Neediness is Unattractive and Repelling!

Closeup portrait unhappy woman giving loser sign on forehead, looking at you with anger and hatred on face isolated on gray background.

Neediness is not a good look on anyone. It’s unattractive and off-putting. To be blunt, it’s downright gross! It’s the equivalent of an overpowering stench one must hold their nose and run from to keep from getting sick.

When a target is bullied, they often become needy. Because they’re shunned and rejected for so long, they become ravenously hungry for any morsel of approval and will lap up anything that even looks like it. But they often see acceptance when it’s really only tolerance.

Anytime a target becomes needy, some people might include them in their groups, but not because they like them or want to be around them. They’ll only pretend to like the target because they feel sorry for him. And the last thing the target should want is someone’s pity. Yuck! Who in their right mind would want to settle for that?

But wait! It gets worse!

After a while, the pity that his (the target’s) so-called friends have for him may wear thin.

dreamstime_xs_47262974

Here are a few reasons why neediness is not only unattractive and humiliating but downright dangerous:

1. Any time you’re a target of bullying by everyone- the group of so-called friends who pretend to like you put themselves at risk of being made targets themselves. And they know it. In the minds of the bullies and others, they’re guilty by association. Instead of being an asset to the group, you become a liability!

2. The group is having to pretend to like having you around because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. But their real feelings about you will only seep out in ways that are not so obvious. It’ll be so subtle that you may not even know it’s happening. And you can bet that if you make the slightest mistake or they perceive the tiniest slight from you, the floodgates will open and their real feelings of dislike and hatred will come rushing out like a raging torrent. And they’ll look for any reason to make you go away even if they must treat you with blatant brutality.

3. Your so-called friends will never have your back. They’ll disappear at the first sign of trouble. When your bullies come calling, your fake friends will throw you under the bus, then get behind the wheel and run you over a few times. Understand that these people will not value you as a person.

disgust repulsion yuck

4. You’ll only draw people who are predators. Users and abusers are drawn to the needy like vultures to a carcass. They seek out people who are desperate to exploit their needs and weaknesses to get what they want from them. And once they’ve gotten all they want out of the person, they discard them like a dirty piece of toilet paper. You may not realize it, but you can do better than a bunch of scavengers!

Wouldn’t you rather be alone than to have friends like those? I wound hope you would.

Real courage and real self-worth sometimes require that you be alone for a while. But let me assure you that it won’t always be this way. Be patient and eventually, the right people will find you. It may not happen quickly, but it will happen. I guarantee it.

It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

Body Shaming

bullying body shaming

People, especially males, are visual creatures. A part of human nature is that appearances do matter. We choose dates based on how the other person’s physical appearance.

Although how you look isn’t the entire package and things like personality and disposition also count for something, looks are what gets your foot in the door.

It’s no secret that many females pride themselves on how they look. Hey, I do it too! Beauty is power. There’s also a phenomenon known as the “halo effect.”
The halo effect is “a cognitive bias that occurs when an initial positive judgment about a person colors the individual as a whole.”

Beauty often makes a person appealing, making it difficult to change the minds of others when they receive new and negative information about the person. It makes the person appear more trusting and friendly. People who possess a certain positive quality or strength are assumed to have positive qualities in all other areas as well.

A teacher might be so impressed with a student’s looks or charming personality that they may give that student an A when, in reality, they may deserve a C. Clothes, hairstyles, and makeup are presumed to be of more value than, say, a person’s good heart or generosity.

body shaming

Bullies instinctively know this, which is why they not only bend over backward to keep up the best appearance, but they will either shame someone else, particularly girls and women if they don’t look as good as them, or tear them down if they look better than them.

Weight-shaming is all too common these days. Many people ridicule overweight females (and some males) because “they’re not thin enough.”

Because the person is overweight or underweight, those around them take pleasure in making them feel as if they aren’t good enough and that they should not love and accept themselves.

This is wrong!

I want you to understand that weight doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive. I know many over and underweight people who are beautiful. They have impeccable hygiene, they dress nice, and they have fantastic personalities and a positive outlook on life. These people are happy, regardless! And they feel good about themselves!

denial deny

Realize that bullies will often pick out what they perceive to be flaws in your physical appearance when they have nothing else to judge you on. They will also use it when they know it triggers you.

But know that it takes a shallow person to resort to this kind of behavior.

No matter how you look, you still have value, and you matter! You are loved regardless!

However, here are a few ways you can feel better about yourself if your classmates or coworkers are body-shaming you.

1. Dress your best. Because if you look good, you feel good.

2. Apply a little makeup. Again, this will do wonders for your self-esteem.

body shaming

3. Maybe get a new hairstyle. Something new will often make you feel better about yourself. It will give you that burst of excitement that you’ve probably needed for a while now.

4. Eat right and exercise. But only if you’re not happy with your present weight or physical endurance.

Do it because it’s better for your health. We should take steps to take care of our bodies so that we can ward off any illnesses in the future. Also, exercise is a great stress-buster!

You should always practice self-care!

And don’t do it thinking that the bullies will stop harassing you because chances are, they won’t. They’ll only find something else to disparage you about. It’s what bullies do best!

But do the above for YOU, because YOU want to do it and because you want to change things about yourself that YOU don’t like. Not because others tell you you should.

body shaming

And if there’s something you cannot change, don’t beat yourself up. Find ways to embrace it. And if others don’t like the way you look, tell them to hit the road!

Change the things you can and accept the things you can’t change.

Understand that good looks isn’t what makes you as a person. But they can give you a dose of confidence when you need it. Look your best not to impress others, but to make yourself feel good.

And lastly, know that you’re beautiful and that you’re loved! You have a purpose for being here! Never forget that!