The “Tiny Grain of Truth”-Another Powerful Weapon Bullies Use

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The “Tiny Grain of Truth Technique” is one of the bully’s most powerful and used tactics.

As I have said a million times before, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars. Bullies have been lying and telling half-truths for so long that they have it down to an art. Most bullies rarely tell blatant falsehoods. If they did, they would be much easier to expose and punish. Instead, bullies deceive by telling half-truths and adding their own spin.

The grain of truth is used as a starting point for a bully when he/she decides to defame you to others. If you are a bully, the beauty of the “grain of truth” is that it is often mistaken for the “whole truth”.

Anytime there is even the smallest grain of truth to a rumor, the rumor can be spun, twisted, and completely taken out of context not only to benefit the bully but to cause more damage to the victim. And no matter how much a story has been changed and rearranged, that grain of truth is usually all that’s needed to make the story more believable to others and damaging to the victim.

The more you know, the better!

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9/11/01- When Life as We Knew it Changed

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With the 18th anniversary of 9/11 upon us, I can’t help but look back on the past eighteen years since. My heart has ached not only for the lives lost on that fateful day but also for the loved ones left behind.

I also mourn the loss of the America that I grew up in, the America that my Daddy served and took great pride in, an America whose people once felt secure and free in, an America whose schools always began the day with the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord’s Prayer, an America without some of the ridiculous laws of today…an America whose people were never afraid to tell it like it is or call it what it is, an America that was not afraid to profess its faith in God.

I also grieve for a once-great nation who’s people were proud to be Americans instead of being ashamed of it. We were proud to fly Old Glory on our lawns and it never occurred to us that there would one day be those who would try to force us to take it down. I grew up during a time when standing on the flag was unheard of. In those days, great care was taken so that it never even touched the ground.

When I watched the Twin Towers burning on my television screen that morning, I knew that this country would never again be the same and that life as we knew it was forever changed.

I remember well the images on the news as does everyone else. I recall the towers burning and falling, I remember the streets being covered with ash, plane parts, concrete, and papers.

But the image that haunts me the most is of people plummeting 100 stories to their deaths to escape the intense heat of burning jet fuel.

For the life of me, I cannot comprehend the terror that went through their minds as they plunged to the hard asphalt below. I cannot imagine the gut-wrenching feeling of knowing that I am inevitably about to die and having to choose which way to go, with the alternative being so horrible that I would have to jump from so high up.

I hope and pray that no one will ever again be put in a situation to where they would have to make a horrible and soul-shaking decision such as that. Ever! I also hope and pray that one day, we the people can rise up and take back not only the values and morals of yesterday but also the freer, happier and more care-free country we once knew.

In God We Trust
God bless the USA

7 Common Tricks of the Cyberbully

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Cyberbullying can be bullying of the most devastating kind and for anyone- children, teens and adults alike. This is because attacks are seen by a much wider audience and there’s a high degree of anonymity as cyberbullies are cowards and hide behind fake screen names and profiles to avoid exposure. Here are 7 common tricks they use to cover their own behinds and make you look like the perpetrator.

1. They inbox you with a barrage of insidious messages.
Again, cyberbullies are cowards and fear being detected for the sick creeps they are. So, they use the inbox to unleash their vile attitude onto their victims. Even if you delete the person from your friends’ list, they can still send messages through the inbox.

2. They will tag you in a post, then claim you’re stalking their page.
This happened to me once. Although this is rather obvious (or should be) to others and used by dumber and maybe drunk cyberbullies, it does happen.

3. They rally their friends to troll your page.
Once you hit the “Block” button, watch for an influx of friend requests from people you don’t know or who would otherwise never in a million years “friend” you. This almost always happens just after you’ve blocked a cyberbully.

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4. They troll the pages of your spouse, family, and friends.
Cyberbullies do this to seek and gather information about you and those you’re closest to, which is then used as either ammunition to defame you, make fun of you, or to attack those you love.

5. They create hurtful, degrading and humiliating memes of you.
Cyberbullies do this to intimidate and embarrass you and to bait others to harass you.

6. They have others (or they do it themselves) to insert images of porn and other disgusting materials onto your timeline.
All designed to cause embarrassment.

7. They copy your profile photo and create duplicate and fake profiles in your name, claiming to be you.
They then send requests to all your family, friends and associates, baiting them to accept. Once the requests have been accepted, the cyberbully then sends your associates deplorable messages or tags them and posts flaming or lewd posts to their timelines in hopes of causing friction between you and the people you care about.

And sadly, there isn’t much anyone can do until better technology is introduced to track down these vile bullies and more robust laws are passed against this practice. What worked for me was staying on top of it, blocking many cyberbullies and deleting any incendiary posts as soon as they appeared. By being vigilant, I was able to preserve my good online reputation.

If they are other tricks which have been used against you and that I have left out, please feel free to comment.

It Can Be Difficult to Feel Empathy for Others When Bullied.

Indifferent.

Indifferent.

Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, the pain only blunts our capacity to feel for others. Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long; their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.

It’s like lying in the emergency room after a car accident with both legs broken. The pain is so intense that you could care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.

I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade and as much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less. Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, thirty years later, I’m sorry that happened to them, but at the time it happened, I had absolutely no feeling for the girls and even had the attitude that it had served them right and that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon. I had been a target of the class for so long I just did not have it in me to care.

After a person endures bullying for so long, he/she becomes cold and unfeeling toward other people if they aren’t careful, and it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.

If you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your empathy, your kindness, and your humanity. It won’t be easy, but there are ways to buffer your self-esteem from the effects of bullying and hold on to your sweetness.

Your Gut Instinct: Why You Should Listen to It

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At different times in my life, I have either met or been around certain people whom my inner alarm tried to warn me about. I cannot explain the feeling I got. The only way I can describe this gut feeling is to say that something seemed to be “off” about these people and I would get a sinking, creepy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I could literally feel the bad vibes that seemed to pour forth from these people.

When I was young, I would often mistake this feeling for “just being paranoid” and ignore the feeling, which is something that a whopping majority of victims do. And it proved to be to my disappointment…every time! I have since learned that had I listened to my gut and avoided these people, I could have saved myself a truckload of heartache.

God gave us all that “sixth sense” or as it is more commonly called, the “gut feeling” or “instinct”, for a reason. Anytime you get a bad feeling in your gut about someone, you are not being paranoid, you are not over-reacting. It is only your inner alarm trying to warn you about a person or situation and keep you safe.

Here are a couple of excerpts from my book, “From Victim to Victor” that explains this even further:

“…My gut feeling warned me many times about my classmate’s personalities or that someone was about to harm me in some way, shape or form. I did not listen to my innate alarm because the faith in my own intuitive abilities had been shattered. As a result, I often mistook it for being overly suspicious.

Another example of poor decision making was that I became a very MEAN and VICIOUS person. As a result, I often repelled the people who had my best interests at heart, who were genuine and would have otherwise been true friends. I missed out on a lot of opportunities for friendship because I had very quickly come to a place where I did not trust anyone.

It was much safer to put up a barrier and keep everyone, including my own family out than it was to take risks and learn how to trust the right people.

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily do this to a person. It cannot only cause you not to believe in yourself and your own abilities, but it can also enable you to trust your own innate intuition if you let it. It blinds you to people who are true as it completely zaps your senses of who is for real and who is fake, thus causing the loss of your ability to avoid dangerous people.”

“…You are not stupid. It is not only in your imagination. You are not being overly sensitive. You are not being a wimp, wuss, crybaby, crazy or whatever else unsavory people call you. You always know when something does not feel good. You can see it in the way certain people cut their eyes at you and talk through their teeth. You can hear the short and cold tone in their voices. You can feel, deep down in your gut, the nasty vibes they exude. This is why you should always listen to your gut feeling because it is never wrong. Eighty-six those people pronto!”

Please don’t ignore this instinct. Never overlook that sinking feeling in your stomach because it could save you from so much trouble. It could even save your life!

Remembering Grandma’s Love

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I often think of my precious Grandma and the summers I spent with her while I was a kid when Daddy was in the Army. I think of the weekends spent with her when I was a teenager. I recall the big breakfasts of eggs, sausage, bacon and toast or pancakes (she always made the best pancakes) she would cook for me every Saturday and Sunday mornings I was at her house. I also think of the many deep conversations we would have while sitting at her table. I remember the Uno, Skip-bo and other card games we would play together…either just the two of us or with Aunt Becky or Aunt Geneva.

I think about the many Sundays she took me to church and of sitting in her kitchen for hours, helping her shuck corn and shell peas. I reminisce about the many times she would take me to the mall, back when malls were in their heyday, and of accompanying her at rummage sales, on trips to Memphis, and sometimes to Alabama and Mississippi.

Grandma and I would go almost everywhere when we would go places together on the weekends. And she was the only one who allowed me to eat as much ice cream as I wanted. I will never forget all the times she took me to the Sonic or the old ice cream parlor on the square before it closed.

She spoiled me rotten but at the same time, she helped teach me the manners and values which help me to navigate this world today. Being with her was never dull. It was an adventure!

However, what sticks in my mind the most is the day a bad tornado hit while I was at her house and how she fiercely protected me from possible flying debris. The loud, deafening roar! It didn’t sound like a freight train. It sounded like a thousand low-flying jets buzzing the house!

I remember feeling the house rock from the force of the wind. I recall the windows rattling and the walls bowing inward as if the house were breathing. Grandma threw me on the floor and shielded me with her body, getting on top of me and covering my head with both hands! I could feel my ears popping and for a moment, the pressure in my ears was so that I could hardly hear and I thought my head would explode.

“Hold on, baby!” She screamed. “Whatever you do, DON’T LET GO OF ME!”

Grandma and I came close to being picked up! We were both blessed that day. But I know that if the man upstairs had seen fit to take me out of this world that day, I would have died in Grandma’s arms or we would’ve died in each other’s arms. Either way, I would’ve been one blessed little girl I believe.

The day she passed away, which happened to be the eighth anniversary of Dad’s death, I remember climbing into bed with her and placing my arm around her as she lay there during her last moments and drawing her last breaths. At 42 years old, I was like a kid again. I wanted her to know that I was there and that I loved her. I still do.

I love you, Grandma! Wait for me at the pearly gates. Give Daddy, Uma and Aunt Bea a kiss for me! Until I see you again, I will sorely miss you!

Frances Bain White Tims
(1931-2013)

“Kids Under the Latch Key” By Cherie White

Kids Under the Latch Key

Kids Under the Latch Key

During the summer of 1987, then sixteen-year-old Grace Bradshaw, her younger brother Max, and neighborhood friends befriend Randy Spence, a twenty-one-year-old mentally disabled man with the IQ of a child. Mocked by many in the corrupt small town, Randy is taken under wing and protected by his younger friends while learning hard lessons about the way most people treat those who are different. Along the way, Grace and her younger kids also learn shocking lessons about good and evil.

A first-person narrative told by a now middle-aged and widowed Grace Bradshaw McGuire to her adult children, “Kids Under the Latch Key” is a heart-touching story of the summer which prompted her to question God and challenged her initial belief that all humans are inherently good.

Confidence Is Key

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You can have all the determination in the world and work like a dog but without confidence, you are just spinning your wheels. Because determination without it equals desperation and desperation comes from a spirit of lack.

When one is unsure and insecure, it is a proven fact that this person will not perform as well at school or work. Confidence equals great performance, equals success, equals even MORE CONFIDENCE than before!

A winning attitude is a key to having success in any area of life. Having faith in yourself can also get you through tough times. One of my favorite speakers is Zig Ziglar and he talks about “Stinkin Thinkin” and the damage it can do to self-esteem. So, turn this “stinkin’ thinkin’” into thoughts of success, gratitude, and happiness and watch every area in your life take a turn for the better…like magic!

However, once confidence is achieved, it must be maintained. There will be failures but remember. Failure is the predecessor of success. You will always make mistakes. No one is perfect nor all-knowing. Instead of beating yourself up over some error you made, look for the lesson that this error was meant to teach you. Also, search for the positive in the mistake.

When someone tells you that you can’t, pay them no mind. Others can steal your morale if you let them. It is not easy to be yourself and stay sure when surrounded by others, who either constantly hurl jabs and insults your way, or who just do not believe you can be successful. However, you must hold on to your confidence even if you have to give yourself pep talks several times daily. Adverse things will happen, people will hurt you, it is just a part of life.

To feel hurt, anger or sadness is normal and expected when something negative happens. As I said in my last post, there will be times in life when you will not feel confident. Adversity will happen and throw you off-kilter. The difference is that when you have confidence, you will bounce back more quickly and are less likely to dwell in an awful place.

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Having been bullied during my tweens and teens, I once was very insecure and had a horribly negative outlook. It took a lot of reprogramming in order to take back my confidence. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It is easy to change certain things about yourself but changing your thought patterns, especially after you have been conditioned to think a certain way, is one of the hardest feats to accomplish and most certainly does not happen overnight. Negative thought patterns can take years to change completely.

However, once you start, little by little, you will see a positive difference in not only your outlook but also the circumstances that come into your life. You will begin to feel confident and the more confidence you have, the more momentum you will have behind it.

Always keep that momentum going and you will be on the right path for the rest of your life. With confidence and a winning smile and attitude, you can achieve beyond your wildest dreams!

God commands the Universe to always give you what you ask for. Through our thought patterns, we unconsciously ask for what we get, good or bad. By sending a certain vibe out you always get the same in return. If you are negative, you are unwittingly asking for more negativity to come into your life. But if you are positive, confident, happy and at peace then you are asking for more of the same and it shall be given.

Keep showing your pearly whites and smile from the heart! I once heard Zig Ziglar talk about a spirit of gratitude. Counting your blessings and being thankful are the fastest ways to turn any negative into a positive and with it comes confidence. He was right!

Catch 22: Female Bully v/s Male Victim

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Here is a situation, which almost no one talks about and is too often ignored- female bullying against male victims and why society gives male victims a bum rap.

I cannot count the stories I’ve both read and heard about males being harassed and abused by vicious females…boys and young men, who are, under normal circumstances, kind and caring but only pushed too far by their female tormentors before they finally have enough and strike back to defend themselves.

Unfortunately, after having been bullied for so long, the pressure builds to a breaking point. The poor guy finally decides that enough is enough and hits the girl back after she hits him first. As a result, HE gets the blame simply because he is a male.

Because the girl knows very well that society protects females due to the still widely-held belief that females are the weaker sex, she uses it to her own advantage by playing the “woman card” and feigning victimhood- complete with crocodile tears, rationalization and projecting blame onto her victim. The conniving and cunning female also deceives by acting sweet and innocent in the presence of the right people. She is silver-tongued. Therefore, she is a pro at spinning a convincing story to deceive authority while demonizing her victim…all to avoid being held responsible.

Although the poor victim is actually a great guy with good morals, values and ethics; to bystanders and authority, he is just another punk, who goes around beating up on girls/women. He ends up either being suspended/expelled from school, or arrested and charged as a criminal, while his female bully looks on with a smirk of gratification on her face. She then escapes punishment and goes on to select yet another male victim. Thus, the cycle continues.

If the young man didn’t hit her back, but only restrained her to protect himself, he would still be dehumanized and punished because he simply laid hands on her. Yes. You read this correctly…if someone physically attacks you and you restrain them, you can STILL go to jail as if you delivered the first punch because your hands were touching the person. It is impossible to restrain anyone without touching them.

This is just a sad example of how completely backwards school rules and the laws in this country really are.

Here’s a second catch 22:

A young man is being bullied relentlessly at school by a girl or group of girls. The girl(s)harass this boy for a number of years and during this time, the other boys also laugh and make fun of him because he is the bigger person and walks away instead of fighting back. They feminize him by calling him names, such as “wuss”, “wimp”, “pussy”, “bitch-boy” and other names which attack the male pride and strip away any masculinity.

The poor guy then reports the bullying only to be told to “man up” or “toughen up” and the boys only further shame him for being a “whiner”, “crybaby” or “tattle tale”.

Then, the young boy finally gets sick of the mistreatment and he snaps on one of the girls, battering her until her lip and nose are bleeding. Now, all hell breaks loose! The victim goes from being seen as a wimp to being seen as a little punk who gets his jollies by beating up on females. He is suspended, expelled, or arrested for assault and battery. Also, the boys now want to jump him because he hit a girl. The poor young man, although a victim, is now marginalized by the system, which is supposed to protect him.

So what other recourse does a victim have after having tried everything to protect himself and make the harassment stop?

My purpose is to open a few eyes and let society know that boys DO get bullied by girls…that more and more men DO get bullied by women. I believe this is because females are more prone to violence today than ever before in history, due to the significant moral decline of girls, which has taken place in the last 30 years.

However, understand that this article does not apply to male bullies, who DO go around physically or psychologically harming females but only to innocent male victims, who only want to be left in peace and live a normal life like everyone else.

If two men are at odds with each other and they resort to fisticuffs, they usually end up later patching things up, then going somewhere to have a beer together. Not so with women. If two women get into an altercation, chances are that they will not let go of their hatred of each other. A woman is like a dog with a bone. She will cling tightly to her grudge against her rival until the heavens come crashing down.

In closing, I will tell you that women are not always the weaker sex. I’m a woman myself and I know first hand that when it comes to evil, woman and girls can be the meanest, most disgusting, most relentless, most deplorable and most vicious of the sexes! In most cases of bullying and harassment by the opposite sex, victims who are male get a bum rap! This has to be brought to light!

It’s high time that we wise up, rip the fake mask off these vicious shrews and expose their misdeeds to as many people as possible in order to decrease the chances of other innocent men and boys becoming victims in the future.

Humiliation: The Bully’s Strongest Weapon

Humiliation and exile

Humiliation, unlike embarrassment or shame, leave’s a mark on the person who suffers it, and the stigma which surrounds the person can follow them for the rest of their lives. Why? Because people who’ve been publicly humiliated are always thought of and remembered by their humiliation. Think, Harry Weinstein and the sex scandals which broke a year or so ago.

Although ol’ Harry’s humiliation is well-deserved, not so for victims of bullying. Innocent victims are often humiliated by their bullies and stuck in an uncomfortable and degrading position while others gather around excitedly to taunt and abuse them.
Humiliation has been used down through the ages. Tarring and feathering was a technique used back in olden times, which involved covering people with hot tar and feathers and parading them through the crowded streets on a horse-drawn cart. Think of Chuck Connors’ character, Jason McCord, in the old western series, “Branded”.

To humiliate someone is to assert power over them by denying and destroying their personal dignity. Through history, humiliation has been the most common and effective means of punishment, abuse, and oppression. It’s not the threat of imprisonment or even death that is a deterrent of crime; it is the dread of humiliation.

It’s a fact! People fear losing face worse than they do a violent death!
Humiliation is also used to maintain a social hierarchy and to emphasize that the group, alumni, organization, or community as a whole supersedes the individual. It is designed to defuse any threat to a particular order or someone’s esteemed position.

In student hierarchies in schools, bullies at the top of the pecking order go to great lengths to protect their often ill-gotten status and uphold their positions while the other kids are forced to submit to different kinds of debasement.
Anytime a target of bullying defends himself against harassment and abuse; the bullies will often use humiliation to retaliate and subdue the victim by way of jokes, pranks or setting the target up to get in trouble with the staff or a horrific beating by other kids. Bullies at the top will also spread vicious rumors and lies against their object.

Most forms of humiliation involve invading the victim’s privacy and sneakily taking videos of him/her in compromising positions.

Example 1:
A targeted girl is taking a shower in the locker room or undressing in the privacy of her bedroom, and the bullies hide behind a corner or just outside her bedroom window at night and take videos of her with their smartphones. They then spread the videos to other classmates. Or worse, a girl naively sends her boyfriend a nude selfie. They break up. He then shares it on social media and the photo goes viral!

Example 2:
A targeted boy is standing in front of a urinal using the bathroom and a bully hides in the stall next to him, peering through the crack and the lense of the camera on his smartphone, taking videos of his manly areas. He then sends the video to all his buddies, and they laugh and joke about how small, crooked, his package is (or it could be the mole, anything different about it). Remember the suicides of Tyler Clementi and Amanda Todd and the circumstances surrounding each case.

Humiliation is horrible for anyone. The reason it is so devastating is that it involves negative things with which the victim will always be associated, and there will be no getting away from it! Embarrassment and shame are only temporary. Humiliation, however, can follow a person for the rest of their lives!

So, if you are a victim of bullying, protect yourself. Also, I cannot stress this advice enough! No matter how much your boyfriend/girlfriend may claim he/she loves you! No matter how much the person begs and pleads for you to do it, nor what they threaten you with if you don’t! Never, ever, ever let anyone talk you into sending a nude pic! Ever!

And if anyone ever films you in an indecent position without your knowing it, know that what they did is against the law! Speak out about it and file not only criminal charges but a civil suit for damages!

The more you know, the better you protect yourself!