Tag: toxic learning environment

Bullied Kids Embracing the Suck

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Embracing The Suck

Life circumstances can sometimes trap young targets of bullying in a school that hates them. It’s easier to get out of a toxic environment when you’re an adult target bullied at work. you can transfer, and if you can’t transfer, you can always quit. However, when you’re a minor, it’s almost impossible. What if your family cannot afford to move to a new school district? Also, what if your parents refuse to move or to transfer you? What if your parents can’t afford to home-school you?

There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a toxic environment and in a horrible situation. When everyone in the school is bullying you and there’s no way of escaping it, it’s the feeling of entrapment! Just imagine finding yourself in this situation and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it! You can’t get away from it! You’re just stuck there!

So, What Do You Do?

You embrace the suck. Embracing the suck means that you just grin and bear it. You just accept the god-awful, crappy mess that plagues your life because there’s no other choice. In other words, you’re just plain screwed and there’s no way out of it. You decide to live with it and  make peace with the possibility that things may not get any better. And yes, it sucks!

Sadly, targeted kids are stuck in schools with a toxic culture of bullying. Other classmates attack these kids daily. They attack them psychologically and physically. Teachers and principals view these children unfavorably because bullies have them convinced that the targets are the instigators. Therefore, school staff are constantly watching these young targets, waiting for a reason to drag them into the principal’s office.

These kids suffer from plummeting grades and poor school performance because circumstances force them to live in survival mode. Why? Because preparing for a hostile learning environment takes priority over studying and learning. Therefore, school staff see them as lazy and hopeless and refuse to give them the extra help they need.

Gee! That’s an awful lot of suck!

And how much suck can one child deal with?

Understand that if you’re a child dealing with these types of circumstance, you don’t have to just “embrace the suck.” There’s always School Choice. Nowadays, families can apply for vouchers that allow them to transfer their child to a new school. These vouchers have saved countless targets from years of toxicity. Also, there are other things you can do if, by chance, School Choice isn’t an option where you live:

  • document the bullying and have your parent or legal guardian help you with your documentation.
  • Also, depending on the jurisdiction you live in, hide a body cam or digital device in your backpack or on your person.
  • Thirdly, practice self-care.

And keep the faith. School Choice may not be available in your area now but it doesn’t mean it won’t be later.

You are not completely powerless. Do the above three things because they are the things you have control over. When you document and record the bullying, and practice self-care, not only is it probable that you’ll change the dynamic, but you’ll feel so much better about yourself. You will also feel that you have, at least, some control.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

School Choice- A Godsend for Bullied Kids!

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School Choice is an absolute must for bullied children and teens. Without it, targets would be stuck in a school that hates them. They’d be trapped in a cycle of bullying and abuse with no way to escape. Also, the bullies would be even further emboldened because they would know that their targets couldn’t get away.

It’s a dark side of human nature that, if bullies know you’re trapped, they have a strong sense of glee and become more brazen. Then there’s no limit to how far they’ll take the abuse.

School choice would give kids the right to choose the school they want to attend regardless of their zip code. However, as of now, many bullied kids are trapped in toxic learning environments. They are stuck in schools, where their cries for help go ignored by school officials. Moreover, these adults only refuse to acknowledge that they have a culture of bullying at their beloved schools.

They sweep incidences of bullying under the rug and hide evidence of bullying (like camera footage) from parents. Also, they take sides with the bullies, blaming targeted kids for abuse they suffer at the hands of their classmates.

School choice would allow a bullied child easier transfer. Yet Teacher’s Unions are dead set against it. But why?

Here are a few reasons:

1. Teachers and schools get funding for each child in attendance per day.

2. Teachers Unions want to monopolize students and don’t want the competition. School Choice would give schools and teachers competition for students, and therefore, state funds. Money does corrupt.

3. Bullying teachers and school officials may not admit it, but they don’t want to lose their power and control over bullied children. And if these children start switching schools, bullying school officials will no longer have power over these kids. Therefore, they will need to search for other targets even if they must eat their own.

school bullying

Every child deserves the right to attend a school in which they feel safe, a school that values them as human beings. They deserve to attend a school where they can finally have dignity and respect. And they deserve to learn in an environment where they can grow and flourish without any disruptions.

There are entirely too many special interest groups who wish to squash school choice. They would rather monopolize our children and grandchildren. Again, this is all about having power over bullied kids and lining their pockets. It only goes to show that, in the minds of school officials, money and power take priority over the safety and security of children and teens.

This must stop…yesterday!

The Cycle of Bullying, Psychological Injuries, and Psychological Care of The Target

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Imagine this scenario: A young boy or girl is a target of bullying at their school. Every morning, they arrive at school and are greeted by a barrage of name-calling, taunts, cruel jokes, ridicule, and many times, physical assaults and beatings.

The poor target is trapped in a school they aren’t safe in, a learning environment that’s dangerous to them. The target does their best to stay strong, to hide the tears which beg to poor forth like a raging torrent. The child knows that if she ever shows the hurt, the bullies will only bask in it. They’ll have her where they want her, and the bullies will then move in for the death blow.

So, the target continues to hide his emotions. He continues to pretend that everything is okay and that the bullying he suffers isn’t such a big deal. But it is and it’s tearing him up inside. As time goes on, the bullies escalate their attacks because they see the target’s stoicism and calmness as a challenge. Therefore, the cruel attacks become a game to the bullies. The goal is to break the target and they want to see what it’s going to take to achieve that goal.

Then, one day, it happens. The target has a breakdown. After will, no one can bury all that pain forever. She is admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a month and gets the help she needs. She is in a safe environment. Therefore, she is allowed to speak out about the bullying she has suffered. Caring staff and fellow patients give her the support she has long needed, and she begins to heal and get better.

After some time in hospital, he is finally released and is free to go home and his parents take him back to school. The very school where his bullies run amuck. And once he’s back, the bullies have a go at him once again.

The target continues to go to school. The bullies only pick up where they left off and continue to harass her. The bullies wonder where she’s been, and they have a pretty good guess at it. So, they bully her harder because, although they don’t know for sure, they only guess where she’s been, and they use the possibility that she was in a hospital as a weapon against her.

Now, not only is the target’s reputation ruined because of the bullying, but, even worse, she has the stigma of mental health hanging over her. Slowly, over time, the bullies and the toxic learning environment manage to undo all the progress the target made in the hospital. Once again, they push her to her breaking point, and she lands back in the hospital.

And thus, becomes a vicious cycle- the target is bullied to the breaking point, he is admitted to the hospital where he can heal. Then, once he heals and he is released from the hospital…and is forced back into the same toxic environment and with the same poisonous people that made him sick to begin with!

I know firsthand of this reality because it happened to me, over and over again, until I finally changed schools.

When I had my first child, I vowed not to make the same mistakes my parents made. If ever my children were bullied and it began to become ritualistic, I would immediately take them out of the school they were bullied in and transfer them to a safer school, no matter what sacrifices I had to make to do it.

Thankfully, when my eldest son began to be bullied in middle school, his father, stepmother, and I got together and made a plan to have him transferred before the bullying had a chance to escalate to a dangerous level. And it worked!

His grades skyrocketed at his new school and when he graduated, he did so with scholarships! We were so proud!

Stigma word cloud concept on grey background

Therefore, a school transfer is always best when a child is bullied by classmates and that bullying becomes a pattern. Once it becomes a habit and the other kids grow comfortable with bullying a target, it will only get worse. And if the target goes to a hospital and gets help, then released back into the same environment that made them sick, they will end up back in the hospital…again, again, and again, until he leaves the school, he’s bullied in.

It may take some sacrifice to transfer your child to a new school and it may be more expensive. However, it’s a small price to pay compared to a stack of psychiatric bills, or worse, funeral and burial costs.

Think about it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying, Social Proof, and Status Quo

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We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves- putting our best foot forward to impress others and show them our best sides, and we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it. We give the illusion that we’re a hot item because we instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to, and we’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; we tend to do what we think everyone else is doing, to follow the pack, to join the bandwagon, to get in on the next big thing, whether it be the new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others!

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena. Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. Although this crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool and might be the opposite of, others perceive them to be and want to hang with them, so you want to hang with them. Therefore, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

With bullying in school or the workplace, if everyone else is bullying you, you can be sure that total strangers who have never met you and even your friends will (if they haven’t already) also try to bully you. Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd!

But know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you and in no way means that you somehow deserve it or did anything wrong. What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.

In essence, bullying you has become a ritual with them—the in-thing to do at your school or your employment place.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare, and the better you’ll feel. Sometimes, just knowing the truth is enough to make you feel better.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

How Bullying Negatively Affects The Targets Performance in School

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As we all should know, bullying can have a devastating effect on grades and class performance. Here’s how:

Anytime you are a victim of bullying, you are forcibly put on constant alert for an attack. It feels as if you have a target on your back and you must grow eyes in the back of your head. You become hyper-vigilant, which breeds anxiety and leads to exhaustion. Not only is the body tired, but also the mind.

When so much focus must be placed on ways to protect yourself and maintain dignity, safety takes priority over studying lessons. How can one concentrate on schoolwork when they’re constantly bombarded with threats, taunts, name-calling, and physical violence? How can a student study and learn effectively when the mind is tired from being stuck in what seems to be a never-ending fight-or-flight mode? It’s almost impossible!

I can tell you this because it happened to me.

In my book, “From Victim to Victor”, I talk about having been on the honor roll before I began attending school in *Oakley (The school I was bullied in). I also talk about the transfer to *Roseburg High School during my senior year and how my grades skyrocketed overnight! After leaving that toxic learning environment and moving to a new school, my grades went from ‘C’s and ‘D’s to all ‘A’s with maybe one ‘B’. I made honor roll again for the first time in five long years!

Here is an excerpt from my book, “From Victim to Victor”, which explains things a little deeper:

bullied victim tortured

“…when anyone, even the most logical and rational of anyone is under a large amount of stress over a long period of time, the glucocorticoids that have flooded the brain and body for so long will cause the atrophy of areas responsible for memory, emotional regulation and ability to maintain positive relationships…”

Therefore, should it be any wonder that the majority of victims of bullying have such poor grades and class performance?

Second, after being told repeatedly and for so long that they don’t and never will amount to anything, victims begin to believe it themselves. A condition, known as “Learned Helplessness” develops and victims simply stop trying altogether.

In conclusion, bullying can affect ALL areas of a victim’s life. Not just social, but academics and achievements as well.

(*Not the real name of the town.)

Bullying and Social Proof

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We may not realize it, but we sell ourselves to the public every day. From making new friends to finding a date, we sell ourselves- putting our best foot forward to impress others and show them our best sides, and we do this unconsciously, without even thinking about it. We give the illusion that we’re a hot item because we instinctively know that it’s what everyone loves and is attracted to, and we’re afraid of not being accepted.

“Social proof (also known as an informational social influence) is a psychological and social phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior in a given situation.”

Put more plainly; we tend to do what we think everyone else is doing, to follow the pack, to join the bandwagon, to get in on the next big thing, whether it be the new, hot fashion trend, a breakout musical group, anything that’s extremely popular with others!

For example, a few decades ago, Cabbage Patch Kids were a hot item! Everybody had a cabbage patch kid- I had one myself. And anytime there’s a hot item that’s “all the rage,” everyone clamors to have it!

It’s the same in the social arena. Everyone wants to hang with the “cool” crowd. Although this crowd may or may not be what you’d consider cool and might be the opposite of, others perceive them to be and want to hang with them, so you want to hang with them. Therefore, you want to do what they’re doing. Unfortunately, it’s also the same with bullying.

With bullying in school or the workplace, if everyone else is bullying you, you can be sure that total strangers who have never met you and even your friends will (if they haven’t already) also try to bully you. Why? Because “everyone else is doing it” and they want to join the in-crowd!

But know that when this happens, it has nothing to do with you and in no way means that you somehow deserve it or did anything wrong. What it means is that most people are followers and drones- sheep! They’re slaves to the prospect of fitting in with the majority.


In essence, bullying you has become a ritual with them—the in-thing to do at your school or your employment place.

The more you know about the psychology of bullies, the better you prepare, and the better you’ll feel. Sometimes, just knowing the truth is enough to make you feel better.