Fake Superiority

Instead of putting in the work to improve and better themselves, bullies would rather tear down and destroy another person to look bigger and better than what they are. Understand that bullies never build up, they tear down. They do not create or restore, they destroy. And they don’t add to anything, but they subtract from everything.

Understand that bullies are losers, and they cannot survive in a meritocracy. They have no redeeming characteristics and no real personalities nor qualities. So, in being the weak and pathetic losers they really are, bullies tap into the only power they have left- their last resort, and they make a last-ditch effort to preserve their fragile egos.

They select a person to target and say something mean and hurtful. If that person is you, you’re naturally shocked at first and you feel off balance. Next the shock wears off and you begin feeling the pain in your heart.

If you’re a target, chances are really good that you’re a decent person and you’ve been raised with morals. You’ve been taught to treat others as you yourself would want others to treat you. And like any good person, you won’t be able to understand how or why people would be so mean-spirited and vicious to another person.

After having this happen to you for so long, you wonder, “Was it something I said? Something I did that rubbed them the wrong way?”

You then begin developing negative thoughts because others have made you feel completely worthless and useless. But!

Realize that this is a trap and if you’re not careful, you will fall into the habit of demeaning yourself. Instead, make a promise to yourself and keep it. Promise yourself that you will no longer let someone else define you. Promise yourself that you will no longer let another person decide your worth, that you will never allow other people to decide your successes or failures, or what your capabilities are.

It’ll be hard at first. But make a conscious, intentional, and concerted effort not to value the opinions and insults of a bully. Understand that you have no control over other peoples’ actions, behaviors, nor opinions. If they have a problem with you, it’s their problem, not yours.

Many of my classmates would come out and tell me, “You know what? I’ll got a real problem with you…” They had a problem alright, that much was true. But their problem wasn’t my problem.

Understand that people only look down on you to make themselves look and feel superior, and to bring you down to their level. Realize that people look down on you to conceal their own jealousy, emotional/mental instability, low self-esteem, and insecurity.

Here’s another reason people look down on you. Because it works for them- makes them feel powerful. It works because you give them validity by placing too much value to their opinions. If you didn’t, why else would you give their childish behavior and petty insults any energy at all?

You owe it to yourself to learn and see what’s behind the mask of superiority. You must see through the facades that bullies put up. And once you do, it will no longer bother you when people look down on you. In fact, you might even see the hilarity in your bullies’ collective fakery, and give them a scoff and a horselaugh as you walk past them. Now that’s the way to take the wind right out of their sails!

Then allow yourself a few chuckles, because, at the end of the day, these people really are quite entertaining- and pathetic.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Dirty Truth About Cliques and What They Don’t Want You to Know

Clique

People will establish a clique for the sole purpose of excluding others– and for no apparent reason. Cliques have only one goal, to make their members feel superior to others. Their criteria for “good enough” changes like the weather, and they have no special interests, causes, or abilities.

A clique will exclude someone for reasons as trivial as not wearing name-brand shoes. Tomorrow, the same person may wear name-brand shoes, but the members may exclude them because their hair is too straight or too curly.

You get the point. Cliques exclude people for no logical reason, which only brings me to conclude that their members do it strictly to get psychological benefits- to be mean and to feel like they’re better than someone.

I’m not talking about clubs. Clubs are different in that they promote an interest in a specific hobby or subject- The Math Club, The Music Club, etc. So, naturally, if you didn’t have an interest in Music, you wouldn’t be allowed to join the Music Club, which makes perfect sense.

However, cliques have no real purpose other than to stoke the overstuffed (or bruised) egos of their members. Nothing more. Cliques have no substance behind them. They’re a farce, all about appearances- a mirage.

gossip girls clique

I want you to realize that anyone who has to establish or join a clique to feel good about themselves obviously doesn’t have much else going for them.

Bullies belong to cliques, always. And they will look for any excuse to attack those on the outside. They then use differences to justify themselves. They must make someone feel bad in order to make themselves feel good.

Sadly, they don’t realize that they only forfeit their chances of meeting people who could be interesting and be great additions to their existences.

If you’ve been rejected by a clique, don’t feel bad. Instead, ask yourself these questions.

Are those frauds even worth knowing?
Are they even on my level?
Would they benefit my life in any way?
Am I missing anything?

clique

Understand that, besides the ability to feel better than or superior to others, cliques have no real benefits. They are the same boring people, having the same boring conversations and living the same lackluster lives.

And if being a part of the clique is the only way it’s members can have any excitement in their lives, then wow! They are some miserable souls and you should have pity on them.

Cliques only restrict their members from talking to anyone on the outside and take away the possibility of meeting someone who would make a positive difference in our lives and could actually teach them something.

So, seriously! Who’s missing out here? You or them?

Bullies with Social Capital- Why They’re The Most Destructive and What You Can Do to Minimize The Damage They Do

Social Capital

These are the bullies with the most social connections and friends in high places- the bullies well thought of (or well-feared) by a vast majority in a school, workplace, neighborhood, or community. They can be the “cool kids” at school or the “Good Ol’ Boy” clique at work or in town. These bullies can also be local politicians and businessmen or members of certain well-known families in a particular area.

Although money does help, these people don’t necessarily have to be rich to have these connections. I’ve known people who were quite poor who had these types of relationships as well. What gives them the power they have is their connections with the right people, which is why bullies in these select groups are especially dangerous and can do the most damage to a target.

These types of bullies proactively build a network of social relationships to re-enforce their power and get protections from any accountability for wrongdoing. In many cases, they already have close and well-established ties, which go back several years.

These relationships ensure that the bullies are well-protected and above reproach. Worst of all, they give them the liberty to ride roughshod over anyone freely and with impunity. These are the types who will watch you closely.

Narcissist

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These bullies know they have good name recognition and they take advantage of it. Any time a bully has a ton of social capital, others will not risk alienating them for fear of being the next target. And chances are that if they target you, their followers, who are secondary bullies, will only follow their lead.

In short, bullies can weaponize their connections and popularity!

This is why the most popular and well-connected bullies get away with deplorable behavior and can do anything they want to anyone. And they will take full advantage. If you become a target of one of these people, they will use their connections and influence to destroy every aspect of your life. Also, they’ll never stop coming after you.

Understand that these bullies are very influential, persuasive, and, most of all, convincing. Their names alone carry much weight behind them. They have trust, mutual understanding, and shared values and behaviors which promote unity and strengthen their group. When one of these people says something, others, even those outside their circle of connections, are more likely to listen attentively and take their word as fact!

Narcissist

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I call these people “sacred cows” because they have such power and influence in a school, corporation, or community that they’re perceived as not to be questioned nor spoken against, even if they’re in the wrong.

With sacred cows, people may not necessarily like them, they may even hate them, but you can be sure that they fear them. So, even haters are careful not to speak against them publicly or within earshot of the wrong people.

With that said, if you’re a target of bullies who have social capital, know that they can make your life hell. They can tarnish your name with smear campaigns, and others will believe it simply because of who the rumors and lies come from. They can also cause the loss of your job and blacklist you, robbing you of any opportunity to find other means of employment.

These people can destroy your ability to make new friends because others will be too afraid to associate with you. If you own a business, they can either discourage customers from giving you their business or have their worker bees to set fire to and burn down your business altogether. And don’t put it past these bullies to trump up false criminal charges against you, set you up to be arrested, or send henchmen to either visit you or meet you on the street somewhere.

Narcissist

Your self-esteem can also take a harder hit because of the popularity of these bullies, and you’re likely to be paralyzed with fear, especially if you’re a kid in school.

But here are a few things you can do to lessen the trauma these powerful bullies can cause and to build your own social capital.

1. Befriend and align yourself with other targets because you can be sure that you aren’t the only one these bullies torment.

2. If you can find people who were once a part of the bullies’ circle but whom the bullies ousted for whatever reason, that’s even better! These people would be the ones who have private and sensitive info about each of the bullies and their sycophants. They’ll more than likely be looking for a little payback and only too happy to give you the deets!

3. Establish tight connections with your fellow targets, and with the former members whom the bullies booted out of the “social club” or double-crossed. Band together with them because nothing unites people like the shared anger and hatred toward an enemy.

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4. Pal around with, eat lunch with or eat out with them. Be sure you’re seen with these targets and outcasts and with as many of them as possible. This will provide you with a little protection!

5. The more targets and outcasts you connect and bond with, the better!

6. Important!!! Always have their backs and make sure they have yours!

7. Make friends, take jobs, and seize opportunities that are outside the bullies’ element. If need be and all else fails, move to a new area.

8. Tell no one of your plans, where your new job is, your address, or where you’re moving to. Sometimes, it’s just best to vanish!

Do these things and you’ll be much safer!