accusations? If a person calls you a lowlife, they want you to be a lowlife because they want you to prove them right!
There is a reason why cycles repeat themselves over again! Everything becomes a cycle. What you expect is what you will end up getting. Even worse, it’s what you’ll eventually live up to. Always! It’s only the Law of Attraction at work, and it never fails.
It won’t be easy to do. It’s challenging to think positively and to keep loving yourself when you’re continually having horrible names and negative comments hurled at you from every direction. It’s tough to keep your heart open when the hearts of people around you are closed and locked tight. It feels impossible to love yourself when it seems that everyone hates you. I feel your pain because I’ve been right where you are now.
However, you can only break the cycle of abuse and negativity by continuing to love yourself even when it seems that nobody else does, by finding a reason to live when life seems hopeless, and by refusing to lose sight of your goals, your dreams, and most of all, your value as a human being.
Be mindful of your thoughts and always replace any negative thinking with thoughts that are positive.
If a bully calls you stupid, counter his statement by saying something as simple as,
“No! I’m smart! You’re the stupid one!”
You may have to work hard at it, but you can do it.
Again, if you aren’t careful, this repetition of bullying, abuse, and gaslighting will brainwash you. You’ll internalize it and be convinced of it.
Once your bullies finally convince you that you’re the lowest form of life on Earth, you will adopt a poor attitude and begin behaving in a way that matches your new beliefs about yourself. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.
You’ll stop believing in yourself.
You’ll have a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.”
Your grades will plummet, and your performance will suffer.
You’ll attract all kinds of bad fortune into your life.
You’ll want so badly to get out of the bad environment and situation you’re in that you’ll begin making poor decisions and life choices out of desperation- choices that may alter the entire course of your life.
You may drop out of school to get away from your bullies. I almost did.
You may quit your job before you have time to find other employment.
You may join a gang or extremist group to feel like you belong and to have friends.
You may use drugs to fit in or to dull the pain.
And what’s really sad is that you won’t even realize it’s happening until you’re already too far down the rabbit hole. That is if you ever realize it.
Understand that bullying will change your life- either for better or worse.
It’s hard! I completely get that. I understand how hard it is to keep loving yourself when surrounded by people who hate you. I know how difficult it is to believe in yourself when it seems that no one else does. And I realize that it’s overwhelming to continue trying when everyone else is constantly telling you to give up- that you’ll never make it.
Believe me. I empathize with you because I was there. I almost gave up.
I attempted suicide in the eighth grade and almost didn’t make it.
I almost dropped out of school during the eleventh grade.
I almost lost hope.
I did some desperate things back then- things that could have gotten me arrested or worse- killed!
If I’d held on to my love for and belief in myself, there’s no doubt that I would’ve spared myself a lot of pain.
But I eventually got mad- at myself! And when I got mad- it gave me the determination that they weren’t going to destroy the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to let them.
That’s what you have to do- get mad. Get determined. Dig in your heels and double down. Be determined not to lose yourself- not to let them destroy the parts of yourself that matter.
Because if you give into your bullies and cave into believing what they tell you, it will become a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. You’ll end up living up to everything they tell you. That’s not what you want. You don’t want to give your bullies any more satisfaction than they’ve already gotten at your expense. No way!
Why are they so hell-bent on making you believe their lies?
Because they know they will succeed at brainwashing you.
Bullies are very much aware that they will get what they want. And what they want is to break your spirit.
The bully’s end goal- to bring you so low that you never recover.
If they can do the above three, then you’re likely to prove them right.
Know that it’s all an attempt to reprogram you, and in a vast majority of cases, it works!
Self-fulfilling prophesies are real, and they can destroy your life if you let bullies cause you to have a losing, self-defeating, and bitter attitude. On the other hand, having confidence, loving yourself, and having a positive attitude will bring good things into your life.
This is not to say that bad things won’t sometimes happen anyway because they do. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over, and it happens to all of us. However, with a positive attitude, your life won’t be one huge string of bad luck. You will have victories- and more of them than losses.
Attitude does attract things into your life. Like attracts like. How I wish I’d know this when I was young.
When you’ve been a target of bullying for so long, your world becomes shaky. You began to doubt yourself and your abilities. You wonder if they were all right about you all along and that you maybe just didn’t see it. You get clumsy, awkward! A piece of your self-esteem breaks off.
Your decision making takes a big hit. Any decision you make, you wonder if it’s the right one. You may have even become too afraid to make choices. You fumble, screw up, and it seems that the harder you try not to make mistakes, the more of them you make, and the more bullies ridicule, put you down, even hurt you for them. There goes another piece of self-esteem.
Child abuse with the eye of a young boy or girl with a single tear crying due to the fear of violence or depression caused by hunger and poverty and being afraid of bullying at school.
You seemingly make gaffes that only make these people angrier at you and do things to rub them the wrong way when you’re only trying to quell any conflict. It seems that anything you try to do to help the situation only seems to have the opposite effect, which erodes even more of your precious self-esteem.
You then begin to have a horrible attitude and outlook on life.
All humans are mean-spirited, greedy, and selfish pieces of sh**.
The world is a crappy place.
I’ll never amount to anything.
And that’s when adverse things begin to happen in your life. Your grades drop, your performance starts to wane, you lose out on awards, achievements, and opportunities. And the bullies are watching and smiling because all that is happening to you is confirming to them that you really are “a loser.” And inside, you know what they’re thinking. Bam! More of your self-esteem is smashed to bits.
Closeup portrait unhappy woman giving loser sign on forehead, looking at you with anger and hatred on face isolated on gray background.
Before you know it, what relationships you do have are suffering, and what goals you have- even goals that are, by all accounts, easy to attain, seem unreachable.
Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s only the Law of Attraction at work. Like attracts like. What you think about, even on a subconscious level, always comes about.
People have consistently bombarded you with negativity- insults, horrible names, rejection, disrespect, physical beatings, abuse, everything- and repetitiously. This has gone on for so long that you’ve consciously or subconsciously begun to believe the crap that your bullies have fed you. And what’s really bad is that you’re beginning to live up to it, and you can’t seem to control it or stop it from happening.
What you resist will persist.
So, the saga continues. It seems that people are not only breaking their backs to convince everyone else that you’re evil, worthless, and stupid; they’re trying their damnedest to convince you of it too. Because, every day, you hear the same vitriol and get the same abuse over and over. Repetition, repetition, repetition.
Those people seem to be winning at it!
Understand that bullies do this deliberately. Oh yes! There is both a method and a purpose behind it that’s either conscious or subconscious.
Put plainer, bullies mean to get you to believe that you are, in fact, worthless and force you to agree with it and that you deserve the mistreatment. Because if they can get you to believe it too, then you’re more likely to submit to their abuse and demands without protest.
Why else would they try to drum such lies- such garbage– into your head a million and one times a day?
Understand that bullying, because of its repetitiveness, is a form of brainwashing because of its brutality. It’s not only physical, but it’s also psychological warfare. Over time, it conditions you to believe that you’re no good and will never amount to anything.
And when you’re in a school or workplace full of bullies who loathe you and want nothing more than to destroy you, the psychology of it is akin to being stuck in a re-education camp in a communist country. It’s just as mind-altering, and it’s just as damaging.
This is because bullies spoon-feed you their tripe repeatedly until your mind absorbs it and you end up believing it. They physically and emotionally beat you down, then they gaslight you and convince you that you deserve it- that you asked for the abuse and made them have to hurt you.
Why? Because liking of any person or thing is always subjective, and no two people have the exact likes, dislikes, tastes, or opinions. Know that there will always be those who do not like you and be okay with it because it bears no reflection on you. We all move in different circles and directions.
It’s just how life works and how we were made.
Continue to love and embrace yourself as the person God created you to be. Continue to enjoy the friends and loved ones you do have and never mind the people you don’t have. They aren’t important.
Embrace your differences because no two people are the same. Accept every flaw and quirk you have. Accept no one’s ignorant, cookie-cutter version of what you should be. You are enough!
Imagine how utterly and downright boring life would be if we were all the same. Imagine a world full of white people, black people, or Hispanics- a world full of people with blonde hair and blue eyes or dark hair and dark eyes- a world full of skinny people…or overweight people- or if everyone had the same tastes opinions or beliefs!
It would be like living in a town where all diners were pizza parlors and served pizza but nothing else. Yuck! I love pizza, but I wouldn’t want to eat that every day!
So love being different. Know that there are people who love you and are begging to spend time with you. And above all else, know that God loves you. You will be alright.
Make no apologies for who you are nor what you stand for. And make no apologies for any successes nor victories you’ve had. Most importantly, make no apologies for loving yourself and going after what you want and deserve.
Bullies will get jealous of your successes and victories and try to undermine them. They give you backhanded compliments, accuse you of having “freak luck,” or call you an imposter.
Also, if you’re a confident and happy person, bullies will be jealous of that too. They will accuse you of being “full of yourself,” “arrogant,” “conceited,” and other such nonsense.
Turn a deaf ear to these haters!
Many times, bullying targets, after having been bullied for so long, end up apologizing for or explaining away the beautiful parts of their personalities because they have been forced by others to believe that something really is wrong with them. If this applies to you, I want you to stop doing that! You owe no one any apologies nor explanations for being YOU.
I want you to think about this: Perceptions are often wrong, and just because others “perceive” you to be less than does not mean that you are. Accept yourself, embrace the imperfections. You know the imperfections I’m talking about- the ones you can do nothing about, because we all have them. We wouldn’t be human if we weren’t a little flawed in some way, shape, or form. Stop apologizing, stop explaining, and begin loving yourself for all that you are.
A few years ago, a thought occurred to me that even the most confident people have moments and days when they don’t feel so confident. I most certainly have them. I know where my talents are, I know all of my good qualities and bad, and I know who I am and what I want. However, I also know my limitations- it pays to know those too because confidence doesn’t mean arrogance.
If I don’t like something, I take steps to change it, and if it cannot be changed, I find ways to embrace it.
For the past decade, I have felt peace I never before knew. Yet, there are still days when I don’t feel as confident as I should.
There are times when I feel a tad insecure and nervous. There are times when I feel my old shyness trying to creep back in. After all it’s only human.
Only I refuse to give in to it. I give myself psychological pep talks to make the insecurity go away, then face the fear head-on.
Everyone has those days. So, when this happens to you, don’t toil over it. Accept it as a part of being human, and when insecurity does rear its ugly head, either use your mind to lessen the feelings or make them go away.
Even if you are a happy and confident person, there will be days when things go wrong, and there’ll be days when you just aren’t feeling it.
So, I hope you remember that just because you are having a day when you don’t feel so good, it does not mean that you are not a strong, resilient, and confident person. It just means that you are human, and just like everyone else, you will have downtimes and bad times. Just keep the faith because those times never last.
When you are a target of bullying, loving yourself can be very difficult when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity. Constantly being bombarded with ugly names, cruel taunts, and attacks over a long period of time can very easily have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem. If you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you.
However, no matter how viciously others may treat you, you must do everything possible to hold on to self-love! Even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.
“I AM an awesome person.”
“I AM beautiful.”
“I AM worthy of being loved.”
You must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.
You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. You must take care of yourself. You must command respect and love from others, including a few family members you love dearly, and be willing to make some tough decisions to receive that love and respect.
Sometimes, you have to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. And this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.
However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes, and they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.
If, by chance, it does not happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them, but only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve.
You must love yourself, or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!
If they destroy your confidence, they’ll destroy your life.
It’s a fact! If your confidence goes, your performance in school or on the job, your social abilities, everything else will go too.
Think about it. Most bullied people do not do well in school or in the workplace if others do not treat them fairly and respect and give them space, opportunity, and freedom to learn and grow. Their performance takes a nosedive.
Anytime someone is bombarded with consistent put-downs, nitpicking, and abuse, their grades suffer because they stop believing in themselves and focus more on protecting themselves than on lessons.
Although we hear of bullied kids who get mad, dive into schoolwork, and make exceptional grades and honors to compensate for their social failures, or a bullied worker will perform extra well to compensate and prove his coworkers wrong, these people are often the exception to the rule.
So, if you ever encounter bullying, you must guard your confidence and self-esteem with everything you have in you. Because your life truly does depend on it!
Here’s how you protect your self-esteem and confidence:
• Do things you enjoy most.
• Display your talents and gifts.
• Keep company only with people who encourage, respect, and love you the most.
• Be there for others who are suffering.
• Take pride in your appearance and look your best. Because if you look great, you feel great!
• Make affirmations- “I AM” statements to yourself every day. “I AM beautiful,” “I AM smart,” “I AM better than what they say,” etc.
• Find a therapist to talk to.
• Tell the people who love you about what you’re going through.
• Whatever you do, don’t be silent about it!
“You can tell a man’s vises by his friends, his virtues by his enemies.” – Ben Domenech.
There is value in having enemies. If I meet a person who has not one enemy, I’d be suspicious of that person and wonder if he/she were lying, mistaken, or a people pleaser. But if they do have enemies and (even better) are proud of that, it means they stood for something at some point in life.
Understand that everyone has enemies. They may not admit it or may not know it, but they do have an enemy out there somewhere.
Too many people feel that they must win a popularity contest, and they go out of their way to do it. They suck up, try to be someone they aren’t just to run with the pack, seek attention, and bully those they see as defective. What’s even sadder is that they reach a point where they don’t know who they are anymore.
They unknowingly make themselves slaves to other people’s opinions and, therefore, slaves to others. This is a waste of time and too much work. Even worse, it chips away at your self-esteem. You end up letting yourself down to please others, and that’s not good.
Silhouettes of hands are breaking the chain—freedom concept.
The only way you can be free is to be true to yourself and let others have their opinions of you, good or bad. Realize that opinions are just that- opinions, and they’re like elbows. Everybody has them. Opinions are just as cheap as talk.
So, if you have enemies, be proud of it. It means that you’ve taken a stand and that you’re not afraid to be different. If you have enemies and are okay with having them, then you have the freedom, and you can do anything you want. Always remember that.