Bad things happen to the best people all the time, and sometimes people get what they don’t deserve. Some of the greatest and purest of humans are brutalized. It’s an unfortunate and sad part of life, and no one ever said that life was fair.
But you can take something from it. You have the choice of being a victim, or you can choose to be an overcomer.
When you’re an overcomer, there’s no greater feeling than knowing how far you’ve come. “You grow through what you go through.”
It’s because bullies need scapegoats. The use of a scapegoat is nothing new. People have used them for many millennia! During the Medieval Period, scapegoats were often used by kings to make sure the monarch’s hands stayed clean- or at least looked clean.
Back then, it was common practice to execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them, then putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings above reproach, unquestioned, and smelling like roses. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.
Bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand.
The purpose of scapegoating is to force another person to accept blame for sins, which you, yourself, are guilty. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent. Even sadder is the fact that he’s usually the one least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.
Bullies are notorious for refusing to accept blame for any wrongdoing or mistake. So, they search for the most convenient person to lay blame on- their target. And what’s the victim going to do about it?
The ability to transfer guilt to their victims gives bullies immense power. Understand that bullies depend on appearances to maintain their fake facades of gleaming-white perfection. Well-seasoned bullies must appear to be god-like at all times.
They’re very much afraid that if they don’t keep up this pathetic charade, they’ll lose their power and with it, the foothold on their targets. What better way to maintain that power than to scapegoat the target?
“Blame so-and-so for my shortcomings by pointing out his!”
“Blame so-and-so for my imperfections by distracting others’ attention to his!”
“Blame so-and-so for my despicable behavior by claiming he did something to deserve it!”
“Blame Joe Blow for my pathetic incompetence and stupidity by saying that he caused me to screw up!”
“Blame so-and-so for any tiny thing that goes wrong, and I get to hitch a ride on his back to move up!”
“Because I’m number one, and Hell will freeze over before I give that up! And blaming so-and-so is so easy it shouldn’t work!”
I want you to realize that bullies, bystanders, and friends will scapegoat a target of bullying for one reason and one reason only: He has the least power to fight back!
Targets are often either naïve or exceptionally intelligent and pose the biggest threat to the bullies’ positions. If the victim is naïve, bullies will exploit his naivete to the fullest because they know that naïve people aren’t taken seriously. Also, the naïve tend to overdo their claims of innocence. And people often mistake it as a sign of guilt.
Intelligent targets, bullies will undermine and wear down with constant smear campaigns, exclusion, and personal attacks. Also, smart victims will often overdo being calm, and relaxed, which can also be mistaken for guilt, because people will assume that his keeping it together is only an act and that he’s hiding something.
Here’s another reason bullies need targets. They need someone to make responsible for their negative feelings- feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and hurt. And when they make the victim responsible for their bad feelings, the target becomes the offender who must be punished and eliminated.
To combat their negative emotions, bullies demand that their targets show them respect at all times- even while they’re abusing them. They also have the attitude that the victim should do whatever they tell them to do and make them feel powerful.
In short, bullies need the target to use as a dumping ground for all their mental and emotional issues.
Here’s a third reason, bullies and bystanders need a bottom rat to ensure that they themselves don’t end up on the bottom. If you’re a target of bullying, they need you to stay on the bottom and will go out of their way to keep you there. Any pecking order needs whipping boys (or girls) – easy victories for the higher-ups to collect.
If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that bullies consider it to be of the utmost importance that you stay on the bottom and you make them look good and like the innocent party. When they brutalize you, everything must appear as if you had it coming – that they were wronged or betrayed by your stupidity, incompetence, or evil.
If people are using you as a scapegoat, the best you can do is to get out of the environment. Just pick up and leave. Only then will you be able to preserve your dignity, your sanity, and your life.
By nature, children are happy and carefree. Their only responsibilities are to obey their parents and guardians and to complete homework and a few chores. Outside of those responsibilities, they engage in play and pretend, or they’re supposed to.
Bullying has a way of stealing everything that matters from you.
Bullying steals your happiness and takes the joy out of life.
It strips you of your confidence and self-esteem, and with them your sense of safety, security, and peace of mind.
Bullying takes away your dignity and respect, and with it your pride.
Bullying gags you, silencing your voice and overall ability to communicate.
It robs you of self-expression.
Bullying snatches away love and belongingness.
It steals your ability to think for yourself and forge your own path in society.
After a while, it tires you out, wears you down, and zaps you of energy.
Bullying steals your childhood and causes you to grow up way to fast. It takes away your innocence and faith in humanity. If you’re a bullied abult, it takes away dignity, respect, and good-standing in a community.
In a nutshell, it robs you of power, of autonomy, and of freedom!
As with anything that is stolen, you can always get it back! And how you get it all back is by keeping company with those who love and uplift you, indulging in your hobbies, displaying your talents, focusing on your goals and dreams, and reciting affirmations every day! You also get it back by working on yourself. You do it by changing your thinking!
Here’s a quick note: I’ve found that when I focus on my goals and where I want to go in life, I don’t have time to focus on any bullying or negativity! Try it! You’ll love it!
I won’t lie to you. It will be tough, and it will take a while. But nothing worth anything is easy or quick. Right?
I promise you! It’s worth it in the end and you’ll be so glad you were patient and put in the work!
Again, if you aren’t careful, this repetition of bullying, abuse, and gaslighting will brainwash you. You’ll internalize it and be convinced of it.
Once your bullies finally convince you that you’re the lowest form of life on Earth, you will adopt a poor attitude and begin behaving in a way that matches your new beliefs about yourself. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.
- You’ll stop believing in yourself.
- You’ll have a condition known as “Learned Helplessness.”
- Your grades will plummet, and your performance will suffer.
- You’ll attract all kinds of bad fortune into your life.
- You’ll want so badly to get out of the bad environment and situation you’re in that you’ll begin making poor decisions and life choices out of desperation- choices that may alter the entire course of your life.
- You may drop out of school to get away from your bullies. I almost did.
- You may quit your job before you have time to find other employment.
- You may join a gang or extremist group to feel like you belong and to have friends.
- You may use drugs to fit in, or to dull the pain.
And what’s really sad is that you won’t even realize it’s happening until you’re already too far down the rabbit hole. That is, if you ever realize it.
Understand that bullying will change your life- either for better or worse.
It’s hard! I completely get that. I understand how hard it is to keep loving yourself when you’re surrounded by people who hate you. I know how difficult it is to believe in yourself when it seems that no one else does. And I realize that it’s overwhelming to continue trying when everyone else is constantly telling you to give up- that you’ll never make it.
Believe you me. I empathize with you because I was there. I almost gave up.
- I attempted suicide in the eighth grade and almost didn’t make it.
- I almost dropped out of school during the eleventh grade.
- I almost lost hope.
I did some desperate things back then- things that could have gotten me arrested or worse- killed!
If I’d held on to my love for and belief in myself, there’s no doubt that I would’ve spared myself a lot of pain.
But I eventually got mad- at myself! And when I got mad- it gave me the determination that they weren’t going to destroy the rest of my life. I wasn’t going to let them.
That’s what you have to do- get mad. Get determined. Dig in your heels and double down. Be determined not to lose yourself- not to let them destroy the parts of yourself that matter.
Because if you give into your bullies and cave into believing what they tell you, it will become a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. You’ll end up living up to everything they tell you. That’s not what you want. You don’t want to give your bullies any more satisfaction than they’ve already gotten at your expense. No way!
Why are they so hell bend on making you believe their lies?
- Because they know they will succeed at brainwashing you.
- Bullies are very much aware that they will get what they want. And what they want is to break your spirit.
- The bully’s end goal- to bring you so low that you never recover.
- If they can do the above three, then you’re likely to prove them right.
- Know that it’s all an attempt to reprogram you and in a vast majority of cases, it works!
Self-fulfilling prophesies are real, and they can destroy your life if you let bullies cause you to have a losing, self-defeating and bitter attitude. On the other hand, having confidence, loving yourself, and having a positive attitude will bring good things into your life.
This is not to say that bad things won’t sometimes happen anyway because they do. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over, and it happens to all of us. However, with a positive attitude, your life won’t be one huge string of bad luck. You will have victories- and more of them then losses.
Attitude does attract things into your life. Like attracts like. How I wish I’d know this when I was young.
When you’ve been a target of bullying for so long, your world becomes shaky. You began to doubt yourself and your abilities. You wonder if they were all right about you all along and that you maybe just didn’t see it. You get clumsy, awkward! A piece of your self-esteem breaks off.
Your decision making takes a big hit. Any decision you make, you wonder if it’s the right one. You may have even become too afraid to make choices. You fumble, screw up, and it seems that the harder you try not to make mistakes, the more of them you make, and the more bullies ridicule, put you down, even hurt you for them. There goes another piece of self-esteem.
You seemingly make gaffes that only make these people angrier at you and do things to rub them the wrong way when you’re only trying to quell any conflict. It seems that anything you try to do to help the situation only seems to have the opposite effect, which erodes even more of your precious self-esteem.
You then begin to have a horrible attitude and outlook on life.
All humans are mean-spirited, greedy, and selfish pieces of sh**.
The world is a crappy place.
I’ll never amount to anything.
And that’s when adverse things begin to happen in your life. Your grades drop, your performance starts to wane, you lose out on awards, achievements, and opportunities. And the bullies are watching and smiling because all that is happening to you is confirming to them that you really are “a loser.” And inside, you know what they’re thinking. Bam! More of your self-esteem is smashed to bits.
Before you know it, what relationships you do have are suffering, and what goals you have- even goals that are, by all accounts, easy to attain, seem unreachable.
Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s only the Law of Attraction at work. Like attracts like. What you think about, even on a subconscious level, always comes about.
People have consistently bombarded you with negativity- insults, horrible names, rejection, disrespect, physical beatings, abuse, everything- and repetitiously. This has gone on for so long that you’ve consciously or subconsciously begun to believe the crap that your bullies have fed you. And what’s really bad is that you’re beginning to live up to it and you can’t seem to control it or stop it from happening.
What you resist will persist.
So, the saga continues. It seems that people are not only breaking their backs to convince everyone else that you’re evil, worthless, and stupid, they’re trying their damnedest to convince you of it too. Because, every day, you hear the same vitriol and get the same abuse over and over. Repetition, repetition, repetition.
Those people seem to be winning at it!
Understand that bullies do this deliberately. Oh yes! There is both a method and a purpose behind it that’s either conscious or subconscious.
Put plainer, bullies mean to get you to believe that you are, in fact, worthless and force you to agree with it and that you deserve the mistreatment. Because if they can get you to believe it too, then you’re more likely to submit to their abuse and demands without protest.
Why else would they try to drum such lies- such garbage– into your head a million and one times a day?
Understand that bullying, because of its repetitiveness, because of its brutality, is a form of brainwashing. It’s not only physical, but it’s also psychological warfare. Over time, it conditions you to believe that you’re no good and will never amount to anything.
And when you’re in a school or workplace full of bullies who loathe you and want nothing more than to destroy you, the psychology of it is akin to being stuck in a re-education camp in a Communist Country. It’s just as mind-altering, and it’s just as damaging.
This is because bullies spoon-feed you their tripe repeatedly until your mind absorbs it and end up believing it too. They physically and emotionally beat you down, then they gaslight you and convince you that you deserve it- that you asked for the abuse and made them have to hurt you.