Tag: stress

3 Ways Living in Survival Mode Robs You of Personal Power

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Living in survival mode can make for a hellish life. Sadly, many targets of bullying go through day-to-day life surviving instead of thriving. Not only can it have an impact on your successes with your family, relationships, and opportunities, it can affect your mental and physical health as well.

Personal power isn’t only essential to personal freedom, but also the last vestige of power we have. Without it, we’re completely powerless. So, what are the ways that being in survival mode can rob you of your personal power?

1. It exhausts you both physically and mentally.

And when you’re exhausted, you’re only running on fumes. You need extra sleep and have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. You go into work or school at 8am dreading the day. Your butt drags around like an old, tired dog. You have zero energy, and you constantly feel sluggish. Living off raw adrenaline every day is never good and can cause health problems, such as autoimmune disorders, hypertension, and heart issues.

2. Instead of living, you only exist.

Instead of living a purposeful life, you only go through the motions. You’re being forced by circumstances beyond your control (i.e., bullies and their sycophants) to just get by. You have no chance of reaching your full potential and happiness quotient. And if you feel you can’t reach those levels, you don’t really live.

3. You either don’t have time to think about personal goals or you give up on them altogether.

When you busy living in survival mode, you’ll more than likely give up on your goals. Once you resign yourself, then the goal simply becomes just to survive and get through the day. If you do think about your goals, those goals are only passing thoughts. Or you wish for your goals to materialize.

But here’s the thing about wishing instead of goal setting. Wishing denotes a spirit of lack instead of the spirit of abundance. A spirit of lack only invites more lack to come into your life. Thoughts and feelings become our circumstances. What we think about, if even subconsciously, comes about.

Sadly, getting out of survival mode is a lot easier said than done. So, how do you do it?

Realize that when you’re constantly in survival mode, it usually means that you either live in a toxic environment, work in one, or go to school in one. And where there’s a toxic environment, there are toxic people.

Again, how do you get out of survival mode so you can finally relax and begin to enjoy life?

1. If you can, get out of the environment.

Getting away from the toxic place is a sure-fire way to reduce your stress levels and restore your mental health as well as your personal power. However, some people can’t leave because they have circumstances that prevent them from doing so. So, if you can’t leave, what else can you do?

2. You drawn strength from your faith.

Remember that prayer works. It works wonders.

3. Go for a walk or take a break.

This works wonders as well. Going for a walk or taking a break gives you time away from toxic people and the environment you’re stuck in. Even five minutes of time away can reduce your stress levels. In just doing these things alone, you can exercise your personal power, or what little of it you think you have left. And it feels exhilarating!

Know that you always have a choice, you may not have many of them, but you have at least one choice. Find out what your options are and use them. Only then will you feel a degree of personal freedom and, therefore get out of survival mode, if only temporarily, so that you can finally breathe again.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How I Compensated for Being a Target of Bullying

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So many targets today can easily relate to my story. With that said, I want to tell you that if you are or have been a target of school bullies, you are not alone and, with a little inner work, you will eventually overcome your tormentors just like I did.

I was one of those targets who rebelled against the bullies and fought back. To keep my self-esteem from completely tanking, I dressed my absolute best, but still it was not good enough for me. I wanted to dress like a million bucks for school. Clothes from Walmart weren’t good enough. I had to go to the mall, Cato, Tempo, Maurice’s, or Hollywood’s before I was satisfied. I wasn’t happy unless I was dressed to the nines at school.

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I felt I had to be well dressed because I was still quite a bit insecure inside. I didn’t feel like I was worth anything unless I was dressed to impress. One of the thoughts which consumed me all during high school was how to dress like a fashionista.

It had a lot to do with how poorly I was being treated and I continued to believe that the better I dressed, the better I would be treated although, the exact opposite would occur. It seemed that my attire was arousing even further hatred and contempt.

Nevertheless, I absolutely had to be dressed in the hottest fashions or I just didn’t feel adequate. The more they put me down, the more I would dress up. I felt that my attire provided me with not only a sense of style but also control.

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Some mornings, I’d dress up, look at myself in the mirror and think,

“So they think I am trash? They must be blind. Does this look like trash? I think not! I know I’m hot and they are not going to convince me otherwise!”

Does this sound arrogant? Conceited? Maybe. Does this sound downright narcissistic? Perhaps. Was it the right attitude to have? Both yes and no. My defense was to act conceited, like I didn’t need any of them.

This holier-than-thou attitude, however unattractive it might have been, helped me preserve what little self-esteem and dignity I had. It helped me to keep going when things were at their worst. It helped me to keep from being totally brainwashed and reprogrammed by my evil classmates, unlike a good majority of other bullied targets, who, sadly, weren’t that fortunate!

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I walked around with my nose in the air and refused to speak to any of them. I had a sassy and smart alicky attitude. I was extremely sarcastic and had a snotty disposition. I even laughed at and bullied others to grab back some power. My attitude stunk – period.

Sure. This attitude could’ve easily gotten me hurt or worse had my bullies known for certain about it. A lot of those girls carried knives, especially those who were from families of criminals and ex-cons, families who were dirt poor or just plain loco. Sadly, that was over half of the student body.

I have no doubt that they would not have thought twice about whipping a blade out and slicing my face with it if they could have gotten me in the right place and I would have had to wear it for life.

However, this arrogance I often displayed was the only way I knew to stay strong and to maintain a little bit of power. I was only a teenager and had not yet fully developed the concrete thinking skills nor the processing ability to handle my situation more objectively. Back then, I was a slave to my emotions and I let them guide me in how I handled people and situations.

Also, I was under a tremendous amount of stress and had been for the last three years. And when anyone, even the most logical and rational person is under a large amount of stress that lasts over a long period of time; memory, emotional regulation, and ability to maintain positive relationships are negatively affected. Therefore, neurologically, I had two strikes against me- a double-whammy.

From the sixth grade, up until I left Oakley, I was constantly in survival mode due to being bullied and had to be in order to protect my personal well-being. To even make it to graduation, I had to be hyper-vigilant to be safe. You must understand that when you are a target of vicious bullies, it is as if you constantly have a target on your back. You are a marked person and you learn very quickly to grow eyes in the back of your head.

And it’s no way to live. Please feel free to comment on your experiences and what you did to cope.

5 Differences Between a Happy Life and a Crappy Life

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Let’s face it, most people aren’t happy. Rare is the person who is happy. Believe it or not, most people live crappy lives and it’s the reason why rates of depression and suicide are so high. It’s also the reason we have so many people who have anger issues and who only know how to use violence to get their needs met- it’s the reason we have so many bullies and abusers running around terrorizing people.

With bullies, using fear and force to coerce others is the only way they can feel in control. Without their targets to push around, bullies would have to take stock of their own lives and admit that they’ve lost control over their circumstances.

Many targets also live crappy lives because they try to put on a fake persona to keep from being bullied and only achieve the exact opposite. Or they stop believing in themselves because others have discouraged and beaten them down for so long. They may also hang onto lowlife people they should let go of just to keep from being alone.

So, what kind of life would you like to live, a happy life or a crappy life?

Naturally, you would choose the former. Naturally, we all want to live a happy life. However, the sad thing is, not everyone knows how and because they don’t know how to go about achieving happiness, most people stay stuck on autopilot. So, let’s break it down.

What does it mean to live a happy life? And what does it mean to live a crappy life?

Here goes:

1. To live a happy life means to walk away from people who are not healthy for you. It means turning your back on people who subtly abuse you and who only use you to get something from you. It means saying goodbye to those who only come around when they want or need something. In short it means ditching the people who don’t value you and finding better people who will.

To live a crappy life means putting up with people who aren’t healthy for you. It means letting abusers and users stay in your life and continue to use and abuse you. It means not having the guts to tell these people to take a hike because you’re afraid of being alone and friendless. It means tolerating people who only come around when they want something and when they do, giving them what they want freely, while wishing and hoping to the heavens that they will see your value.

But here’s a newsflash! They won’t as long as you don’t value yourself enough to confront them and tell them to step off. And even then, they may never value you but wouldn’t you much rather do bad by yourself rather then put up with those who haven’t earned the time of day from you, much less your love and respect?

2. To live a happy life depends on how you spend your free time. It means spending your leisure time doing the things that you enjoy- making time for play. It also means using it to grow yourself- by exercising and getting healthy, by reading books and learning something to grow your brain and expand your mind. It means focusing on your hobbies and interests. It also means working on your goals.

 A happy life won’t just fall into your lap. You must create your own happiness.

To live a crappy life means to sit on your butt and watch TV all afternoon. Some TV isn’t bad and can be enjoyable. But when watching TV is all you do, you get sedentary, you get lazy, and you get stagnant. Living a crappy life also means refusing to learn anything. I know people who hate to read and therefore, stay stuck because they don’t learn anything new. I also know people who don’t have goals, hobbies, nor interests. And it all makes for a boring life. Also, because they don’t have those things, these people tend to get into trouble with the law- they may go out and get drunk or high because they’re so bored. It only sets them on a path to misery and destruction.

3. To live a happy life means being yourself and owning your quirks and flaws. It means speaking your truth even if others resent you for it. It also means owning your emotions, the good and the bad ones, instead of burying them. It also means making fun of yourself when you fall on your keister from time to time.

To live a crappy life means to be someone you aren’t. It means being a fake, a fraud, an imposter. And what’s so bad about being a fake person is that you’re constantly on high alert and constantly working hard to make sure that mask doesn’t fall off. And that’s a stressful way to live. It also means to not own your emotions. For instance, someone does something to really tick you off and when others ask you how you are, you lie and tell them you’re just fine. You also try to disguise your body language and facial expressions to match your words. Rarely does that fool anyone as micro-expressions will give you away to the trained eye. Again, it’s too much work and it’s work for nothing!

It never pays to be too serious because it cannot only cause unneeded stress, it can cause serious health consequences down the road. This will only pile more crap on top of the heap you’re already dealing with.

4. To live a happy life depends on the way you do things. It means working smart and not hard. It means taking your time and doing whatever it is that you’re doing right.

To live a crappy life also depends on how you do things. It means working hard and not smart. It means rushing through whatever you’re doing and taking a chance on fouling it up and having to start again.

5. To live a happy life, you must count your blessings. This can be doggone hard to do sometimes, I understand. Things go wrong, plans don’t work out, and it can be difficult to see the silver lining when it seems your world is upside down. And I’ll let you in on a little secret- even I struggle with this sometimes. Like you, I can get into a real funk too. But we must count blessings when we think about it so that life won’t seem as dismal.

To live a crappy life, you only see the glass as half-empty and life as one big hell-pit. I had this kind of attitude years ago and it only made things worse for me. Oh, man, did I have a funky attitude. You wouldn’t have wanted to know me back then.

Before closing this post, I want to warn you that being happy doesn’t mean that everything is all peaches and cream. Even happy people have days when they don’t feel so good and days when things go wrong. Being happy doesn’t mean having a perfect life. It doesn’t mean living in zippity do-da land.

Again, what being happy really means is being authentic, growing in mind, body, and spirit, and it means having a purpose and goals to work toward. It also means allowing yourself time for play and relaxation. In a nutshell, being happy means being true to yourself and everything about you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Worrying About the Future Only Stops You from Enjoying Life in the Present

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There’s a reason why I make it a point never to worry until it’s time to worry. What’s going to happen will happen, and I refuse to worry about things that haven’t occurred yet- and may never come to pass.

Too many people worry needlessly, which is why we had the stock market drop and the numerous closings and shortages of necessities back in March 2020 when COVID first hit. Was and is COVID something to be concerned about? Absolutely! But was and is it something to panic over. No.

The COVID crisis is just an example. But even before the crisis, people worried needlessly.

“Oh, my God! My girlfriend is going to leave me!”

“My boss is mad at me! I’m going to get fired!”

“My grandmother is 89 years old! Oh, no! She’s going to die soon!”

“Oh, no! We have a thunderstorm, so a tornado is likely to hit!

“I’m afraid to drive a car because I could have an accident and die!”

“My kid is not studying! He’s going to make bad grades!”

“Oh, no! China is mad at us and is likely to invade us!”

There’s nothing wrong with being concerned over something if there’s a threat. But to freak out over it as if it’s going to end the world doesn’t help matters any.

No one is saying that you should put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything’s peachy king because to go to the opposite extreme is just as dangerous. But never should we run out and buy a five-year supply of toilet paper. There’s a middle ground that we should stay in.

Studies show that over half the things we incessantly worry about never end up coming true. So, again. Should we worry excessively?

Understand that excessive worry only stops us from being able to think clearly and blocks our ability to make good choices and decisions. If we’re too worried, we’re more likely to make the wrong decisions to try and contain a perceived threat. Also, it lessens our capacity to focus on real problems.

But if we lessen our worry, we’re more likely to come up with better solutions to our problems.

And the best part is, if we train ourselves not to worry excessively, we’ll have more happiness and peace of mind.

So relax. Live in the moment and be present in it.  Enjoy the good times while they’re here.