A New Perspective on Betrayal

Targets of Bullying are most susceptible to betrayal by those who masquerade as friends. The reason for this is that they long for friendship so much so that they attract abusers and users who will only exploit this longing to achieve their own ends. However, at different times in our lives, we’ve all experienced betrayal. Someone we thought was a friend did the unthinkable. And, when it happens, it’s like being kicked in the stomach.

It hurts much worse when you’re screwed over by a friend because you trusted this person. You may have even loved them. This is something you expect from an enemy, but never a friend. Therefore, when an enemy strikes against us, it’s much easier to deal with. However, when it’s someone we trusted and thought highly of, the pain is much worse. In fact, it can be devastating.

Therefore, once you’ve been betrayed, it can be hard to trust anyone else who comes into our lives, even those who may be sincere. When we meet new people thereafter, we proceed with caution and regard others with suspicion. This isn’t good either.

Why? Because, when we allow a past betrayal to cause us not to trust, we only push away those who may be sincere. We, in essence, give the creep who betrayed us power over our future relationships.

Sadly, I went through a phase during my twenties when I too was suspicious of everyone. I thought they all had ulterior motives and kept them at arm’s length. I let the fear of being hurt cause me to push others away and as a result, my relationships suffered.

Don’t Give The Person Who Betrayed You Power over Future Relationships

However, I’ve since realized that, with each person we meet and each new friend we make comes a degree of risk. Everything comes with a certain amount of risk and here’s no getting around it. And you either take the risk or you end up miserable and lonely.

Everything we do comes with risk, whether it’s going for a walk or driving to the supermarket. But you wouldn’t stop driving because of the chance of having an automobile accident. So, why would you refuse to meet and make friends because of the chance of being betrayed?

Again, life’s full of risks and you can’t allow fear to stop you from living. You must live life and you must live it to the fullest!

With Every New Person You Meet Comes a Degree of Risk

Therefore, I refuse to allow some lowlife from my past to cause distrust in humanity. Hell, no! I believe in giving the new people I meet a chance and not making them pay a debt they don’t owe. If they blow that chance, then that’s on them, and they would only reveal their true colors.

In closing, you must know that anytime you’re betrayed, the best you can do is to drop the person and move on to someone who’s deserving of your time. Understand that your time and you company are valuable. And you shouldn’t waste it with some chump who doesn’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. So, ditch and switch, baby!

But, whatever you do, don’t let betrayal cause you to distrust humanity and shut new people out! That’s a recipe for misery!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

You Don’t Lose Friends, You Lose Frauds

When you’re a target of relentless bullying, losing so-called friends becomes the norm. Sadly, this is the reality for many who fall into this category.

Most targets of bullying suffer deprivation of human friendship and therefore, they have no sense of belonging. We humans are hardwired for socialization and connection. When bullies meticulously strip those things away, it can be devastating. After they’ve suffered this deprivation for so long, targets can become desperate for even the tiniest crumb of affection.

Neediness always invites abuse.

In life, there will be people who come into your life not to help you but to harm you. Not to love you but to leave you.

Understand that when bullies target you, they beat you down,  and render you sad, lonely, and worst of all, desperate! Add all this together and you have a stinking, toxic cocktail of vulnerable.

Realize that evil always attaches itself to those whom bullies have weakened and made most vulnerable. People smell desperation from a mile away and the target will repel those who are emotionally healthy and attract only the lowlifes whose only intentions are to use and abuse.

Predatory users love to catch you when you’re most vulnerable. When you are rendered powerless, you will draw in fake friends. They’ll be those whose only intentions are to use you until they get all they can out of you. Many will act as friends to hurt and humiliate you.

These people may use you for money or material things or they may simply use you for social benefits. Also, they may use you for the psychological payoff of taking domination of you. Whatever it is, know that they aren’t here for your benefit, they’re here for theirs.

So, when do these frauds show their true colors?

Many targets of bullying are shocked and dismayed when the monster finally shows its face. The target may say something totally innocent, but something the fake friends doesn’t like. Suddenly, the mask falls off and the poor target finds out the hard way that this person really isn’t a friend at all. The fake friend then turns their back and becomes an enemy. They may even bully the target like everyone else.

Here’s when they show their true colors:

1. When you stand up for yourself.

2. When you’re not afraid to be yourself.

3. When you speak your truth and stand on it.

4. When you let your opinions, beliefs, and convictions be known.

5. When you call them or someone they like out on their bullshit.

How do you recognize a true friend?

A true friend may not necessarily agree with you, but they’ll always respect your opinion. They will always accept that you’re a different person with your own set of values. And they’ll never turn their back on you or get hateful toward you for those differences.

True friends will allow and even encourage you to be yourself, speak your truth, and stand behind it. They wouldn’t want you to be fake for the sake of pleasing others.

Understand that if at any time, a person who claims to be your friend doesn’t allow you to be yourself. Or if that person doesn’t allow you to speak your mind, or show your emotions, that person is not a friend. Therefore, you should re-evaluate that friendship and give this person the old heave ho.

Know that you deserve better friends than them. That’s why it’s so important that you love yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go and move on. Because some people just aren’t worth your time. Always remember, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Signs You’re “Too Nice”

bullied victim too nice sappy too much sugar

Too much sugar is never good because it doesn’t only eat away at your teeth, it eats away at your self-esteem and your life. In a world with so many evil people, it isn’t wise to be a pushover because too nice equals no backbone and no boundaries.

And there will be many people who’ll take your kindness for being a fool. And don’t think they won’t take advantage of you.

Be kind, yes. But don’t be “nice.”

Here are signs that you’re too danged nice:

1. You tolerate crappy behavior from people.

And because of it, others think you’re pathetic.

dreamstime_xs_116631302

2. You over apologize.

You apologize for things that aren’t your fault and that you have nothing to do with. Keep this up and others will find it too easy to lay guilt trips on you whenever it is that you can’t give them what they want. They will blame you for the tiniest of things because they know that you’ll bow down and take the blame. Apologies should only be given when they’re warranted. Here are 8 things you should never apologize for.

3. You end up a slave to the whims of others.

You bend over backward to take care of everyone else and often, they don’t appreciate it. They only demand more of you. You always feel tired and exhausted because you’re so busy pleasing others that you don’t have time to take care of yourself.

4. You say yes when you really want to say no.

You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or piss anyone off, so against your better judgment, you say yes rather than no. Here’s an example: You’re dog tired and want to go to bed, then someone shows up at your door at eleven o’clock at night with a problem!

They need help and you passively agree to help them with or solve their problem. What’s really bad is that this person has done this many times before. What you should do is tell this person to take a walk. These types of people should never darken your door at such a ridiculous hour!

You’ll also rescue people from bad situations that are self-inflicted. You’re an enabler.

5. You take on others’ moods.

Instead of refusing to let some Negative Nancy get you down, you let their funky moods rub off on you. Not good!

Understand that the reason some people are too nice is that they feel they’re not enough. They feel they have no right to say no to anything- that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves. And it’s because they’re terrified of conflict.

They want to be approved of, liked, and loved and feel that the only way to do it is to bust ass for others. Sadly, the opposite usually results because people lose respect for you! No one respects a pushover!

bootlicker suck-up kiss ass kiss butt

Unfortunately, most don’t realize all of this until they reach your limit and get fed up! But you don’t have to waste years of your life being a doormat if you follow the guidelines below:

1. Never put up with shabby treatment.

Life’s too short for that. You must stand up for yourself when someone violates a boundary, whether it be physical or psychological. Realize you deserve to be treated well and you deserve it just as much as the next person. Always speak up for yourself.

2. Stop apologizing so much.

Realize that some things don’t warrant an apology. And standing up for yourself and saying no are only two of those things.

bullied victim walked on doormat

3. It’s okay to put yourself first.

Take care of yourself first. Only then will you have enough energy to take care of others.

4. Again. Say no if you don’t want to or don’t feel like fulfilling a request.

Don’t be afraid to say no if you don’t want to do something or don’t feel like doing it.

5. As difficult as it might be, don’t let the moods of others around you affect your mood.

If you have a Debbie Downer who is always negative, there’s nothing wrong with calling them out on it or staying away from them. Whatever you do, don’t try to rescue them or argue with them. It won’t work.

bullied victim doormat

Sometimes, taking care of yourself means facing conflict because some people will be selfish and demanding. They won’t be able to see past their own needs and desires.

Never be afraid to stand up for your rights. It’s okay to take care of others. But don’t forget to take a little back for yourself. Only then will people respect you and recognize that you also have feelings and rights.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Beware The Dirty Dozen: 12 Types of People You Should Avoid

If you are a target of bullying, or, if you aren’t a target but want to protect yourself from becoming one, it’s important to know that anyone who abuses, mistreats, or disrespects you doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Understand that people who don’t value you are, in return, of no value to you. And you must take out the trash.

But realize also that these people will treat others badly too and you can often tell who they are by the way they talk, behave, carry themselves, and how they treat other people.

Here are the types of people you should avoid altogether:

1. The Taker and Never Giver- If you find yourself doing all the calling, texting, and the visiting, then, the relationship is one-sided and it’s best to cut the person loose.

2. The Gaslighter- This is a person who finds everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves. It seems they never have anything positive to say. What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection while throwing stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.” And when they hide their own shortcomings, they will project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins. Don’t walk, run! This person is not the least bit healthy to be around!

3. The Ball-Buster- Although this should be a no-brainer, many people are abused for so long they become rewired to take even more of it. However, the fact remains. Anyone who makes you feel like crap shouldn’t be a part of your life and you should weed them out. These people will be those who subtly insult you and make backhanded compliments. They will hurl little zingers your way and make you feel like a total loser. Again, this is the person who doesn’t belong anywhere near you. So, do like Snoop Dog and “drop it like it’s hot!”

4. The Backstabber- If you have a friend who talks smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet the farm that they’re running their pie hole about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it. This person isn’t to be trusted. In fact, they aren’t worth knowing. Take out the trash.

5. The Shallow Hal- If this person was any more plastic, they’d be a Barbie doll. If you know someone who’s superfiial and constantly belittling other people’s weight, looks, the clothes they wear, or the car they drive, have nothing more to do with this person.

6. The Blind Beggar- This person always seems to be desperately searching for love, friendships, clients, etc. Then complains when he doesn’t find them, all while looking past what’s right in front of their face and forgetting about the people who’ve been there for them. Sadly, I did this a few times when I was young and have also had the same done to me. Again, if the person doesn’t see the value you bring to them, it’s time to bid them goodbye and good riddance.

7. The One Upper- This person forever one ups you every time you tell them of your blessings or anything good you accomplished. In other words, if you took a whizz, this person took two. If you went out on a date, this person went on two dates- you get the picture. Understand that this person is all about themselves and is always trying to outdo you and look better than you. Ditch and switch, baby!

8. The Feelings Invalidator- Only you can know your inner reality. No one else can possibly be privy to that information. If someone tells you how you feel, or how you should feel, they claim to know the unknowable and they also send the messages that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do. No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike.

9. The Green-Eyed Monster- This person is never happy for you when you reach success and secretly resents you each time you make an accomplishment. And you can always tell because you will accidentally look out the corner of your eye and see the tiny micro-flashes of contempt, they shoot at you when they think you aren’t looking. What you need are cheerleaders- real friends around you, not frenemies who resent your successes. Chuck this person fast!

10.The Pot-Stirrer- This is a person who loves to sow discord and division among others. These are the types who will go back and forth to one person and be a double agent, telling each person what the other said about them. And when the two quarreling people finally come to blows, this scumbag will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out. Get rid of this creep! Quickly!

11. The Drama Queen- Closely related to the pot-stirrer, this person will whine and complain that they always seem to be in a jam. They will blame others for their misfortunes, gossip about others, and bellyache when they have to do any kind of work. Stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood and be a drag to be around.

12. Anyone who belittles or ridicules your goals and dreams- when you talk about your dreams and aspirations, or celebrate an accomplishment, this person will pee all over it. For example, you decide to go back to school and your so-called friend, family member, spouse, or coworker tells you that you’re not good enough or not smart enough and that you doomed to fail. Show this idiot the door because they’ll only drag you down and cause you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

Understand that anyone who seems to suck the life out of you aren’t the people for you. It’s true that you can’t control their behavior, but what you can control is whether to have any more to do with them. Remember that you have more power than you realize. Use it and give these life-leeches the boot!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

1 Reason Having Enemies Is Better Than Having Frenemies

Targets often pick “friends” who only tolerate them or those who wish them ill will because they’re often lonely and desperate. For so long, they have been wrongly alienated from others due to rumors and lies that bullies have spread about them to keep them from making friends.

Because the target is so hungry for a connection…any connection, he/she will befriend anyone…and I mean anyone! They are not selective with who they call “friend” and end up latching on to people who are not even worth knowing…predators, who only take advantage.

Also, young victims often assume that to be “cool,” they have to have a big circle of friends. This is not true.

With that being said, I want you to know that if you are a victim of bullying, you do not need a whole slew of people in your life to be happy nor to feel like or be a whole person. You only need your family and a few true friends. It’s safer this way. Wouldn’t you much rather have just a handful of true friends than to have an abundance of frenemies? I know I would.

In fact, you should prefer to have enemies over ‘frenemies’. Here’s why:

1. With an enemy, you know exactly where they stand without having to do any guesswork. However, you will always be the last to know with frenemies after being played for a sucker.

In other words, enemies won’t hide their contempt for you. Frenemies, on the other hand, will always hide their contempt for you behind the facade of friendship. And they do this to keep you close so they can find out your deepest secrets, your dreams, your goals, and your not-so-attractive characteristics.

And once they know all these intimate details about you, they will then weaponize it and use it against you.

If at any time you wonder about a person…if your intuition is telling you that something is “off,” put some distance between yourself and that individual and do it fast! Instinct is trying to warn you.

If your so-called friends are only tolerating you, stabbing you in the back, or sabotaging you in any way, it’s time to eighty-six of these leaches to your self-esteem. And the sooner you do, the better!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

7 Ways Manipulators Manipulate

People manipulate because they feel powerless inside and can’t get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must resort to indirect means and trickery to get their needs and wants met.

There are many ways, people, especially bullies, manipulate:

1. Guilt Trips – manipulators will make you feel guilty when you don’t let them have their way and continue to violate your boundaries. If you “dare” to stand up to them, they’ll become offended and angry, trying to make you believe you are the bad guy.

Many times, when I was young, I had others tell me that if I didn’t do what they wanted, then I wasn’t a good friend, or I was selfish, stingy, or greedy. The other person would always play the loyalty card.

Manipulators may also attempt to make you feel obligated somehow. They may refer to when they did something for you and imply that you now owe them somehow. For example, if a partner asks a girl for sex and she tells them she’s not ready to take that step yet, the partner will then say something to the tune of, “I just took you out to a five-course dinner and treated you to a great movie…” Blah-b-blah.

Let’s be clear, you don’t owe them anything, especially if it’s a date trying to get in your britches, or someone trying to talk you into joining them in doing something illegal. If something doesn’t feel right and you get the feeling you’re better off not going along, trust your instincts. And say no, then tell them to either beat it or take you home right then!

2. Pretending not to understand – “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” We have all heard that line many times. people will claim they don’t understand when, in fact, they know darn well what you’re saying but don’t want to know. Do not fall for this! Either walk away, or tell the person, “don’t give me that crap. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Then, walk away.

3. Being friendly only when they (the manipulator) expect something in return – Every single one of us has dealt with those types- you know the ones. You never hear from these people and they may even treat you cold when they see you out and about. Then, suddenly, magically, out of the blue, they call you up or start being friendly. Next, they ask you for a favor, some help with a problem they are dealing with, or maybe they need a little cash. And so, you help the person and once they’ve gotten what they wanted, it’s back to true blue.

Ditch this person because you don’t need them in your life.

4. The silent treatment – This is one of the most common tactics manipulators use and it’s done to exploit the natural and very strong human need for social acceptance and community. And let’s face it. We are all hardwired for social connection. Furthermore, it’s natural to go silent on someone when they’ve done us wrong. However, the silent treatment can also be abused by manipulators when they don’t get their way and can be damaging to the target when used against them.

If a bully or anyone else tries to get you to do something you don’t want to do, no law says that you have to do it. And how you protect yourself and your self-esteem against this childish behavior is to mirror it. In other words, when someone gives you the silent treatment, you give it back to them. Always remember that two can play that game!

5. Acting as if an agreement has been made when there’s been no agreement at all – This can be the most infuriating to a target. These people will often go ahead with their plans before you’ve made an agreement or they’ll tell you something like, “Remember? We agreed to so-and-so last week,” knowing darn well you never agreed to anything. Manipulators will try to put words in your mouth to strong arm you into giving them their way.

Don’t go along with this. Give this person their walking papers. Pronto!

6. Suggesting negative outcomes to the target’s plans – Anytime you have plans, there will be people who will try to break your confidence by giving you words of discouragement. For example, if you plan to record a CD, they might say things like, “I’m not trying to disappoint you, but chances are your CD will never chart.” Or “I hate to say this, but it’s no guarantee a producer will ever sign you to a record level.”

If you’re planning to publish a book, someone might ask you, “How do you know your book will even sell?” Or they might ask, “Do you really think you’re that good of a writer? You need to be honest with yourself.”

They may also ridicule and belittle your goals and dreams to make you feel like your dreams are stupid, or something to be ashamed of.

Trust me, I had people do the same to me but it never discouraged me, it only ticked me off and made me double down on my plans to publish my books. And the best part is, I finally did it!

I advise you to do the same if a shady character tries to discourage you from pursuing your plans, goals, and dreams. Realize that the reason people discourage you is because they’re so afraid that you just might succeed. In fact, the very possibility of you succeeding scares them to death! Why? Because your success would force these jerks to take a long look at themselves and their own pathetic lives.

7. Distracting the target from goals – If a jealous manipulator knows that you’re striving toward a goal, they will deliberately try to distract you. Again, the reason people do this is because, deep down, they’re afraid that you might succeed and force them to compare your life to theirs.

Point blank, these people want so badly for you to fail. And they want you to stay on the same level as them so they won’t be left in the gutter alone and feel so bad about themselves. For example, people might be real sneaky about it and begin inviting you to parties or trying to get you drunk.

When they do this, they can claim that they only want you to have a good time instead of sitting at the house studying all the time. Or they may be more overt and interrupt you while you’re working or play loud music while you’re trying to concentrate. Again, these people are scared to death of your success and they will very slyly put out all the stops to distract your attention. So, beware.

How you combat this is to politely decline any invites or go to a place where you can work quietly and not be interrupted or distracted.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

5 Things that Happen When You’re “Too Nice” and 5 Ways to Turn it Around

bullied victim too nice sappy too much sugar

Too much sugar is never good because it doesn’t only eat away at your teeth, it eats away at your self-esteem and your life. In a world with so many evil people, it isn’t wise to be a pushover because too nice equals no backbone and no boundaries.

And there will be many people who’ll take your kindness for being a fool. And don’t think they won’t take advantage of you.

Here are signs that you’re too danged nice:

1. You tolerate crappy behavior from people. And because of it, others think you’re pathetic.

dreamstime_xs_116631302

2. You over apologize. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault and that you have nothing to do with. Keep this up and others will find it too easy to lay guilt trips on you whenever it is that you can’t give them what they want. They will blame you for the tiniest of things because they know that you’ll bow down and take the blame.

3. You end up a slave to the whims of others. You bend over backward to take care of everyone else and often, they don’t appreciate it. They only demand more of you. You always feel tired and exhausted because you’re so busy pleasing others that you don’t have time to take care of yourself.

4. You say yes when you really want to say no. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or piss anyone off, so against your better judgment, you say yes rather than no. You may be dog tired and want to go to bed, then someone shows up at your door at eleven o’clock at night with a problem!

You agree to help them with or solve their problem when you should tell them to take a walk and never to darken your doorstep at such a ridiculous hour! You’ll also rescue people from bad situations that are self-inflicted. You’re an enabler.

5. You take on others’ moods. Instead of refusing to let some Negative Nancy get you down, you let their funky moods rub off on you. Not good!

Understand that the reason some people are too nice is that they feel they’re not enough. They feel they have no right to say no to anything- that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves. And it’s because they’re terrified of conflict.

They want to be approved of, liked, and loved and feel that the only way to do it is to bust ass for others. Sadly, the opposite usually results because people lose respect for you! No one respects a pushover!

bootlicker suck-up kiss ass kiss butt

Unfortunately, most don’t realize all of this until they reach your limit and get fed up! But you don’t have to waste years of your life being a doormat if you follow the guidelines below:

1. Never put up with shabby treatment. Life’s too short for that. You must stand up for yourself when someone violates a boundary, whether it be physical or psychological. Realize you deserve to be treated well and you deserve it just as much as the next person. Always speak up for yourself.

2. Stop apologizing so much. Realize that some things don’t warrant an apology. And standing up for yourself and saying no are only two of those things.

bullied victim walked on doormat

3. It’s okay to put yourself first. Take care of yourself first. Only then will you have enough energy to take care of others.

4. Again. Say no if you don’t want to or don’t feel like fulfilling a request. Don’t be afraid to say no if you don’t want to do something or don’t feel like doing it.

5. As difficult as it might be, don’t let the moods of others around you affect your mood. If you have a Debbie Downer who is always negative, there’s nothing wrong with calling them out on it or staying away from them. Whatever you do, don’t try to rescue them or argue with them. It won’t work.

bullied victim doormat

Sometimes, taking care of yourself means facing conflict because some people will be selfish and demanding. They won’t be able to see past their own needs and desires.

Never be afraid to stand up for your rights. It’s okay to take care of others. But don’t forget to take a little back for yourself. Only then will people respect you and recognize that you also have feelings and rights.

The Dirty Dozen: 12 Types of People You Should Avoid

If you are a target of bullying, or, if you aren’t a target but want to protect yourself from becoming one, it’s important to know that anyone who abuses, mistreats, or disrespects you doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. Understand that people who don’t value you are, in return, of no value to you. And you must take out the trash.

But realize also that these people will treat others badly too and you can often tell who they are by the way they talk, behave, carry themselves, and how they treat other people.

Here are the types of people you should avoid altogether:

1. The Taker and Never Giver- If you find yourself doing all the calling, texting, and the visiting, then, the relationship is one-sided and it’s best to cut the person loose.

2. The Gaslighter- This is a person who finds everything wrong with you and nothing wrong in themselves. It seems they never have anything positive to say. What’s worse is this person will often put on a gleaming façade of perfection while throwing stones at you and anyone who “rubs them the wrong way.” And when they hide their own shortcomings, they will project them onto you to use you as a distraction from their sins. Don’t walk, run! This person is not the least bit healthy to be around!

3. The Ball-Buster- Although this should be a no-brainer, many people are abused for so long they become rewired to take even more of it. However, the fact remains. Anyone who makes you feel like crap shouldn’t be a part of your life and you should weed them out. These people will be those who subtly insult you and make backhanded compliments. They will hurl little zingers your way and make you feel like a total loser. Again, this is the person who doesn’t belong anywhere near you. So, do like Snoop Dog and “drop it like it’s hot!”

4. The Backstabber- If you have a friend who talks smack about their other friends to you, then you can bet the farm that they’re running their pie hole about you to the same friends when you’re not around to hear it. This person isn’t to be trusted. In fact, they aren’t worth knowing. Take out the trash.

5. The Shallow Hal- If this person was any more plastic, they’d be a Barbie doll. If you know someone who’s superfiial and constantly belittling other people’s weight, looks, the clothes they wear, or the car they drive, have nothing more to do with this person.

6. The Blind Beggar- This person always seems to be desperately searching for love, friendships, clients, etc. Then complains when he doesn’t find them, all while looking past what’s right in front of their face and forgetting about the people who’ve been there for them. Sadly, I did this a few times when I was young and have also had the same done to me. Again, if the person doesn’t see the value you bring to them, it’s time to bid them goodbye and good riddance.

7. The One Upper- This person forever one ups you every time you tell them of your blessings or anything good you accomplished. In other words, if you took a whizz, this person took two. If you went out on a date, this person went on two dates- you get the picture. Understand that this person is all about themselves and is always trying to outdo you and look better than you. Ditch and switch, baby!

8. The Feelings Invalidator- Only you can know your inner reality. No one else can possibly be privy to that information. If someone tells you how you feel, or how you should feel, they claim to know the unknowable and they also send the messages that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do. No one has the right to do that to you. No one! Tell them to take a hike.

9. The Green-Eyed Monster- This person is never happy for you when you reach success and secretly resents you each time you make an accomplishment. And you can always tell because you will accidentally look out the corner of your eye and see the tiny micro-flashes of contempt, they shoot at you when they think you aren’t looking. What you need are cheerleaders- real friends around you, not frenemies who resent your successes. Chuck this person fast!

10.The Pot-Stirrer- This is a person who loves to sow discord and division among others. These are the types who will go back and forth to one person and be a double agent, telling each person what the other said about them. And when the two quarreling people finally come to blows, this scumbag will then stand back and watch with glee as the two duke it out. Get rid of this creep! Quickly!

11. The Drama Queen- Closely related to the pot-stirrer, this person will whine and complain that they always seem to be in a jam. They will blame others for their misfortunes, gossip about others, and bellyache when they have to do any kind of work. Stay away from this person because they’ll dog your mood and be a drag to be around.

12. Anyone who belittles or ridicules your goals and dreams- when you talk about your dreams and aspirations, or celebrate an accomplishment, this person will pee all over it. For example, you decide to go back to school and your so-called friend, family member, spouse, or coworker tells you that you’re not good enough or not smart enough and that you doomed to fail. Show this idiot the door because they’ll only drag you down and cause you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

Understand that anyone who seems to suck the life out of you aren’t the people for you. It’s true that you can’t control their behavior, but what you can control is whether to have any more to do with them. Remember that you have more power than you realize. Use it and give these life-leeches the boot!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Either Put Yourself First, or You’ll Have Nothing Left for Yourself

positive me time alone

Putting others first isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. It’s an outstanding character trait to have.

Many people have been conditioned, often by well-meaning parents, that the polite thing to do is to put others ahead of ourselves. That making sacrifices for others shows manners and that we’re “good people”- that we are well-mannered and have morals. Nothing wrong with it.

However, when that courtesy is overdone or done at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. The problem is that people will come to expect you to be a yes-person and take their crap. You’ll soon attract users and abusers and become a doormat.

In taking this advice, many of us found out the hard way that giving too much of ourselves sometimes involved overlooking abuse. Even worse, we found that it didn’t make the mistreatment go away but only encouraged the person to abuse us later.

bullied victim walked on doormat

Growing up, I heard every excuse you can imagine.

“Oh, they’re just having a bad day.”

“Maybe they have an abusive or cheating spouse at home.”

“Oh, but you never know what that person is going through.” Blah-blah-b-blah.

A few adults in my family and a few teachers advised me to,

“Give them a break.”

“Cut so-and-so some slack.”

“Try to overlook him.”

“Oh, but try to put yourself in her shoes.”

“Be reasonable.”

bullied victim doormat

That got old very quickly. I eventually grew fed up and wanted to scream,
“Um- EXCUSE ME! I’ve been ‘reasonable,’ and the only thing I ever got from it is taken advantage of! Would you be reasonable if this happened to you?!”

The point is that no matter what anyone tells you, it’s okay to put yourself first. And no law or rule says you have to tolerate unacceptable behavior- from anyone! Ever!

Anytime you’re mistreated, then advised or forced to “be nice” or “understand what Joe Blow is going through,” it only means that, subconsciously, the givers of this advice either don’t care about your boundaries, or they’re afraid of making the offending person angrier, and of the situation escalating. Some people can’t handle conflict.

They are only trying to silence you to appease the person who’s being a total jackass.

bully bullies crybaby tantrum crazy

These kinds of advice and expectations can do one of either two things to you as you get older:

A. It can program you to be over tolerant of unacceptable and abusive behaviors and set you up for a life of getting bullied by other people.

You grow up being so afraid of pissing anyone off that you accept any abuse to avoid conflict. You end up living a life of being crapped on by others.

B. It can have the exact opposite effect and give you an “F-you” attitude and a bad case of The Don’t-Give-A-Shits.

Because of being forced to accept bad behavior in the past, you become a mean, bitter, and apathetic adult and could care less about anyone. That’s not good either.

I’m one of the lucky ones. It gave me an equal blend of both. I believe in treating others how I’d want them to treat me and don’t mind lending a helping hand to someone who needs it.

positive self-care you can't pour from an empty cup you first

But if for one moment, I suspect that someone is taking my kindness for being a fool, I’ll drop that person like a bad habit and they’re on their own!

It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to put others before you, but only in particular circumstances.

For example:

It’s perfectly fine to give an older adult your chair in a crowded doctor’s office.

It’s okay to get up and offer your seat to a combat soldier in a crowded airport.

In fact, it’s called having respect for elders and servicemen and women who fight for your country.

But never take abuse nor accept excuses for unacceptable behavior. Anytime someone crosses a line with you, go ahead. Respond in kind. Give it back to them because only then will the person realize that you aren’t a doormat and find someone else to abuse.

This is not selfish or being self-centered. It’s called self-preservation.

Moving On Is So Much Better Than Hanging on to Relationships that Don’t Fulfill You

Let’s face it, some things and some people aren’t worth your time and energy. Sadly, many targets of bullying bend over backwards trying to get others to like them but only accomplish the exact opposite- they only end up repelling more and more people.

Realize that, although they may be painful to detach from, certain things and people in life just aren’t worth fighting for. And these people are:

1. People who bully and abuse you

2. People who are jealous of your successes and accomplishments

 3. People who don’t reciprocate the love and care you give them- people who take and never give.

 4. People who don’t value you nor see your worth.

 5. People who are negative and drain the energy from you.

 6. People you feel like you must force conversations with.

 7. People you feel like you must force to stay in your life.

 8. People you have to try so hard to prove your worth to.

 Trust me, you have nothing to prove to these morons and they’re not worth it! And they don’t deserve the privilege of being in your life. Stop giving them things they haven’t earned- they haven’t even earned your respect, must less your friendship, time, and energy! Kick these creeps to the curb! Fast!

Realize that you can’t force people to love you. People love you because they want to, not because they feel obligated to.

Let me break it down some more:

1.If you have people in your life who make you feel that you must explain to them why you do things the way you do, get rid of them, they’re only dead weight that holds you back from the life you deserve to enjoy.

 2. If you have people who say they’re for you but only discourage you from your goals- people who always tell you that you can’t, give them the boot because, again, they’re only trying to brainwash you to hold you back for achieving your goals so that they won’t end up feeling so bad about themselves.

 3. If you have people who only pretend to be your friends but really aren’t- people who talk about you behind your back, laugh at you with other people, or make little digs to make you feel bad, tell these people to take a walk because with friends like those, you don’t need enemies!

Realize that when you move on, you cease to be controlled, manipulated, and victimized. You put these people right where they need to be, in the trash heap of life. Hey, I know that being friendless sucks, but I promise you that it won’t last long.

Hit the road concept, road – 3D rendering

Know that when you get rid of the people who don’t value you, you only increase your own value and attract better people into your life in the future.

Instead of fighting to maintain relationships with people who aren’t worth peeing on, much less fighting for, cut ties with them and move on with your life. Move on and power through the pain and loneliness.

Whatever you do, just get rid of these people and move on. You’ll feel much better about yourself when you do. I promise!