The Psychological Benefits Bullies Reap at the Target’s Expense

Bullies aren’t just a pain in the butt; they’re power-hungry confidence thieves who can wreak havoc on your life if you aren’t careful. Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does or says anything without some sort of psychological benefit.

Bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power – bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Anytime a bully takes a victim down, they get a tremendous rush of power and become addicted to that rush. This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more.

It’s no different from being a drug addict. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while, so the bully must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

For example, when name-calling and verbal abuse of the target lose the thrill they once gave and begin to get boring, bullies will often escalate to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a drug addict builds a drug tolerance and begins taking higher doses.

2. Popularity – Bullies bully because people think it’s cool or cute. Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility from others.

3. Superiority – Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength and sends a message to those around him that he’s a badass, and they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s a top dog.

4. Attention and Sympathy – if the bully can make the targeted student look like the bad guy, he gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give him.

5. Distraction from their own shortcomings – Bullies are experts at making the target look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to the victim’s flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects and imperfections. Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

6. Projection of their own flaws onto someone else – Bullies have a flare for accusing their targets of the same deplorable behavior of which they are guilty. If the bully can make the target look like the bully, then the real bully can go unpunished and continue to attack the victim freely and with impunity. Again, it also takes the focus off his own misdeeds.

7. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing the target suffer – Bullies love to see their targets suffer. For the bully, the victim’s misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. Just know they can determine how the target feels and how their day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them.

Non-Verbal Tactics Bullies Use to Violate Their Targets

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.

1. They lean against the victim’s desk, office doorway, car, etc. Anytime we lean against something, we stake a claim to or show ownership of that object.

How you handle it is to tell the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk (car, etc.)”

Macho man standing crossed arms near luxury open top car in tropical resort isometric image vector illustration

2. The bully will sit in the other person’s chair. Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair.

3. The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc. Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Don’t ignore it, and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

When I was in school, I saw a bully walk up to a table of freshman boys during lunch and pluck a French fry from one of the ninth grade boy’s plates before popping it into his mouth without even asking.

It was clear that the bully was challenging the boy. The message was,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into their victim’s homes without knocking.

I remember going on a school trip and finding out that my bullies had gone through my luggage and stolen fifty dollars, a dress, and jewelry from me while I was out of the room. Because there were so many bullies, it was difficult for me to confront the thief. Though I had a pretty good idea who stole my belongings, I couldn’t prove she took them!

Understand that bullies will claim ownership of your space and your property, which only means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Bullies will violate your personal space. Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenging you, or attempting to provoke a fight. Do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

The more you know!

The Body Language of Bullies: Dominance, Superiority, and Hostility

Bullies always display these types of body language, especially around their targets.

Dominance and Superiority Body LanguageBullies take up lots of space to appear bigger. You will often see bullies place their hands on their hips and stand extra tall.

They will often stand extra close to their targets– so close that they will sometimes touch them as they deliberately invade the target’s personal space. They do this to intimidate them.

Bullies will also frown and purse their lips at the target while maintaining unblinking and unwavering eye contact (boring their eyes into their target like a dagger) without moving their heads.

They will freely touch their targets because they have no regard for their personal space. For example, a bully may give the target a hard slap on the back or grab the target by the arm and lead them where they want them to go. A bully may also physically move the target to the side or shove past him/her.

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space

Understand that the bully intends to show the target who’s in charge or to compete with him. The bully may also do these things to signal ownership of the target. Yes, in the bully’s mind, he owns you if you’re a target. The message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

If the target is sitting, the bully or bullies will often stand over him to look bigger and more intimidating. Bullies who are short in stature will often stand on something to appear taller than their victims. Some may stand on their tiptoes.

Bullies will also lay claim to a territory (desks, spaces, parking spaces) and expect others to obey rules when near the claimed area or object.

Other ways of Invading the target’s space and claiming ownership – bullies may walk into the target’s room, office, or home uninvited and without knocking. They may sit in the victim’s chair without asking permission.

Other invasions include leaning on the target’s vehicle, parking in their parking spaces, cutting in front of them in line, or propping their feet on the back of the target’s chair when sitting behind them (I had a group of girls do that to me in school, and it was unnerving).

Understand that bullies crave control and do these things to take away the target’s power.

Bullies also put their hands on the target’s personal belongings with a carefree attitude. But know that the message the bully is sending the target is this. “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

Here is a classic often seen. Bullies may walk up to the target’s table during lunch, pick a French fry off their plate in front of them, and pop it in their mouths. They may pick up the target’s fork and take a bite of their food.

Bullies may also pick up the target’s phone and began scrolling through the contents. Bullies will even rummage through the target’s purse or pick up the target’s jacket and go through the pockets. The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

Another way bullies invade territory is to walk in the center of a hallway or sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them. Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road and driveway or take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait. They may also stand in the middle of a crowd or center of a room.

Bullies also show dominance by how they dress or the car they drive.

Do Not Ignore This. Always make yourself powerful as well.

dreamstime_s_26260615

If a bully violates your space or belongings, always call them out on it. Never let it happen without asserting yourself. If a bully stares you down, always return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

Dress your best and look your best. This shows that you take pride in how you look and conveys confidence. It also helps you to feel better. When we look better, we also feel better!

Hostility Body Language – Bullies may look at their target while pinching their chin. The pinching of the jaw is used to release the hostile thoughts without acting on them– it is a way to hold back the urge to physically attack the target.

Understand that when a bully looks at you and pinches any part of the face, this signals the bully’s secret wish to harm you.

Another sign of hostility as when a bully looks at their target, then pounds a fist into a tabletop, wall, or the palm of his/her opposite hand. Any object the bully pounds is only a substitute for the victim’s physical body.

Girls and women will often bite their lip, suck on the inside of their jaw or chew the inside of the mouth while looking at their target.

Bullies also show hostility by sizing up their target. They size you up by directly facing you, clinching their fists and puffing out their chests.

Male bullies will snarl at their victims, whereas female bullies will glare at their targets with dirty looks. Clenching a jaw where the jaw is protruding outward is another sign of hostile intentions.

Bullies often glare at their targets persistently and intensely without blinking. Their faces turn red, and they will often stretch. These are sure signs that a bully wants to physically attack you and they will do it soon. Again. Do not ignore this!

Non-Verbal Ways Bullies Violate Their Targets

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Most seasoned bullies seek to intimidate others by nonverbal means. Why? Because nonverbal bullying is subtle and least likely to be detected.

This type of bullying can occur either at school or in the workplace. Here are a few such subtleties.

1. They lean against the victim’s desk, office doorway, car, etc. Anytime we lean against something, we stake a claim to or show ownership of that object.

How you handle it is to tell the bully point blank and in a stern voice,
“Get off my desk!”

Narcissist

2. The bully will sit in the other person’s chair. Again, any chair you sit in, you non-verbally lay claim to.

Address it by telling the person in no uncertain terms to unseat your chair.

3. The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off of the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc. Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to.

The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.”

Don’t ignore it and don’t be quiet about it. Open your mouth and tell the creep to keep his hands off your stuff.

bullying

When I was in school, I saw a bully walk up to a table of freshman boys during lunch and pluck a French fry from one of the ninth grade boy’s plates before popping it into his mouth without even asking.

It was clear that the bully was challenging the boy. The message was,

“I just took a piece of your lunch. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Female bullies will often go through their target’s purses or jacket pockets or flip through their notebooks, yearbooks, or diaries. I’ve also heard of bullies walking into their victim’s homes without knocking.

I remember going on a school trip and finding out that my bullies had gone through my luggage and stolen fifty dollars, a dress, and jewelry from me while I was out of the room. Because there were so many bullies, it was difficult for me to confront the thief. Though I had a pretty good idea who stole my belongings, I couldn’t prove she took them!

Vector prohibiting palm

Understand that bullies will claim ownership to your space and your property, which only means that they believe they own YOU!

4. Bullies will violate your personal space. Bullies are notorious for getting too close.

Understand that when the bully gets in your face or looms you from behind, he is either trying to intimidate you, dominate you, challenging you, or attempting to provoke a fight. Do what you have to do. Tell this idiot to back the hell up!

Understand that these types of bullies have unlimited audacity, and they do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never ignore them or allow yourself to be intimidated because these kinds of folks will only increase the behavior if you do.

The more you know!

Psychological Benefits Bullies Reap at The Target’s Expense

narcissist

Bullies aren’t just a pain in the butt, they’re power-hungry confidence thieves who can wreak havoc on your life if you aren’t careful. Understand that the laws of human nature dictate that no one does or says anything without some sort of psychological benefit.

Bullies reap several benefits at your expense if you’re a target. Here is a list of those benefits:

1. A sense of power – bullies bully for power, control, and domination. Anytime a bully takes a victim down, they get a tremendous rush of power and become addicted to that rush. This is why bullies never bully once. They always come back for more.

It’s no different from being a drug addict. The evil actions, cruelty, and power become a drug in and of themselves.

Also, as with any drug, the same tactics, and frequency of bullying lose their potency after a while, so the bully must escalate the torment to keep getting the rush they crave.

bully

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

For example, when name-calling and verbal abuse of the target lose the thrill they once gave and begin to get boring, bullies will often escalate to either cruel pranks, humiliation, or physical assault and battery to keep getting the rush they look for. It’s the same as when a drug addict builds a tolerance to a drug and begins taking higher doses.

2. Popularity – Bullies bully because people think it’s cool or cute. Bullying gives the bully lots of attention and visibility from others.

3. Superiority – Bullying gives the bully an appearance of strength and also sends a message to those around him that he’s a badass, and they’d be a fool to mess with him. The bully also gives the appearance that he’s a top dog.

4. Attention and Sympathy – if the bully can make the targeted student look like the bad guy, he then gets to enjoy the attention and bask in the sympathy others give him.

bullying

Vector illustration of thenar, hand with lettering bullying, intimidate, bully, cow, browbeat, bluff, daunt. Social media poster. Society problem from Internet

5. Distraction from their own shortcomings – Bullies are experts at making the target look weak and pathetic. If the bully can distract everyone else’s attention to the victim’s flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings, he can keep the spotlight off his own defects and imperfections. Because if people expect to see trouble coming from a specific place, that’s where they’re going to look.

6. Projection of their own flaws onto someone else – Bullies have a flare for accusing their targets of the same deplorable behavior of which they are guilty. If the bully can make the target look like the bully, then the real bully can go unpunished and continue to attack the victim freely and with impunity. Again, it also takes the focus off his own misdeeds.

7. The satisfaction and gratification of seeing the target suffer – Bullies love to see their targets suffer. For the bully, the victim’s misery is entertainment and gives them a rush of power. Just know they can determine how the target feels and how their day goes gives them a feeling of dominance.

Don’t give them the satisfaction. Be a waste of time and energy to them.

The Benefits of Not Belonging to Any Clique

dreamstime_s_66626028

Too many people put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure you that you’re not defined by whether or not they are a member of one, and why you’re so much better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, club, or group, there are restrictions that come with it, one of which is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle.

More often than not, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider”, that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members. In my experience, it just wasn’t and still isn’t worth being prevented from meeting new and possibly interesting and awesome people.

Also, by not belonging to a clique, you are afforded the freedom to think freely. When you are a member of a circle, your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions will most likely have to be the same as those in your group. If they aren’t, you risk being kicked out and/or worse, bullied.

dreamstime_s_20790057

Any unwritten rule that forbids you to associate with anyone outside of a group is utter hogwash! There is no reason why you should not be able to associate with anyone you choose. Also, no two people are the same and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs and attitudes. Do what makes YOU happy. Stop trying to please or impress your “friends”. Because if you have to suppress yourself in order to have or keep friends, then these people are not friends.

Therefore, never allow a clique, or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people, who might someday prove to be wonderful assets to your life!

And never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”

The Body Language of Bullies: Dominance, Superiority, and Hostility

portrait

portrait of concerned about the problems girl. Studio shot

Bullies always display these types of body language, especially around their targets.

Dominance and Superiority Body LanguageBullies take up lots of space to appear bigger. You will often see bullies place their hands on their hips and stand extra tall.

They will often stand extra close to their targets– so close that they will sometimes touch them as they deliberately invade the target’s space. They do this to intimidate them.

Bullies will also frown and purse their lips at the target while maintaining unblinking and unwavering eye contact (boring their eyes into their target like a dagger) without moving their heads.

They will freely touch their targets because they have no regard for their personal space. For example, a bully may give the target a hard slap on the back or grab the target by the arm and lead them where they want them to go. A bully may also physically move the target to the side or shove past him/her.

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space. Selective focus

Understand that the bully intends to show the target who’s in charge or to compete with him. The bully may also do these things to signal ownership of the target. Yes, in the bully’s mind, he owns you if you’re a target. The message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

If the target is sitting, the bully or bullies will often stand over him to look bigger and more intimidating. Bullies who are short in stature will often stand on something to appear taller than their victims. Some may stand on their tiptoes.

Bullies will also lay claim to a territory (desks, spaces, parking spaces) and expect others to obey rules when near the claimed area or object.

Other ways of Invading the target’s space and claiming ownership – bullies may walk into the target’s room, office or home uninvited and without knocking. They may sit in the victim’s chair without asking permission.

Other invasions include leaning on the target’s vehicle, parking in their parking spaces, cutting in front of them in line or propping their feet on the back of the target’s chair when sitting behind them (I had a group of girls do that to me in school, and it was unnerving).

Understand that bullies crave control and do these things to take away the target’s power.

Bullies also put their hands on the target’s personal belongings with a carefree attitude. But know that the message the bully is sending the target is this. “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

Female Track Competitors Glaring at Each Other

Here is a classic often seen. Bullies may walk up to the target’s table during lunch, pick a French fry off their plate in front of them and pop it in their mouths. They may pick up the target’s fork and take a bite of their food.

Bullies may also pick up the target’s phone and began scrolling through the contents. Bullies will even rummage through the target’s purse or pick up the target’s jacket and go through the pockets. The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

Other ways bullies invade territory is to walk in the center of a hallway or sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them. Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road and driveway or take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait. They may also stand in the middle of a crowd or center of a room.

Bullies also show dominance by how they dress or the car they drive.

dreamstime_s_26260615

Do Not Ignore This. Always make yourself powerful as well.

If a bully violates your space or belongings, always call them out on it. Never let it happen without asserting yourself. If a bully stares you down, always return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

Dress your best and look your best. This shows that you take pride in how you look and conveys confidence. It also helps you to feel better. When we look better, we also feel better!

Hostility Body Language – Bullies may look at their target while pinching their chin. The pinching of the jaw is used to release the hostile thoughts without acting on them– it is a way to hold back the urge to physically attack the target.

Understand that when a bully looks at you and pinches any part of the face, this signals the bully’s secret wish to harm you.

Another sign of hostility as when a bully looks at their target, then pounds a fist into a tabletop, wall or the palm of his/her opposite hand. Any object the bully pounds is only a substitute for the victim’s physical body.

Girls and women will often bite their lip, suck on the inside of their jaw or chew the inside of the mouth while looking at their target.

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Bully boy teasing into camera, expressing aggression, POV victim of bullying

Bullies also show hostility by sizing up their target. They size you up by directly facing you, clinching their fists and puffing out their chests.

Male bullies will snarl at their victims, whereas female bullies will glare at their targets with dirty looks. Clenching a jaw where the jaw is protruding outward is another sign of hostile intentions.

Bullies often glare at their targets persistently and intensely without blinking. Their faces turn red, and they will often stretch. These are sure signs that a bully wants to physically attack you and they will do it soon. Again. Do not ignore this!