Triumphing Over Workplace Bullying and Mobbing- How I Did It (Part 1)

Before I go into the story, I want to tell you that very few people ever come out the winner if they’re a target of bullying in the workplace. I say this because when I worked in the toxic and poisonous environment, I’m about to tell you of, I saw so many people who fell victim.

Droves of innocent workers ended up losing their jobs and some, their careers because of the evil actions of a clique of psychopaths who were handed power they had no business having.

These employees were the best and the kindest people, and my heart broke for them. It still does when I think back.

In late 2007, I began working for a sanitation company that contracted with *Shady Grove Living Center in Oakley. My supervisor, *Darnell, and my coworkers were the best. Sure, we had our disagreements and our spats. Still, I could never have dreamed of working with a better supervisor and team. And on many occasions, we’d have so much fun together!

Another great thing was that we didn’t work for the nursing home, only for a separate company contracted with them. So, in reality, no one at the nursing home had any power over us, though they loved to think they did.

I was already well aware that the site was very toxic, but I always stood back and observed the people and the goings-on around me. And during my first week of employment there, it didn’t take long to figure out who the troublemakers were.

I made sure to avoid the drama queens, the gossips, and the bullies and went on with my business. Another beauty was that there was a long corridor between the actual nursing facility and the sanitation area, so we didn’t have to work with them nor be around them much at all.

The only time I saw any of them was toward the end of the shift when I’d roll the laundry cart full of clean linens down to the main building to stock the linen closets.

Therefore, for the first year and three months, everything went smoothly, and no one bothered me. I got along with everyone and was seemingly well-liked. That is until I put one snarky CNA in her place for trying to be a smart alick.

This CNA, whom we’ll call, *Candi, had it in her mind that those who worked in the laundry department, were beneath her and expected them to carry hers and everyone else’s water. Although the CNAs didn’t make any more than we did, Candi and a few others had no regard for us. They didn’t see us as human beings because we worked in sanitation.

After I schooled her, Candi felt anger and indignation. So, she stormed away and cried to her buddies in the nursing home clique. She couldn’t stand that I’d smart-mouthed her, and “how dare” I talk to her like that. Oh! “The nerve of” me!

And she took the rest of the day off as a stress leave because she was so upset. And I knew why she was so peeved. She was the type who couldn’t handle being told a thing or two by someone she deemed inferior.

It’s hilarious when I think of it! But that’s when the bullying began.

(More in Part 2…)

* Not the real name of the person or entity.

Ways Workplace Bullies Set You Up to Fail

If you are a target of bullying, you must understand that your bullies will have slick ways of setting you up for failure. You must also learn to recognize these tactics, so you’ll be able to protect yourself.

Here are these tactics:

  1. They distract you from your work. Workplace bullies deliberately distract their targets from their projects with constant interruptions, which are very time-consuming. Bullies know that if they can stall their targets, they’ll cause them to miss deadlines.

 If you have a coworker who’s constantly distracting you, politely tell the person you’re busy and will be with them when you’re able or lock the door to your office if you have one. This may or may not go over so well, but you’re still asserting yourself and that’s important too.

  1. Withholding information. Bullies deliberately prevent targets from having the information needed to do their jobs. If you are a victim, they will cause you to miss important meetings and deadlines, which can put your job and career in jeopardy.

If you find that you’re not getting the proper information to do your job, find other and creative ways to get your needed info. Keep your ears peeled in case someone has a big mouth.

  1. Overloading you with work. Bully bosses will either overwhelm their targets with extra work or assign tasks that are impossible to fulfill or complete on time. They may even make them work extra long hours to stress them out and keep them from getting adequate sleep. Bullies know that a person can’t do their jobs as effectively if they’re sleep-deprived.

 If this starts happening, it might be wise to quietly begin looking for another job. Tell no one of your plans to leave and for Heaven’s sake don’t tell them where you’re going! The last thing you need is for someone to make a quick phone call and cause your future employer a change of heart.

  1. Misleading You. Bullies will sometimes give targets wrong times and dates for deadlines or meetings. This is done not only to sabotage you but to humiliate you and make you look incompetent.

Again, find other ways of finding these things out. Never trust your boss if he’s bullying you and never trust your coworkers either.

  1. Giving you meaningless or degrading assignments. Bully bosses will often take targets off their regular work assignments and give them degrading or subservient jobs, such as cleaning the office bathrooms, making lunch and coffee runs for everyone else, serving coffee to the rest of the team, or emptying all the trash.

Again, this is when it might be time to begin looking for new employment. But do it in secret!

Knowing is half the battle against bullies!

How I Triumphed Over Workplace Bullying (Part 5) – Karma

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Six months after Darnell and I walked away from “the cesspool,” that was the environment at Shady Grove Living Center, the fit finally hit the shan. I was outside walking my dog when a neighbor, who still worked at the nursing home, stopped me to relay some exciting news.

Beau, Harry, and Cammie, better known as “The Thieving Three,” had all been fired from the facility earlier that day. The news had traveled that fast!
She told me that the owners of the nursing home had suddenly shown up and had the three of them escorted off the property. An Acting Administrator took Beau’s place. A temporary Bookkeeper/Payroll Clerk and Head of Maintenance took the positions of Cammie and Harry.

Over the next few weeks, several others were fired as well. The DON (Director of Nursing) was let go after having been caught stealing narcotics to feed her addiction to pain pills, as were a few other nurses. The owners also terminated the dietary manager, as were several CNAs, most of who had been loyal flying monkeys to The Thieving Three.

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So many got the ax and within such a short amount of time! The owners cleaned that place out! After it was all said and done, I could probably count on one hand the people spared.

It was the buzz around town for well over a month. Harry and Cammie were so scared and humiliated that by the end of the week after the owners terminated them, they threw everything into two U-hauls and skipped town. Surprisingly, Shady Grove never pressed charges. I guessed that the nursing home didn’t want to end up with a black eye.

Harry and Cammie moved somewhere around Clarksville or Paris, TN, somewhere close to the Tennessee River. Cammie ended up working for the County Medical Center, in the same position she had at Shady Grove. Later, she committed the same crimes there; only the Medical Center didn’t let it slide as Shady Grove had.

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They pressed charges, Cammie was found guilty in court, and the judge sentenced her to three years in the state prison. She only served two years.

I’ll never forget the tyrannical reign of The Thieving Three over the employees of Shady Grove and neither will I forget their downfall. This is why I firmly believe that most bullies usually get their just desserts in the end, just as these bullies did.

How I Triumphed Over Workplace Bullying and Mobbing (Part 4) – Walking Away with Confidence

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I remember a night when one of the flying monkeys, Shelly, a CNA, approached me in the hall, from behind and began screaming, cursing, and threatening to jump me over a rumor that had it that I was stabbing her in the back.

She threatened to attack me there on the spot physically, and there were bystanders!
When I turned around, faced her, and called her out for being unprofessional, Shelly became twice as angry.

Later, I was afraid that I might face termination because Shelly had escalated the confrontation to an unprecedented level. Also, I’d seen so many others whom these people had pulled the same tactic on getting fired left and right!

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I remember thinking,

“Well, if I do get canned, they won’t be able to say they didn’t have to work hard at achieving that goal! At the very least, I’ll leave here knowing I put up one hell of a fight!”

One of the bystanders was Deb, the charge nurse, and Shelly’s supervisor and buddy. Therefore, I knew that Deb would sweep Shelly’s behavior under the rug and paint me as the instigator.

Sure enough, she did. These people had a way of turning everything around to fit their narrative and getting others to agree with it.

The other guy was always to blame.
It was always the other guy’s fault.
It was never their fault, and they were never wrong.

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They reported the incident to Darnell and suggested that he terminate me right then and there. When he talked to me about it, I calmly explained that Shelly had approached me from behind in a very threatening manner, that I feared for my physical safety, and didn’t know what she would do had I not faced her down.

And by this time, I’d worked under Darnell long enough that he knew the kind of person I was and that I was only taking care of myself.

So, again, Darnell had my back and went to bat for me. Also, I had made an awesome friend out of Jane, who was another charge nurse at the nursing home. She, too, went to bat for me as did several of my coworkers.

Each time nothing happened to me, the bullies only became angrier and crazier, until they were all out for blood!

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It was then that I starting noticing Jules hovering around in the hall just outside the door to the laundry room. Later, I’d see him milling around nearby anytime I’d stop in the hallway to greet and talk to friends. And I’ve got to tell you! He gave me such a creepy vibe!

Next, I began seeing him standing across the street from my apartment, smoking a cigarette. And I could tell he was watching my apartment. Now that freaked me out!

I found out that he and the neighbor across the street had begun dating and that he was there to see her. She didn’t allow smoking in her house, so he had no choice but to smoke outside. Still, I didn’t feel any better. I felt as if I was being stalked!

I knew why he was hanging around so close. Jules was an eavesdropper for Cammie and her group, listening in on our convos in the laundry room and my discussions with friends in the hallway. Everybody knew it because he’d eavesdropped on many others.

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My instinct also told me they’d enlisted him to watch my house. He was watching to see what company I had over- looking for any information with which to report back to Cammie.

The fact that Jules’ girlfriend lived across the street from me was a convenient cover for him and they knew it. Although I knew what was going on, I didn’t speak of it because I knew I couldn’t without sounding completely nuts. I did the best thing by keeping it to myself but filing it in the back of my mind. The only people I told were my closest family and they knew I wasn’t kidding.

Luckily, his girlfriend was a good friend of mine and I knew she only kept him around because she was lonely. So, I used it to my advantage, and cozied up to her a little bit more so she would volunteer to tell me little tidbits about what he was doing. Sure enough, she confirmed my suspicions.

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Not much later, Darnell, having himself become a target of the vitriol that inflected the workplace, announced to us that he had put in his two-week notice of resignation and was moving on to a better job and a better work environment.

Although we were happy that he’d finally found something better and was getting out of that hellhole, we were also deeply saddened because we’d miss him so much. We saw Darnell as our fearless leader, our Captain Ahab, and our hero!

What kind of leader would the new supervisor be? And would they protect us from those devils down the hall as Darnell had?

Choosing not to leave anything to chance, I decided that I’d put in my notice as well. Being the type of woman who would always think ahead, I knew that once Darnell was gone, I’d be totally at their mercy. I had a sickening feeling that the next supervisor would toady up to the bullies in the upper echelons of management and the social order.

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I knew that Cammie had long waited, with bated breath, for the day when Darnell would either quit or get fired. Then, she could begin working on the new supervisor, ingratiate herself in them, and turn them against us.

Sure enough, my closest coworker told me she’d overheard Cammie saying precisely that, and she was recommending that the new supervisor terminate three of us. Knowing I was one of the three, I quickly filled out my two weeks notice of resignation and gave it to Darnell.

Darnell introduced us to the new supervisor. She was a short, dumpy woman in her forties and by her facial expression, which was hard and cold, I made the conclusion that putting in my notice was the smartest thing to do and gave myself a pat on the back.

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Off and on during the last two weeks, I’d catch those tiny micro flashes of suspicion and contempt the new supervisor would flash toward me and a few others. And the bullies were completely enraged once word of my pending exit reached their ears. But once I was out of there, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was quite proud of myself for having escaped that toxic place and walked away from the job with confidence and my self-esteem still intact.

But the best and juiciest part is yet to be told!

(Continued on Part 5…)

How I Triumphed Over Workplace Bullying and Mobbing (Part 3) – The Bullies’ Growing Desperation

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Everyone knew about it, but it seemed they were afraid to report it. It was also evident that Harry and Cammie were getting fat off the embezzlement and not only those two but the administrator (Beau) too.

We secretly referred to these three ringleaders of the bully group as “The Thieving Three.” Fran, Marilyn, Misti, and Jules were their lieutenants. At the bottom of this little workplace, cabal were the flying monkeys.

There were so many policy violations and illegal activities happening right under our noses. They are as follows:

1. Beau also had his Winnebago RV on the property for Harry and Jules to do repairs on during work hours. Again, this was all done out in the open.

Beau knew that most were too scared to talk about it. So, why put in the extra effort to try and cover it up? He would have them work on his camper, therefore neglecting the repairs the nursing facility needed. They would also work on his car. Can you imagine how much Beau was saving on auto repairs while he ran that nursing home?

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2. Fighting and Assault on Company Property.

And by the administrator himself! Beau was having an affair with another employee. When her husband found out, he came to the nursing home to confront Beau. And Beau invited him out to the parking lot to fight. And the two men got into a brutal fistfight in the parking lot, in broad daylight, in front of God and everyone. And it happened while Beau was on the clock!

After the fight was over, Beau sent word to every employee that if they uttered one word about the incident at work or outside of work, they would not only lose their jobs, but he’d make sure they didn’t work anywhere else.

3. Embezzlement.

Beau, Harry, and Cammie were robbing Shady Grove blind! Beau made off with several hundreds of thousands of dollars, as did Harry and Cammie. And they were moving up in the world quickly. They all suddenly bought new vehicles and vacation homes on the lake. They began taking lavish vacations and taking them anytime they wanted. For the professions they were working in, they were living high.

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Cammie was the payroll clerk and bookkeeper of the facility. She would take the money and doctor the books to make everything look legit. Her husband Harry would clock in, fill out bogus work orders, leave for the day, then come back that night and clock back out before going home. They would also take as many days off as they wanted in a year instead of the allotted vacation time allowed.

Cammie would also make herself Power of Attorney over widowed and childless residents with no families. And she would do this by talking them into signing legal documents, agreeing to leave any assets to her and her husband once they passed away.

Cammie helped her teenage daughter get hired at the nursing home as the person who passed the snacks, juice cups, and the pitchers of ice and water around. She fixed the wages so that her daughter would make twenty dollars per hour on the job, which brings me to the next violation.

4. Nepotism.

Harry and Cammie fixed the system where her children and family got first dibs at any jobs. When the nursing home hired these family members, they would receive massive hourly wages, anywhere from double up to five times the going payments for the job.

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It didn’t take long for the whisper to spread, but we had to be careful who we talked around because there were eyes and ears everywhere and increasing in numbers.
Beau, Harry, and Cammie ran the place. Right or wrong, anyone who challenged them in any way, was bullied and mobbed out! And so was anyone who slighted or stood up to any of their favorite people.

Again, Cammie increased her attacks. More and more, she’d provoke me, but I wouldn’t bite. She and the cabal instituted several smear campaigns against me and a few others, but we only doubled down in our resolve not to let them shake us.

I must tell you that it got rough at times. On a few occasions, the payroll clerk and a few CNAs threatened to catch me out and do physical harm. But it never happened, and back then, I went out all the time. I was lucky.

Although the provocations were stressful, I was able to put my hand up to her, tell her what I thought of her, then walk away.

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Darnell was excellent! He was a quiet guy, yet firm when he had to be. Darnell was like me. He kept his mouth closed and observed everything that went on around him. The man was much smarter than what people took him to be. He knew what was happening, and he took care of us!

I could never have been more grateful to have such a supervisor. However, this only made the bullies more desperate.

(Continued in Part 4…)

How I Triumphed Over Workplace Bullying and Mobbing (Part 2)- How It All Started

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In the last post, I talked about how everything started out great and that I was well-liked by almost everyone. I also mentioned the incident when I responded in kind after Candi, a CNA, caught a bad attitude. Needless to say, I found out that, right or wrong, talking down to her was a no-no.

And over several months, one by one, many people turned against me. Luckily, several of my real friends knew how Candi was and had no respect for her. They were the people who had my back, so I can say that I did have allies who took care of me.

However, there was a clear division at Shady Grove Living Center. There was the administrator, who I’ll call *Beau, *Cammie, the payroll clerk, the department heads,*Harry (who was Cammie’s husband), one maintenance guy, whose name was *Jules, and two CNAs, *Shelly was one and *Cheryl who were only two of their flying monkeys. On the other side were my supervisor, all of my coworkers (except for one suckup), a charge nurse, and the rest of the CNAs who had my back.

 

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Many times, the bullies made false reports about me to Darnell. On the days after my shift (I worked part-time in the evening), the third shift CNAs would complain that I hadn’t stocked the linen closets on each of the halls and that they had no clean bed pads, bedsheets, nor gowns for the residents who’d soiled their beds during the night.

But because I always thought ahead and could easily predict what these people would do, I made sure to pull out my cellphone and take pictures of all my finished work at the end of my shift.

I took photos of all three shelved walls in each of the linen closets, which were chock full of clean linens. I then took pictures of the insides of all the empty barrels, marked “dirty laundry” before clocking out and going home. And the time-stamps on each image left no question of whether I’d done my job.

 

I took pictures every night, at the end of the shift. And I had proof to show Darnell every time they lied.

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When that didn’t work, the bullies only turned up the harassment, as word had quickly spread throughout the nursing home that I took pictures of all finished work.

In a way, it was funny because each of the linen closets was directly across from the nurse’s desk, where the bullies would sit around and gossip. And I remember overhearing them make snide remarks about my camera and my taking pictures, to which I’d only snicker and chuckle to myself.

Harry, the head of maintenance, would talk pretty ugly to me, but I knew I wasn’t the only one because many times, I’d see him talk terrible to several others- even a few who worked for the nursing home. So, I knew I wasn’t alone.

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And because I’d already been a victim of bullying in school, I knew what to expect as bullies pull the same tactics, only adult bullies are much more sophisticated with their attacks. Therefore, I was able to prepare, stay a few steps ahead, and outflank them.

Now during this time, I began to witness a couple of the bullies in this workplace clique commit a few illegal activities. In one instance, I worked a double shift to cover for a coworker who was sick.

Early one Saturday morning, I saw with my own eyes, Harry walk into the back door of the nursing home, dressed in camouflage and his bright orange hunting vest. He crept down the hall past the laundry room, then stopped at the time clock and clock in. Harry then filled out a bogus work order, then leave.

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He didn’t return until late that evening. He clocked out and then left again. I’ll never forget the look on his mug when he saw me sitting outside on my last break as he drove right by in his shiny new pick up. And when I told a trusted friend at work a day or two later about what I’d seen, she wasn’t at all surprised.

“Girl! He’s been clocking out and going home on the weekends since I’ve been here! And I’ll tell you something else,” *Brenda told me, “Cammie’s been embezzling from this facility, and she’s been ripping off some of the residents who don’t have families- weaseling them into signing papers to leave their assets to her when they leave this world!”

I felt my eyes pop out of my head as Brenda gave me an ear full!

(Continued in Part 3…)

How I Triumphed Over Workplace Bullying and Mobbing – In The Beginning

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Before I go into the story, I want to tell you that very few people ever come out the winner if they’re a victim of bullying in the workplace. I say this because when I worked in the toxic and poisonous environment, I’m about to tell you of, I saw so many people who fell victim.

Droves of innocent workers ended up losing their jobs and some, their careers, because of the evil actions of a clique of psychopaths who were handed power they had no business having.

These employees were the best and the kindest people, and my heart broke for them. It still does when I think back.

In late 2007, I began working for a sanitation company that contracted with *Shady Grove Living Center in Oakley. My supervisor, *Darnell, and my coworkers were the best. Sure, we had our disagreements and our spats. Still, I could never have dreamed of working with a better supervisor and team. And on many occasions, we’d have so much fun together!

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Another great thing was that we didn’t work for the nursing home, only for a separate company contracted with them. So, in reality, no one at the nursing home had any power over us, though they would’ve loved to think they did.

I was already well aware that the site was very toxic, but I always stood back and observed the people and the goings-on around me. And during my first week of employment there, it didn’t take long to figure out who the troublemakers were.

I made sure to avoid the drama queens, the gossips, and the bullies and went on with my business. Another beauty of it was, is there was a long corridor between the actual nursing facility and the sanitation area, so I didn’t have to work with them nor be around them much at all.

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The only time I saw any of them was toward the end of the shift when I’d roll the laundry cart full of clean linens down to the main building to stock the linen closets.

Therefore, for the first year and three months, everything went smoothly, and no one bothered me. I got along with everyone and was seemingly well-liked. That is until I put one snarky CNA in her place for trying to be a wise ass.

This CNA, whom we’ll call, *Candi, had it in her mind that we, who worked in the laundry department, were beneath her and expected us to carry hers and everyone else’s water. Although the CNAs didn’t make any more money than we did, Candi and a few others had no regard for us. We didn’t classify as human to them.

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After I schooled her, Candi got her little feelings hurt. So, she ran and cried to her buddies in the nursing home clique, like a sissy on a schoolyard playground. She couldn’t stand that I’d smart-mouthed her, and “how dare” I talk to her like that. Oh! “The nerve of” me!

And she took the rest of the day off as a stress leave because she was so upset. And I knew why she was so peeved. She was the type who couldn’t handle being told a thing or two by someone deemed inferior.

It’s hilarious when I think of it! But that’s when the bullying began.

I’ll elaborate in part 2.

* Not the real name of the person or entity.

Bullies, You No Longer Scare Me, You BORE Me.

Here’s to not only my bullies from the past, but all bullies in the world today:

If only you had a clue. If only you knew what sniveling cowards you were and still are. If only you realized that some of us are smarter than you think and see right through your veils.

If only you could see what we see behind your pathetic attempts to look bigger, better, and brighter than what you really are. Because if you saw what we see when we look at you, you’d want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.

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If only you knew that in your feeble attempts to instill fear in and control others through your yelling, screaming, and cursing tirades, you don’t look all-powerful. You only look desperate.

If only you could see that your relentless jockeying for power and control only gives you the appearance of weakness and desperation, not strength and ambition.

Your attacks and threats toward anyone smaller or weaker only expose your own fear and timidity. We know you’d never risk going toe to toe with someone of your equal without being buried where you’d fall. And the sad truth is that you know it too.

You hide from the truth of your inadequacies behind empathetic, ethical, and good-hearted people like us as a baby would hide behind the skirt of its mother from the boogeyman.

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Your pitiful attempts to use others as a shield to conceal your flaws and imperfections make you look exactly like what you are- fakes, frauds, and imposters.

Your incessant fakery and false bravado only mean that you’re not to be taken seriously and only evidences your pathetic self-loathing.

Just knowing that you must work so hard and expend so much energy to hide your true selves and keep others down only makes us scoff at you and laugh among ourselves behind your backs because we don’t have to work as you do.

We are quite comfortable at being ourselves, and we can save our energy for use to create our own happiness and success. It’s so sad that you can’t.

Bullies, you truly are pitiful because your hatred for people like us burns you up inside, eats away at your souls, and blocks you from any peace and happiness you might otherwise attain.

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So, even as you unleash your vitriol on us, we don’t hate you. You’re simply not worth the energy it takes to hate.

We only pity you– feel sorry for you because we know that at your very core- you’re so miserable with your own existences, hopeless to achieve growth and become wiser and better people, and helpless to better your lives.

We’ve already figured out that behind your made-up faces and fancy clothes and hairdos, there’s no substance. There’s no authenticity or anything solid. The only thing behind your weak and shaky facades is only hot air- nothingness- dead space!

You paint yourselves as most valuable, yet you bring no value to the table, only fake humanness, euphemisms and double-speak. You may glitter and sparkle, but not all that glitters is gold, only fool’s gold.

You tear people down, undermine their creativity, and take credit for their ideas. But only because you aren’t smart enough to be original. I’ll bet you’ve never had an original thought in your entire lives!

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You surround yourselves with people who are just like you- coattail hitchhikers who are unable to think for themselves, who’ll jump through a thousand hoops to make “the right people” like and favor them, and who are nothing but followers, drones, lackeys, and patsies. In a nutshell, you’re only losers disguised as winners.

You talk so much garbage, but instead of making us feel bad, you only give us free entertainment- because we know now that talk is cheap- and it’s all you can do.

But you’re right about one thing. We are different from you- absolutely we are. We’re nothing like any of you. And you know what else? We’re proud of it.

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People like us don’t need lackeys and followers. We can improvise, adapt to, and overcome anything. And the best part is, we have you to thank for that.

You taught us how to be inventive. We’re creative because we had to be. You taught us how to get around any roadblock or barrier placed in our paths. How? You ask? You gave us plenty of practice!

You gave us grit– the strength to weather the storms in life, to stay the course, and to gather the wherewithal to live a better and more rewarding life.

You made us more determined to have what we want out of life. In trying to break us down, you only set some of us on our paths to success – and without meaning to!

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And now, while you stay in your comfort zones and live mediocre lives, we’re willing to endure a little discomfort to expand our horizons and live extraordinary lives. And it’s finally paying off.

While you followed the latest fads and trends, we were developing those of the future.

In a nutshell, you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us there. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. So, here’s another reason for you to hate on us.

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And the fun part is, we welcome, even embrace your hatred of us.

And we haven’t even begun yet, we’re only getting started. There’s a lot more to come.

In a nutshell, you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us there. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. And the best part is, we’re still rising!

Sorry- Oops! Not!

Why it’s Important to Know Your Bullies

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Bullies come in different kinds. You can never assume how your bullies will react because different people react to different things different ways. Speak out against and expose some bullies and they’ll go to the ends of the earth seeking to retaliate.

Taylor your defense strategies to the particular bully you’re dealing with. To do this, you must be able to distinguish the blowhards from the truly vindictive and the clever from the dumb and the aggressive from the passive and in-between.

Bullies should never be dealt with blindly. If you go into it blind, you’ll be at their mercy and they’ll toss you around like a tornado tosses debris.

To successfully combat bullying, you must be able to recognize different types of personalities if you expect to survive.

1. Narcissistic and Arrogant Bullies – Although they may hide it well, their excessive but touchy pride makes them dangerous. If these types detect even a hint of slight, they will pay you back with excessive brutality. With these people, logic or rationality doesn’t apply. They overreact to what even looks like opposition.

And you don’t have to do anything to them. All you have to do is be good at something or outdo them somehow and they’ll take offense to it. They’ll call you a showoff and take it as you’re trying to be better than them. And they’ll make you pay dearly. And if you get recognition for a project well-done, these people won’t tolerate it. They hate being in anyone’s shadow!

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These bullies are usually in the popular crowd at school or in management at work.

Don’t bother trying to second guess them. Avoid them like the plague!

2. Insecure Bullies – These people are a sibling to the Narcissistic bullies. These bullies are harder to spot and less violent. Their egos are extremely fragile, and their senses of self are insecure. If they dislike you, they’ll attack in small nibbles. And you won’t realize it until the swipes they take at you are big enough to be obvious.

These bullies are usually the groupies to the popular crowd at school or the suck-ups to management at work.

Avoid these people as well.

3. Suspicious Bullies – these bullies only see the worst in not only their targets, but everyone. But in their targets, it’s all they want to see. They see them as threats and think they’re out to get them when it couldn’t be further from the truth. However, Suspicious bullies aren’t as dangerous as the previous two. These bullies are, in fact, easy for targets to trick and deceive. And sometimes targets must resort to trickery to protect themselves.

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To counter these bullies is to use their suspicions and turn them against someone else. It will take their focus off you and toss it on the other person. Hey, I know it sounds shady but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to protect yourself. And if means someone else (preferably someone who is mean as snot) taking the heat for a while, so be it.

4. Bullies with photographic memories – These bullies never forget you. If you were to run into them again 30 years later, you can bet that they will target you again- only picking up where they left off.

If you’re a target of these bullies, they won’t show their hatred outwardly. But they will keep their eyes on you.

They’ll lie in wait as they plot. Then, when the time is right, they’ll exact their revenge with a frigid coldness. These bullies are usually unaffectionate and hard.

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To protect yourself, you must damage these bullies or scare them so bad, they won’t even think of coming for you again.

5. Bullies who aren’t very bright – These people are easy to combat and won’t see your counterattack coming. These are the bullies you can most easily defend yourself against and expose.

Again, you must know your bullies- each of them, if you expect to overcome them. Knowing your bullies means knowing their personalities and being able to predict what they’ll do next. Only then will you be able to protect yourself against them to maximum affect.

The Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely

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Being alone means being in solitude- being by yourself. When you’re alone, you’re without the company of others. Being lonely, on the other hand, means having feelings of abandonment- being sad due to being isolated and alienated from others.

Alone is a state of being. Whereas, lonely is a state of mind. An emotion. You can be in a room full of people and though you may not be alone, you can be lonely. It’s not about the number of people around you, it’s about how you feel.

When you’re alone, you can be happy. When you’re lonely, you can’t.

Being alone is sometimes beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!

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Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.
Being lonely is that dull ache in your chest after you’ve lost a family member or been thrown under the bus by your friends.

Here’s how to beat that awful feeling of loneliness:

1. Concentrate on your hobbies. Do something you enjoy doing- preferably something that takes a little concentration and consumes some time.

2. Get up and move. Exercise works wonders and has a way of producing endorphins that make you feel good. Dancing to some good music is a great picker-upper!

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3. Do a home-improvement project. Clean out your garage or declutter your closets.

As you know, I was bullied for six long years in school. But I also had hobbies that distracted me from some of the loneliness.

My writing and art projects at home were one of the ways I survived those lonely years. They made things a lot more bearable and when I’d finish a project, that feeling of accomplishment I’d get would always supersede any feeling of abandonment I felt!

Never fear being alone. Too many people think that because you’re alone, it means you’re lonely. It doesn’t!

If You’re a Target of Bullying, Never Isolate Yourself.

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Many targets are bullied so viciously that they become terrified, withdraw and isolate themselves. They grew leery of social situations and lose trust in all people. Once they lose faith in humanity, they become hermits.

Some solitude is healthy, but too much of it isn’t good. Although staying away from people may seem to be the safest way to deal with being bullied, it isn’t.

Understand that when you withdraw from people, you not only close yourself off to bullies, you cut yourself off from people who can help you and from information that could be important.

You’ll cut yourself off from any talk that your bullies might be planning something harmful and you must always pay attention to what’s going on around you. Also, when you isolate yourself, you draw too much attention to yourself and make yourself an easier target. When you’re alone, you’re ripe for attack.

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Realize that we humans are social creatures and to have any power requires connection, interaction and being out and about.

It’s much better to mix and mingle with people and find friends and allies. What you should do is hide in the crowd from your bullies. Find others your bullies have bullied and use what you have in common to win them over to your side.

Making friends and allies both in and out of the bullying environment helps to counterbalance your bullies and give you protection.

When you refuse to isolate yourself, you’re more likely to receive news of what your bullies are doing and secrets they’re hiding, then use it to your advantage or for your defense. You can also better predict what they’ll do next.

Besides, the more sociable you are, the more at ease you’ll be and the more attractive you’ll become.

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Too much isolation, on the other hand, will also make you awkward around people and they will begin to avoid you.

So, remember. Isolation should only be temporary and in small doses. Only then is it good because it allows you time to think and evaluate things.

But too much of it can leave you exposed for attack because bullies always attack when the target is alone.

Think about it. In the animal kingdom, predators like tigers and wolves always attack in packs and when the prey is separated from the herd. Bullies are the same!

Should the Opinions of Bullies Matter? (In-Depth)

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Recently, I wrote a blog post entitled, “Should the Opinions of Bullies Matter?” In it, I stated reasons why they shouldn’t and that the only opinions that should were those of the people who love us and want the best for us.

And it’s true. Bullies opinions shouldn’t concern us and for some targets, they don’t. but the more I thought about it, the clearer it became that maybe I should’ve added more to the post.

So, here goes!

Though bullies’ thoughts and feelings of you shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t mean their opinions can’t affect us.

The reality is that the bullies’ opinions of their target can have a huge impact on the target’s life. Their thoughts and feelings of the target can determine whether other people outside the bully/target conflict feel comfortable associating with the target.

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Although we don’t want to admit it and, no, it isn’t fair, the personal opinions of other people often are the deciding factor or whether we’re well-liked or lonely and hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise either wouldn’t have an issue with us or would be great friends under different circumstances. The opinions of bullies have a way of spreading far and wide- making bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never resort to mistreating another human being.

It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations and communities.

We must learn about bullying from all angles. Because the more we know, the better we will be able to salvage our good names and counter some the effects it may have on our lives.