Will We Ever Stop Bullying Completely? Here’s Your Answer.

Everywhere you look, you see slogans like, “Stop Bullying,” “Eradicate Bullying,” “No Bullying,” and other slogans. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s actually a great thing with great intentions behind it.

We’d love to think that we could someday. Again, the above slogans are well-meaning and come from a good place, so I’m certainly not against such slogans.

However, the question remains. “Will we ever stop bullying completely?”

The reality is, no. We will never be able to completely annihilate bullying. Why? You may ask? It’s because bullying is an unfortunate and ugly part of human nature. Understand that we live in a fallen world and, in a fallen world, bullying will always exist.

This is not to say that bullying is okay, because it isn’t. In no way is this an excuse, but humans can be horrible predators. Yes. We should hold bullies accountable for their rotten behavior. But we should also teach targets of the mindsets of bullies and how they operate.

We should teach targets on how to reframe the attacks and psychological warfare that bullies launch against them.

For example, when a bully puts down and tries to define the target, we should teach the target not to think thoughts like:

“I must have done something wrong or to make him (the bully) angry”

or

“There must be something wrong with me.”

Instead, we should teach targets to think these kinds of thoughts when they’re attacked: 

“The bully is doing something wrong,”

“There’s something wrong with the bully, not me,”

“The bully is the one with the problem.”

“The bully is the one acting like a fool and I don’t want him around me.”

Here’s another Example:

If you’re a target of bullying and a bully calls you a wimp, you should counter the bully’s attack by saying:

“No! You’re the wimp! Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel the need to be so loud, obnoxious, and rude!”

Always counter the bully’s attack, then call out his/her behavior.

This is how you reframe the bullies’ attacks and save your self-esteem. We must teach targets to see through bullies’ facades and acts of toughness, then counter them and call them out. We should also teach targets to stand up for themselves in case the bullies become violent. Only then will targets reclaim their power and cease to be targeted.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Targets of Bullying Risk Becoming School Shooters

With the many shootings which have happened, such as the Jonesboro, Parkland, and Santa Fe school massacres, it has been placed on my heart to write about something which needs to be discussed but, sadly, isn’t by many. It should be no surprise that bullying is almost always a factor in the uptick of school shootings, which have plagued our country for the last twenty years. Before we go any further, let me remind you that being bullied, no matter how severe, is absolutely no excuse for taking human lives, and I would never condone such an action!

However, many shooters have been victims of bullying, who were pushed to the breaking point. They finally snapped after many years of relentless and repetitive abuse by their peers and being rebuffed by school staff in their attempts to report bullying incidences and get help. Therefore, they resort to bringing a gun to school and leaving death and mayhem in their wake! The shooters then turn the gun on themselves to avoid prison, and the end result is that families and loved ones on both sides and entire communities are left devastated!

One such example is the Columbine Shooting in April of 1999. I have read many articles about this particular case. It was stated by many experts that the perpetrators, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, had for years been bullied outcasts, who’d only gotten fed up with the continuous negative treatment and finally went into a rage and lashed out, as have so many other victims since then. Again, I cannot stress enough how wrong and counterproductive bringing a gun to school really is! However, I believe there is something we’re missing here- the issue of mental health and bullying, which often leads to these tragedies.

Before the pandemic, school shootings had become so common that they’d become a political issue and fodder for the agendas of both the left and the right wings, with the left pushing for gun control and the right’s push to arm teachers and tighten school security. Although these certainly are legitimate issues that need to be addressed before the end of the pandemic and schools are fully functional again, it seems that almost no one is discussing the root cause of these shootings- bullying and/or mental health.

I believe that “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”! Perhaps if we reach these bullied and at-risk youth and show them that they are not alone and that they matter just like everyone else, we will be able to save them from the possibility of becoming violent and, ultimately, bring down these horribly high statistics! I will explain this in more detail in part two.

(To be continued in Part 2…)

5 Reasons Bullies Target the Best People

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I’ve mentioned before that bullies seem to have a taste for the best people when they select their targets. They go for the people with hearts of gold, people who are intelligent, who are cooperative with authority, and those who have an unwavering moral compass and a sense of fair play and justice.

There are reasons bullies target these outstanding people:

1. Bullies experience anyone else’s goodness as their inferiority.

2. In these targets, they see their imperfections and flaws reflected back at them.

3. Bullies know that they’re most likely to be rejected by these people.

4. Bullies know if they tried to manipulate these people, they wouldn’t get very far.

5. Bullies instinctively know that these people are smart and would likely see through their manipulations, mind games, and facades.

Realize that the best people know themselves. And to know yourself is to trust yourself and know lies and abuse when you see them. This is why people who are “the best” are a huge threat to bullies and abusers.

I’ve mentioned before that bullies seem to have a taste for the best people when they select their targets. They go for the people with hearts of gold, people who are intelligent, who are cooperative with authority, and those who have an unwavering moral compass and a sense of fair play and justice.

There are reasons bullies target these outstanding people:

1. Bullies experience anyone else’s goodness as their inferiority.

2. In these targets, they see their imperfections and flaws reflected back at them.

3. Bullies know that they’re most likely to be rejected by these people.

4. Bullies know if they tried to manipulate these people, they wouldn’t get very far.

5. Bullies instinctively know that these people are smart and would likely see through their manipulations, mind games, and facades.

Realize that the best people know themselves. And to know yourself is to trust yourself and know lies and abuse when you see them. This is why people who are “the best” are a huge threat to bullies and abusers.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Question, “Will We Ever Stop Bullying?”

Everywhere you look, you see slogans like, “Stop Bullying,” “Eradicate Bullying,” “No Bullying,” and other slogans. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s actually a great thing with great intentions behind it.

We’d love to think that we could someday. Again, the above slogans are well-meaning and come from a good place, so I’m certainly not against such slogans.

However, the question remains. “Will we ever stop bullying completely?”

The reality is, no. We will never be able to completely annihilate bullying. Why? You may ask? It’s because bullying is an unfortunate and ugly part of human nature. Understand that we live in a fallen world and, in a fallen world, bullying will always exist.

This is not to say that bullying is okay, because it isn’t. In no way is this an excuse, but humans can be horrible predators. Yes. We should hold bullies accountable for their rotten behavior. But we should also teach targets of the mindsets of bullies and how they operate.

We should teach targets on how to reframe the attacks and psychological warfare that bullies launch against them.

For example, when a bully puts down and tries to define the target, we should teach the target not to think thoughts like:

“I must have done something wrong or to make him (the bully) angry”

or

“There must be something wrong with me.”

Instead, we should teach targets to think these kinds of thoughts when they’re attacked: 

“The bully is doing something wrong,”

“There’s something wrong with the bully, not me,”

“The bully is the one with the problem.”

“The bully is the one acting like a fool and I don’t want him around me.”

Here’s another Example:

If you’re a target of bullying and a bully calls you a wimp, you should counter the bully’s attack by saying:

“No! You’re the wimp! Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel the need to be so loud, obnoxious, and rude!”

Always counter the bully’s attack, then call out his/her behavior.

This is how you reframe the bullies’ attacks and save your self-esteem. We must teach targets to see through bullies’ facades and acts of toughness, then counter them and call them out. We should also teach targets to stand up for themselves in case the bullies become violent. Only then will targets reclaim their power and cease to be targeted.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Targets and Survivors of Bullying and Self-Defeating Behavior

Targets and many survivors of bullying have self-esteems that have been repeatedly injured, and when one’s self-esteem is injured, sometimes they will have trouble making friends and attracting suitors for dates and romance.

This can be because of two things, the person either becomes angry because they feel they were judged unfairly, or they resign themselves as social failures and withdraw.

The anger helps to protect the target’s self-esteem. Moreover, the target’s anger is heightened due to having been programmed by bad life experiences to sometimes mistake comments for insults.

If it’s constructive criticism, the target may wonder if the person doing the criticizing is trying to help them or only trying to show them that they’re smarter or implying that he (the target) is stupid.

Many targets are bullied for so long that their social development has been stunted. Therefore, many targets and survivors may be successful in everything except relationships with others. This is because they’ve been made to believe that they’re unlovable and thus, don’t trust anyone else when they show them affection and profess love.

These people only see other people’s attempts at love and friendship as manipulation because it’s what they’ve come to expect.

Many targets and survivors of bullying are often looked at as standoffish, stuck-up, or snobbish because they feel safer keeping other people at arm’s length. Because of this arm’s-length approach to social situations, people see the target or survivor of bullying as being wrapped up in themselves when, in fact, they’re insecure because of mistreatment they endure.

The unspoken message from the person is “don’t get too close” and it comes from their fear of being rejected, hurt, and worse- bullied again. So, they put on a cool front to hide their nervousness.

On top of being bullied by peers, many targets and survivors have or have had a parent overcriticize and belittle them, which only doubles the insecurity. So, they find it much safer to overprotect themselves and build a wall to keep potential enemies out. They go out of their way to avoid exposing themselves to rejection, and thus, appear to others as cold and detached.

Like anyone else, targets and survivors desire love, and they have a bigger desire for it than most. However, their intense fear of being bullied blocks them from getting that love because to get love requires a degree of vulnerability.

Being able to enjoy friendship, love, and affection means letting down your guard and taking risks. Sadly, many targets and survivors are too afraid to lower their defenses.

If this post describes you, I want you to know that I completely understand because I’ve been right where you are now. However, I can’t stress enough the importance and necessity of putting yourself out there and taking the risk.

To see positive change, you must shed this protective armor if you want to attain the friendship and love you so desire. Because the self-protective measures that you have taken are exactly what is repelling others and keeping you isolated. Being aloof and distant may indeed feel safe, but it’s also self-defeating because it keeps love out.

So, step out in faith and I promise you that you will see change you never thought possible. You’ll have good friends who will love you for simply being you. Hey! It happened for me and it will happen for you too!

😊

Reasons Bullies Target the Best People

I’ve mentioned before that bullies seem to have a taste for the best people when they select their targets. They go for the people with hearts of gold, people who are intelligent, who are cooperative with authority, and those who have an unwavering moral compass and a sense of fair play and justice.

There are reasons bullies target these outstanding people:

1. Bullies experience anyone else’s goodness as their inferiority.

2. In these targets, they see their imperfections and flaws reflected back at them.

3. Bullies know that they’re most likely to be rejected by these people.

4. Bullies know if they tried to manipulate these people, they wouldn’t get very far.

5. Bullies instinctively know that these people are smart and would likely see through their manipulations, mind games, and facades.

Realize that the best people know themselves. And to know yourself is to trust yourself and know lies and abuse when you see them. This is why people who are “the best” are a huge threat to bullies and abusers.

Targets of Bullying at Risk of Becoming School Shooters

With the many shootings which have happened, such as the Jonesboro, Parkland, and Santa Fe school massacres, it has been placed on my heart to write about something which needs to be discussed but, sadly, isn’t by many. It should be no surprise that bullying is almost always a factor in the uptick of school shootings, which have plagued our country for the last twenty years. Before we go any further, let me remind you that being bullied, no matter how severe, is absolutely no excuse for taking human lives, and I would never condone such an action!

However, many shooters have been victims of bullying, who were pushed to the breaking point. They finally snapped after many years of relentless and repetitive abuse by their peers and being rebuffed by school staff in their attempts to report bullying incidences and get help. Therefore, they resort to bringing a gun to school and leaving death and mayhem in their wake! The shooters then turn the gun on themselves to avoid prison, and the end result is that families and loved ones on both sides and entire communities are left devastated!

One such example is the Columbine Shooting in April of 1999. I have read many articles about this particular case. It was stated by many experts that the perpetrators, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, had for years been bullied outcasts, who’d only gotten fed up with the continuous negative treatment and finally went into a rage and lashed out, as have so many other victims since then. Again, I cannot stress enough how wrong and counterproductive bringing a gun to school really is, much less using it to shoot people! However, I believe there is something we’re missing here- the issue of mental health and bullying, which often leads to these tragedies.

Before the pandemic, school shootings had become so common that they’d become a political issue and fodder for the agendas of both the left and the right wings, with the left pushing for gun control and the right’s push to arm teachers and tighten school security. Although these certainly are legitimate issues that need to be addressed before the end of the pandemic and schools are fully functional again, it seems that almost no one is discussing the root cause of these shootings- bullying and/or mental health.

I believe that “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”! Perhaps if we reach these bullied and at-risk youth and show them that they are not alone and that they matter just like everyone else, we will be able to save them from the possibility of becoming violent and, ultimately, bring down these horribly high statistics! I will explain this in more detail in part two.

(To be continued in Part 2…)

Types of Beliefs Bullying Instills in Victims

“Nobody will ever love me.”
“Nothing good can ever happen for me.”
“Human beings are predators and love drama.”
”It sucks to be me!”

Those were once my beliefs.

Bullying is a form of brainwashing. When a person has been an object of bullying for an extended length of time, they become fearful and unwitting hold themselves back. After people tell the target for so long that they aren’t good enough, the tormented person comes to believe it themselves. Even worse, those negative thoughts, which have, for several years, been drummed into their heads by bullies, become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Because bullying is so repetitive, it causes the target to think that they don’t deserve to be happy or prosperous. This person stops taking risks and plays everything safe. They settle for far less than what he/she deserves. And they don’t trust themselves to make good decisions and to say or do the right thing.

Targets of chronic bullying have the mindset that good fortune happens to anyone but them. Also, they lose faith in humanity and come to think that all people are rotten and take pleasure in harming others. As a result, targets lose their trust in humans in general, which only causes them to lose out on what could be genuinely remarkable friendships and relationships and re-enforce loneliness and isolation.

This is what bullying does to people. It reprograms their minds and smashes their self-esteem to pieces, which can sometimes take years to put back together again. It causes them to do things that they usually would never do. I say this because it happened to me.

During the years my classmates bullied me, I did not trust anyone. I selected friends I didn’t want to be friends with and dated a few guys whom I wasn’t even remotely attracted to- all because I believed I couldn’t do any better. I did this to avoid being alone.

As long as there was a warm body around, it was “good enough.” I didn’t realize that not only was I being unfair to myself but also the people I selected. I deserved to be with people whom I wanted to be with and who were upstanding and positive, and they deserved to be with people who were with them because they chose to be, not because they were the only option. I was doing what Zig Zigler termed as “stinkin’ thinkin.'”

Here is another thing targets do as a result of bullying, they never permit themselves to be selfish, not realizing that a little bit of selfishness is okay, even imperative at times! In the past, people have repeatedly accused these targets of being selfish when they are only caring for themselves and also shamed them into believing that anything they do for themselves is wrong. Therefore, targets put themselves on the back burner and everyone else comes first, often at their own expense!

It happened to me. I became shy and shut people out for fear of being harmed. I was afraid to say “no” to people because, in the past, I had been retaliated against and hurt for daring to set a boundary. I was forbidden to set boundaries and expected to, even forced to “let” others violate me. It was a terrible situation, which eventually caused me not to value myself as a person.

And when I finally got mad at the direction my life was headed. I decided, “No more!” I deserved to be happy just as much as the next person and I got proactive. I became hungry from any knowledge that would help me change my inside so that I could change my outside!

I took my first step toward empowerment by reading as many personal development books I could get my hands on, then putting their advice into practice. And believe me! Spiritual and psychological reprogramming isn’t easy!

Anytime you set out to change destructive thoughts and habits you’ve had for several years, it’s the hardest thing to do. It takes a lot of grunt-work and, most of all, patience because the change doesn’t happen overnight.

Your mind will fight you every step of the way. It took several years for me to notice a significant difference in my thought patterns and attitude.

Thankfully, it finally paid off in a big way, and things are much different today! I want you to know that when you are a target, placing worth on yourself and doing the work to bring positive changes in your life is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

Don’t do like me. For a time, I let my bullies win by caving in under a mountain of pressure and giving them carte blanche to brainwash me with their abuse. However, it was a lesson learned.

Always, value yourself, even when it seems that others don’t because it will work wonders for your self-esteem and save you a lot of work later. Keep fighting even when it appears that you’re losing the battle because oftentimes when things look the bleakest, your breakthrough or relief is just around the corner.

Love yourself and put yourself first, then reach out to only those who reciprocate love and positive feelings to you. Turn a deaf ear to the harmful talk bullies may attempt to fill your head with. Better yet, send those toxic parasites packing! Because you’re worth it! I promise you!

Crappy Advice Often Given to Targets of Bullying

If you have ever been a target of bullying, how many of these did you hear from your well-meaning family members and friends when you were trying to deal with the onslaught of bullies?

  1. Keep a low profile
  2. Keep your nose clean
  3. Tread lightly
  4. Don’t rock the boat
  5. Don’t make waves
  6. Tone it down a little
  7. Don’t draw attention to yourself
  8. Stay out of the way
  9. Keep your head down
  10. Don’t poke the bear
  11. Make yourself scarce
  12. Be nonchalant
  13. Stay out of trouble
  14. Go the extra mile
  15. Try to blend in

If you were ever told one (or more) of these 15 things, feel free to comment!

Victims of Bullying May Make Very Poor Choices Just to be Accepted

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Sadly, victims of bullying often make poor life choices because of bullying. Years ago, I was a victim and yes, I made some really bad decisions, some of which continue to affect my life today.

At the time, I didn’t really know why I made those decisions. However, today, there is no doubt in my mind that the reason I allowed myself to get into smoking marijuana and having lots of sex during high school was that I was lonely from being bullied.

You see? Most victims of bullying have been bullied for so many years that they will do anything- anything, to be accepted and make friends. After so long, the loneliness, the despair, and the sadness becomes too much to bear and desperation begins to creep in.

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Young Targets may do one or more of the following:

1. Try drugs

2. Overeat

3. Undereat

2. Have unsafe sex/promiscuity

3. Join gangs

4. Participate in crime

5. Commit high-risk behaviors (like drag-racing and dangerous daredevil stunts)

They will sometimes do these things just to feel like they belong.

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Girls may begin “dating down”. They settle for either a partner they don’t really love, or an abusive partner just for validation that they too can attain romance and they are worthy of love just like everyone else.

Girls may also deliberately become pregnant because they want so bad to have someone (the baby) to love them.

If you are a victim of bullying, I can’t emphasize enough that you don’t have to do these things to be accepted or to feel loved. There are better options.

Instead of making unwise choices, practice your talents, and do the things you enjoy. Spend time with the people who DO love you. Give a little of yourself to help others every day and I promise you, it will pay off sooner or later.

You will attract genuine friends into your life and best of all, your self-esteem will go up as well.