Some actions can hurt people. Some words can hurt people too. In today’s society, everyone has the freedom to speak out, but that doesn’t mean you can use it to hurt others because everyone has their own dignity and privacy. We have to learn to respect others, perhaps we do not know that we use […]
Down through the ages, either at school, the workplace, or the community, people have made excuses for the behavior of bullies and it can be downright sickening to targets of such evil acts. Often, the bully has gotten away with it for so long that they get too comfortable and no longer try to hide it. It leaves targets feeling not only a sense of injustice and resentment but downright furious! Unfortunately, this happens all the time, and it’s nothing new.
If you’re a target of such brutality and find yourself wondering why people make excuses for bullies, here are your answers below:
1. They’re afraid of becoming the next target. Nobody wants a bully on their back, so they make excuses for the bullies to protect themselves from being ostracized and to keep from arousing the bullies’ anger. These people often “don’t want to make waves” or “rock the boat.”
2. They’re loyal followers of the bullies. Many people are under the impression that being friends or followers of the bullies will give them status, popularity, favors, and most of all, protection. And in many cases, it does. But in others, the followers are only being used and will be quickly dismissed as soon as they’ve “served their purpose.”
3. They hate the target worse than they hate the bullies. They take the lesser of two evils route. If people hate the target worse than they do the bullies, they’re naturally going to side with the bullies and help demonize the target all for the satisfaction of seeing the victim suffer.
4. It’s expected of them. And people will often do what’s expected of them to do in an environment. Many times, the bullying of a particular individual has become the status quo in that specific environment, whether it be a school, workplace or community. And no one wants to challenge that for fear of being marginalized and forced to join the target at the bottom of the heap.
5. They prefer to “cheer for the winning team.” Many people will side with the person who wields the most power. When people are on the side of the winners or ones with the most power, they get a share in being one of the big dogs. Many times, there’s a certain amount of social status and prestige that goes with rooting for a particular clique, team or group who seems to be in charge and run the school, place of employment, or community.
6. They want to be a part of the in-crowd. (See number 5)
7. They think it will keep down the drama and allow some peace in that particular environment. Let’s face it. Bullying is stressful for bystanders and witnesses too. You don’t have to be a target for it to suck the energy out of you. All it takes for bullying to take the oxygen out of the room is for you to see it. So, people make excuses for the bully, often in their presence, to appease them and calm them down.
8. They’re bullies themselves. Birds of a feather flock together. People have a nose for and take care of their own.
guilt concept – unhappy young sporty man showing his throat with gun-like hands for sign of low self-esteem, textured effects
9. For purposes of self-interest. The bullies benefit them somehow. If the bullies are stars on the school football team, star performers in a corporation, or successful business people in a community, they boost the image of that school, corporation, or district and often bring or attract money into the coffers of these entities.
The prevailing thought is this, “If someone makes me look good and is bringing in the money, I’d be a fool to do anything to jeopardize it!”
Also, in return for keeping their mouths shut or justifying their wrongdoings, bullies will often reward bystanders and witnesses with social status, perks, favors, and protection. Or the reward may be the feeling of importance in knowing that that they’re on the team that holds the most power and prestige.
10. They want to impress the bullies and be admired by them. Many people have a desire to run with the “cool crowd.” Therefore, they make excuses for them to impress them and win favor. They feel that if the bullies, who already have an overinflated sense of their own importance, think well of them too, then they must be hot items themselves. And it’s a huge self-esteem boost.
However, these people are only letting the approval of these bullies define who they are, which is dangerous. Because once the bullies decide they don’t need them anymore, it’s going to be devastating for them.
You must understand that there is a payoff in it somewhere. Human Nature dictates that none of us do anything unless it somehow, someway, appeals to our self-interests, even a little bit. If people are making excuses for bullies, you can be sure that those people are somehow benefiting from it, whether it be psychological, social, or material gain.
Janet Jackson – “Rhythm Nation”
Paula Abdul- “Spellbound”
Donna Summer- “On The Radio”
Prince- “1999”, “Purple Rain”, “Controversy”, “Private Joy”, “Dirty Mind”, “Around the World in a Day”, “Sign O’ the Times”
Jade- “Mind, Body & Song”
Bobby Brown- “Get Away”
TLC- “Crazy Sexy Cool”
LaBouche – “Sweet Dreams” “Be My Lover”
Culture Beat- “Take Me Away”, “Got to Get It”
Captain Hollywood Project- “More and More”
Dokken- “Back for the Attack” “Under Lock and Key”
Motley Crue- “Shout…” “Girls Girls Girls” “Dr. Feelgood”
Lynch Mob- “Wicked Sensation”
Gossips are everywhere! Too many people worry needlessly about what people are saying about them. But here’s the thing, people talk. They’re going to have something to say about you until the day you die. Get used to it. Better, yet embrace it! Love it!
1. When people talk about you, they make you relevant! Good or bad, it means you’re an exciting topic- you’re not dull. Remember that it’s much better to be good or bad then to be boring.
2. When people engage in petty gossip about you, it means that they can’t get you off their minds. Somehow, someway, positive or negative, you’ve made an impact on them. You’ve stirred emotions up in them.
3. When people talk about you, it means they don’t have lives of their own and are obsessed with yours, which means your life must be more exciting than theirs.
4. When people talk behind your back, they reveal much more about themselves than they do you. Remember the old proverb, “Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events, and Small minds discuss people.”
5. When people can’t shut up about you, you’re the one who’s in control of them. Because you occupy a large amount of space in their minds, you’ve affected them profoundly and with little or no effort.
Businessman not listening to nonsense
6. The people who blab about you expend a lot of their energy on you while you get to save yours. They’re thinking of you without getting so much as a thought from you.
7. When you’re the topic of others’ discussions, it means that they’re your fans, only they don’t know it.
8. In a nutshell, when people can’t stop running their mouths about you, it only means that you have a tremendous amount of power over them and you didn’t have to make an effort to get that power! Yay, you!
So don’t give their talk any validation by reacting. Just sit back and be amused by the talkers, provided it’s just petty gossip and not defamation. I’ll distinguish between the two in a future post.
This blogger talks about bullying and cyberbullying and lists several movies on the subject! Great job!
Many of us have dealt with bullying at some point in our lives. But for today’s kids, bullying is more common than ever because of rapidly evolving technologies and mobile devices and social media platforms. Bullying used to be played on the playground with swear words, shoveling in the hallway, or notes from the study […]
Many targets are bullied so viciously that they become terrified, withdraw and isolate themselves. They grew leery of social situations and lose trust in all people. Once they lose faith in humanity, they become hermits.
Some solitude is healthy, but too much of it isn’t good. Although staying away from people may seem to be the safest way to deal with being bullied, it isn’t.
Understand that when you withdraw from people, you not only close yourself off to bullies, you cut yourself off from people who can help you and from information that could be important.
You’ll cut yourself off from any talk that your bullies might be planning something harmful and you must always pay attention to what’s going on around you. Also, when you isolate yourself, you draw too much attention to yourself and make yourself an easier target. When you’re alone, you’re ripe for attack.
Realize that we humans are social creatures and to have any power requires connection, interaction and being out and about.
It’s much better to mix and mingle with people and find friends and allies. What you should do is hide in the crowd from your bullies. Find others your bullies have bullied and use what you have in common to win them over to your side.
Making friends and allies both in and out of the bullying environment helps to counterbalance your bullies and give you protection.
When you refuse to isolate yourself, you’re more likely to receive news of what your bullies are doing and secrets they’re hiding, then use it to your advantage or for your defense. You can also better predict what they’ll do next.
Besides, the more sociable you are, the more at ease you’ll be and the more attractive you’ll become.
Too much isolation, on the other hand, will also make you awkward around people and they will begin to avoid you.
So, remember. Isolation should only be temporary and in small doses. Only then is it good because it allows you time to think and evaluate things.
But too much of it can leave you exposed for attack because bullies always attack when the target is alone.
Think about it. In the animal kingdom, predators like tigers and wolves always attack in packs and when the prey is separated from the herd. Bullies are the same!
What is cyber bullying? As we all know, cyber bullying also known as cyber harassment is bullying that happens on social media platforms or over digital devices like cellphones, computers, tablets and many more. Cyber bullying can occur through text messages as someone can send abusive content which is considered as bullying or it can […]
It seems that the finest nurses get the worst rap. Because of their empathy and their love and dedication to the job, they are often the ones who are targeted most by bullies. A nurse’s job is hard enough but when she is bullied by not only superiors and coworkers, but patients and their families too, I can only imagine how much harder she must work to hold it together- especially is he/she is fresh out of school.
When a nurse is bullied, it’s devastating and only goes to show what a thankless job he/she does! And sadly, the bullying often starts in nursing school.
There’s a saying that’s been popular for quite a while:
“Nurses eat their young.”
Sadly, it’s true and most likely the reason the medical field has such a shortage of nurses.
If you’ve ever been though nursing school, then you know it’s not only boot camp for your brain, but also a cesspool of bullies. Not that all nurses are bullies because they’re not. We have some fine nurses and they are our heroes! But sadly, the bullies seem to spoil it for all these wonderful people!
It’s shocking that there are bullies in a profession which is centered on care and healing and pride’s itself on compassion and empathy. Yet many students who’d be awesome nurses are often bullied out by those who are only in it for the great pay and prestige they know will come with being a nurse.
And in the workplace, the handful of bullies often make it hard for the greatest nurses in the field!
In 2013, I began training to become an RN. And I won’t pretend that it wasn’t tough. Although there were a few times when a few attempted to bully me, I managed to blow it off and after a few times, they left me alone.
However, there was another woman, a young girl just a few years post high school. I had the displeasure of watching her get tormented by the other students. And they would bully her to the point of tears! Even the instructors mistreated her. My heart broke for her. We’ll call her McKinley.
McKinley was young, a vibrant and gorgeous lady! And beautiful! So beautiful that she could’ve easily been a face on a magazine cover!
I’m not kidding. This young lady had movie star looks- a trim waist, long beautiful hair, wide, almond shaped eyes and a natural sun-kissed glow! And these spiteful older women in the staff seemed to target her every chance they got, which sent the message to the other students that it was okay for them to bully her too.
Bullies only ruin any profession they seek.
What was really shocking was that the two main bullies in the class would cheat on tests and when the rest of the class reported them, they were allowed to get away with it because, conveniently, the cameras in the classroom weren’t working or so it was told. And would you believe these instructors made sure the cheaters went on to graduate?
It’s funny how those two seemed to get a free pass. But you can bet that if they’d accused sweet McKinley of the same, they wouldn’t have thought twice about kicking her out of the nursing program!
Lucky for me, I still remember the cheater’s names and will know who to watch out for in the event I get sick and end up in a hospital bed.
As I continued to watch McKinley get berated, I grew both sad and angry at the same time. So, I decided to befriend her and immediately took her under my wing, giving her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when she needed.
Having been bullied in the past and knowing well how it felt, I bore this child’s pain! She soon become “my daughter from another mother” and through the rest of the semester, McKinley and I were inseparable.
I never went back after that semester. This experience made me realize that this wasn’t really what I wanted to do. McKinley dropped out the following semester.
She and I remain friends to this day and and I’m exited to say, she’s happy! McKinley has moved on to a better life. Having since gotten married and had two children. She’s also moved on to another career, one she enjoys!
McKinley now has the job, family and home she’s always wanted and I couldn’t be more proud of her. And I have no doubt she will continue to make her surrogate mother proud!
Don’t forget to pray from all the nurses and other healthcare workers during this crisis! They not only put themselves, but their families at risk! Pray that God will form a hedge of protection around them and bless them with staying healthy as they continue to put in long hours and help those who are stricken with Coronavirus.
In the weeks of the CV-19 Pandemic, I’ve kept it off my blog, for the most part, not to be selfish, but because I realize that people are already fearful enough as it is and there’s already enough panic right now without me adding to it. And I guess it was my way of preserving a little bit of normalcy.
Also, excessive blogging was my way of keeping my mind off the uncertainty surrounding the pandemic and all the negativity I see on the news every day.
However, we’re all human. And even though we may look calm and together on the outside, on the inside, we’re scared and if not scared, we’re concerned. I’m no exception.
For the most part, I’ve maintained a calm exterior. And I refuse to panic over something I can do nothing about. But!
As it is with many of you, my heart is heavy. I’ve had some long cries and said many prayers over the last few days because- like everyone else, I’m not sure what the future holds anymore. It’s the unknown that is so frightening. Though I don’t show it, it’s on the inside and it’s private.
But I’m going to hang onto faith that this thing won’t last, that minimal people die, and that whatever happens, it will be to our betterment in the long run. That’s what faith in God is.
Like you, I pray that this virus doesn’t hit any of my family and close friends. I pray that no one I know, friend or not, catches this disease. And I pray for total strangers too, hoping they stay well! And I pray for our neighborhoods, towns, our state, our country and our leaders.
I also pray that there’s little violence in the next few weeks as this Pandemic is expected to reach a peak. Because when people get desperate, they get dangerous, which is why I pray that this crisis ends soon.
I especially pray for our healthcare workers because they and their families are most at risk. I also thank them for the long hours they put in to help fight this virus. They are the real heroes in this!
Please continue to pray for strength and healing! God bless you all!
It won’t always be this way!
People won’t always bully you. And your classmates won’t always be in your life.
Your stomach won’t always be in knots and you won’t always be running out of class to go to the bathroom and throw up because of the intense stress.
You won’t always have to wonder when some snake at school is going to attack you in the halls or in the girls’ room.
The looking in the mirror and trying different outfits, makeup tricks and hairstyles- thinking that if you make yourself more attractive than you already are, the bullying will go away? It will soon end.
The wondering if you’re good enough and worthy of love? This will go away as well.
The wondering if you’ll ever be allowed to be yourself and to relax? This too shall pass.
The wondering if you’ll ever have true friends- friends who will love you for being you, stick up for you, and take care of you? Friends you don’t have to explain yourself to? In a few years, none of it will even be an issue.
Trust me. There will come a day when you won’t have the fake friends you have in school. And when that day arrives, you will have real friends who will love you for all that you are and all the beauty you bring to this world.
There will come a day when you’ll have the courage to walk away from toxic people who are no good for you. And you won’t be afraid to stand alone until better people find you.
There will come a day when you’ll be so confident and secure in yourself that the cruel words of others will no longer matter.
There will come a day when you’ll have a family of your own and friends who’ll love you for you.
People will no longer only tolerate you but celebrate you!
And each rejection, each bad name, each cruel taunt hurled; each punch, each kick, shove and blow to your body will piss you off a little more, and a little more. But that anger will give you the dogged determination to tune out the naysayers, follow your dreams and reach success!
Each incidence of bullying is only preparing you for what you’re meant to do later. It’s preparing you for a rewarding and successful life in the future.
Each blow you take, each bruise, each disappointment, each humiliation, each pull of your hair, and each tear you cry is only making you better. It’s making you the lady you’re meant to become- a more compassionate, empathetic, stronger and wiser woman.
Your loneliness now will be appreciation of the circle of friends and abundance of love you’ll have later.
Your naivete will become wisdom.
Your victimization will become your launch pad
And your bullies, your motivation.
I know it hurts. It hurts terribly! But the pain you suffer today will be the power you enjoy tomorrow!
So, hold on.
Don’t lose sight of your goals.
The best is yet to come!
Your Adult Self