Understand that bullies will always judge you and they will do it by default. In other words, they’ll judge you without provocation. You won’t need to do, wear, or say anything wrong because they will dissect everything until they find something wrong. Moreover, just your mere presence alone will invoke their judgements and attacks.
But know this. The negative suggestions and personal attacks they hurl are strictly to control you. That’s right. They insult you to control you. Realize that bullies want to make you think, feel, and act the way they want you to. Nothing more.
And those judgements, insults, and personal attacks come from a place of entitlement.
Therefore, you must realize that your bullies will not be happy with nor will they accept you, no matter what you do. And any efforts to win their approval will be like pouring water into a sieve.
Remember! It’s all About Control!
How many attempts to satisfy these bullies are you willing to make before you become exhausted? How long are you willing to shapeshift before you realize that conforming and adapting accordingly to their standards of who you should be will never yield the desired results?
You’ll only end up disheartened in the end. Because, just as you can never fill a sieve, you can never appease a bully.
So, stop wasting your time and energy. And stop sacrificing your happiness because these people aren’t worth the powder to blow them up. When you don’t stand up for yourself, others will only see you as an easy person and lose respect for you.
The amount of crap you put up with only determines how others treat you in the future. In other words, you teach people how to treat you by what you do or don’t put up with. And when you conform to the standards of others, you only discard your own standards.
Be Yourself in Every Way!
Isn’t it time you lived up to your own? Isn’t it time you begin living life on your own terms instead of someone else’s? Your choices, your likes and preferences, your pleasures, and your happiness should never depend on the permission of another.
Therefore, you must always be yourself. This means that you must have your own opinions, likes, dislikes, and preferences. Also, you must do the things you love most, no matter what others think. Be yourself in every way!
Conformity can be good because we conform to sensible laws and rules in order to ensure a safe and well-run society. Conformity holds us together. However, toxic conformity is never good and can place us in danger.
What Toxic conformity brings:
Toxic conformity brings unawareness, silence to wrongdoings and injustices. Also, it promotes abuse of power and totalitarian authoritarianism.
In a toxic environment, bullies in power demand that you agree with everything they say and do. Right or wrong, they expect you to keep your mouth shut if you disagree. Moreover, you’re cannot give off any nonverbal language of opposition. In other words, you must go along if you expect to get along.
Because, if you don’t, the powers that be will subject you to ostracism, rejection, smear campaigns, even physical violence. And in extreme cases, the bullies in power will send mobs to your door. Consequently, you may endure physical torture and murder.
Schools and workplaces with a culture of bullying demand total conformity, absolute loyalty, or- toxic conformity. Totalitarian authoritarian communities and societies also demand these things. In these types of environments, there’s no margin for error.
Expect to be Ostracized if You Don’t Conform to a Bully’s Buffoonery
Moreover, you can’t deviate even the slightest bit without being punished in some way, shape, or form. And it doesn’t matter if the deviation was an honest mistake. In other words, they don’t allow you to be human. For instance, in schools and workplaces where people practice toxic conformity, creativity isn’t allowed. In communities and societies of this nature, the head honchos forbid free thought and expression.
Understand bullies see anyone who doesn’t conform to their rules and standards as a threat to their power. And they will make that person pay dearly for daring to be different. Anyone having the audacity not to stay in lockstep with their morals (or lack thereof), rules, and standards faces danger.
As I mentioned, if you dare to be different- to show creativity and talents, God help you. Having your own thoughts, opinions, and ideas puts you at risk of the bullies’ hatred and brutality.
Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, it’s imperative that you find a way out of that environment. Otherwise, you may pay dearly with your health and peace of mind. I realize that it won’t be easy. Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Change, especially positive change, is never easy.
However, persecuted people have uprooted and left their home countries for the US in order to attain freedom. And they found a better life. So, how much easier would it be to leave a toxic school or workplace? Find an environment where you’re free to be yourself, express different ideas, create, grow, and flourish. Only then will you truly be free!
Understand that a bully’s standards are unachievable. No matter what you do, who you are, where you’re from, or what you have; bullies will always- always move the goalposts, change the rules, and find something else to use against you. Bullies will even weaponize your best qualities.
Therefore, you should always be yourself, no matter how difficult it may be. Don’t change for anyone. Realize that anytime you conform to someone else’s standards, you only lower your own.
The way you dress, your interests, etc.
Bullies will often make fun of the way you dress- even if you dress fashionably. Understand that with bullies, it’s not about the way you dress. It’s not about your hair, makeup, your attire, hobbies, favorite music, your family, or anything they make fun of. No!
Its about power and control.
It’s about having the power to make you feel bad about yourself and taking away your confidence, your pride, your happiness, your health, peace of mind, everything that matters.
We all have quirks. Never change your personality. Continue to be yourself. Realize that anything you change to appease a bully today will be ridiculed tomorrow. Again, bullies have a desire to control you to get that ego boost they’re seeking. So, understand that they get their kicks from making you jump through hoops to win their approval.
And you know what? You don’t need their approval.
Just continue to be yourself and calmly blow the bullies off. Eventually, they’ll get bored and find another target.
Only you know what you like and don’t like. Only you can know what feels right to you and what’s best for you, so, don’t sell yourself short by living up to someone else’s expectations. They don’t know you the way you do and you’re a separate person from them. Always remember that.
So, you have the gall to think for yourself. Make no mistake! People will hate you. They will demonize you. Others will consider you a troublemaker, a rabble rouser, a riffraff! People will deem you a crazy person who’s “mentally imbalanced.”
Thinking for yourself or being an independent thinker, whatever you prefer to call it, is such sweet freedom. Yet, most people have always been afraid to do it because it’s much safer to follow the leader. Safety and comfort always come with doing as you’re told without question or without even thinking about it.
Most choose to take the easy path- the safest route and follow the lead of a person in power. And they’ll do it, even if that person hasn’t the slightest idea of what they’re talking about. Moreover, they’ll comply, even when there’s evidence that the influencer is leading them to their own demise!
The Human Tendency to Allow Others to Lead You to Your Demise
People automatically take orders from someone deemed superior or powerful without ever asking themselves what the person giving the orders has to gain from their compliance.
There’s much truth to the old saying that people are less afraid of death than they are of ostracization from society.
I can certainly understand the fear of bullying, shunning, and ostracization. No one wants others to oust them from “the social club.” Because human beings are hardwired by God and nature to be social animals. Living as a part of a tribe was how we survived back during prehistoric times. Whereas, anyone who wasn’t a part of a tribe risked starvation and extinction.
The Powerful Urge to Conform
However, it’s easier for the shunned to survive today. And I’d much rather have my freedom. Freedom requires the ability to pick, choose, and think independently despite what others may think of us.
Moreover, when you think for yourself, you step out of your comfort zone and open up unlimited possibilities for yourself. Thinking for yourself means trusting your gut and following your instincts. It means knowing that your gut will always tell you when something doesn’t sound or feel right.
Realize that there’s a reason people have intense hatred toward a person who thinks independently. It’s because the free thinker is least likely to be controlled or to fall for any tricks and manipulation.
The Freedom to Think for Yourself
The person who thinks for himself is more likely to see right through smoke screens and fakery. Also, independent thinkers know themselves well. They think critically, and, again, they listen to their gut instincts. In that, they refuse to engage in anything that feels unhealthy or dangerous.
Sadly, we live in a culture of bullying- one that demands that we deny our God-given sixth sense. It’s easier to allow others to pressure us to follow along, even to our own detriment. Bullies in power demand that we deny our own needs and human rights. They send the unwritten message that we have no right to defend ourselves nor our families. They decry that we should put them first and ourselves and our loved ones last.
Therefore, they use people of great power and influence to persuade us to do their bidding. They pay Hollywood celebrities, sports figures, politicians, and media personalities to convince us. Their message is that we should go along with them and their way of thinking, living, and doing things.
On the other hand, individuality is strongly discouraged, ridiculed, and even severely punished, as is creativity, originality, and meritocracy.
Simply put, bullies in power demand that we do not think for ourselves but only the way they want us to think. And sadly, they successfully hoodwink the majority of us. They dupe us into believing that, just because the people giving the narrative have great power and influence, they automatically know what they’re talking about and “only want what’s best for us and the rest of humanity,” when, in most cases, the exact opposite is true.
Even Powerful People are Fallable
Remember that these people are not gods. They are human just like the rest of us and they put their pants on one leg at a time just like we do. Understand that they are just as fallable and capable of error.
We must realize that power corrupts, and it takes a special and unique person to not be corrupted by power. We must understand that the vast majority of those in power do not have our best interests at heart but are only out to use us to fulfill their own agendas and end goals. And once they feel that we’ve served our purpose and they no longer need us, they will discard us like dirty diapers.
People in power, who are corrupt, often use beautiful-sounding words and phrases, such as, “for the common good,” and “for the good or betterment of humanity.”
The Masks Evil People Don
They often portray themselves to be the saviors of humanity or warriors and champions for social justice, all while working behind the scenes to destroy the very groups of people they claim to represent and care about.
In short, they hide their evil intentions behind the veneer of philanthropy, love, and goodwill.
Remember that Satan never appears as an ugly red devil with horns and a pointy tail, he always comes as our biggest dream come true, whether it be the man or woman of our dreams, or a sweetheart of a deal that’s hard to refuse. The devil always comes as an angel of light. That is why we should keep our focus on the person’s actions and not their words.
Dare to Think Independently
That’s why it’s so important that we think for ourselves. We must also understand that there will be sacrifices for it and we will more than likely endure a truckload of hatred and vitriol from countless others, even those we think are friends and allies. Finally, we must trust that, in the end, when it’s all said and done, it will all be worth it.
People hate it if you’re too confident, too independent, and too free. God, forbid you get too self-assured and have too much self-belief.
Society tends to punish you for those qualities. ‘You see? In this life, the world expects everyone to conform and to stay in their assigned places. Many people have invisible shackles and chains and are expected to keep them on.
If you dare to break those chain, God help you. The world will punish you. They will label you different, weird, a difficult person, and/or a rabble rouser.
However, do you really want to follow the crowd or follow your heart? Would you rather fit in or stand out?
Know that you can never achieve greatness by fitting in. Make a choice.
Realize that today’s great are yesterday’s demonized. And today’s demonized are tomorrow’s great.
Be yourself. Dare to be different. Have your own set of values and convictions. Own everything that is you, no matter how unique!
In today’s world, we are beginning to live under the thumb of toxic conformity. Certain people in power desire to control the masses by media lies and misinformation, censorship, ridiculous mandates, and other ridiculous laws, bills, and orders.
In fact, these powers that be don’t even try to hide their lies and sins anymore, which is a sign of real danger. Because if there’s no incentive to hide wrongdoing, and crimes against humanity, then it means that there’s impunity and the freedom to go on committing violations of basic human rights. Worse even, it’s a green light to escalate these abuses.
I believe that most people have forgotten how to think critically and have lost their voices for fear of not only censorship, but social shunning and cancel culture. Be that as it may, instead of taking the words of these, dare I say, tyrants and traitors, as the gospel, people need to start asking themselves these questions:
1. Who are these lies, bits of misinformation, censors, mandates, and laws really benefiting here? Me? Humanity as a whole? Or the people making all the rules?
2. What will our compliance gain us?
I believe that once we answer these questions for ourselves, we’ll know what we must do to preserve our human rights and liberties. It’s time that we each think and do for ourselves and give these powers that be the proverbial middle finger.
“Madness is the exception in individuals but the rule in groups.” – Nietzche
It’s because of a thing called “group behavior.”
It’s a fact that school bullies rarely get over the passionate hatred of their targets once they graduate and meet them again in the real world later. My old bullies are no exception. They may not admit it to anyone other than each other, but it’s still there- simmering under the surface. Not that I’m concerned about how they feel because I could care less. As long as they stay away from me, they can feel, think, and say whatever and however, they want. It’s of no concern to me.
What would concern me is that going to the next reunion would put me in physical danger. And let’s face it. People act much differently in large groups than they do on their own. In groups, humans will do things they usually wouldn’t do, and they’ll do it for the sole purpose of conforming.
Understand that a high school reunion will have at least fifty to a hundred people in attendance. And the bigger the group, the more compelled the people in it will be to conform.
For example: If twenty out of a hundred classmates attending this reunion decide to jump me, or even kill me, you can bet that for obvious reasons, none of those who stand by and watch would do a thing to help me. They probably wouldn’t so much as run and call for help.
Out of their loyalty for each other and hatred for me, the attendees would, more than likely, let me die. I wouldn’t put it past them. No way would they risk conflict and the possibility of being ostracized by the rest of the class. To be another, “usurper” like me. No way they would.
They’re didn’t years ago, and they wouldn’t do it today. It doesn’t matter how much older we are. They would value their status within the class more than they would the life of a person they never deemed a human being.
And people like them figure that if no one stops them, it can’t be wrong. Bystanders have a ton of influence. So, when they turn a blind eye to wrongdoing, they’ll likely become participants in it at some point. My classmates like each other and have a lot in common. And the one thing they share is their collective resentment and hate of certain people they decided weren’t worthy of human dignity. Therefore, this would only cement their collusion.
So, why would I even consider going? Going to this reunion would be suicide, and I value myself and my life way too much to put myself in that kind of danger.
The more people present when an emergency strikes, the more likely they’ll only ignore it. Any altruism they have will, more than likely, fly out the window when a person is a part of a large group. Even if cellphones have made it easier to call for help, we’ve seen video after video of vicious beatings and other crimes against fellow humans, where bystanders only stood around, laughed, and filmed the attack rather than use their phones to call for help.
Given the feelings of anger and resentment my classmates still have thirty years later, I wouldn’t put it past them to pull out their phones and begin filming in the event some of them attacked me. It’s precisely the mentality the majority of them still have, and it’s sad.
And most adults aren’t mature adults in this day and age. Adults today aren’t the adults of the ’70s, ’80s, or ’90s. Many of today’s adults, 55 and younger, have no morals nor integrity. The world today is much more evil, and many people have let hatred and immaturity overtake them because, in the current climate, it’s easier to survive in today’s world if you go along.
It’s hard to go high when everyone else goes low. Few people want to be the square peg in a group of round ones because it’s much too risky.
And many of my classmates may not think they’d stand back and watch another human being getting pulverized. After all, we all want to believe we’d do the right thing. But human nature is a fickle thing, and the compulsion to conform to a group is more potent than we realize.
This kind of stuff has happened too many times down through history- others looked the other way while the most brutal of atrocities were being committed.
This is not to say for absolute certain that they would resort to physically harming or killing another person because they may not. But there’s no way I can know for sure. And given all this, especially their past behavior, I’m not willing to take that chance. So, the best thing to do is to ensure my safety by avoiding them altogether.
So, if you were a target of bullying in school and you know for a fact that your classmates never resolved their hatred of you, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to go to any reunions, much less bring your spouse and kids to one. Sometimes distance is the safest bet.
How responsible are bystanders of bullying when they may not necessarily participate in the bullying but see it happening and choose to turn a blind eye to it? When they could’ve helped stop it but decided not to?
The truth is that they’re just as responsible as the bullies themselves. Anyone who watches evil and does nothing about it is guilty!
“Judge Lake was applying the legal principle of willful blindness. ‘You are responsible if you could have known, and should have known, something that instead you strove not to see.’ In this case, Skilling and Lay could have known and had the opportunity to know just how rotten their company was. Their claim not to know was no excuse under the law. Since they could’ve known, they were responsible.” (Margaret Hefferman – “Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril” 2012, pp. 1-2)
In the book cited above, the author referred to the trial which followed the Enron Scandal, in which Chairmen Jeffrey Skilling and Kenneth Lay were both found guilty and sentenced to federal prison.
The same can be said for bullying as well, although bullying and embezzlement are two different things. In bullying, a person may or may not go to prison, but the principle is still the same. If bystanders could’ve or should’ve known, and in a vast majority of bullying incidents, they know but decide not to do the right thing, these bystanders are also guilty.
Willful blindness happens all the time and has down through history.
It was the same in Hitler’s Nazi Germany, Mussolini’s Fascist Italy, the Stalinist Soviet Union, Castro’s Cuba. And yes, even right here in America, our very own media ignores Antifa’s destruction of our cities and terrorizing everyday citizens- mainly citizens who are elderly and can’t protect themselves. Willful blindness has always been alive and well.
It even happens at home. A businessman is working late every single night, yet his dutiful wife doesn’t entertain the probability that he might be having an affair. And why would she if she’s invested her entire life in her marriage, family, and home?
When bullies prey on those perceived to have the least power to fight back, those who see it, hear of it, and who can put a stop to it, only close their eyes to it, or worse, join in. And the sad thing is that in most bullying situations, people feel complete apathy, indifference, even hatred toward the target. And where there are apathy and indifference, bullying isn’t hidden but done in plain sight- in full view of many people who only choose to look the other way and not even to question it, much less call it out.
Willful blindness is all around us. It seems that only a few souls want to address the fact that certain extremist and terrorist groups wish to bring Communism to America through The Great Reset and a pandemic that is real but being used to promote the agenda of arrogant, power hungry, and evil elites.
Willful blindness has other names as well- willful ignorance and cognitive dissonance. Put plainly, people don’t want to know and, therefore, act like they don’t. In willful blindness, we only acknowledge what makes us feel good, confirms our beliefs, and soothes our delicate egos. We never take the time to ask questions, investigate, nor do our research because we’re either too lazy or so afraid that what we found out might prove us to be wrong! And that’s especially true with bullying.
When we hate someone, we want to believe the absolute worst of them. When a target is bullied, bullies and bystanders don’t want to think that the person might be an excellent person with a heart of gold. They don’t want to get to know the target first because they’re afraid that they just might end up liking the person (gasp!). It sure makes you wonder how much proof to the contrary bullies and bystanders are willing to ignore.
Many factors contribute to willful blindness- fear of conflict, fear of change, a compulsion to go along with the crowd, money, and material gain. Also, it provides social safety- an example would be keeping your mouth shut to your best friend when you know her husband has a chick on the side. It’s much easier to act like you don’t know about it because you’re afraid of what it might do to your friendship if you told her.
There are many reasons for willful blindness. And no, those reasons aren’t excuses. But watching someone get bullied and pounded to a pulp without helping the person or running to get help is just wrong on so many levels, especially if the person getting bullied is supposed to be a friend.
So, know that if you have trouble with a bully and your friends and others around you see it but don’t lift a finger to help you, it only shows what kind of people they are- and who you should drop from your life. It shows you that it’s time to pick new friends.
In most cases of bullying, many targets suffer at the request of a ringleader. They may have friends and allies at first but slowly, one by one, these supporters disappear until there aren’t any left. Do you know why? It’s because the bullies have gotten to these allies and either threatened them for having something to do with the target or offered generous incentives to turn against the target.
Anytime there’s bullying, people outside the bully/target relationship will be influenced and persuaded by the bullies. Many people will instantly conform to the bullies’ way and I discussed why in the post entitled, “10 Reasons Why People Make Excuses for Bullies,” just a couple of days ago. But how do we know when someone has been influenced by bullies? How do we know when our friends have been compromised? Believe it or not, it’s easy to tell when someone is being told what to say, what not to say, and what to and not to do.
1. They will be wishy-washy and flip-flop back and forth. This person will say whatever they’re told to say and that often means they must flip-flop. They say one thing, then later, say the opposite. They say whatever they think will benefit them, or what they believe will keep them out of trouble.
2. They say anything they think people want to hear. You can easily pick these people out if you listen and observe them around different types of people. Understand that folks in this category are puppets!
3. They go with the prevailing belief or narrative. If the prevailing belief or narrative (started by the bullies) is that the target is evil, crazy, a criminal, a whore, take your pick, that’s what the puppets around them will believe. And they won’t dare ask questions. They won’t care if proof to the contrary is available. They’ll only go along with whatever the word of the day is.
And understand that narratives are very flexible. They change like the weather. If you’re a target of bullying, one day you may be deemed crazy or stupid, the next day, you might be a cunning and shady con artist, and a week from now they’ll deem you an ax-murderer. You get the point.
4. They’re social chameleons. They speak and act one way around this group of people, then the exact opposite around another group of people.
Understand that these are people who can’t think for themselves. They flex and bend to anything others tell them. They’re sheep who are easily lead and persuaded.
Such people have no real personality, no backbone, and no beliefs and convictions of their own. When it comes down to it, they’re really quite pathetic and those who are true, real, and authentic (like the target), have no respect for them.
If you’re a target of bullying and you have friends who seem to turn on and off, hot and cold, because of things they hear about you and they don’t even bother to get the facts, you might want to shit-can these wimps and find better friends. Ditch and switch, baby!
Following the crowd and conforming too tightly to what everyone else thinks and does is so unhealthy! When the desire to fit in takes up so much of your time and energy, it leaves you feeling exhausted.
Understand that to follow the crowd requires that you neglect your own wants and needs to appease and please others. After so long, you will build up resentment and the funny thing is that you won’t know why you feel so resentful.
But I can tell you why. It’s because you neglected and denied your own needs to satisfy other people. You didn’t practice self-care because you were so afraid of pissing someone off.
Being a crowd-follower leaves one feeling controlled and manipulated. It’s also tiring because it requires so much work and effort.
Can you imagine having to shift-shape yourself constantly, forever having to change and adjust yourself to the new and keep up with the Jones’s? I can, because I did that for a long time and don’t want to ever do it again. It was exhausting and frustrating!
Understand that you’re not a ball of play-doh and no one can mold you into what they want you to be unless you allow them to. When you break your back to follow the crowd, you become a stranger to yourself. You will no longer recognize yourself because you’ve lost any sense of who you are.
When you don’t know yourself anymore, you lose sight of your goals, dreams, and aspirations. In short, you forget all about what you want out of life. Even worse, you’re more likely to take abuse from others and do things you don’t want to do- just to fit in and be liked.
You constantly worry and fret about what others think of you and say about you.
Screw that noise!
That’s no way to live and life’s too short for it!
Once you’re lost yourself, getting reacquainted with yourself is a slow process and can be downright uncomfortable. But it’s a necessity if you ever want to get your life back and be happy and at peace.