10 Reasons Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

These are valid questions.

When someone doesn’t love themselves, we can tell. We can see it in their demeanor, their face, and their posture. We can hear it in their tone of voice and the way they talk. Why do you think these people attract users and abusers to them? Why do you think they end up with people who mistreat and control them?

Here’s what happens when you don’t love yourself:

1. You’re never able to properly love anyone else. You will be codependent- always searching to get love from another source- a source outside yourself, instead of letting love come from within. When you finally find someone who does love you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother your partner to death because you’ll always have to be right there under the person’s nose.

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Also, you’ll be suspicious of others, wondering if your partner’s going to leave you or wondering if they’re cheating. You’ll wonder if your friends really like you or if they’re only pretending to. In essence, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past and it’s not fair. Being in constant worry and suspicion is no way to live!

2. You rely too much on others to make you feel loved and wanted and be afraid of being alone. You will always believe that to be happy, you must always be one half of a couple. But understand that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship either.

3. You move too quickly into a relationship. Once you are in a relationship, you’ll love your partner more than they deserve and before they have time to earn that love. Also, you’re likely to scare the other person away. Realize that love needs time to grow.

4. You give away your power. When you give away your power, you automatically put yourself at the mercy of someone else. And believe me, they take full advantage. You put your own needs on the back burner and always put your partner before yourself, doing all the giving in the relationship in exchange for your partner’s love. You’ll even do things you really don’t want to do just to satisfy the other person.

You’ll stop making your own decisions and allow someone else to choose for you. You’ll also agree to every single thing he or she says. When you do this, you leave nothing for yourself. After a while, the feeling of unfairness will slowly build. Soon, you will become resentful after so long of not getting anything in return.

Never give another person that kind of power! You must have your own mind and be your own person.

5. Because you can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you. What happens when your partner gets tired of you and decides he/she no longer wants to be with you? It will devastate you. It’s only natural that the end of any friendship or relationship is painful. But it should never be crushing. It should never feel like the end of the world.

6. You’ll be on an endless search for love and friendship. You’ll spend your whole life searching for love. That in itself is not only off-putting to others, but it’s also exhausting to you. You’ll waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship.

When one partner gets bored with you and leaves for someone who challenges them, you’ll be on another search for someone else to take their place. And this cycle will only continue to repeat itself. Before long, you’ll have a string of broken relationships behind you. Not good!

7. You’ll settle for just anyone. And you’ll get even less than what you settled for. No one should settle. Ever! If the person isn’t the person you want or is less than what you thought they were, you’ll be much happier if you move on to something you really want. Always be selective of the friends and partners you choose and of the company you keep.

8. You attract takers instead of givers. Predatory people have a keen eye for those who are desperate to be loved and accepted. And they’ll sniff you from a mile away. These people will be more than happy to befriend or date you just to get what they want from you. Once they’ve used you long enough and bleed you dry of resources and dignity, they’ll only drop you and move on to the next poor sucker. When you stop being afraid of aloneness, you magically begin to repel predators and attract better people.

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9. You’ll repel the people who either do or would otherwise love and accept you. If by chance you happen to find someone who truly loves you, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. You’ll be so scared of losing the person that you’ll be too clingy and likely run them off because of your incessant neediness.

Understand that when you do this, you automatically make them responsible for your happiness and it’s not fair. Being held responsible for another person’s happiness is a heavy load for anyone to carry! You’ll only zap the other person’s energy as you expect them to fill a void that can’t be filled by anyone but you and God. Realize that only you are responsible for your happiness. No one else.

10. You stay in toxic relationships and put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone. You’ll likely end of with an abuser who’ll physically or mentally abuse you. Love and friendship shouldn’t be painful.

You may also end up with someone too lazy to work and who expects you to keep their worthless ass up. No one has to work that hard to keep any relationship and if you do, it’s a sign that you need to show somebody out the door- and fast.

The last thing you want is to be tied down to some broke chump who treats you like crap or won’t get off their dead ass and work to help pay the bills. I’ve seen this happen to so many people I’ve known in the past.

Being alone is a part of loving yourself. It’s not the worse thing that can ever happen to you. It’s very healthy sometimes because you get to know yourself during times of solitude.

But when you’re afraid of being by yourself, you’re likely to give others control of your life and put yourself at their mercy! STOP THAT! Never cheat yourself by settling for anything less than what you deserve!

Never put your happiness in someone else’s hands! Ever!

What is The Difference Between Like and Respect?

A conceptual look at respect, esteem, appreciation, recognition.

There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put simpler, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Respect and like are different in that like is simply based on commonalities and good feelings shared between people. When someone likes you, they enjoy your company and the positivity you bring to their life.

Respect, on the other hand, is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality. When someone respects you, they may not necessarily like you, but see you as having the same rights and considerations as they and everyone else. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective.

Judgemental girls tauting fellow student

Put another way, someone may dislike you, but if you were lying badly injured on the sidewalk, they would more than likely stop and help you, even stay beside you and hold your hand until the ambulance arrived.

On the other hand, when a person does not respect you, they have no regard for your safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. They don’t see you as having the same human rights and considerations as they and everyone else.

That person will think it’s perfectly okay to violate you because, in their mind, you somehow deserve to be violated. They will also be much less likely to stop and help you if they see you lying injured on the sidewalk because they most likely wouldn’t care if you ever got to a hospital.

They would simply act like they didn’t see you lying there, or worse, step over you with a look of contempt and keep going.

Someone can dislike you and at the same time, respect your right not to have your boundaries crossed. When they disrespect you, they won’t acknowledge your personal boundaries and are likely to trample your dignity and human rights. In their mind, you either don’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as them and everyone else. The person will more than likely wish you harm or ill will and probably dread breathing the same air as you.

Signs of Disrespect

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom – this could include, belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety – you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You can’t stand the fact that the person even exists.

Signs of Dislike

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to be around them. You have no problem coexisting.

If you are a victim of bullying, you must be able to distinguish between the two and take the appropriate steps to take care of yourself.

Disrespect is mush worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful. The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but will act neutral around you. They might even greet you and say a few words to you just to be polite, but won’t buddy up to you.

The people who disrespect you will have absolutely nothing to say to you, or they will verbally abuse you, shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, or physically assault you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Self-Love Doesn’t Mean Self-Centered

Some people get the two confused. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re self-centered. But you can bet that bullies will accuse their target of it when they realize she’s growing a backbone.

Understand that when you start loving yourself enough not to take your bullies’ opinions of you seriously, the bullies will take notice of it right away. They’ll realize that they no longer have power over you. To get that power back, they will try like the devil to guilt you by accusing you of either selfishness or self-centeredness.

Don’t fall for that con game! When bullies lose the benefits they’ve grown accustomed to getting at your expense, they always get irate. Right or wrong, whenever someone has had power over another person for a long time and has gotten used to having that power, then suddenly loses it, of course, they’re going to be upset- and intensely so.

But don’t concern yourself with how your bullies feel. After all, they never gave a thought to your feelings the entire time they jerked you around.

Ditch these people! The sooner, the better! You’re not being selfish by choosing to put yourself first. What you’re doing is having the courage to love yourself and treat yourself better.

Realize that the bullies are the self-centered ones, in expecting you to go on being their doormat. No one has the right to expect you to put up with something they wouldn’t tolerate if it were happening to them.

To expect any differently from another person than what they’d do shows a complete lack of respect for people other than themselves and is sheer arrogance, self-entitlement, and stupidity.

There’s a name for this- double-standard!

Remember that we teach others how to treat us. And how we teach them to treat us is by how well we treat ourselves- by the boundaries we set, our ability to say “no,” and whether we continue to allow them to be in our lives.

So, treat yourself well! You’re worth it!

You Have a Right to Respond in Kind When Someone Mistreats You

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with responding in kind when someone tries to mistreat you. It shows that you command the dignity and respect that’s due to the next person and that you won’t tolerate crap from bullies. It also shows that you have the guts to stand your ground when some creep violates your boundaries.

As a society, we’ve been conditioned by politicians, the media, corporations, educators, and even certain members of our families that responding in kind only makes us as bad as the bullies. And we’re still being conditioned to believe it. We’re being told to “ignore” people’s atrocious behavior, and in some cases, even submit to it.

However, I want you to understand that the only thing bullies understand is strength and power and anyone they deem as weak is fair game.

Therefore, if you don’t respond in kind to bad behavior, bullies will get the message that there are no consequences for their abuse and that they can walk on you anytime they feel like it. There’ll be no stopping them from escalating the bullying and no limit to what they’ll try next.

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You must set boundaries, and how you set boundaries is by imposing consequences on anyone who violates those boundaries. But how do you impose consequences? By responding in kind to bullies when they cross the line.

Notice I say “respond” and not react. By responding the right way, you show that you’re not afraid to stand your ground and that you command the same dignity and respect given to the next person.

There’s no law that says that you must accept abuse from anyone. Yet, we’re very subtly being told that we should take it, and with a smile, and a yes sir/ma’am, then ask for seconds. In today’s world, society tries to dictate that we should agree to abuse.

Um- no! That’s now how life or human nature works! Every action is followed by a response!

Bullies must realize that there are consequences if they harm another person. And we must realize that it is the threat of consequences that keeps the bad guys from coming for us and keeps us safe. Without accountability, there would be chaos and anarchy! Bullies would have free reign over us all.

So, never be afraid to respond in kind and never feel guilty for it. It’s normal, expected, and it’s how you defend yourself and treat yourself well.

The more you know…

7 Steps to Having Confidence When Others Bully You

There are things you can do to take the sting out of being bullied. These steps can serve as a buffer to the effects of bullying on self-esteem and the psyche.

1. Watch and Listen– Because bullies get talked about too. Believe me when I tell you. Bullies have enemies and lots of them. And why not?

They’ve been walking over people for a long time. So, you can bet they’ve left a long trail of foes behind them, adversaries who are more than happy to dish out the tea.

2. Know that you aren’t the only one these people have bullied– seasoned bullies have had plenty of practice over the years. I guarantee it! There have been others before you, and there will be more after you. Why do you think these people are so good at making you feel bad about yourself and doubt your worth? How do you think they got that good at it? They certainly didn’t get that way overnight. It came from so many years of trial and error, and they figured out what worked and what didn’t. And they had to have had guinea pigs (previous victims/targets) as practice. They’re doing what for so long has worked for them.

3. Collect info on your bullies– find out about their personal and family lives. You can bet that bullies have problems too. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out of their way to prove something to an audience at your expense. As I stated earlier, they have enemies. Find these enemies, cozy up to them, and have them tell you what they know about your bullies. I have done it many times, and I can tell you that you’d be surprised at the tidbits you found out! I’ll give you more details on the next step.

4. Ingratiate yourself with others your bullies have bullied– You and these people have something in common, so this should be a cinch! Align yourself with these other victims. Bullies run in packs, so why can’t targets? Understand that strength always comes in numbers. If you ban together, I guarantee that your bullies will think twice before accosting you. Remember that bullies are cowards and would prefer to catch you when you’re alone rather than confront you while you’re in a group.

I love being me – positive affirmation – handwriting on napkin with a cup of coffee

5. Keep company only with people who love you, want the best for you, and make you feel good about yourself– A good sign of a true friend is someone who uplifts you and helps your confidence soar. They uplift you, encourage you, have your back when you’re in trouble, and cheer for you when you reach success. All too often, victims end up with fake friends- frenemies who only tolerate and are passive-aggressive toward them. These frenemies will subtly humiliate victims in public and throw them under the bus when they’re in trouble or danger.

Victims often latch on to frenemies because they’re desperate for friends and companionship. They’d rather have sorry excuses for friends who treat them poorly than to have no friends at all. These victims are under the false belief that anything is better than being by yourself. I made that mistake myself when I suffered bullying in school.

Trust me when I tell you, anyone who belittles you even a little bit is not your friend! They’re only there because they know that you’re lonely. You are vulnerable to them, and they only hang around because anytime you have a weak spot, you’re accessible for them to use and take advantage of you. That is the only reason they come around!

Do you want friends like that? I hope not! I hope that you will do what I finally did the last year of school, ditch those creeps, and find friends who respect you, who genuinely like you and want to be with you!

6. Show off your talents and gifts– If you can sign, enter talent shows! If you can write, enter writing contests! If you know you’re good at something, find ways to show it off! You’d be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem. I promise you!

When my classmates bullied me, it was so bad that I was scared to show what I could do. I knew that I could sing but was too afraid to belt it out and show off my best voice. If there were do-overs, I would have sung as best I could, came out of my shell, and took every opportunity to showcase that talent! Who knows where it might have taken me?

Anytime people are bullying you, you must take care of yourself. We exercise and eat well to take good care of our bodies, but we forget. We must also take care of our psyches! It is imperative that we also take care of our minds. And we do this by taking steps to buffer our self-esteem from the onslaught of bullying.

7. Do things you enjoy doing, and that fills your soul– whether you love to swim, hike, camp, find opportunities to do these things if they truly make you happy! The more happy moments you have, the less of an effect bullying will have on you!

Doing these things will help to buffer your self-esteem against your bullies attacks. In other words, it will lesson the pain of the attacks because you’ll know you have friends, allies, talents, and positive moments in life- solid proof that counters anything the bullies try to tell you. And you’ll feel much better about yourself.

It will also help correct the imbalance between adversity and success. Many targets of bullying often have a ton of social failures and only a tiny few successes. If you do all these things, you’ll soon achieve a healthy balance between the two.

11 Reasons It’s So Hard to Say “No” When You Need to (Part 3)

(…continued from part 2)

9. We give in to the threats and demands of bullies and abusers. Unfortunately, some people won’t take no for an answer. Bullies and abusers are such people. These types will move Heaven and Earth to manipulate you into feeling obligated and saying yes to them. They will try things, such as”

1. Screaming and yelling at you.

2. Calling you names like:

“selfish”

“greedy”

“mean”

“crazy”

“arrogant”

“bitch”

“asshole”

And the list goes on…

1. Cursing you out

2. Threatening physical harm

3. Hurling insults

4. Humiliating you in front of others

5. Ostracizing you

6. Giving you the silent treatment

Understand that these people use these evil tactics to punish you or to make you cave into their demands. They also do this to make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or afraid, in hopes that you’ll give up and give in to get them to stop abusing you. But please, for your sake, don’t’ cave in!

You must realize that, if you give into the bullies’ demands, you’ll only quell their hostility temporarily because, sooner or later, bullies always come back for more and thus, these incidences will become a pattern.

There’s one thing I want you to know right now. Bullies and abusers aren’t dumb. They know exactly what they’re doing. Believe me when I say that your bullies are fully aware that they’re trying to manipulate you. They know good and well that they’re being abusive and yes, they also know that what they’re doing is wrong.

Never think for one moment that these bullies don’t realize what they’re doing!

As long as you remember this, it will give you the confidence, courage, and resilience to stand firm against this atrocious behavior, call it out for what it is, and hold your position.

Better yet, you will be less likely to feel shamed, humiliated, fearful, or guilty. You’ll see the bully’s behavior as a reflection of their cowardice, insecurity, and desperation and this alone will make it easier to stand your ground.

10. We’re afraid of conflict. Many people are deathly afraid of conflict. Targets and most survivors of bullying are especially so because they’ve had so much conflict forced into their lives. And they will make a complete about-face when they detect even the slightest scent of it.

I shamefully admit that I become one of these people for a while in my twenties. However, I soon came to realize that conflict is a part of life, and many times cannot be avoided. There are times when conflict will seem to hunt you down like a hungry wolf. In other words, conflict is something we will all face at some points in our lives. It is certain. This is why we must learn to be assertive and say no to people when we need to.

Sadly, for many of those who have this fear, giving into others is a quick and easy fix. Any time the other person shows signs of becoming angry or frustrated when the pleaser can’t be available right that second, they’ll try to assuage the other person. They retract statements, change their minds, and acquiesce.

Pleasers believe that surrendering to the demands of another is safer (easier) than standing their ground, and they immediately cave in to avoid conflict.

11. Saying yes to everything and everyone become a habit. Many people have been conditioned to people-please and the longer they do it, the more entrenched it becomes until it becomes instinct. In other words, our brains continue to develop more neural pathways for people-pleasing until we become wired to do it and it’s an automatic response. As a result, we do it without even thinking about it, nor realizing it. Realize that for some, people-pleasing is a learned response, and it stems from many factors.

These 11 things are the roots of our apprehension amd the best way to solve any issue is to get to the roots of it. If you know why you have a hard time saying no, you’re more likely to know what to do to change it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

11 Reasons It’s So Hard to Say “No” When You Need to (Part 2)

(…continued from part 1)

5. You waste so much of your time, which is time better spent with your family, closest friends, and loved ones. Or it could be time better spent studying your lessons, working on your own pursuits and hobbies, or resting. There are only 24 hours in a day and if you’re constantly prioritizing others first, your needs will take a back seat and you won’t have time left for yourself and the people who matter most.

Self-care is never selfish. It’s essential! It’s a necessity! Realize that you’ll never be able to please everyone, but that’s okay. So, be okay with it.

Be prepared for some people to call you “selfish” when they hear the word no come out of your mouth. But again. Remember that you’re not responsible for the way they feel or for their problems.

6. We want to help others because it’s rewarding. This is normal and there’s nothing wrong with it. Helping others makes us feel good and has huge heart-rewards. For example, when we help our family members and friends, it shows them that we love them, and we care about their happiness and well-being. When we help total strangers, we do it because we care for our fellow man. That feels great!

The problem comes in when we’re so busy taking care of others that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. When it reaches this point, life can get stressful and overwhelming. Also, bullies, users, and abusers will take notice and try to exploit our generosity, taking our kindness for being weak and dumb.

These are things we much watch out for.

Realize that you only have so much of these commodities. Use them wisely and don’t waste any of them on people don’t deserve them or haven’t earned them (i.e. bullies, abusers, anyone who takes you for granted).

7. We have low-self-esteem. When we have a low self-image, we are under the false assumption that our time, energy, and resources aren’t worth as much as those of others. We believe that we’re inferior to everyone else. Therefore, we quickly say yes to others, even those who give ridiculous demands, when we should say no.

Many times, we bend over backwards to prove our value. But worth is something we should never prove to anyone. It is something that’s either there, or it isn’t.

In other words, if you’re a good person, you have value. And if you have value, it’s already there and there’s no need to turn somersaults for people.

Here’s another thing. Saying no will actually raise your self-esteem and the more you say it, the higher it will rise until you realize that you’re just as good as everyone else and that your time, your energy, your pursuits, and your dreams are just as important as everyone else’s.

8. We want approval and to be liked by others. Wanting to be liked and approved of is a natural human desire that’s hardwired in all of us. It’s how we make friends, connections, and allies. It’s also how we nurture our relationships with family and those we love. We try to relate to and find commonality with others to get accepted.

Many times, this is why we say yes even when we’re better off saying no. Understand that, though you may get approval from others if you’re a yes-person, that approval will be short lived. Because people always come back for more and there will be times when something comes up and you won’t be available for them. Then what?

Realize that keeping your self-esteem and self-respect is worth a hell of a lot more than getting anyone’s approval. And trust me, any approval that has the fine print of conditions tagged onto it is not the type of approval you want.

(Continued in part 3…)

11 Reasons It’s So Hard to Say “No” When You Need to

“No” is such a tiny word but has huge power behind it. It can be intimidating to both say to someone and get for an answer. Targets of bullying especially have a difficult time saying no to people because they’ve been bullied into saying yes for so long that they’ve become programmed. However, many people who aren’t bullied and never have been also have a hard time telling others no. Why is that?

There are many reasons:

1.Many of us were raised to believe that saying no is self-centered, rude, and disrespectful. As children, we were often forced to say yes and go against our own rights and feelings, or risk being punished by adults. We were taught to obey, to comply, or to acquiesce, “or else.” Many of us were taught that as children while we were growing up.

We automatically owed anyone over the age of eighteen respect and it didn’t matter if the adult in question was being fair or not. It didn’t matter if they were self-serving and out to harm us. Just by virtue of being adults, we “owed” them respect simply because they’d lived on this good earth longer than us. We were made to believe we were obligated to give respect to any adult no matter how lowdown and creepy that adult may have been.

Sadly, we get conditioned this way and grow into spineless, submissive adults who get used and abused by our partners, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers because all our lives, we’ve been duped into believing that saying yes to everything everyone asks (or demands) of us means that we’re “good people”- that being agreeable one hundred percent of the time shows that we’re being “respectful” and that we have “a good attitude.”

Only we end up learned the hard way that it’s the exact opposite- what it really means is that we become suck-ups, kiss-butts, and wusses.

Saying no means setting boundaries and if we don’t set boundaries, we only end up with self-esteem that was never given the chance to develop properly and we place ourselves at the mercy of bad people.

2. We’re afraid of offending people. Let’s face it, people, especially bullies and abusers, often become offended with things which aren’t necessarily offensive. Understand that some people, especially bullies, abusers, narcissists, and psychopaths, hate being told no and will become infuriated. So, be prepared.

They will lay guilt trips on you and tell you what a rude and selfish person you are, and you will most likely even feel pangs of guilt and feel as if you’ve done something wrong. But don’t you believe it! See the person’s behavior for what it is- emotional manipulation.

Realize that the offense these people take comes from insecurity and the feeling if being rejected. This is why they take being told “no” so personally. Realize that any indignation or anger the other person feels and displays is neither your responsibility nor is it your problem.

3. We’re afraid of letting other people down. This is understandable. No one who’s a decent person and worth their salt want to let down another human being. However, if you don’t save a little time, energy, and resources for yourself, there will be nothing left for you. Constantly putting your needs and priorities on the back burner isn’t healthy at all.

4. We’re afraid of being thought of as selfish. Most people care what others think and many, perhaps, a little too much. Although it’s normal to desire to be thought of as a good, decent, and caring person, too many people feel they must bend over backwards to prove it. This kind of thinking is unhealthy. It reeks of desperation and only attracts users and abusers who’ll only bleed you dry of time, energy, resources, and self-esteem.

Remember the verse in the song, “Self-Esteem” by The Offspring? The verse that quotes, “the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care…yeeah…”

Nooo! What it does is puts others under the impression that you’re a simp.

(continued in part 2…)

All About Self-Respect

Self-respect- it sounds good- it’s so pleasing to the ears. But! It’s hard as heck to master and sometimes takes a lifetime to develop, especially if you’ve ever been a target of bullying and abuse.

When we’re bullied, abused, and gaslighted, it can often compel us to seek approval and do some pretty drastic things to get that approval.

Sadly, many people never attain that golden prize because they’re under the presumption that life’s all about having a truckload of friends, having huge wads of cash, getting all the girls, and having power. They think life’s all about being popular, or pretty, the king of the mountain, or the baddest mother on the block.

These are the bullies- the people who are constantly trying to prove themselves to others. That’s not self-respect. Not even close.

When you have self-respect, none of that stuff interests you and. You don’t feel the need to perform cartwheels and showboat just to prove to the rest of the world that you’re worthy because you could care less what anyone else thinks.

Self-respect means treating yourself like you want others to treat you. Your treatment of yourself is determined by how you allow others to behave toward you and by what you will and will not accept. And it means not settling for anything less than what you know you want and deserve.

Self-respect means taking care of yourself, mind, body, and spirit.

It means know who you are, what you want, what heights you’re capable of, and never doubting what you can achieve. It means refusing to allow bullies and abusers to convince you that you should hate yourself or that you should feel desperate to please, appease, and impress others. It means that the only person you seek approval from is God Himself.

Self-respect means knowing your worth and the value you bring to the lives of others regardless of what a few toxic people may think or have to say. It means holding true to your values, beliefs, and convictions, regardless of whether they’re popular.

It means accepting and embracing everything that is you- your age, sex, race, nationality, creed, body composition, weight, height, looks, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.

Self-respect also means understanding the following:

1.Respect is earned, not freely given. It is not an entitlement! No! Respect is something you must give to get. Understand that everyone has a space to fill, even you. Respect is either mutual or none at all- there’s no in-between. It’s a two-way street. Always!

2. Never show respect that’s not reciprocated. Never respect anyone who doesn’t respect you back because when you do, it’s not self-respect. What it is, is self-abuse.

Anytime you give unreturned respect, it only reeks of desperation and you allow yourself to be a slave, a prisoner, a whipping boy. To put it bluntly, you make yourself somebody’s bitch. You put your value in someone else’s hands and that’s no way to live.

3. Never take the respect you get for granted. Again, respect isn’t something you’re entitled to. It’s not automatic, and to think you’re owed such a commodity without earning it is arrogance. It means you’re a pompous, self-serving, narcissistic turd who’s full of yourself.

4. Just like love, respect is something money can’t buy. It doesn’t matter how much money, power, and prestige you have. If you’re a piece of scum, you’re a piece of scum. And your money is something you can never take with you when you go. Neither can you take your power nor your prestige. We all come into this world naked and naked will we leave it.

5. Know the purpose of respect. Respect has a purpose. It’s there to ensure that humans can live together in safety, peace, and harmony. It isn’t self-serving. It’s meant for the good of all living creatures.

6. Respect is not to be demanded nor afforded through bullying and instilling fear in others. Only gangs and mobsters demand respect- all while giving none in return. These people steal, kill, and destroy the lives of others, then have the chutzpah to demand respect from the very people they harm.

What they don’t realize is this: people may act like they respect them to their faces, but you can bet that once they’re away and out of earshot, people will gather and talk mad trash about them behind their backs. The truth will be known that they’re only self-satisfied pieces of crap who think they’re entitled. And people will call them exactly what they are and laugh at them in secret.

7. Sometimes, respect is something you must stand up and fight for. There are toxic people everywhere- users, abusers, bullies, and people who think they’re superior and that you’re their personal property. They will try to manipulate you, disrespect you, harass you, and violate your boundaries. They will especially do this if you’re young and aren’t experienced enough to know how the world operates. It’s imperative that you set firm boundaries and walk away from such people.

8. Respect isn’t something you should ever have to ask nor (gasp!) beg for. If you’ve earned it and already give respect, it should come back to you naturally, and if you must ask or beg for it, you’re with the wrong people. Ditch them without looking back. Respect yourself enough to walk away and find people who will value and respect you.

Remember that respect is a give and take. No one is entitled to it, it must be earned. In order to get respect, you must give it, and that includes giving it to yourself too.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Reasons That Being a People-Pleaser is so Bad for You

 

As I’ve said before, many targets of bullying become people-pleasers because they’ve been brainwashed into believing that if they dare to say no, they’ll only get hurt and many times, saying no has gotten them just that- hurt! Therefore, they’re deathly afraid to assert themselves.

Targets of bullying quickly become used to having to cater to others in order to ensure their safety. Sadly, I was in that same situation for a few years when I was young. It’s a hell of a way to live and it’s akin to being held hostage. You feel as if you exist only for other people’s purposes, agendas, pleasures, and entertainment; not your own.

As we all know, bullies are people who don’t take no for an answer and this type of attitude comes from their sense of entitlement and superiority. Bullies are notorious for retaliating against anyone who refuses their demands. However, it’s important that you continue to stand firm no matter what it costs.

It’s better to be hated by others than to hate yourself because you caved into someone else’s unreasonable demands. Realize that no one can make your time and your needs a priority but you!

So, why is being a people-pleaser so bad for you? Here are your answers:

1.Constantly putting other’s needs before your own leaves you feeling stressed, exhausted, miserable, and controlled!

 2. You’re never free to pursue your own interests because people are constantly haranguing you for favors.

 3. You have no time for yourself.

 4. Your productivity goes down because your time is limited by other people’s priorities.

 5. Your relationships suffer because people lose respect for you.

 6. It erodes your confidence and self-esteem.

 Realize that most people have their own self-interests in mind. I want you to understand that you are the only person responsible for seeing to it that your needs get met. No one else can do that for you.

Charity always begins at home. You can’t run yourself ragged trying to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.

Always remember that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!