Your Inner Bully- Why You Should Ignore It

PTSD

It’s true that, in most cases, we are our own worst critics and enemies. We get in our own way, sabotaging our own successes. Then, we wonder why we’re always stuck.

It’s because we listen to that nagging, bitchy voice that tells us we “can’t do it.” That we’re “going to fail epically.” We give too much attention to that taunting voice that laughs at our dreams and aspirations.

Here are a few reasons why we should pay that inner bully voice no mind:

1. It sabotages us. Thoughts have a way of becoming things and circumstances and they will only cause us to miss out on opportunities and flub our goals.

 2. It serves us no purpose. That negative voice is a waste of time and will only keep you stuck if you’re not careful.

 3. We might just end up believing it. What we believe, we become, and, as mentioned in number one, that evil voice only serves to sabotage and derail you from your goals and dreams.

 4. It trashes our self-esteem. Over time, that voice will erode your self-esteem and steal away your confidence and peace of mind. Once your confidence is gone, bad things begin to happen. As Ralph Waldo Emerson quoted, “If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

Here is what happens when we listen to our inner bully:

1. We put too much pressure on ourselves to meet standards that are unattainable.

2. We think we need a slew of friends to feel well-liked.

3. We think we need to be filthy rich to feel valuable.

4. We think we need to be ½ of a couple.

5. We live in the past or future instead of enjoying the present.

Most targets of bullying are especially bad for this and the only thing it does is make them feel worse about themselves. But, as humans, the inner bully is our default mind setting. We all have that inner voice that cuts us down to size.

Fortunately, there are things you can do about it. Isn’t it time you gave your inner bully the boot?

freedom

Replace that nagging voice in your head with that of a loving friend.

Replace the negative thoughts with those that are positive.

Train that inner voice to say positive things instead of negative.

Granted, this will be a difficult thing to do because your mind will fight you every step of the way. But when we catch ourselves thinking negative thoughts and replace them with thoughts that are positive, we will slowly rewire our brains until it finally becomes natural. What this is doing is creating new neural pathways and once those pathways are complete, you will naturally think more positively.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Targets and Survivors of Bullying and Self-Defeating Behavior

Targets and many survivors of bullying have self-esteems that have been repeatedly injured, and when one’s self-esteem is injured, sometimes they will have trouble making friends and attracting suitors for dates and romance.

This can be because of two things, the person either becomes angry because they feel they were judged unfairly, or they resign themselves as social failures and withdraw.

The anger helps to protect the target’s self-esteem. Moreover, the target’s anger is heightened due to having been programmed by bad life experiences to sometimes mistake comments for insults.

If it’s constructive criticism, the target may wonder if the person doing the criticizing is trying to help them or only trying to show them that they’re smarter or implying that he (the target) is stupid.

Many targets are bullied for so long that their social development has been stunted. Therefore, many targets and survivors may be successful in everything except relationships with others. This is because they’ve been made to believe that they’re unlovable and thus, don’t trust anyone else when they show them affection and profess love.

These people only see other people’s attempts at love and friendship as manipulation because it’s what they’ve come to expect.

Many targets and survivors of bullying are often looked at as standoffish, stuck-up, or snobbish because they feel safer keeping other people at arm’s length. Because of this arm’s-length approach to social situations, people see the target or survivor of bullying as being wrapped up in themselves when, in fact, they’re insecure because of mistreatment they endure.

The unspoken message from the person is “don’t get too close” and it comes from their fear of being rejected, hurt, and worse- bullied again. So, they put on a cool front to hide their nervousness.

On top of being bullied by peers, many targets and survivors have or have had a parent overcriticize and belittle them, which only doubles the insecurity. So, they find it much safer to overprotect themselves and build a wall to keep potential enemies out. They go out of their way to avoid exposing themselves to rejection, and thus, appear to others as cold and detached.

Like anyone else, targets and survivors desire love, and they have a bigger desire for it than most. However, their intense fear of being bullied blocks them from getting that love because to get love requires a degree of vulnerability.

Being able to enjoy friendship, love, and affection means letting down your guard and taking risks. Sadly, many targets and survivors are too afraid to lower their defenses.

If this post describes you, I want you to know that I completely understand because I’ve been right where you are now. However, I can’t stress enough the importance and necessity of putting yourself out there and taking the risk.

To see positive change, you must shed this protective armor if you want to attain the friendship and love you so desire. Because the self-protective measures that you have taken are exactly what is repelling others and keeping you isolated. Being aloof and distant may indeed feel safe, but it’s also self-defeating because it keeps love out.

So, step out in faith and I promise you that you will see change you never thought possible. You’ll have good friends who will love you for simply being you. Hey! It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

😊