Living in The Past Is a Hallmark of Victim-Mentality

A while back, a fellow blogger inspired this post with a comment, and she was spot on with it. For the life of me, I cannot remember who the blogger was, but I’d like to thank her in advance.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying still render themselves, victims by living in the past. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wondering if they could have done anything differently and wishing they had.

They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret. Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand because I did it too. However, when this goes on for years and years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Many survivors trap themselves in an endless cycle of what-ifs. They keep themselves stuck and forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from their experiences. Some seek revenge. Others only bury it, live in denial, and try to rewrite history.

Understand that this is a waste of your time.

On the other hand, some survivors become conquerors. They acknowledge that, yes, the bullying happened, and, yes, it was painful, then aspire to learn and grow from it.

I realize that, once you’re out of an extremely toxic environment, there will be a period of grief. Again, completely understandable. It’s okay to mourn the loss of time bullying caused. It’s okay, even recommended, to feel angry and hurt for a while. In no way should you ever trivialize this period of mourning because it’s real, and it happens to survivors when they’re fresh out of an abusive situation.

And different people have different periods of grief.

My crying stage lasted a month; yours may be a lot longer or shorter. It depends on the person. Some may choose to get therapy, and others won’t. But there comes the point when you must move on and not allow it to take over your life. Don’t let your bullies live in your mind rent-free for too many years. They’ve already taken away enough of your life. Don’t you think?

You owe it to yourself to heal and begin to accept what happened, then learn and grow from it. Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Who Are Only Angry, Bitter People

In many cases, I’ve found that bitterness is the main ingredient of bullying behavior. It is the reason why bullies desire to make someone else suffer. Because people mistreated them in the past, they want to see someone else get abused and will go out of their way to make that happen.

Understand that it makes the bitter bully feel better to see someone else suffer as they have. These people will look for slights and often find them when none are there.

These bullies are also vengeful, spiteful, and look for ways to retaliate against those they feel have mistreated or ignored them. They have pinned up rage toward their targets and will have feelings of loathing toward them.

They have anger, disappointment, sadness, and resentment all balled into a mish-mash of toxic goo!

bring it

These people are continually looking for a fight and thrive on drama. If they can find neither one, they’ll create it.

They’ll make an offhand remark to put another person on defense or do something to annoy someone to bait them into an altercation. Then when it’s over with, they feel better.

To these kinds of people, life has done them wrong- cheated them in some way. And they feel they have a right to spew their vitriol.

I want you to understand that bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be!

And they can’t be happy for others’ successes or good fortune. Any success of another is only proof to them that they haven’t been given a fair hand. That’s the reason these kinds of bullies will often bully those who have positive things going in their lives.

They go after these victims to “tear them down,” “put them in their place” and keep them there.

bully

The only way you can handle a bitter person is to boot them out of your life and avoid them like the plague. Whatever you do, don’t engage!

Bitter bullies must live with emotions they cannot handle, which is why they must have a target. They need an easy mark to unload all their negative feelings on so that they can feel better in knowing that they’re not the only one who feels bad.

Making others feel rotten is gratifying for these types of bullies. Misery loves company. How they feel better is to make you feel worse! But would they admit that? Never! Because it would make them look inferior and defeated.

Many bullies have themselves been emotionally injured by other bullies. However, it’s no excuse for the way they act. You can feel sorry for them, yes. But you don’t have to tolerate the way they treat you.

Disengage, then get away with your self-esteem intact!

You don’t deserve to have these bloodsuckers in your life! The sooner you get far away from these types, the better!

Worrying About the Future Only Stops You from Enjoying Life in the Present

 

There’s a reason why I make it a point never to worry until it’s time to worry. What’s going to happen will happen, and I refuse to worry about things that haven’t occurred yet- and may never come to pass.

Too many people worry needlessly, which is why we had the stock market drop and the numerous closings and shortages of necessities back in March 2020 when COVID first hit. Was and is COVID something to be concerned about? Absolutely! But was and is it something to panic over. No.

The COVID crisis is just an example. But even before the crisis, people worried needlessly.

“Oh, my God! My girlfriend is going to leave me!”

“My boss is mad at me! I’m going to get fired!”

“My grandmother is 89 years old! Oh, no! She’s going to die soon!”

“Oh, no! We have a thunderstorm, so a tornado is likely to hit!

“I’m afraid to drive a car because I could have an accident and die!”

“My kid is not studying! He’s going to make bad grades!”

“Oh, no! China is mad at us and is likely to invade us!”

There’s nothing wrong with being concerned over something if there’s a threat. But to freak out over it as if it’s going to end the world doesn’t help matters any.

No one is saying that you should put on rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything’s peachy king because to go to the opposite extreme is just as dangerous. But never should we run out and buy a five-year supply of toilet paper. There’s a middle ground that we should stay in.

Studies show that over half the things we incessantly worry about never end up coming true. So, again. Should we worry excessively?

Understand that excessive worry only stops us from being able to think clearly and blocks our ability to make good choices and decisions. If we’re too worried, we’re more likely to make the wrong decisions to try and contain a perceived threat. Also, it lessens our capacity to focus on real problems.

But if we lessen our worry, we’re more likely to come up with better solutions to our problems.

And the best part is, if we train ourselves not to worry excessively, we’ll have more happiness and peace of mind.

So relax. Live in the moment and be present in it.  Enjoy the good times while they’re here.

Never Compare Yourself to Someone Else

Many targets of bullying get into the habit of comparing themselves to others. For example, a bullied kid sitting in the lunchroom at school may look a few tables over and see the very kids who bully him surrounded by friends, yucking it up and having a good time. They seem to be enjoying friendships while the bullied kid is left in the cold. And watching causes an ache in the poor kid’s chest. He thinks to himself:

“I wish I were like him because if I were, I’d have friends too. I hate him because he’s a creep and doesn’t deserve to be so lucky! Why him? I deserve it more than he does? It’s not fair!
But when is life ever fair?

Here’s another example:

A coworker at a company sees another coworker who hasn’t put in as much time getting a promotion. He immediately gets angry and thinks that the only way the other guy must’ve gotten that promotion is by sucking up to the boss. He then begins to wish the other coworker all kinds of bad luck.

Comparing yourself to others is a real self-esteem killer. But sadly, people do it all the time. When you compare your life to someone else’s, it only breeds all kinds of toxic emotions, two of which are anger and jealousy.

Understand that you cannot judge a person’s outward appearance or the appearances they keep up and accurately judge what their life is like. Because people are notorious for showing only the best parts of their lives and keeping the less-than-desirable parts hidden.

Also realize that some people, bullies especially, making it a point to flash the positive aspects of their lives to those around them for the sole purpose of provoking envy. Because knowing that others are jealous of them is a huge boost to their egos, giving them a sense of power and that they’re better. Realize that the appearances these people keep up are only a show.

An example of this would be:

You see someone decked out in fancy clothes and drives a hot sports car. They have a six-bedroom house in the ritzy part of town. But! Although they look like they’re rolling in money, they’re more than likely only living beyond their means. Chances are that they’re in debt up to their eyeballs and feeling terrified inside because they know that if the slightest setback happens, they’ll lose it all!

Here are more examples:

Jealousy

You see a seemingly happy couple in a shopping mall and you’re still single. They look so happy and so in love, and they have friends around them. But you don’t know what goes on in their house. The husband might be abusing his wife behind closed doors (or vise versa) and they’re only putting on airs. They might be on the brink of divorce.

You may look on social media and see pictures of one of your someone you know lying on the beach in the tropics. But what you don’t know is that they had to clean out their savings just to take that trip.

Here’s my point. Never judge anyone who seems a little luckier than you, because, in private, they could be fighting battles you know nothing about.

They may have a mother at home dying of cancer, a father who went off to war and never came back, or be buried in legal issues.

And many times, you feel so content with your life until you spot these people. All of a sudden, you’re feeling less than. This should be a good indicator as to how useless envy and self-comparison really is.

How you fight this is to take your attention off these people and count your blessings. Because although they may be luckier than you in one aspect, you are most likely better off than them in other ways. Think about it.

Understand that anytime you feel jealous of another person, it only means that deep inside, you have a deep-seated spirit of lack and failure and you want to take the other person’s good fortune away from them and keep it for yourself.

dreamstime_xs_55265570

It’s a sign that you don’t feel that you can ever reach those goals yourself. Stop it! Because if they can, you can too.

Stop comparing yourself to others because it’s a waste of time and energy. It also drains you of confidence.

Know that you are enough and your life is enough. And you never know what the future holds. You too may someday buy your dream home, find a loving partner, or get the opportunity to go on a tropical getaway.

For now, be happy for those who are presently getting those opportunities. Instead of provoking jealousy in you, these people should inspire you and give you hope for the future.

Many Bullies Are Just Angry, Bitter People

bullying two girls facing each other fight

 

In many cases, I’ve found that bitterness is the main ingredient of bullying behavior. It is the reason why bullies desire to make someone else suffer. Because people mistreated them in the past, they want to see someone else get abused and will go out of their way to make that happen.

Understand that it makes the bitter bully feel better to see someone else suffer as they have. These people will look for slights and often find them when none are there.

These bullies are also vengeful, spiteful, and look for ways to retaliate against those they feel have mistreated or ignored them. They have pinned up rage toward their targets and will have feelings of loathing toward them.

They have anger, disappointment, sadness, and resentment all balled into a mish-mash of toxic goo!

bring it

These people are continually looking for a fight and thrive on drama. If they can find neither one, they’ll create it.

They’ll make an offhand remark to put another person on defense or do something to annoy someone to bait them into an altercation. Then when it’s over with, they feel better.

To these kinds of people, life has done them wrong- cheated them in some way. And they feel they have a right to spew their vitriol.

I want you to understand that bullies aren’t happy people. They can’t be!

And they can’t be happy for others’ successes or good fortune. Any success of another is only proof to them that they haven’t been given a fair hand. That’s the reason these kinds of bullies will often bully those who have positive things going in their lives.

They go after these victims to “tear them down,” “put them in their place” and keep them there.

bully

The only way you can handle a bitter person is to boot them out of your life and avoid them like the plague. Whatever you do, don’t engage!

Bitter bullies must live with emotions they cannot handle, which is why they must have a target. They need an easy mark to unload all their negative feelings on so that they can feel better in knowing that they’re not the only one who feels bad.

Making others feel rotten is gratifying for these types of bullies. Misery loves company. How they feel better is to make you feel worse! But would they admit that? Never! Because it would make them look inferior and defeated.

Many bullies have themselves been emotionally injured by other bullies. However, it’s no excuse for the way they act. You can feel sorry for them, yes. But you don’t have to tolerate the way they treat you.

Disengage, then get away with your self-esteem intact!

You don’t deserve to have these bloodsuckers in your life! The sooner you get far away from these types, the better!