Tag: opinions

opinions

Things for Targets of Bullying to Consider

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The thoughts and opinions of bullies are worthless to you, or they should be. This may sound strange to many targets, especially those whom bullies have brainwashed for so long. And that’s a terrible thing. Therefore, if you’re a target who has been conditioned, I’d like for you to ask yourself these questions:

Has it benefited me in any way to measure my value as a person by the opinions of bullies?

Would my bullies be able to hold up as well as I do if they themselves had to endure bullying?

Even on the off-chance that they could, does that give them license to judge me, a person who is enduring something that would break many others?

If we all worried about the opinions of our bullies and haters, the world wouldn’t have even a tenth of it’s population. Moreover, we wouldn’t have doctors, lawyers, writers, comedians, singers, actors, and other such great people.

They all would have collapsed under the crushing weight of anticipated judgements and personal attacks. Therefore, they never would have reached the heights of success that they have.

It’s Not What They Call You, It’s What You Answer to.

The truth is that your favorite rock star receives hate and vitriolic comments over a few lyrics in one of his songs. Even back in the pre-internet days, famous actors and musicians got bags of hate mail along with the fan mail.

Many targets of bullying have an intense fear of being judged and it’s exactly what holds them back in life. Why? Because it can cause you to hold back your feelings. Furthermore, you will allow this fear to stifle your talents and creativity.

Realize that  a bully’s judgement is only a reflection of their own fears and insecurities.

This is why you must never allow bullies or anyone else to make you believe that how they feel about you is more important than how you feel about yourself. Never take your bullies’ word over your own. Never allow their opinions to trump yours.

And once you realize how cheap your bullies’ thoughts and opinions of you really are, they will have less effect on you.

With knowledge comes empowerment.

Bullies and Their Unsolicited Advice

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Bullies are good at giving unsolicited advice, even through they despise it when the shoe is on the other foot.

They give you free advice on how think, act, or feel under any circumstances. What bullies are best at is telling you how you should react to the very abuse they inflict. These morons have a lot of nerve, don’t they?

However, I want you to understand why bullies do this. Bullies give unsolicited advice because it serves them to do so. How does it serve them, you may ask? It does so by giving their audience the impression that they know more and are more qualified than you.

In other words, bullies don’t give advice to help you. They give it to help themselves– to look cute and like they’re smarter than you.

Therefore, if you don’t know why bullies do it nor how to counter it, it can chip away at your self-esteem. So, what are ways that you can counter a smartass bully who gives you advice you didn’t ask for?

You Don’t Need a Bully’s Cheap Two Cents.

You counter this by having a clear understanding that the amount of weight another person’s opinion carries with you depends on their relationship with you. Or, at least, it should.

Put another way, the people who are the closest to you and whom you feel closest to are those whose opinions you should value the most. These are the people who love and care for you the most- your parents, grandparents, your spouse- your dearest family and friends.

In contrast, the opinions of any bullies, fake friends, anyone who uses and abuses you, should carry the least weight. We should never value the opinions or judgements of bullies. Ever! Even if the bullies happen to be bosses, teachers, or any other superiors, you don’t have to give any worth to any opinions they have. Only with superiors, you may want to handle this differently. Perhaps the best thing is to keep quiet about it until you find a way out from under their thumbs.

Understand that all through life, many people will give their opinions. However, those opinions won’t serve you nor will they have any bearing on your life.

Never Give Value to Anything that Has None.

Opinions are like elbows and everyone has one. But the value of an opinion must always be determined by who they come from and the relationship you have with them.

Therefore, stop giving undue value to the opinions of those who aren’t worth your consideration. In that, you happily discard any unsolicited advice from anyone who hasn’t earned your respect. When you do, you keep your power and your dignity.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Life Begins When We Stop Seeking Approval

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Sadly, many targets of bullying seek approval from others. Often, the people they seek approval, validation, and acceptance from are mostly people who absolutely could care less about them. Even worse, those many targets seek approval from are their bullies-  people who have absolutely zero respect for them. Counterproductive, no?

What targets don’t realize is that most others’ opinions have absolutely no bearing on their lives. Yuck!

If you are a target of bullying and this applies to you, ask yourself these questions aloud:

If these people never gave a hoot about me or my life to begin with, then who are they that I should seek approval from?

Who are they that I must impress?

Are they really so important that I should pretend to be someone I’m not?

Who are they that I have to lie?

Who are they that I must expend so much of my effort and energy for?

Are these creeps people I should chase and crawl up behind?

Who are they that I should beg?

Never Give Anyone Value They Haven’t Earned

Notice those last two questions and the words “chase,” “crawl up behind,” and “beg.” They will immediately jump out at you and may even make you angry. And you know what? They should. Remember that you’re seeking their approval. Therefore, those three things are basically what you’re doing. Never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you. Because, when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.

If, at any time, you must suppress parts yourself to gain validation, approval, or acceptance from another person, you short change yourself.  Realize that a bully will never add value or benefit to your life. Therefore, they haven’t earned the honor and privilege of being in your life. They don’t even deserve to be in your presence.

When you submit to and follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards.

You Don’t Need the Approval of Anyone Who Isn’t Worthy

Stop busting your butt to gain other people’s approval because their approval isn’t needed. And their opinions need not apply. If anyone ever tries to impose their so-called rules and standards on you, especially if they aren’t your parents, or a well-meaning teacher or supervisor, you have not only a right but an obligation to yourself to tell that person to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wormed and wiggled their way from beneath.

Understand that you only give these creeps something they haven’t earned, don’t deserve, and have no business having- you give them your power! You give them your freedom!

You give them control over your life! The above are things they have no right to and that are yours and yours alone, and these precious commodities are those they will only exploit, use, and abuse.

But once you take them back by ceasing to care what they think, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.

Life begins when you stop caring about their opinions and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!

Don’t you know you deserve to be happy? I do.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

In Depth: The Opinions of Bullies and How They Can Affect Our Lives

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Indifferent.

Recently, I wrote a blog post entitled, “Should the Opinions of Bullies Matter?” In it, I stated the reasons why they shouldn’t and that the only opinions that should were those of the people who love us and want the best for us.

And it’s true. Bullies’ opinions shouldn’t concern us and for some targets, they don’t. but the more I thought about it, the clearer it became that maybe I should’ve added more to the post.

So, here goes!

Though bullies’ thoughts and feelings of you shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t mean they can’t affect us, or even hinder us.

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The reality is that the bullies’ opinions of their target can have a huge impact on the target’s life. Their thoughts and feelings of the target can determine whether other people outside the bully/target conflict feel comfortable associating with the target.

Although we don’t want to admit it and, no, it isn’t fair, the personal opinions of other people often are the deciding factor or whether we’re well-liked or lonely and hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise either wouldn’t have an issue with us or would be great friends under different circumstances. The opinions of bullies have a way of spreading far and wide- making bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never resort to mistreating another human being.

It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

We must learn about bullying from all angles. Because the more we know, the better we will be able to salvage our good names and counter some of the effects it may have on our lives.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Can’t Insult You Unless You Value Their Opinions

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A crazy young man in a white shirt standing and screaming at the woman in a pink dress. Women don’t care and looking at the camera with a toothy smile—indoor studio shot, isolated on light brown background.

“In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try, though!”
~ T-Ronn Hicks ~

It’s a shame I didn’t realize this nugget of truth when I was young, but it’s true! When we value someone’s opinion of us, we’re naturally going to be hurt, angry, upset, insulted; if their opinions of you aren’t favorable.

The people who we consider important and can help to grow and shape us into better human beings- those who lift us up, help us to feel better about ourselves, and encourage us to reach our goals (our families, friends, best teachers, mentors, and supervisors) are those whose opinions we should value.

On the other hand, if we don’t consider certain people important, we will not value their opinions. Also, some people do not deserve to have their opinions valued by us, and those people are those who hurt or abuse us.

Bullies are such people.

I want you to understand that if a person hurts you physically, emotionally, psychologically, or socially, any opinions that person has of you hold no value and should be considered null and void!

That person should be of no importance to you whatsoever because they can bring absolutely no good to you or your life!

You should only value the opinions of those who love and care about you and are down for your good and your advancement! Not of those who continually tear you down, wreck your self-esteem, and belittle you. They should have zero significance to you.

It doesn’t matter if they are in a high position, the most popular person, have the most money, etc. If they consistently tear you down, they’re no good to you, and you should just blow them and their opinions off and keep going.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assert yourself if someone violates your boundaries because you should! However, don’t let it cause you to feel bad about yourself or love yourself any less. Blow off the petty put-downs of bullies because, more than likely, the insults they spew have no merit in the first place!

I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been there. It took too many years for me to finally realize this important rule of life, but I’m glad I finally did. Better late than never.

But I want you to know that you can do it. How you give these leaches to your confidence, the boot is to avoid them as much as possible and only keep company with the people who have your best at heart. You will know who these people are. Your gut will tell you. So, listen to that gut instinct and pay attention to the vibes others around you put out!

I guarantee you that you will thank yourself later!

Should the Opinions of Bullies Matter? (In-Depth)

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dreamstime_xs_45771649

Recently, I wrote a blog post entitled, “Should the Opinions of Bullies Matter?” In it, I stated reasons why they shouldn’t and that the only opinions that should were those of the people who love us and want the best for us.

And it’s true. Bullies opinions shouldn’t concern us and for some targets, they don’t. but the more I thought about it, the clearer it became that maybe I should’ve added more to the post.

So, here goes!

Though bullies’ thoughts and feelings of you shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t mean their opinions can’t affect us.

The reality is that the bullies’ opinions of their target can have a huge impact on the target’s life. Their thoughts and feelings of the target can determine whether other people outside the bully/target conflict feel comfortable associating with the target.

dreamstime_xs_27648516

Although we don’t want to admit it and, no, it isn’t fair, the personal opinions of other people often are the deciding factor or whether we’re well-liked or lonely and hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise either wouldn’t have an issue with us or would be great friends under different circumstances. The opinions of bullies have a way of spreading far and wide- making bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never resort to mistreating another human being.

It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations and communities.

We must learn about bullying from all angles. Because the more we know, the better we will be able to salvage our good names and counter some the effects it may have on our lives.