School boy angel with wings and halo concept for being clever, good, success in education or smug
If you’re bullied in school, you must go through the proper channels by reporting the bullying to teachers and the principal. It’s only legal. But sadly, when a student is bullied and reports the abuse, many schools will protect the bullies instead of holding them accountable for their bad behavior.
1. Because the bullies have connections to local politicians and crime kingpins. (This is especially true in small towns)
2. Because the bullies often score high academically, which makes the school look good.
3. The bullies are athletes on the school sports teams.
4. The bullies are on the cheerleading squad and in sororities and fraternities.
5. The bullies suck up to faculty to win loyalty.
Understand that, right or wrong, many schools will go out of their way to protect the reputations of who they deem to be their brightest and best students and blame the targeted student for their bullies’ horrid behavior. These bullies make the school look good.
Schools have enormous power, and sadly, many parents of bullied kids are single and raising children on one paycheck. How do they fight against such powerful entities?
This is why Sovereign Immunity for schools must be abolished, and they must be held accountable if the child is maimed, murdered, or commits suicide.
Moving a target of bullying to a different school sounds like a good idea but is not always feasible. And homeschooling isn’t affordable for some of these moms and dads.
If you’re a parent who’s fighting to keep your child safe and your options are limited, the only way to stay in the fight is to keep speaking out- through word of mouth, social media, the news media- whatever it takes.
In this situation, DOCUMENTATION IS SO IMPORTANT!!!!!
Take steps to raise awareness and be there for your child. Reassure them that if they need to talk, you’re there to listen and give them a shoulder to lean on.
Encourage your child to document every bullying incident and do your own documentation. Use the 5W rule- (What, who, where, when, and why) document what happened, who was involved and the names of any bystanders and witnesses, where it happened (bathroom, locker room, hallway), when it happened (exact date and time), and why it happened (retaliation, etc.).
As a parent, write about any physical bruises you see when the child comes home from school. Write about any torn clothing, broken eyeglasses or hearing aids, stolen property, crying, your kid’s emotional state- everything! And jot it down in detail!
Document the school’s reaction to any reports of bullying, both yours and your child’s.
Save any emails, replies, and letters from the school.
Build your own case!
Only then will you have the ammo needed to fight it!
Remember that you have a voice, and you have a right to use it. Standing in your truth means that you must stop being afraid to lose people who don’t have your best interests in mind. It means letting go of people who block your growth, progress, and success.
Gaslighters are dead weight- they’re baggage that you don’t own and therefore, don’t have to drag around. Let them think and say of you what they will, it’s their prerogative. But know that you don’t have to accept their opinions and petty mischaracterizations of you as your truth. Remember that they have their truth and you have yours.
You are a separate person from them and so should your truth be separate from theirs. Understand that putting your own wants and needs first, valuing your own opinions, perceptions, and reality, and being true to your own heart are far more important than what others think of you.
Break the Silence words in 3d letters crashing trhough red glass to illustrate protesting in injustice or censorship and raising your voice in defiance
Because, no matter what you say or do, people are going to think what they want, and you only end up losing your power and sense of self when you feel you must constantly explain and justify yourself to them or apologize for how you feel and who you are.
You have a God-given right to carve your own space in this world and to celebrate everything that you are. You have a right to be authentically unfiltered and unapologetically you, and no one else has the right nor patent to undermine that.
Be unwilling to please nor appease those who aren’t worth your time. Never allow the fear of ostracization to silence your voice or take away your freedom and autonomy.
Realize that even when you bring positivity and much good to the world, you will still have enemies who hate you and everything you stand for. There will always be some who will have a problem with you, but know that it’s their problem, not yours. Know that their issues have nothing to do with you.
Sometimes, it takes being bullied to know what you will not accept.
Sometimes it takes being abused to make you more determined to stand in your truth and do it unmoved.
And sometimes it takes being mistreated to give you the strength and determination to never again allow anyone to dull your shine.
So, keep shining. Keep standing in your truth. Hold onto the truthful knowledge of who you are and the good you bring. Keep your authenticity and know that you’re awesome no matter what.
When the target is bullied, he is objectified. It is as if exists for other people’s purposes and not his own. Slowly, over time, it does damage to the target’s psyche and if he’s not careful, he may never grow into a full human being.
He can begin to see himself as the projected object the bullies deem him to be. Bullies notoriously distort the target’s reality because they themselves deny reality. They deny facts, uncontested truths, and the concreteness of evidence. They try to make reality into an imaginary illusion when, in fact, reality is the opposite.
So, what happens when a bullies try to undermine your perception of reality? They try to brainwash you and force you to see things from their point of view. I’ve met many kinds of people in my life, and I’ve met enough gaslighters to know their tactics and recognize them like the back of my hand.
Gaslighters used to leave me dazed and confused when I was young but now, they only solidify my perception of reality. And I know firsthand that, if you’re not careful, they will trick you into questioning your own reality and make you think there’s something wrong with you when there isn’t.
Understand that gaslighting is about wresting power and control over your mind, and gaslighters do this by undermining your reality. They minimize your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. They deflect and shift blame to you and they’re notorious for feigning concern over your (mental) wellbeing and weaponizing compassion and goodwill.
Also, gaslighters are experts at twisting the truth and reframing conversations, and they slyly use your reactions to what they’ve done to you in attempts to make you look crazy. You should never tolerate this kind of behavior.
Bullies have shown me my strength and resilience.
When I was young, I would accept opinions of my character and it only made me feel worse. They’d make remarks like, “If the shoe fits, wear it!” But the shoe never fit, therefore, they’d do everything in their power to try and shoehorn it.
They’d claim that they were giving me constructive criticism but, even then I knew the difference between constructive criticism and gaslighting.
Understand that, as long as you don’t get abusive, your perceptions, judgements, and opinions are yours to express no matter who doesn’t agree or who gets offended. And be forewarned that if you’re not paying attention, gaslighters will challenge your reality- they’ll undermine your feelings, opinions, and perceptions to the point that you will lose yours and replace them with theirs.
Once you decide that you will no longer fall for other people’s distortions of your inner reality and dismissal of your thoughts and feelings, be prepared! You will make a lot of people furious. You will offend them, and you will lose many people you thought were your friends. But understand that the people you lose were never really your friends to begin with.
You may even feel isolated for a little while as people you thought you could trust to support you either ghost you or flat out turn against you and side with your gaslighters. Again, see it as a gift because they were never with you in the first place and are only revealing themselves to you.
And why wouldn’t these types of people turn on you when they’re no longer benefiting from you being gullible? You wised up and cut them off! You gotcha some self-respect and put an end to the gravy train they were riding at your expense!
Many times, you have a situation, which almost no one talks about and is too often ignored- female bullying against male targets and why society gives male targets a bum rap.
I cannot count the stories I’ve both read and heard about males being harassed and abused by vicious females…boys and young men, who are, under normal circumstances, kind and caring but only pushed too far by their female tormentors before they finally have enough and strike back to defend themselves.
Unfortunately, after having been bullied for so long, the pressure builds to a breaking point. The poor guy finally decides that enough is enough and hits the girl back after she hits him first. As a result, HE gets the blame simply because he is a male.
Because the girl knows very well that society protects females due to the still widely-held belief that females are the weaker sex, she uses it to her own advantage by playing the “woman card” and feigning victimhood- complete with crocodile tears, rationalization and projecting blame onto her victim.
The conniving and cunning female also deceives by acting sweet and innocent in the presence of the right people. She is silver-tongued. Therefore, she is a pro at spinning a convincing story to deceive authority while demonizing her male target, all to avoid being held responsible.
Although the poor target is actually a great guy with good morals, values, and ethics; to bystanders and authority, he is just another punk, who goes around beating up on girls/women. He ends up either being suspended/expelled from school, or arrested and charged as a criminal, while his female bully looks on with a smirk of gratification on her face. She then escapes punishment and goes on to select yet another male victim. Thus, the cycle continues.
If the young man didn’t hit her back, but only restrained her to protect himself, he would still be dehumanized and punished because he simply laid hands on her. Yes. You read this correctly…if someone physically attacks you and you restrain them, you can STILL go to jail- just as if you delivered the first punch because your hands were touching the person. It is impossible to restrain anyone without touching them.
Interior of cell block in abandoned State Correctional Institution, or jail., common room with jail cells.
This is just a sad example of how completely backward school rules and the laws in this country really are.
Here’s a second catch 22:
A young man is being bullied relentlessly at school by a girl or group of girls. The girl(s)harass this boy for a number of years and during this time, the other boys also laugh and make fun of him because he is the bigger person and walks away instead of fighting back. They feminize him by calling him names, such as “wuss”, “wimp”, “pussy”, “bitch-boy” and other names which attack the male pride and strip away any masculinity.
The poor guy then reports the bullying only to be told to “man up” or “toughen up” and the boys only further shame him for being a “whiner”, “crybaby” or “tattle tale”.
Then, the young boy finally gets sick of the mistreatment and he snaps on one of the girls, battering her until her lip and nose are bleeding. Now, all hell breaks loose!
The target goes from being seen as a wimp to being viewed as a little punk who gets his jollies by beating up on females. He can’t win no matter which way he turns! He is suspended, expelled, or arrested for assault and battery. Also, the boys now want to jump him because he hit a girl.
The poor young man, although a victim, is now marginalized by the system, which is supposed to protect him.
So what other recourse does he have after having tried everything to protect himself and make the harassment stop?
My purpose is to open a few eyes and let society know that boys DO get bullied by girls…that more and more men get bullied by women. I believe this is because females are more prone to violence today than ever before in history, due to the significant moral decline of girls, which has taken place in the last 30 years.
However, understand that this article does not apply to male bullies, who go around physically or psychologically harming females but only to innocent male victims, who only want to be left in peace and live a normal life like everyone else.
If two men are at odds with each other and they resort to fisticuffs, they usually end up later patching things up, then going somewhere to have a beer together. Not so with women. If two women get into an altercation, chances are that they will not let go of their hatred of each other. A woman is like a dog with a bone. She will cling tightly to her grudge against her rival until the heavens come crashing down.
In closing, I will tell you that women are not always the weaker sex. I’m a woman myself and I know first hand that when it comes to evil, women, and girls can be the meanest, most disgusting, most relentless, most deplorable, and most vicious of the sexes! In most cases of bullying and harassment by the opposite sex, victims who are male get a bum rap! This has to be brought to light!
It’s high time that we wise up, rip the fake mask off these vicious shrews and expose their misdeeds to as many people as possible in order to decrease the chances of other innocent men and boys becoming targets in the future.
Because, believe it or not, not all girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice.
Reactive bullying happens when a target has taken so much abuse for so long that when the pressure builds to the boiling point, the targeted person blows up or ‘snaps,’ lashing out at their tormentors.
The target let’s them have it! Many would say that the victim “bullies them back” and I have made the same statement. However, the more I think about that statement, the more it sounds like an oxymoron.
Be that as it may, is blowing up and going off on bullies the wisest thing for targets to do?
Believe me. I get that people can only take so much. I understand that when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough, and I’m with you. However, make no mistake. An explosive reaction is precisely what the bullies want.
They want you to snap.
They want you to blow up on them so they can then claim victimhood and make you look like the bully.
Understand that bullies are experts at baiting a target into a reaction, then using the justified (and perfectly normal) response as proof that the targeted person is “mentally unstable,” “crazy,” “a dangerous person,” “too sensitive,” or a “drama queen”!
Bullies also use the target’s normal reaction to guilt and convince him/her that it’s all their fault.
Bullies will make statements such as:
“Well? Maybe if you wouldn’t get so overly emotional, you’d have friends!”
“If you didn’t overreact to everything, people would want to be around you more!”
In short, bullies gaslight their targets with statements like these to make excuses for the behavior and deflect the blame back onto the victims. And sadly, it works like a charm, and bystanders and witnesses believe the target is unstable.
Note: A perfect example is a scene in one of the “Home Alone” movies, when the main character, Kevin McAllister’s older brother Buzz makes a fake apology to his family, then sneakily calls Kevin a trout-sniffer during a family meeting after the fiasco at the choir concert. Notice how Buzz baits his younger brother Kevin into a reaction!
If you are a target, I want you to understand that there is a name for this. It’s called gaslighting, and it’s a trick to throw you off balance.
Understand that, if you blow a gasket and tear into your bullies, in no way will your harsh reaction undercut the fact that they initiated it- that your bullies are the ones who asked for it and drove you to get out of character.
Realize that every single human one of us is capable of losing our cool when we’re under that kind of pressure after we’re attacked and subjected to vile treatment for so long.
However, there are many people who do think otherwise and will punish you because they feel you overreacted. There will be those who feel that the punishment outweighed the crime.
This is why teachers, supervisors, and others in authority must learn to distinguish between provocation and a reaction so that they will be able to identify the real bully and victim. And you must also learn to tell the difference between the two so that you can call it out when it happens to you.
Luckily, there are a few sure-fire ways of identifying the real victim who is only reacting to a provocation by a bully.
1. A victim who has only reacted always feels terrible about how they acted once they’ve calmed down and is usually the first to apologize for it. A real victim will also not be afraid to admit they’ve made a mistake.
On the other hand, a bully must always be right and will never admit they’ve done anything wrong. A bully will still blame the victim and be overly critical of the victim and the reaction. Bullies will also use the tiniest screw-up or imperfection and make it bigger than it is. They are also excessively dramatic.
2. A victim will also apologize, sometimes nervously and excessively.
A bully will never apologize. Because a bully is never wrong, even feels that it is their right to mistreat their targets.
Please note that if the bully is a smooth talker, he might even admit to a few minor mistakes or wrongdoings. However, they will always follow that with the claim that the victim is at fault.
So, always look for these signs, and you’ll be able to peel the mask off the bully, layer by layer! Moreover, you’ll be able to protect and care for the victim!
It’s true! When you’re a target of bullying and mobbing, you really can’t do anything right. But understand that bullying does that to targets. It causes them to be extremely nervous and always on edge.
You drop things, trip over stuff, the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. It makes you clumsy. The human stress response is, indeed, a tricky little devil!
You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse- fearful of screwing up, afraid to fail, afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely, and you’re mistakes and failures are precisely what they’re waiting for.
A bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.
And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which way to turn, nor which end is up. Making choices is hard and you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when they don’t feel safe.
Because when your mind and body are in panic mode- when your brain rewires itself for a hostile environment after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment, the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!
Again, all this is what bullying does to victims! It’s why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school and why their work projects suffer in the workplace. And it’s why they’re looked at by teachers and supervisors as failures and nuisances.
But know that you’re not a failure, a loser, or a freak. You must realize that any time you’re bullied, there’s no way to relax and just be. It’s impossible. So, understand that your bullies, in their sadistic abuse, have turned you from a once calm and happy person into one hot mess! Then they’ve taken that and exploited it by calling you things like, “train wreck,” “crazy,” and other such cheap shots.
But there’s hope. When you finally get out of the dangerous environment you’re stuck in, and away from those poisonous people, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!
You will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.
The relief is such that it’s a feeling of being able to come up for air after having your head held underwater, or of coming home after a long time away. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start over.
It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.
Because you’ll be a fresh face, and in most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.
And once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. It happened for me, and it will work for you too!
When the target has had enough of being bullied and abused, and he/she snaps and overreacts, bystanders and authority are often under the delusion that the target’s reaction takes away from the fact that people have mistreated and abused them for such a long time- that it somehow detracts from the truth that it was the bullies who drove them to overreact.
As a result, many targets stop defending themselves because of this very thing. It seems that every time they stand up for themselves, even if they did it in a calm manner, they were punished for it.
Therefore, targets feel they have no other choice than to stay silent. They are forced to resign themselves, stay quiet, and do what the bullies want, which is to allow them to continue to bully and abuse.
The fear of being made the villain, no matter what they do, supersedes their natural desire to self-defend. In their silence, targets hope that other people will see by their passivity that they really are, in fact, the victim. But, in most cases, this doesn’t work either.
The target is damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
But understand that bullies use this as a weapon. If they can make you look like the instigator when you defend yourself, they then become brazen and have carte balance to bully you more frequently, more severely, and more openly.
People will believe what they want to believe about you and if they want to think that you’re crazy, arrogant, whatever, there’s not much you can do but to not associate with them.
However, you must, no matter how they shout you down and no matter how they blame and punish you, tell your side of the story. You must speak out about the abuse even if no one wants to listen to it.
Just the having your say alone can give you such a relief. The fact that you got it off your chest and out in the open keeps you from internalizing everything and your self-esteem from being destroyed. This is all a part of self-care.
And when you’re against these types of odds, self-care is the most important. Realize that, although the bullies may never change their behavior toward you, they can never stop you from taking care of yourself. In these situations, all you have is you. So, practice self-care. Show yourself compassion and do what you must do to preserve your safety and mental health. Be your own best friend. Fight for yourself.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) on engraving from the 1800s. English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language. Published in London by L.Tallis.
The term for it is Othello’s Error on teachers, principals, school officials, supervisors, and managers.
It comes from Shakespeare’s play, “Othello,” in which the main character, Othello, assumes that his wife, Desdemona, is having an affair based on her nervous response when he questions her.
In reality, Desdemona is innocent, but the aggressive and volatile nature of Othello and his intimidating questions make the poor lady nervous. Othello takes this as a sign of guilt. It is often the same in real life.
Often, when a person is questioned and shows nervousness, most accusers and witnesses misread the response and take it as a sign that the person is lying or hiding something. It’s how so many people have gotten blamed for something they didn’t do.
Just as nervousness is too often mistaken for deception, the show of confidence is mistaken for honesty and trustworthiness. As we all know, bullies are well-known for feigned confidence and false bravado.
Victims of bullying are always nervous, and rightfully so. Who wouldn’t be if they were constantly abused, shamed, name-called, threatened, and physically attacked?
And people are notorious for rushing to the first possible explanation which fits what they want to see. Should it be any wonder why victims are blamed and bullies go scot-free?
After the abuse goes on for so long, victims learn to expect more of the same, and they usually get it. Because the expectation of such treatment brings more and more of the same, making the victim more nervous with each occurrence.
As the target grows more nervous, bystanders and authorities grow more and more suspicious of him.
The fact is that nervousness has several reasons, and the mistake is often in the decoding of it and not the observation!
Sexual abuse in schools with a warning sign of a sex predator abusing and attacking young innocent student victims represented by a yellow hazard sign with the criminal act illustrated as a symbol.
Here is something which does not get mentioned enough. Often, when a girl is singled out for bullying, she is left wide open for sexual harassment. The harassment can range from inappropriate and embarrassing comments to unwanted physical touching. Though I’m female and am writing this post from a female perspective, I do realize that this can happen to bullied young men as well.
I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard from other female victims and survivors of bullying, nor can I tell you how many times I was subjected to this type of behavior myself when I was in junior high and high school.
Young creeps on the bus, in the halls or the lunch line, would sneakily run a hand up my skirt, put their hands on my behind and other such disgusting acts.
As any woman or girl knows, having sexual comments hurled at you and being groped and felt up leaves you feeling cheap and violated. And your first thought is to blame yourself. You wonder what you did to bring it about.
“Was my dress too short?” “Were my jeans too tight?” “Did I have on too much makeup?”
Even worse is when other girls blame you, assuming that you “must have done something to make him do it”- that somehow, you “asked for it.”
Such incidences can attract the ire of the guys’ jealous girlfriends, and these girlfriends will accuse you of trying to steal their boyfriends while the pig who violated you walks away free as a bird. This only doubles the victimization! It’s no different from what a rape victim goes through!
Bullied girls can also be sexually harassed by other girls as well, only in different ways. Girls harass other girls by verbal means, making statements such as,
“Nobody will $%#! you.”
“I’ll bet you’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
”You’d $%&# anything that moves!”
These are only a few. I’ve heard worse. Sometimes, the other girls will encourage the boys to harass the victim sexually, then turn it around on her, calling her a whore, slut, floozy- take your pick.
In school, I knew another bullied girl who others referred to as “Tuna Fish.” I’ll say no more.
Sexual harassment at work and workplace. Touch knee. Movement against sexual harassment
Understand that any time a female is the object of bullying, she has comments and remarks directed at her which are unspeakable- so horrible and explicit that you don’t dare repeat them by mouth, much less write it in a book or article.
There is no limit to the low that bullies won’t sink. They can be inventive to the raunchiest, raciest, dirtiest, most vile, hurtful and demeaning comments and actions. And anyone who hasn’t been on the receiving end of such would be shocked if they heard or saw some of the things a bullied girl has.
Understand that bullies show a side to their targets they would never in a million years show to anyone else.
Objects of bullying witness firsthand the shocking evil and cruelty of which people are capable, and they see the absolute darkest sides of the human character.
Concept of Sexual Scandal. Man writing on notebook 2018.
Bullies are experts at fooling bystanders and authority. They are highly skilled at manipulating a social infrastructure.
Bullies are also very aware that if the victim reports such abuse, others will not believe her because the same bullies have meticulously ruined her once good reputation. And who’s going to take the word of someone with a notoriously bad name?
Understand that bullies will only show the worst sides of their characters to their victims and no one else. Why? Because to bullies, the victim is both inferior and powerless.
When a person believes that you are inferior and powerless, they could care less about what you think of them. As far as they’re concerned, any opinions you have are irrelevant. Whereas, anyone the bullies see as equals or superiors will only see the best sides of their character.
With that said, if you are a bullied female, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that it isn’t your fault. Know that you never asked for that kind of behavior, nor brought any of it on yourself.
So if you are bullied and endure sexual harassment, do not take any blame for it and for goodness sake, don’t be afraid to report it! Know that bullying will not last forever. When I became an adult, the bullying stopped, and I am now very well-liked, loved, and respected.
I want you to know that this is only one chapter in your life, not the entire book. You too can overcome and move on to love, happiness, and success. Just don’t give up! You are beautiful! You are a great person despite what others may tell you or how they may treat you.
You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!
Bullies don’t want to notice anything about you that forces them to remember that you are generally a good person.
They don’t want to remember that you were once respected and very well-liked.
Bullies don’t want to recognize that you’re a kind and thoughtful person and not deserving of brutal treatment.
They don’t want to see that you’re hurting and you’re the one being attacked.
Bullies don’t want to see you as a human being, deserving of the same rights and considerations as everyone else.
And the reason why bullies do NOT want to see these things is that it would only prick at their consciences and make them feel dirty!
Understand that, regardless of the facts, of what you say or do, or of your intentions, everything will be taken out of context, misconstrued, and spun to support the bullies’ narratives, whatever they may be.
Deep down inside, your bullies, their followers, your former friends who have been turned against you- they all know that you’re a great person. Believe me, they are very much aware of your kindness, your big heart, and of your potential, only they would never in this lifetime admit it. Because to admit it would be to convict themselves.
Admission of your positive qualities would be an admission of theirguilt! That they were in the wrong and that they are a bunch of cruel monsters!
So, to save face and not feel like total scumbags, they can’t afford to acknowledge the truth. Because, again, to do so would be to demonize themselves.
For instance, any time I happen to run into one or more of my former bullies from school at the supermarket, the gas station, or anywhere else in public, they automatically turn their heads and walk away- fast! But I understand where it all comes from.
I don’t feel rejected. I don’t feel the least bit upset about it because I see it for what it is, and what it is, is guilt! It’s nothing personal.
Each time they see my face, they’re reminded of the horrible things they did years ago, and they feel dirty!
No one wants to feel dirty.
So, when this happens to you, don’t be hurt or offended. Don’t feel rejected because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and the feelings of shame that they’re so desperately trying to avoid.