How Bullying Conditions You and How to Recognize It

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Conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe something. It’s how evil and terrible abuses get “normalized.” When you’re a target of bullying, bullies will try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse.

Conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle. So, how do you know your bullies have conditioned you?

You know by the feelings you have.

1. If you feel guilty for speaking out and reporting bullying to authority, your bullies have conditioned you.

2. If you feel that the bullying is your fault, your bullies have conditioned you.

3. If you feel like a mean and cruel person for standing up for yourself, your bullies have conditioned you.

4. If you feel guilty about saying no to anyone, your bullies have conditioned you.

Are you angry yet?

What are the statements bullies use to condition you? And what do those statements condition you to think and feel? Let’s find out:

1.“Bullying is a rite of passage that everyone goes through.”

This statement conditions you to believe that bullying is normal. But it’s anything but! Bullying is sick, perverse, and damaging to the target. So, say, “Oh no, it’s not!” And be very firm when you say it.

2.“You ‘made me’ hit you!”

This statement conditions you to believe that bully’s despicable behavior is your fault- that you somehow caused the bully to get out of line and that you deserved what you got. Again, this is a blatant lie! No one deserves bullying and abuse. You have a right to feel and be safe. Therefore, you counter the bully’s statement by saying, “No, I did not!” And say it with full conviction!

3.“You had it coming!”

“You asked for it!”

“You bring it all on yourself!”

Again, these statements condition you to believe that you’re to blame for the bullies’ horrid behavior, that their evil actions are your fault, and that you deserved it. NOT true! Remember that bullying is abuse, and no one deserves it. Say, “No, I didn’t!” or “No, I don’t, and you know it!” Be stern!

4. “You’re always trying to start something!”

“You’re always making waves.”

“Don’t rock the boat!”

“You’re always making trouble!”

“You just keep pushing it!”

“Don’t push it!”

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Again, these are lies and ways to deceive you into silence. Don’t’ fall for it. Counter the bully’s claims and always, always do it with a tone of conviction.

5. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!”

“You’re making something out of nothing!”

“You’re a crybaby!”

“You’re a liar!”

“You’re crazy!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

All lies. Counter with “No, I’m not!” or “I know exactly what I’m talking about! I know what you’re trying to do, and I won’t accept it!”

Understand that you’ll hear these statements anytime you attempt to set boundaries and stand up to bullying and abuse. Bullies hate it when you stand against them. Most would cut off their right arm before they’d ever admit to any wrongdoing.

Don’t let it deter you. Keep standing up. Keep defending yourself. Keep taking care of yourself because no one else will do it for you. All you have is you. In a situation of bullying, all you have is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!

But realize that if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will) and don’t respect your commands for them to stop the abuse, go away and leave you alone, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.

It isn’t because you weren’t firm enough, and it isn’t because you aren’t any good at standing up for or defending yourself. It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds who think the rest of the world should bow down and kiss their asses. Nothing more.

Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.

The more you know, the more power you have!

Bullying and Toxic Shame

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Bullies ritually beat their victims down to the point that the poor targets have come to view themselves through the eyes of their bullies. Toxic shame is, perhaps, the worst type of shame a person can have. Because once you begin to view yourself through the eyes of your abusers, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

Their contempt, disgust, and aversion toward you have rubbed off on you, and you began to hate yourself. But I want you to understand that this is what your bullies want. They want you to hate yourself. Because the bullies know that if they can work on you and finally get you to hate yourself, they know they’ve won.

Your bullies aren’t stupid. They know that you’ll submit to the abuse because when a person hates themselves, they think they deserve abuse.

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When a target of bullying suffers from toxic shame, they accuse themselves of sins of which they aren’t guilty. They apologize incessantly over things that aren’t their fault. Ultimately, targets feel guilty for merely existing!

Toxic shame causes one to lose trust in himself and their decisions and judgments, and become afraid to make them. Ultimately, it makes for a miserable life.

The points mentioned above are why we must guard our self-esteem and confidence. But before we can do that, we must educate ourselves on where bullying comes from, the mindsets of bullies, how to spot them before they strike, ways for targets to minimize the effects of bullying, and the damage bullying can do. Only then will we have the knowledge to empower, protect, and take care of ourselves.

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This is what this blog is all about, and it’s my wish that targets and potential targets learn these things to defend themselves. Because if we can reduce the number of victims, we can then reduce bullying.

 

Bullies May Turn Everyone Else Against You. Just Don’t Let Them Turn YOU Against You!

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No matter what other people may think of you, you are the only one who knows who you truly are. Bullies are known for spinning smear campaigns and witch hunts to turn others against a target because it’s the only way they can make their lies and accusations seem valid. However, no matter how convincing the bullies may be and how many people believe the lies and rumors spread about you, it doesn’t mean the talk is true.

Only you can judge who you really are, nobody else can. I know it’s difficult not to question yourself when it seems that others hate you. Anyone who finds themselves in this situation would ask themselves, “What did I do?” or “What did I say?” It’s only a natural human reaction to being ostracized. It’s difficult not to blame yourself.

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But please, for your own self-esteem, do not blame yourself. Remember that the problem lies with the bullies, not with you. You are not responsible for what is happening to you. Believe it!

Although others may turn against you, just make sure that you do not turn against you! Remember that reputation doesn’t equal character!

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Continue to love yourself. Continue to take care of yourself and be true to your own heart! Continue to do the things that give you pleasure and surround yourself with those who do love you and want the best for you. Because during this time, you must ‘baby’ your self-esteem and your confidence!

Bullies may turn everyone else against, you! Just don’t allow them to turn you against yourself because you have no reason to hate yourself. So, love yourself even when it seems that others hate you. I promise you that your self-esteem will thank you for it! You will thank yourself for it!