Someone came to me with a burning question that I used to ask all the time. I am certain that millions of people worldwide have asked the same question, “Why do People Bully?”
There are many answers, and they all depend on the individual bully.
1. Spoiled, Coddled, Narcissistic bullies.
These kinds of bullies bully because they are arrogant and overconfident. They truly believe that they are superior to and better than anyone else and will stop at nothing to let you know who’s boss. They are self-entitled, self-serving, and have no empathy.
With people such as these, the ends always justify the means. They do everything possible to keep the spotlight on themselves and hog all the attention. They consider themselves highly privileged.
These people are also jealous of anyone who outshines or outdoes them in any way because they believe that any happiness, successes, accolades, and victories should be reserved for only them.
If you have a talent that brings you recognition, look out! Because these bullies will punish you for it, and they will pull out all the stops to crush your self-esteem and kill your confidence.
You will often find these people in the popular and preppy crowd at school or in the “Good Ole Boy” clique at work. These folks will often be jocks, cheerleaders, and sorority/fraternity nuts at school, or in management or one of their suck-ups at work.
2. Hurting and Victimized Bullies (Bully-Victims)
These bullies bully because they are being bullied themselves either in the home, at school/workplace, or both. These folks feel powerless. So, to reclaim some of the power that has been stripped away from them, they search for someone they perceive to be even weaker than they are and bully them.
These people have a strong need to feel like they have control over something in their lives.
Here’s an example:
A child is yelled at by his parents, then he gets mad and kicks the dog. This is why I call this “Kicking the Dog.”
Also, no one wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, “Sh** rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.” So, to stay off the bottom, these types will often find someone else to bully, so they don’t feel like they’re the ones stuck in the basement.
3. Bullies who Are Followers, Drones, and Wannabes
These bullies are to be pitied because they are quite pathetic when you really think of it. They will suck up to the in-crowd (the narcissistic bullies), and all too often, they do this by either bullying those lower on the social totem pole or participating in the bullying somehow.
Many of these people will say, ‘How High?’ when a person from the in-crowd tells them to jump. They often do the dirty work of the narcissistic bullies, join in with them in bullying others, or agree with them.
But understand that these people are only kiss-butts, yes-men, and brown-noses; and are only bullying you or your child for a ticket into the popular crowd or because they’re afraid of becoming the next target.
Different people bully for different reasons. When we can distinguish the reasons each bully bullies we can better prepare and protect ourselves.