“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”
~ Parker Palmer ~
We All Need Some Space
Many targets of bullying are afraid of being by themselves because they’re under the false belief that if you spend even a day by yourself, it means that there is something wrong with you. ‘Taint so!
Being alone is not always a bad thing. Solitude can be so good for you. We all need that “me-time”- some time to ourselves to chill and recharge our batteries. Trust me, I know what it’s like to never get any time to myself and to always have someone under my butt and it sucks after a while. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy other people’s company just as much as the next person, but not when it’s never-ending.
I have to have my quiet time. I enjoy the me-time I get while my husband is away at work. The house is quiet, and I can get some ideas flowing and some writing done.
On the days I don’t write, I can boogie down to some good loud music while doing my housework or go for a walk on a beautiful day. There’s nothing like sweet solitude!
So, don’t be afraid to be alone. Embrace it! You’ll be surprised at how refreshed you feel after you’ve had your private time.
With knowledge comes empowerment.
Targets, Here Are 9 Better Alternatives to Seeking Revenge.
Ever! It’s better to sit back, relax, and let Karma deal with them because I guarantee that Karma can do a much better job than you ever could. Besides, do you want to expend that kind of energy? That kind of ugliness? No. Because you’re better than that!
And they aren’t worth the effort. Revenge isn’t as sweet as it looks in the movies. In fact, it’s cancer that will eat you up inside if you dwell on it!
What’s so bad about hate is that you’re so preoccupied with the people who wronged you, and they may still have you convinced that they’re all-powerful and untouchable and that you’re powerless and at their mercy, though you may not admit it.
And this is why you’re just itching to exact revenge on them. You find yourself ruminating over the many times they bullied and abused you, and it will play over in your mind like a broken record. You’ll be plagued with the thought that they got away with it. Understand that all this will only eat down into your soul, rot, and cause nothing but more pain.
So, ask yourself. Are they worth it?
I understand that sinking feeling of defeat you get from knowing of the possibility that your bullies didn’t get theirs- that they can walk away free without the slightest clue that what they did was wrong. It’s normal to feel a sense of injustice.
And ignorance is bliss, and bullies are the most blissful people on the face of the earth! But understand that there’s a term for your bullies’ ignorance. It’s called willful ignorance, and it happens when your bullies convince themselves that they did nothing wrong and that you got what you deserved.
But realize that this is precisely what your bullies want you to think. Otherwise, they wouldn’t get such a thrill from it.
Revenge always escalates the bullying because bullies are known to get brutal to get what they want. And if you try to give them payback, it will only turn into a game of ping pong. It will go back and forth, back and forth again. It’ll be an endless game of tit for tat.
Continually replaying the bullying over and over in your head isn’t good at all! Because if you keep this up, you’ll never find happiness nor peace of mind. How can you move on with your life when you’re reliving the trauma?
Here are a few ways to reclaim your happiness and your life:
1.Seek Therapy. Never be too proud to seek therapy because it can help you process the negative feelings that poison your life. Therapy works. I’m living proof.
2. Write about it in a journal. Believe it or not, writing about it helps you unload and get it out of your system, especially when bullies have cut you off from support through smear campaigns. Not only are you building a good case and keeping a record of the bullying to use in case you go to court, but you are also providing yourself much-needed therapy. Writing is very therapeutic and cathartic. And once you get it out, even if only on paper, you’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll feel.
3. Spend time with people who feed your soul- the ones who love and care for you. Spending time with the people who love you the most can be a buffer to your self-esteem. It has a way of making up for all the hurt bullies cause you by giving you an equal or more amount of positivity in your life. Keep company with those who make you feel best about yourself. Share happy times with them, laugh with them, because laughter truly is the best medicine!
4. Capture happy moments. Again, bullies have given you enough negative, sad and stressful moments. Why not balance that with just as many happy moments? And the best part is that we have the power to create those moments!
5. Go on a trip. Sometimes, it’s just good to steal away to a beach house on a secluded beach with your family or friends. Or you can visit an out of state relative. Whatever you decide, getting out of town helps to bring you out of stagnation and revive you. It also gives you a sense of adventure, and that always lifts the mood. So, pack your things and go!
6. Meditate. Having been bullied can flood your mind with fear and negativity. It helps to shut off your mind, even for five minutes every day. Meditate on positive things. Focus on yourself and your personal goals. Meditate on God. It will help relax you and make you feel so much better.
7. Exercise. Exercise not only makes you healthier and promotes weight loss and better muscle tone, but it can also be one heck of a stress buster. Whether you like High-Intensity Training with weights or a brisk walk through the park, it increases endorphins and other feel-good chemicals to help you feel better.
8. Indulge in hobbies. Hobbies not only make you feel accomplished, but they take your mind off your bullies and the bullying you suffered in the past. So, find something you enjoy doing the most and concentrate on it. Being creative is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
9. Focus on your goals. If you focus on your goals, you won’t have time to focus on your bullies. They don’t deserve even to be an afterthought. So, focus on your goals and where you want to go. And make life all about those things. Keep doing your thing!
I want you to understand that bullies get so much pleasure from your misery. So, do all you can to add as much joy to your life as possible. And once you do, take pleasure in knowing that, if your bullies could see that you’re happy without them, they’d be so furious!
Sometimes you must play mind games with yourself. Does it sound strange? Possibly. But whatever works. Right?
No, you can’t pretend that the pain isn’t there. And you can’t bury it or stuff it down because if it’s there, it will leak out eventually. But you do have to process it and do a lot of work on yourself before it goes away.
It will take a lot of work and time to do, but it will be worth it in the end. And you’re worth it! It’s all about self-care. And there’s nothing better than investing in yourself! I guarantee it!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Bullies May Turn Others Against You but Never Allow Them to Turn You Against You!
No matter what other people may think of you, you are the only one who knows who you truly are. Bullies are known for spinning smear campaigns and witch hunts to turn others against a target because it’s the only way they can make their lies and accusations seem valid. However, no matter how convincing the bullies may be and how many people believe the lies and rumors spread about you, it doesn’t mean the talk is true.
Only you can judge who you really are, nobody else can. I know it’s difficult not to question yourself when it seems that others hate you. Anyone who finds themselves in this situation would ask themselves, “What did I do?” or “What did I say?” It’s only a natural human reaction to being ostracized. It’s difficult not to blame yourself.
But please, for your own self-esteem, do not blame yourself. Remember that the problem lies with the bullies, not with you. You are not responsible for what is happening to you. Believe it!
Although others may turn against you, just make sure that you do not turn against you! Remember that reputation doesn’t equal character!
Continue to love yourself. Continue to take care of yourself and be true to your own heart! Continue to do the things that give you pleasure and surround yourself with those who do love you and want the best for you. Because during this time, you must ‘baby’ your self-esteem and your confidence!
Bullies may turn everyone else against, you! Just don’t allow them to turn you against yourself because you have no reason to hate yourself. So, love yourself even when it seems that others hate you. I promise you that your self-esteem will thank you for it! You will thank yourself for it!
With knowledge comes power!
Fearless
Bullying is One Big Psy-Op
Young girl bending down covering her face with her hands trying to protect herself from mens’ fists, finger guns and hands pointing at her. Women’s rights. Violence against women. Domestic violence.
Why do I tell you it’s a psychological operation of a sort? It simply because of the purpose of it. Just as the purpose of any psy-ops operations in military warfare and propaganda campaigns is to demoralize the enemy, the same is also the purpose of bullying- to demoralize the target. If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that if bullies can demoralize you, they can then crush your will to stand up for yourself and fight back.
Bullies tell targets things like:
“You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”
“No body likes you” or “You don’t have any friends.”
“You can’t fight against us.”
“You’ll always be a nobody” or “You’ll never amount to anything.”
“No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”
“You’ll never win that contest.”
“You’ll never make the team.”
You’ll never this and you’ll never that. You must realize that these statements are all design to tear down your confidence and to keep you mentally subdued- to get you to overcome your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse, they must slowly weaken you so that you won’t stand up to them and you’ll give up on yourself and let your bullies just walk all over you.
Again, this is all designed to weaken your resolve and force you to surrender to their abuse.
Bullies want you to believe that you’re worthless.
They want you to believe that you’re powerless.
They want you to believe that you can’t do anything right.
They want you to believe that you’re an evil person.
They want you to doubt yourself
They want you to feel inferior.
In short, they want you to hate yourself.
Why? Because bullies know that whatever you believe about yourself, others are more than likely going to believe it too. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to have confidence in you?
These bullies want you to stop focusing on your goals and going after your dreams because they were too lazy to go after theirs. They want to convince you that you’re a failure and that everything you set out to do is going to fall flat. They want you to give up and submit to their subjugation so they can feel superior.
Psy-ops are also conducted to create opportunities that otherwise might not come to fruition.
The opportunity to keep you silent and from talking about their abuse.
The opportunity to bully you freely and with impunity.
The opportunity to use you to further their selfish and evil agendas.
You see, if they can weaken you, they can silence you and they can bully you safely, without being detected and continue to feel superior and get that rush of power. They can use your weaknesses and shortcomings to distract attention from their own. They can make you the bad guy and the object of suspicion while they get to go on doing their dirt without fear of being caught.
Think about it, if they can ruin your reputation and make you into a known troublemaker, then people won’t suspect it’s the bullies stirring up all the discord. They’ll look over at you instead. Understand that where there’s smoke, there’s fire and if people expect trouble to come from a certain person, then that person is where they’re going to look.
To do what the bullies want to do to you requires changing public opinion about you. If bullies can demonize you in the eyes of others, and they often do, they can cut you off from having any friends, allies, or support. Once they cut you off from support, then they can bully you at will because no one else will like you and any bystanders will either not care or they’ll refuse to help you because they will believe that you deserve the abuse.
Bullies are experts at breaking down barriers that would prevent them from abusing you. I urge you to see it all for what it is. Never let them cause you not to believe in yourself. Never let them destroy your confidence. Never let them gaslight you and try to tell you that their behavior is your fault. Never let them cause you to hate yourself.
Always stand up for yourself and call the bullies and their behavior out. Because, in doing so, you keep those barriers in place to protect you. You keep your reputation; you keep the support of others. Most importantly, you keep your confidence, your self-belief, and your healthy self-esteem.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
3 Reasons Targets Should Never Pander to Bullies
I’ve seen so many bullied targets- even people who aren’t victims pander- or, in laymen terms, suck up. No doubt about it, bullies can be intimidating, even downright threatening. Anytime someone feels threatened, their first instinct is to do anything they have to do to quell the danger. That, I completely understand.
But is it always a good idea to pander to your bullies? Hmm. Let’s find out.
Vector illustration of a grovel in business
First let’s ask these two questions.
1. Would pandering really change things? No. Why? Because when we pander, we only give away more of our personal power. And that’s exactly what bullies want. Also, bullies see pandering as bowing down and kissing their feet. And they only get a huge power rush and ego boost from it and, as we all know, bullies can’t get enough of those.
2. Would it change your bullies’ minds about harming you? It might for the moment. You may indeed pacify them, but the appeasement will only too quickly wear off. Trust me on this one, your bullies will come back for more later. That is a given.
3. You’ll end up feeling like a complete wuss later. You’ll only ruminate, asking yourself over and over again, “Why the hell did I just kowtow to this creep?” or “Why do I continuously let these people take a deuce all over me every chance they get?” Trust me, your self-esteem will take a huge dent and you’ll end up kicking yourself for it later.
Pandering is for pansies. I can tell you that if you start thinking for yourself and standing up to anyone who violates your boundaries, it’s true that they may bully you harder for it. You may have to fight harder and for longer to assert yourself.
And yes. The harassment may get worse before it gets better. But, in the end, you’ll feel better about yourself knowing you didn’t bend over for those morons. You’ll feel more confident and be proud of yourself, knowing that you stood firm and that you eventually overcome. And there is no better feeling. I guarantee it!
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Today’s Quote
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on.”
~ Maxwell Maltz ~
4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Change to Appease Bullies
Bullies are notorious for demanding that their targets change- that targets change something about themselves that they (the bullies) don’t like. We know that bullies point out anything they don’t like about targets to divert the attention of everyone else away from their own shortcomings and imperfections.
You should always be yourself and never allow bullies to change you. Here are the reasons why:
1. If the bullies can’t find something wrong with you, they’ll invent something wrong with you. If you want to better yourself- get an education, lose weight, get a better job, better home, etc., that’s completely normal because you’re doing those things for yourself. You’re making sensible changes and not to please anyone else.
But if you’re content with your life and some idiot demands you change something about yourself that they don’t like- something that’s not harming anyone, then you have a right to tell that person to go take a long walk off a short pier. Who are they to tell you that you should change?
2. Trying to be someone you aren’t to please others requires too much effort. Why would you want to expend so much work to fake your way through life? You’ll be watching every word that comes out of your mouth and every step you make, which means, you’ll be in a constant state of high alert because you’ll always worry what others think of you. Even if you do get accepted by others by being fake, it won’t make you happy. This is no way to live!
3. There will always be those who don’t like you no matter what you do. Therefore, all that extended effort, just to be liked, is all for naught. You’ll be jumping through hoops for other people. You’ll be shape-shifting yourself into a pretzel and in most cases, it doesn’t make people like you any better. What it does is cause you to live a life of undue stress and anxiety. Is that how you want to live? I hope not.
4. Genuine people and those who matter will only lose respect for you. Let’s be real here. No one likes nor respects a person who is fake. You won’t be taken seriously and, in most cases, you’ll only be bullied worse for your willingness to bend over backwards to gain acceptance. In other words, you’ll only get the opposite outcomes to what you hope for. How disappointing!
Sadly, I see people living in fear- being careful not to say the words, “mother,” “father,” “man,” “woman,” “he” or “she.” And I can only shake my head is dismay and embarrassment.
I write this because we live in a world that is trying to change us and what it wants to change us into is utterly ridiculous. No, wait! Ridiculous isn’t the word for it. Insane is a more appropriate word.
For example, bullies aren’t the only people who will try to change you. The media and other puppet masters also want us to change- even change the way we speak. They want to eliminate the words, “mother,” “father,” “sister,” “brother,” any word that identifies genders of family relatives. It’s crazy!
If they want to use different terms, then fine. To each their own. But how dare they demand that the rest of us change for them?
Who do they think they are?
Since when do they decide how we speak, what we believe, and how we behave?
Who died and made them lords over the rest of us?
And who are they to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell these radicals that they do not get to decide how I nor anyone else speaks, behaves, or lives.
Understand that they are bullies themselves and are well-known for pushing boundaries and intruding on others. They have to be bullies to burn down people’s homes, businesses, and entire cities to make a point. They must be bullies to assault little old couples or children on the street.
And they’re so arrogant that they feel entitled to tell the rest of us what words we should say to identify members of our families. Again, who do they think they are? This is a blatant attempt at power and control.
And the media and universities have now become a brand of police- also telling us how we should speak, act, and think. Here’s my take on it- I think this gender inclusion crap is a bunch of hogwash. God help them if they were ever told how to live!
These people suggest that the word “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent” or “birthing parent,” and the word “father” be replaced with “non-gestational parent,” or “non-birthing parent.” What???
As I said, I, as well as most others, could care less how other people live. Whatever floats their boat, I always say. You do what makes you happy and allow me to do what makes me happy. In short, you do you and let me do me.
And that’s the message I have for the radicals out there: I don’t stick my nose into your business, so kindly keep your nose out of mine. Go away and leave the rest of us alone. Get a life. Get a job. Get a family. Get a dog! And get a life!
Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people. And all most people want is to freely practice their faith, raise their families, make a living, and be left alone. Nothing more.
Sadly, bullies don’t know how to leave people alone because they’re determined to violate boundaries. Bullies are all about power and control. They’re all about domination over others. That’s why it’s up to us to stand strong and refuse to change for them. It’s up to us to live our lives the way we want and to live life on our terms. Understand that bullies only have the power we allow them to have.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Other Ways Bullies Get Power- Suck-Ups, Kiss-Butts, and Brown-Nosers
Do you ever wonder where bullies get their power and how they seem to get away with their evil actions? It’s because they’re notorious suck-ups. Bullies have a knack for appealing to those in authority and winning them over to their side.
Bullies are, in many cases, the most clueless and incompetent employees in a company. I’ve known many who didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, yet to supervisors, they were the brightest of the bunch. This leaves me to wonder if the supervisors themselves weren’t just as dumb. So, how are bullies so successful at concealing their stupidity?
Vector illustration of a grovel in business
They do it by taking credit for other people’s work and ideas. And because bullies kiss the right butts, supervisors, managers, and HR overlook it. Thumbing rides on others’ coattails are the norm for these leaches.
In school, bullies often suck up to teachers, principals, and school officials. They also seek to impress them with academics and being on the sports teams and in clubs. Couple that with their parents’ other town and city connections, and they have the freedom to bully at will.
Bullies also undermine other employees’ accomplishments and successes, talk over them to keep them from speaking and deride coworkers who are a threat to them somehow. Is it any wonder they’re able to get away with their garbage and even be rewarded for it?
The sooner we get the word out and bust these predators, the more we’ll know what to look for in cases such as these.
With knowledge comes empowerment!