Humiliation: The Bully’s Strongest Weapon

Humiliation and exile

Humiliation, unlike embarrassment or shame, leave’s a mark on the person who suffers it, and the stigma which surrounds the person can follow them for the rest of their lives. Why? Because people who’ve been publicly humiliated are always thought of and remembered by their humiliation. Think, Harvey Weinstein and the sex scandals which broke a year or so ago.

Although ol’ Harvey’s humiliation is well-deserved, not so for victims of bullying. Innocent victims are often humiliated by their bullies and stuck in an uncomfortable and degrading position while others gather around excitedly to taunt and abuse them.

Humiliation has been used down through the ages. Tarring and feathering was a technique used back in olden times, which involved covering people with hot tar and feathers and parading them through the crowded streets on a horse-drawn cart. Think of Chuck Connors’ character, Jason McCord, in the old western series, “Branded”.

To humiliate someone is to assert power over them by denying and destroying their personal dignity. Through history, humiliation has been the most common and effective means of punishment, abuse, and oppression. It’s not the threat of imprisonment or even death that is a deterrent of crime; it is the dread of humiliation.

It’s a fact! People fear losing face worse than they do a violent death!
Humiliation is also used to maintain a social hierarchy and to emphasize that the group, alumni, organization, or community as a whole supersedes the individual. It is designed to defuse any threat to a particular order or someone’s esteemed position.

A crowd of people surrounded the red man. Accusation of crime, mob law over a person, lynch court. The leader in the center of the crowd, the leader, an example for diving. Angry crowd

In student hierarchies in schools, bullies at the top of the pecking order go to great lengths to protect their often ill-gotten status and uphold their positions while the other kids are forced to submit to different kinds of debasement. And it’s the same in the workplace too.

Anytime a target of bullying defends himself against harassment and abuse; the bullies will often use humiliation to retaliate and subdue the victim by way of jokes, pranks or setting the target up to get in trouble with the staff or a horrific beating by other kids. Bullies at the top will also spread vicious rumors and lies against their object.

Most forms of humiliation involve invading the victim’s privacy and sneakily taking videos of him/her in compromising positions.

Example 1:
A targeted girl is taking a shower in the locker room or undressing in the privacy of her bedroom, and the bullies hide behind a corner or just outside her bedroom window at night and take videos of her with their smartphones. They then spread the videos to other classmates. Or worse, a girl naively sends her boyfriend a nude selfie. They break up. He then shares it on social media and the photo goes viral!

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Example 2:
A targeted boy is standing in front of a urinal using the bathroom and a bully hides in the stall next to him, peering through the crack and the lense of the camera on his smartphone, taking videos of his manly areas. He then sends the video to all his buddies, and they laugh and joke about how small, crooked, his package is (or it could be the mole, anything different about it). Remember the suicides of Tyler Clementi and Amanda Todd and the circumstances surrounding each case.

Example 3: A bright worker is set up to fail in the workplace. And when he does, it follows him the rest of his working life.

Humiliation is horrible for anyone. The reason it is so devastating is that it involves negative things with which the victim will always be associated, and there will be no getting away from it! Embarrassment and shame are only temporary. Humiliation, however, can follow a person for the rest of their lives!

So, if you are a victim of bullying, protect yourself. Also, I cannot stress this advice enough! No matter how much your boyfriend/girlfriend may claim he/she loves you! No matter how much the person begs and pleads for you to do it, nor what they threaten you with if you don’t! Never, ever, ever let anyone talk you into sending a nude pic! Ever!

And if anyone ever films you in an indecent position without your knowing it, know that what they did is against the law! Speak out about it and file not only criminal charges but a civil suit for damages!

The more you know, the better you protect yourself!

Sexual Harassment and the Bullied Girl

Concept of Sexual Scandal. Man writing on notebook 2018

Here is something which does not get mentioned enough. Often, when a girl is singled out for bullying, she is left wide open for sexual harassment. The harassment can range from inappropriate and embarrassing comments to unwanted physical touching. Though I’m female and am mainly writing this post from a female perspective, I do realize that this can happen to bullied young men as well.

I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard from other female victims and survivors of bullying, nor can I tell you how many times I was subjected to this type of behavior myself when I was in junior high and high school.

Young creeps on the bus, in the halls or the lunch line, would sneakily run a hand up my skirt, put their hands on my behind and other such disgusting acts.

As any woman or girl knows, having sexual comments hurled at you and being groped or felt up leaves you feeling cheap and violated. And your first thought is to blame yourself. You wonder what you did to bring it about.

“Was my dress too short?”
“Were my jeans too tight?”
“Did I have on too much makeup?”

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Even worse is when other girls blame you, assuming that you “must have done something to make him do it”- that somehow, you “asked for it.”

Such incidences can attract the ire of the guys’ jealous girlfriends, and these girlfriends will accuse you of trying to steal their boyfriends while the pig who violated you walks away Scot free. This only doubles the victimization! It’s no different from what a rape victim goes through!

Bullied girls can also be sexually harassed by other girls as well, only in different ways. Girls harass other girls by verbal means, making statements such as,

“Nobody will $%#! you.”
“I’ll bet you’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
”You’d $%&# anything that moved!”

These are only a few. I’ve heard of worse. Sometimes, the other girls will encourage the boys to harass the victim sexually, then turn it around on her, calling her a whore, slut, floozy, take your pick.

In school, I even knew another bullied girl during school who others referred to as “Tuna Fish.” I’ll say no more.

Understand that any time a female is the object of bullying, she has comments and remarks directed at her which are unspeakable- so horrible and explicit that you don’t dare repeat them by mouth, much less write it in a book or article.

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There is no limit to the low that bullies won’t sink. They can be inventive to the raunchiest, raciest, dirtiest, most vile, hurtful and demeaning comments and actions and anyone who hasn’t been on the receiving end of such would be shocked if they heard or saw some of the things a bullied girl has.

Understand that bullies show a side to their targets they would never in a million years show to anyone else.

Objects of bullying witness firsthand the shocking evil and cruelty of which people are capable, and they see the absolute darkest sides of the human character.

Bullies are experts at fooling bystanders and authority. They are highly skilled at manipulating social infrastructure.

Bullies are also very aware that if the victim reports such abuse, others will not believe her because the same bullies have meticulously ruined her once good reputation. And who’s going to take the word of someone with a notoriously bad name?

Understand that bullies will only show the worst sides of their characters to their victims and no one else. Why? Because to bullies, the victim is both inferior and powerless.

When a person believes that you are inferior and powerless, they could care less about what you think of them. As far as they’re concerned, any opinions you have are irrelevant. Whereas, anyone the bullies see as equals or superiors will only see the best sides of their character.

Sexual abuse In Schools

With that said, if you are a bullied female, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that it isn’t your fault. Know that you never asked for that kind of behavior, nor brought any of it on yourself.

So if you are bullied and endure sexual harassment, do not take any blame for it and for goodness sake, don’t be afraid to report it!

Know that bullying will not last forever. When I became an adult, the bullying stopped, and I am now very well-liked, loved, and respected.

I want you to know that this is only one chapter in your life, not the entire book. You too can overcome and move on to love, happiness, and success. Just don’t give up!

You are beautiful! You are a great person despite what others may tell you or how they may treat you.

You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

5 Things Bullies Tell Others When a Target Stands Up to Them

Young girl bending down covering her face with her hands trying to protect herself from mens' fists, finger guns and hands pointing at her.

Any time a target gets tired of the abuse and calls a bully’s bluff. The bully will more than likely justify their behavior to others. Here is a list of the most famous statements you’re likely to hear, from most popular to least.

1. “She’s crazy.” or “She’s unstable.”

2. “He’s just mad because I called him out!”

3. “She’s so fake.”

4. “She’s too sensitive.” “She’s overreacting.”

5. “He’s a crybaby.”

6. “She doesn’t want to admit when she’s wrong.”

7. “I was just trying to help you.”

8. “She’s just jealous of me because of…”

The better you’re prepared…