Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying (Part 1)

April 14, 2022Leave a comment

Before I go into the story, I want to tell you that very few people ever come out the winner if they’re a target of bullying in the workplace. I say this because when I worked in the toxic and poisonous environment, I’m about to tell you of, I saw so many people who fell victim.

Droves of innocent workers ended up losing their jobs and some, their careers because of the evil actions of a clique of psychopaths who were handed power they had no business having.

These employees were the best and the kindest people, and my heart broke for them. It still does when I think back.

In late 2007, I began working for a sanitation company that contracted with *Shady Grove Living Center in Oakley. My supervisor, *Darnell, and my coworkers were the best. Sure, we had our disagreements and our spats. Still, I could never have dreamed of working with a better supervisor and team. And on many occasions, we’d have so much fun together!

Another great thing was that we didn’t work for the nursing home, only for a separate company contracted with them. So, in reality, no one at the nursing home had any power over us, though they loved to think they did.

I was already well aware that the site was very toxic, but I always stood back and observed the people and the goings-on around me. And during my first week of employment there, it didn’t take long to figure out who the troublemakers were.

I made sure to avoid the drama queens, the gossips, and the bullies and went on with my business. Another beauty was that there was a long corridor between the actual nursing facility and the sanitation area, so we didn’t have to work with them nor be around them much at all.

The only time I saw any of them was toward the end of the shift when I’d roll the laundry cart full of clean linens down to the main building to stock the linen closets.

Therefore, for the first year and three months, everything went smoothly, and no one bothered me. I got along with everyone and was seemingly well-liked. That is until I put one snarky CNA in her place for trying to be a smart alick.

This CNA, whom we’ll call, *Candi, had it in her mind that those who worked in the laundry department, were beneath her and expected them to carry hers and everyone else’s water. Although the CNAs didn’t make any more than we did, Candi and a few others had no regard for us. They didn’t see us as human beings because we worked in sanitation.

After I schooled her, Candi felt anger and indignation. So, she stormed away and cried to her buddies in the nursing home clique. She couldn’t stand that I’d smart-mouthed her, and “how dare” I talk to her like that. Oh! “The nerve of” me!

And she took the rest of the day off as a stress leave because she was so upset. And I knew why she was so peeved. She was the type who couldn’t handle being told a thing or two by someone she deemed inferior.

It’s hilarious when I think of it! But that’s when the bullying began.

(More in Part 2…)

* Not the real name of the person or entity.

2 Ways Bullies Search for and Groom Potential Targets

January 16, 2022Leave a comment

When bullies search for targets to bully and think they’ve spotted a potential, they will groom the potential target to test the waters and see if the person is an easy target. They groom you before the actual bullying starts.

The grooming techniques may occur only once or numerous times. So, how do bullies groom targets? They do it by deliberately using subtle behaviors to see how the person reacts. They will then cunningly and ever-so-carefully observe every word the target says and everything he/she does to assess whether they’re the right person with whom to toy with and establish a bullying dynamic.

Bullies prefer those who have low self-esteem and who are afraid of conflict because it is those people who have difficulty asserting themselves and standing up to bullying behavior.

Portrait of young Asian man making telescope gesture with his hands, shocked surprised gesture, looking far away concept

When bullies groom a potential target, their behavior toward the person can be either subtle and confusing or direct and obvious. But however the behavior presents itself, the bully has only one goal- to closely observe how the PT (potential target) reacts.

When bullies decide whether the PT is the right person to target for bullying and abuse, they use these criteria:

1. How the PT responds to their behavior.

2. Whether they respond confidently or uncomfortably.

3. Whether the PT sends back a clear message that they’re not intimidated nor confused and that they can take care of themselves.

For example, a kid is new at the school. A few classmates shove him or subtly insult him, then watch and assess him closely to see what his reaction will be. If the PT catches the attack and calls it out confidently, letting the bullies know that he’s onto them and that he won’t hesitate to defend himself, it’s likely that the bullies will leave him alone and go search for another target.

But if the PT gets confused or intimidated, chances are likely that the bullies will select him to bully because they’ll get the message that he’s afraid of them. Also, if the PT ignores the subtle digs and says nothing, the bullies may assume that he’s afraid and will also select him as a target. If the subtle behavior goes over the PT’s head, the bullies will also continue to bully him because they’ll sense the PT didn’t understand what they were saying or doing to him.

Bullies are like sharks who search for any sign of prey and the way sharks spot prey is to smell blood in the water. Your confusion, fear, self-guilt, and timidity are to bullies as blood is to sharks, signaling that you’re ripe for abuse.

So how exactly do bullies groom you if they see you as a potential?

1. They use dismissive, coercive, or aggressive behavior against them without warning. This is designed to throw you off-balance make you feel threatened. What the bullies want is for you to be stunned into silence or to acquiesce. And if they’re successful in throwing you off and intimidating you, their assessment of you will be that it’s safe to undermine your confidence, intelligence, abilities, and reputation.

2. They turn hot and cold toward you. They will be warm and friendly to you one day, then vicious and hostile towards you the next. You’ll never know when you’ll get the friendly version of these people or the hostile and hateful version.

You won’t know what to expect from these people and you’ll feel as if you must tip toe around them. They’ll have you walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Again, this is well-thought out in advance, and it’s designed to bewilder and confuse you. They want you to be stunned and they want you to be flabbergasted!

And once you’re off-balance and unsure of yourself, the bullies gain the upper hand. But if you respond angrily then the bullies will come back and escalate the altercation and use your angry response to paint you as the villain. That’s why you should avoid responding in anger.

Understand that the surprise attack is put together in such a way that you don’t take the initiative because the bullies want you to think that you’re somehow at fault. They want to make you feel responsible for their atrocious behavior. You’re not. So, don’t accept it because they’ll only use this as an opportunity to take away your personal power and wrest complete control over you.

This is a very manipulative trick they’re pulling on you to back you into a psychological corner. It’s to make you feel powerless and that you don’t have any other choice but to take their crap. And the more powerless you feel, the better the bullies feel because they want to establish that bully/target relationship with you, where you accept their bullying and abuse. These bullies want you to accept it to such an extent that you think you deserve it.

You don’t deserve it. No one deserves to be bullied and you have every right to stand up to them if they get out of line with you. And knowing this information is your first step in having the confidence to stand up to these people.

If you ever find that you’re being groomed and assessed for bullying, now is the time to assert your right to be safe and not to be attacked. Don’t wait. Now is the time to stand up to them because, if you wait, the bullies will quickly become comfortable with violating you and by then, it will be much harder to stand up to them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Ways Bullies Set You Up to Fail

November 6, 2021Leave a comment

If you are a target of bullying, you must understand that your bullies will have slick ways of setting you up for failure. You must also learn to recognize these tactics, so you’ll be able to protect yourself.

Here are these tactics:

1. They distract you from your work. Workplace bullies deliberately distract their targets from their projects with constant interruptions, which are very time-consuming. Bullies know that if they can stall their targets, they’ll cause them to miss deadlines.

If you have a coworker who’s constantly distracting you, politely tell the person you’re busy and will be with them when you’re able or lock the door to your office if you have one. This may or may not go over so well, but you’re still asserting yourself and that’s important too.

2. Withholding information. Bullies deliberately prevent targets from having the information needed to do their jobs. If you are a victim, they will cause you to miss important meetings and deadlines, which can put your job and career in jeopardy.

If you find that you’re not getting the proper information to do your job, find other and creative ways to get your needed info. Keep your ears peeled in case someone has a big mouth.

3. Overloading you with work. Bully bosses will either overwhelm their targets with extra work or assign tasks that are impossible to fulfill or complete on time. They may even make them work extra long hours to stress them out and keep them from getting adequate sleep. Bullies know that a person can’t do their jobs as effectively if they’re sleep-deprived.

If this starts happening, it might be wise to quietly begin looking for another job. Tell no one of your plans to leave and for Heaven’s sake don’t tell them where you’re going! The last thing you need is for someone to make a quick phone call and cause your future employer a change of heart.

4. Misleading You. Bullies will sometimes give targets wrong times and dates for deadlines or meetings. This is done not only to sabotage you but to humiliate you and make you look incompetent.

Again, find other ways of finding these things out. Never trust your boss if he’s bullying you and never trust your coworkers either.

5. Giving you meaningless or degrading assignments. Bully bosses will often take targets off their regular work assignments and give them degrading or subservient jobs, such as cleaning the office bathrooms, making lunch and coffee runs for everyone else, serving coffee to the rest of the team, or emptying all the trash.

Again, this is when it might be time to begin looking for new employment. But do it in secret!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying and Mobbing- How I Did It (Part 1)

March 21, 2021Leave a comment