It Never Pays to be a People Pleaser

Grovel in business, employee sucking up to the boss

To gain acceptance, too many people think that they have to give more of themselves than what is necessary.

Moreover, they feel they must bend over backwards and go out of their way to make others value them. Others have conditioned them to believe that they must be someone other than themselves to win approval from others.

Sadly, most bully targets hold these beliefs.

“If only I was ten pounds thinner and had long, flowing hair, maybe my friends would like me”

“Maybe if I had bought front row tickets to the game, concert, etc. instead of regular tickets, he would love me.”

“If only I made a 4.0 instead of a 3.99, my family would be proud of me.”

“Maybe I should have bought her a dozen roses instead of a half-dozen, then she would love me.”

“Maybe if I worked sixteen hours a day instead of twelve, then my boss and coworkers would like me.”

Notice that these people already put in lots of effort and others don’t thank them for it. Or worse, they don’t even acknowledge it. Some of these scenarios may be a little exaggerated, but you get the point.

Man down on the floor kissing someone's feet, concept of people pleasing and sucking up

People-pleasing never works. It only produces the opposite of your desired result!

Therefore, anytime you sacrifice your own needs to please others and score approval, the exact opposite happens. People do not respect a people-pleaser. If anything, they look down on the person with a mixture of disgust, pity and hilarity.

In the minds of others, the pleaser is a pathetic case. The person is eager to kiss butt in his weak attempts to win friends. Also, the more the person gives of themselves at their own expense, the worse others treat him. Why? Because to others, they are ripe for using and abusing. There is nothing more pathetic than someone who simps for approval.

Think of the song, “Self-esteem” by The Offspring and if you haven’t heard it, hop onto YouTube and give it a listen.

People-pleasers only attract predators into their lives while repelling good, quality people of class and decency. Additionally, human predators have a spidey sense when it comes to picking out those who are weak and approval-seeking.

Toadying man

Don’t be a simp!

If you are a simp (derogatory word for people-pleaser), predatory people will see you coming a mile away. Also, they will bleed you dry of resources, time and worse…confidence and happiness.

You must give these people the boot and do it FAST! Because they suck the life out of you and by the time you realize you’ve been had, it will more than likely be too late. Your confidence and self-esteem will already be shot and you will have to work like hell to get to know yourself again and get it all back.

I want you to know that it’s perfectly okay to want friends- to want positive connections with other people. Human beings are social creatures and we all want that. However, no one should have to eat crap in order to achieve it.

Boy pointing to his butt that has a red lip print on it Concept of kiss my ass

You can say “NO” if you don’t want to do something.

It’s okay to put your foot down and tell someone to get lost anytime they use and/or abuse you.

Also, you can speak up when something does not feel good.

You can have your own opinions and beliefs.

And you don’t have to put yourself out on a limb to please someone else.

You do NOT have to be a doormat! Start today by being true to yourself. If something does not feel good, there’s no law that says you must go along with it.

Quote, "Saying no means yes to your rights"

After you stop people-pleasing, expect backlash and handle it accordingly.

However, be warned. The users you have been associating with will not like the change in you. They have been benefiting from your willingness to suck-up for so long and the last thing they want is for those benefits to stop.

They will resort to calling you “selfish” or “stingy”, among other names. Also, they will accuse you of being self-centered and all about yourself. They will lay all kinds of guilt trips on you. They will do everything in their power to make you look and feel like the lowest form of life on the face of the earth!

But don’t fall for it. No matter what others may say or how they may act toward you, you must hold firm. Instead of people-pleasing, begin asserting yourself. You must make the decision that you will no longer be used or abused by these people! Tell them to take a flying leap and mean it!

Give them the old heave-ho! You do not need them in your life! You have to love yourself enough to walk away!

A name sticker that reads, "Hello, I am a... SUCK-UP!"

be willing to discard these users if you must.

I can guarantee that once you have the courage to kick the garbage out of your life, you will attract better people, who will love you not for what you can do for them, but for just being you. You will have more loving, productive and fulfilling relationships!

Best of all, you will feel so much better about yourself…you will be so happy and at peace. It happened for me and it can happen for you too.

You must take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies, Psychopathy, Ego, and Moral Superiority

Bullies have low self-esteem, and they love to project their self-esteem issues onto other people. Bullies also have unrealistic negative views of the morals of their targets and unrealistic opposite views of their own morals. Bullies will also end friendships with friends, even life-long friends, who dare to have positive associations with their targets.

Many bullies love to virtue signal and trumpet their own “moral superiority,’ especially over their targets. Many bullies become social justice warriors and moral crusaders, which is all for show.

They purposefully bring up offensive topics and attack others, especially their targets, over differences of values, convictions, and opinions. Realize that the feeling of moral superiority feels good- it feels empowering. Virtue signaling and moral crusading are all done out of low self-esteem and to prove something.

The unwritten message is, “Hey! Look at me! I’m fighting for justice, so, I’m not such a bad person after all!” Bullies will say that the world sucks and needs to be changed, to send the message that they’re better than everyone else. In feeling better than everyone else, bullies get to avoid feeling so crappy about themselves.

And they can violate rules and laws because they think they’re exempt from them, but if they ever see you do it, they’re quick to call you out and crucify you for it. Bullies feel that they can do any damn thing they want but nobody else should have that luxury. It’s an example of the self-entitlement and privilege these people think they have the right to bestow on themselves.

Bullies have highly needy egos, and the ego is the source of bullying, abuse, meanness, and hatred. Bullies hate and want to hurt their targets because, in most cases, their targets are antitheses of them. Bullies want to destroy their targets in the delusion that they would feel better afterwards. But we know that they would only feel better for a little while, then they would feel the need to search for another target.

Understand that bullies are psychopaths, and they love only themselves and have no regard for anyone else. Any morality and ethics they claim to have is only a mirage. They and hate any person who dares not to agree with their grandiose views of themselves.

Bullies are masters at faking the good guys. They lie without a conscience, saying anything they think will make them look good in the eyes of others.

They try to look intelligent, and it may work for a little while but eventually, they end up doing something or saying something to reveal their stupidity. Bullies will flip flop, saying one thing now, then saying the opposite later, thinking (or hoping like the devil) that you’ve forgotten what they said the first time.

And when you have the audacity to call them out on their BS, they will throw a real monster of a tantrum and attack you to try and shut you up. Bullies are in constant need of praise. They expect people to uplift their egos and put them on a pedestal.

Bullies are simply hate-filled individuals who put on a farce of being good, upstanding people to win admiration, and with it, raw power.

When targets learn the tactics of these ego-driven psychopaths, only then will they be able to take back their personal power and send these bullying creeps packing!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

3 Differences Between Being Kind and Kissing Booty

Be kind, yes. But being kind doesn’t mean you have to kiss booty. Too many people seem to think that kindness is weakness. This distortion of thinking comes from the assumption that being kind equals kissing booty. Let me dispel these myths right now. Kindness is not weakness and it doesn’t mean kissing butt.

Understand that when people make these generalizations, they do it for two reasons:

1. As an excuse not to be kind.

2. Because they’ve been taught these types of things by abusive parents and family members, or by bullies.

Again, kindness isn’t weakness nor is it kissing booty. With that said, let’s distinguish between the two. What’s the difference between being kind and kissing butt? Here are your answers:

1. Being kind comes from confidence. Confident people extend kindness because they’re confident and they know they don’t have to be unkind. When a person is kind, they have confidence in both themselves and in others.

Kissing booty comes from insecurity and a lack of confidence. The intentions of kissing butt are never pure.. People kiss butt out of fear and insecurity.

2. Being kind comes from having pure intentions. People who extend true kindness expect nothing in return. Just the notion that they’ve made someone smile is the rewards they get. Being kind is being true.

Kissing booty comes from ulterior motives. People kiss butt either to get out of trouble and escape accountability, or they do because they want something from the “booty-kissee,”

Many times, people kiss butt for acceptance and approval, favor, and special treatment. They do it because they expect to benefit, whether socially, psychologically, or materially. Kissing booty is being manipulative.

3. Being kind also means being kind to yourself. Kind people are kind to themselves too. What this means is that, that they know that they can be kind to others without taking any crap from them. Truly kind people have boundaries. They don’t extend kindness at their own expense. Being kind is a virtue.

Kissing booty can mean being a doormat. A person who kisses butt has no boundaries and may put up with bad treatment from the people he kisses up to. He’s willing to sacrifice his dignity and self-respect just to get the benefits he’s after. Sadly, this kind of person usually gets shafted and then laughed at. Because most people have no respect for him, not even the people he kowtows to. Kissing booty is pathetic!

You’ll put up with shoddy treatment, all for the safe of getting that benefit you’re seeking by sucking up. And the harsh truth is that you may not get that benefit anyway. Some people are only good for reneging once you’ve served your purpose. Then you’ll only look and feel like a real tool. And you know what? That’s exactly what you are- a tool.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you learn the difference in the two, that way you’ll better be able to extend kindness and, at the same time, protect yourself from being used.

With knowledge comes empowerment!