Many Times Bullying Comes from Jealousy

bullying

Many bullies bully because they’re jealous of their targets. But they would never in a million years admit it. Because to admit something like this would be to admit failure and inferiority. And the last thing a bully will do is look inferior, especially to their target!

Here are the signs that the person is jealous:

1. They tear you down. Anyone who’s secretly jealous of you will insult you and criticize you behind your back. But they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

Here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned:

a. You make them feel powerless

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t call them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

workplace bullies back stabbers gossips

back-stabbing colleagues threatening employee with scissors and knife

2. They trivialize your successes and accomplishments. These kinds of bullies will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves. Understand that bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations. This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways. You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

They will provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. They will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong. And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill. And they’ll never let it go!

Understand that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

gossip

bullying verbal

4. Blind hatred. Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. But if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much? Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like you? They may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you. They may copy your image by dressing like you, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs. And they may imitate you.

6. They will make up competition. Again. Understand that when bullies do this, they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at. And they won’t stop until they do beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do, just clap and be happy for them. Let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

And the winner is...

Hand writes “And the winner is…” on blackboard

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help! But they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is that they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Number One Lie Bullies Are Using Against Targets in 2021

I’ve talked to a few victims these past couple of months and in today’s climate of culture, hate, and division, here’s what their bullies are accusing them of to smear them and cause their reputations irreparable damage.

Bullies are accusing their victims of being racist! Yes! I’ve talked to four bullying targets and two of them are minorities themselves, so it doesn’t matter what the target’s race actually is. They are still being accused of racism, an accusation that is sure to make the accused radioactive.

I can’t stand a racist and don’t know anyone who can. So, this is not to say that racists don’t exist. They do and they’re the most ignorant and evil people you can imagine. However, I’ve known many innocents who have also been lied about and had the racist moniker unfairly and unjustly labeled to them. And I just can’t imagine being accused of such hatred. It would absolutely devastate me if it ever happened to me.

The most effective way to defame and destroy an individual is to associate them with a label that smells bad. And bullies are doing exactly that, especially today.

And with cancel culture being so rampant today, it completely destroys the futures and lives of innocent targets. I will give the victims I talked to fictitious names to conceal their identities and keep them safe.

Gia – age 14

“When school closed due to COVID, I was so sure that I would be safe because I wouldn’t have to see any of my classmates, who treated me so bad when school was in session. But about six weeks after the lockdown, they started harassing me online. I deleted and blocked them from all my social media pages and that seemed to work for a while. A month or so after that, I get a barrage of new friend requests, all from strangers that didn’t have a profile picture, only blanks or pictures of cartoon characters. I accepted some of the requests and the next thing I knew, they began tagging me in posts and making comments that I was a racist. And I’m black! I got called an ‘Uncle Tom’, a ‘bed wench,’ all kinds of nasty names! I lost a lot of friends because of it. I went from having over nine hundred friends to having about two hundred fifty in a week. And it turned into a real warzone. I ended up deleting my account because it upset me so much and I got scared. What really sucks is that nobody even asked me! They just believed it without any proof to back it up! I just don’t understand people and how they can just believe a bunch of lies without getting the facts first! It’s like everyone automatically assumes the worst!”

Kayla – age 30

“I walked away from my nursing job because of workplace mobbing. I didn’t give notice and maybe I should have. I just told them I was done, hit the clock, and left. The next day, I started getting messages from several of the mob at my old workplace accusing me of patient abandonment, to which my response was, ‘I didn’t abandon the patients, I abandoned you because of the way you treated me.’ Then before the week was out, they were all over my Facebook and Twitter pages accusing me of being racist and there’s nothing about me that’s racist. I wasn’t raised that way. I have friends of all races and I love them all equally. I had to delete both accounts because I was so afraid a potential employer would see it and decide that I would be too much of a risk to hire. I’ve lost so many friends- friends I was sure wouldn’t believe the accusations! I thought they knew me better than that!”

Sheila – age 16

“I’ve been bullied at school since the fourth grade. In the fourth through seventh grades, I was accused of being homosexual because I had short, red hair and was overweight. I’ve since grown my hair long and lost all the excess weight. I’ve also gotten taller. But that still hasn’t stopped the bullies. It’s like the longer my hair grew and the taller and thinner I got, the worst the bullying got! Now they’re accusing me of being racist and I’ve lost more friends from that accusation than I ever lost when everyone thought I was gay. And with the racial tensions in this country now, it’s so easy for a lie like that to be seen as the truth!”

Benjamin – age 18

“It’s bad enough that I didn’t get to have a normal graduation because of COVID. Now, it seems that I may not get a job or get to college because my high school bullies got on my Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat pages and accused me of being racist! These people have bullied me since the seventh grade and they haven’t stopped, even after school shut down in March of 2020! Instead of stalking me in the hallways and on campus, they started stalking me online. In today’s climate, it seems that if you really want to ruin somebody’s life, just lie and label them a racist or a homophobe! It’s that easy!”

My heart breaks for these people because I can only imagine what life must be like for them- the fear of having their futures ruined, the fear of being cancel cultured and having opportunities taken from them! It scares me for them!

As some of these targets have mentioned, in today’s political climate and with the problems that are happening in this country, bullies are taking full advantage by accusing their targets of being racists!

Understand that the words racist and racism are such emotionally charged words right now.

Again, though racism does exist and there are ignorant racists in the world, there are also innocent targets of bullying who are being lumped in that category as well. It’s not only heartbreaking, it’s gut wrenching!

Realize that this is when bullies become dangerous! This is a time when one rumor, one piece of gossip, one offhand comment, anything- can get victims fired, ruined for life, or even physically attacked, maimed and killed!

You must take steps to guard your reputation! And you must guard it as you would any other valuable possession! Otherwise, your bullies may alter the course of your life and that of your family forever!

People Are Gonna Talk. They Always Will.

gossip talk backstabbers

But remember. It’s nothing personal!

And it’s a fact of life we need to accept. And the sooner you do, the better off you’ll be. are going to talk about you until the day you die. And it’s something that we all not only need to accept but be okay with if we’re ever going to grow as human beings.

And here’s another fun fact:
Everyone gets talked about, everyone! Even the best of us!

If wealthy celebrities and politicians get bashed and put down, you’re only fooling yourself if you think that you don’t or shouldn’t. But why should you care? Why should you give a crap what people say or think of you?

You really are worth it

During high school, everyone bullied me terribly and talked about me like a dog. It used to upset me. It used to make me angry or sad. I won’t lie, having people say horrible things about me, tell lies, and put me down? It hurt.

As an adult, I even worked around people talked trash about me. But I realized that most of them didn’t matter anyway.

They didn’t pay my bills.

They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.

They weren’t anyone I cared anything about.

Outside of the job, they had no bearing on my life.

I sometimes look back and ask myself, “Damn! Why did I ever concern myself with it? Those morons weren’t even on my level and weren’t worth two cents.”

gossip talk rumors lies

The point I’m making is that most people are a dime a dozen. They really are! And nine times out of ten, the reason they’re so busy squawking about others is that they’re bored with their own lives and have nothing better to do.

And the sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll stop caring and the happier you’ll be. When you stop being so concerned, you’ll no longer be a slave to the approval of others, and you’ll set yourself free of any anxiety.

The only opinions you should place that kind of importance on are those of your God, your family, and your closest friends.

Anyone outside of that isn’t even an issue. the opinions of God, my family, and my closest friends are the only ones that matter. The rest is just a waste of energy and mind-space.

Here’s Why Bullies Attack Your Reputation

reputation

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Simply put, bullies attack your reputation to strip you of power. Once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack. Bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.

Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

To start, bullies will plant seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

Next, they spread rumors and lies.

gossip rumors defamation

Bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because the target can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. He could deny the rumors, even produce evidence that proves his innocence of the accusations. Or,

2. He could ignore the lies and blow his accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

But!

Either way, people will still look at the target with suspicion.

1. If the target defends himself and produces evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

gossip

2. If he ignores the lies and waves his accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of him because they’ll think that he has something to hide and is only playing it cool.

Bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get the target so enraged and rattled that while defending himself, he ends up making a truckload of mistakes.

And if the target hasn’t yet established a reputation, the smear campaign will only work all the more in the bullies’ favor.

And the sad fact is this:

Two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way. And each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.
Put simpler. It’s not what you do. It’s who you are when you do it. It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

bullying storm damage

But let a person who’s despised by everyone and has a lousy reputation write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that’s not even worth reading, which brings me to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything!

But there’s hope.

Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how.

1. Move to a different area. Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind, but if you stay in the town where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward and will always be stuck right where you are. Why not pack your things and leave for greener pastures.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and that you’re passionate about. Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose.

The cause could be “The Me Too Movement,” “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.” Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. And you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a way out if you look for it. I guarantee it!

Bullies Despise Being Outshined

bullied pound of flesh

Especially those who are narcissists. These bullies have to be at the top of the game in everything. They must be the center of attention- all the time.

Anyone who outshines them in any way is fair game for attack. If you have any talents, anything at all you’re good at, or in which you’re super successful, these bullies will never stop coming after you.

They’ll often accuse you behind your back of the following:

1. “She’s just showing off.”
2. “Oh, she’s just trying to get attention.”
3. “He just loves to flaunt his (money, material possessions, masculinity, etc.)”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “He’s a wuss, wimp, etc.”
6. “She’s arrogant, full of herself, pompous, stuck up, etc.”

hypocrite hypocrisy double standard

But notice! These bullies will often accuse the target of the same things they are guilty of themselves.

By displaying your talents, winning awards, and favor with others and charming those in authority, the target unwillingly offends the bullies’ own excessive vanity. The target instills an imbalance of the bullies’ sense of self and makes them doubt their superiority by poking holes in their importance.

These jealous brutes are often at the top of the pecking order- the popular kids at school or the high executives in the workplace.

Understand that people such as these can’t accept being outdone in anything by anyone. And if they’re outshone by anyone they deem as inferior- their targets, all the worse! They’ll then stop at nothing to “put you back in your place.”

narcissist bully

They don’t care about your talents, your natural gifts, your successes, or smarts. If anything, they despise them. They hate any threat to their superiority.

These bullies will have followers who will kiss up to them and many others who are afraid of them. You’ll know these people right away when you meet them.

They’ll be loud, obnoxious, and arrogant. These bullies will be in a clique and will have attitudes of self-entitlement. They’ll also expect perks and favors and more than likely get them. Anyone outside of their group, they will treat like dirt under their shoes.

Although talk is cheap and what they say behind your back is just a bunch of hot air, be careful your bullies don’t try to do something harmful to you.

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If you attract these bullies’ ire, here’s a short list of ways to keep them at bay:

1. Never reveal your plans and goals.
2. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.
3. Display your talents, yes. But don’t brag about them.
4. Don’t dumb down for anyone, but don’t be too flashy with any intelligence, especially in the workplace.
5. Politely thank those who compliment you. Nothing more.
6. Humble yourself, yes. But you don’t have to undermine yourself to satisfy these brutes. Quiet confidence is key here.

Do these things, and you’re less likely to have a target on your back!

How People Can Believe Lies About You

education, bullying, social relations and people concept – students gossiping behind classmate back at school

If you’re a target of bullying, I almost certain that you’ve had bullies tell the most outrageous and outright ridiculous falsehoods about you- lies which were laughable at best. And shockingly, everyone in the place actually believed that garbage! And you wondered, “How could anyone with even a lick of sense believe such moronic tales!”

It seemed as if everyone around you was smoking crack. They’d have to be to believe such tripe!

Judgemental girls tauting fellow student

Understand that anytime you’re a target of bullying, you’re at your absolute worst!  Anyone would be a total emotional wreck under the extreme pressure that bullying brings. Anytime a person is bullied by everyone, it doesn’t matter how strong they are, how brave they are, how beautiful, how awesome their personalities are. They will eventually be overcome with exhaustion and taken down.

If you’re bullied long enough by enough people, you’ll only be able to stay strong and withstand it for so long. Because we’re all human, and no one can hold up under that kind of stress and adversity forever.

Bullies instinctively know this. So, they increase the abuse until you begin to crack. You will be overwhelmed with so many emotions. You’ll be completely paranoid- and with good reason!

You’ll be furious; you’ll be terrified, shocked, confused, and stressed to the extreme! You’ll have periods of crying. Your appetite will be gone, and you’ll get very little sleep. You’ll have your hair falling out and your stomach will be in knots. You’ll have excruciating headaches. At times, you’ll feel nauseated and even vomit!

Should it be any wonder that people believe everything they hear about you?

They’ve seen you morph from a cheerful, reliable, responsible, and reasonable person to a stressed out, hot mess of a train wreck who’s barely able to function, much less concentrate on schoolwork or job projects.

Here’s another thing:

Joseph Goebbels, who was the minister of propaganda to Adolf Hitler, said it best when he made these statements,

“Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

“The bigger the lie, the more it will be believed.”

Believe it or not, people will believe the big, outlandish lies before they accept the little white lies that make more sense. If we hear something about another person, especially if it’s something huge and horrible and it comes from a person we trust or who has a little bit of power, we may feel shocked and disbelief at first but we will eventually believe it.

And the reason we end up believing it is that the repercussions of severe wrongdoing are so enormous that we don’t want to think that anyone would tell such a big fat lie about someone if there isn’t some truth to it.

We cling to the belief that if a person is audacious enough to make such an accusation about another person, then somewhere, there must be evidence to back it up. Otherwise, they wouldn’t dare make such bold accusations and risk being proven wrong and made to look like a fool!

So, we hold on to the idea that where there’s smoke, there’s fire and allow caution and speculation to supersede any logic. And if we expect trouble to come from a specific place, that’s where we’re going to look.

And when we look for a specific thing, we usually find it.

Also, if a lie goes against the target’s character, we’re more likely to believe it strictly because any story of hypocrisy has a certain amount of shock value and entertainment to it as long as the story is about someone else and not us.

We’re more prone to believe a big fat lie because it frightens the crap out of us. When people hear a lie so big and outrageous, it makes them wonder if they ever really knew the target at all. And the idea that someone they know could do such a horrible thing scares people to death.

Is it all making sense now? Great!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Gossip

Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about the target’s character and private life, which has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace. The purpose of gossip is to control the target’s status by demoting the target on the social hierarchy.

Another purpose of gossip is to justify the target’s punishment by promoting a collective view that she doesn’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.

 And once a target is viewed to deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!

Gossip has another benefit. It tightens group connections, gives higher status to the people who are privy to the negative information, and sets expectations and norms in the group as to how they should treat the target.

Through gossip, the group establishes, maintains, or changes social infrastructures. Gossip promotes unity and shared negative perceptions of the target. With the use of it, the group will foster justification for hostility. Therefore, no one in the group considers their actions as bullying. They will only say that the target “deserves it” and say they were reacting to “an evil enemy.”

People tell others to keep it secret, but they also ask them to inform the group of any new information and updates that concern their target.

Realize that it serves to provide bullies reaffirmations that their perceptions of the target are correct, that the target deserves abuse.

Gossipers will often cover their bad behavior with a slight confession of guilt by beginning their sentences with things like,

“I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”

“Poor thing…”

“Bless her heart…”

 They will acknowledge that the target is a human being, but only because this gives them the green light to talk and helps them feel less like creeps.

It’s true that reputation doesn’t equal character. But understand that though the rumors may be false, and there may be zero credible evidence to back them up, if  pure speculation will best fit the bullies’ goals, that’s what they’ll go along with.

In the late stages of gossip, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators. Gossip brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, and human being.

Anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.

And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.

Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief. Remember the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, telling him about how he got his bad name, and wishing he could go somewhere where no one knew him.

And sadly, in most cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and rebuild their lives.

Be Very Careful What You Share

If you are a target of bullying, never share anything with anyone- not even your best friend. Because, in a situation like this, you cannot afford to trust anyone. I don’t care how close you and your friends seem to be. It’s still not a smart move because you never know when your bullies will succeed in turning your friends against you, and those friends become willing participants in bullying you.

So, never divulge any info that’s private or personal- anything you wouldn’t want to be known.

Examples of things better kept private are as follows (Some of these are no-brainers):

1. Your sex life, or lack of.

2. A drug addict in your family.

3. Any medical conditions or diseases.

4. Any mental illnesses.

5. Any legal troubles- even as minor as traffic tickets.

6. Family issues- divorce, child custody, births, deaths, etc.

7. Your past (if you’re old enough to have one).

8. Past abuse you may have suffered.

9. Your personal info.

10. Email and passwords to social media accounts.

11. Names of your family members.

12. Never brag about your daughter’s beauty pageant or your son’s perfect grades.

13. Your views about the recent scandal at school or work.

14. Your hobbies and interests.

15. The TV show you watched last night, especially if it’s a slasher show or filled with hot-buttered sex.

16. Never talk about politics! Ever! That’s a no-no subject!

 Bullies are already looking for dirty laundry. So, why air yours? When you’re a target of bullying, the less they know about you and your life, the better.

Bullies and Tattling

Bullies, especially school bullies, are notorious tattletales, and they often tattle on their targets for even the tiniest of infractions. If it so happens, they cannot find anything to tell on their targets about, they will make something up and they make sure it’s something believable.

These bullies watch their targets closely, waiting with bated breath for the target to do or say something- anything that even smacks of being outside the category of right. They then run and tattle to a teacher, principal, supervisor, or manager.

How noble these bullies must feel, sitting on their moral high ground, working as little gestapos to ensure that everyone are good little peasants and following the rules down to the letter! Or, at least, that’s what they want those in authority to think.

The reality is that everyone, other than the target, is free to do as they wish. They only do these things to their targets. Why? To keep them from being able to defend themselves or report bullying.

If you are a target of bullying, all your bullies must do is smear your name to any member of staff and you’re marred for good. They’ve clear the path to bully you in the future without fear of being reported because, who’s going to take the word of a troublemaker and rule-breaker?

And if enough people tattle on you, those in positions of power are more likely to believe them because, “if you aren’t guilty of whatever they accuse you of, then why are so many people pointing the finger at you?” Right?

In tattling on you or telling lies about you, these bullies are setting up a system where you will be discredited and rendered powerless to stop the bullying or escape it. Tattling is also a way to silence you because if you know that no one will believe you anyway, you’re more likely to find it easier and less painful to just keep your mouth shut.

Tattling is a technique to eventually block the target from any help they’ll need and otherwise receive.

Remember that bullies are master chess players. If you’re a target of bullying, this is how they set the stage beforehand to make you powerless, and, once you’re completely powerless, they’ll bully you openly and in plain sight.

And who’s going to stop them? After all, you’re a troublemaker, a rebel-rouser, a riffraff! And people aren’t bullying you, they’re only reacting to something you must have done to them.

Bullies and everyone else-good. Target-bad! You’re bad, so you deserve it.

And the tattlers? They’re only “good kids” who want to learn in a clean environment. They’re the extra pairs of eyes that the staff need because the staff can’t be everywhere at once. They’re the little helpers.

So, let’s give them a cookie for their efforts to make our jobs a little easier!

And after the damage is done, the bullies will boast about how they succeeded in taking away your power and ruining your life.

Understand that the tattling is just a veneer bullies use to hide their own bad behavior and project it onto you. If they can slither their way into the good graces of those in power while demonizing you, their plot will work perfectly, and the bullies be virtually untouchable.

I cannot stress enough the importance of being prepared for this type of thing. And the more you prepare, the better you’ll be able to counter this slick tactic, and the better you’ll protect yourself.

Bullied by Instigation

This type of bullying is indirect and extremely cowardly. These types of bullies don’t have the guts to be direct or the stomach to get their hands dirty. So they do their bullying by instigating a conflict between the target and another individual. They then stand back, at a safe distance, and watch from afar, enjoying seeing the target humiliated and in distress.

In most cases, the individual these bullies pit against the target is not a bully and has had no history of conflicts with the target. The person pitted against the target can be a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, teacher, or supervisor.

These bullies will often instigate discord between the target and a friend, teacher, or principal at school. At work, bullies may instigate conflict between the targeted employee and the supervisor or another employee.

There are several reasons people bully by instigation:

• To create a situation where they can gleefully watch as the target gets humiliated and stressed out.
• To turn others against the target.
• To create drama and entertainment
• To parade the target
• To distract from their own evil deeds. If two or more people are too busy fighting and others are too busy watching and getting their kicks, they’re too occupied to pay attention to what the bully is doing.
• To isolate the target by making him look like the bad guy. The more people the bullies can turn against the target, the worse the target looks, and the less power he has.

bullied victim tortured

Often, when you’re a target of bullying by instigation, the person or people your bully has pitted against you will start their sentences off as:

“Hey! I heard you’re trying to get with my boyfriend!”
“Somebody told me that you did…”
“I heard you told so-and-so such and such!”
“Somebody told me you’re talking smack about me behind me back! How about having the guts to say it to my face!”

If you’re a target of bullying and someone has instigated a conflict between you and someone you don’t usually have trouble with, the first words out of your accuser’s mouth will be,

“I heard…”,
“Somebody told me…”
“It’s going around that…”
or
“It was brought to my attention…”

Those first few little words are your first clue of bullying by instigation, and that one or more of your bullies is trying to pit others against you.

Bullying, friendship, and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing the finger at the shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

If you’re a target of bullying and you’re ever in a situation like this, here are a few comebacks you can’t make to the accuser:

Laugh at the accuser and say one of these,

“Really? You ‘heard,’? Boy, you’re so gullible you’ll believe anything, won’t you?”
“Wow! And you believed that? Boy, are you stupid!”
“Gee, you’ll fall for anything, won’t you!”

Challenge the accuser’s intelligence, then walk away laughing. Your accuser will be stunned, and your bullies, who are surely watching from afar, will be sorely disappointed.

How I wish I were this quick in school. But, as an adult, I was better able to defuse it by the above counter statements.

Always imply that your accuser is dumb for believing the lies, and I guarantee that the person will back down. It’s what worked for me.

(Continued in Part 2…)